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My other stupid shit: A Fallen Mind

 

Because He is Loved... by brycekain 3-13-10
Happy birthday to this horrible, yet historical building! Why is it so special?	Here, sometime in the 1900's, a filthy, disease-ridden gopher rapist with serious vaginal pus excretions will be shat out of an equine's poo-poo hole. Lord_Vodek, huh?	Yeah... A fuckin' travesty.

 

The Optical Delusion by brycekain 3-15-10
Is He Looking at Her?		Or Farting Her Away....? weeeeee!!!

 

Type O Positive by brycekain 3-21-10
The vampire... moving ever so quietly... stalking his unsuspecting prey... leans in for the attack...nothing can stop him now...nothing...	Herpes.

 

Ass Men by brycekain 3-21-10
We Ax Men get up at the crack of dawn every mornin' and drag ourselves out even if it's below zero! We put our lives on tha' line everyday!	It's miserable, it's back breaking, and we barely survive each job! We can't even afford to pay our medical bills!	So what the hell is the upside? After work we all go to town and fart on whores.

 

Won't You Feed the Chitlins? by brycekain 3-25-10
This is little Maria. Her home is an impoverished village where disease is common. She'll be lucky to live the rest of the week. Won't you give -- Hey aren't you the famous actor Alan Sader?	Uh... From Evan Almighty? And Dawson's Creek? And Matlock? And King Kong Lives?	Why? Why don't YOU give me some money, you rich son of a bitch?? You're standing right in front of me!!

 

And Intervention of Unfarny Proportions by brycekain 3-27-10
Dear Certain Strippers, in recent years there have been some of you that have asked for feedback on your comics. This desire for feedback eventually turned into needy acceptance.	And while TOBOR enjoy cornhole like next robot... We're starting to think you're just a whiney douchebag in dire need of Prozac laced with arsenic.	So while it's perfectly fine to ask for advice with your funny making, if you don't get the response you want & you wish to whine about it, please do us a favor and take your fuckin' medication first. I'm lookin' at you,TARDkain!

 

Based on True Events by brycekain 3-27-10
I'm sorry, my dislexia sometimes messes up my reading. Could you tell me if my flight is at this gate? Pffffft...whatever, FATHER. Yo' ticket just like ev'ry otha'. Maybe ya should pray ta Jesus fo' some new eyes...		Tnuc.

 

Heh heh heh heheheheheheheheheHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!!!!!!!! by brycekain 3-30-10
Next on Nick Jr...	I don't understand. He just turned on the t.v. for Suzie and... and... *sob* The poor bastard didn't anticipate the hypnotic monotony of Moose A. Moose.	♫ Are we there yet...? ♫ Are we there yet...? ♫ Are we there yet...? ♫ Are we there yet...? ♫ Are we there yet...? ♫ Are we there yet...? ♫ Are we ther

 

Kaufman...dude...for the love of FUCK! JUDGE THIS SOMNABITCH by brycekain 3-30-10
*thunk* *THUNK!!!!!* What the HELL was THAT?!?	Kaufman. AGAIN??	I'm gunna keep running that sunuvabitch over til he judges this damn contest. If you kill him, can I have his inflatable Hitler doll?

 

Ooooh KAUFMAN! by brycekain 4-02-10
	AAAAAAAHHH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!	Kaufman hasn't judged the contest yet. How big is his gawdamn house??

 

Kaufman??????????????????????????????????????????????(WW 75) by brycekain 4-02-10
Must kill Kaufman for not judging WW 75... Must kill Kaufman for not judging WW 75... Must kill-- Why don't you just ASK him to judge the silly contest?		Ok, what the fuck happened to you? Paris Hilton's vagina.

 

Silence of the Kaufman by brycekain 4-05-10
I haven't seen Kaufman for days...	The disguises aren't working. Fuck. Plan B?	I'll save the anthrax tampons for later. Speaking of which, what's for dinner? His mom's butthole is still in the ice box.

 

A Tiger in Hand is Worth 2 in Bush by brycekain 4-09-10
Stay tuned for your Tiger Woods Return to Golf countdown...	I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand it!	3 hours and 51 minutes... CRAP.

 

A Tiger in Hand is Worth 2 in Bush 2 by brycekain 4-09-10
The Countdown continues with 4 hours remaining... I can't believe he's finally coming back!	The fallen hero...the underdog... the tears...the triumphs... This is going to be amazing!	3 hours and 32 minutes to go... *bouncy bouncy* *bouncy bouncy*

 

A Tiger in Hand is Worth 2 in Bush 3 by brycekain 4-09-10
2 hours remain in the Tiger Woods Return to Golf Countdown... oh boy! oh boy!	1 hour remaining in the Tiger Woods.... This is going to be so good!!	30 minutes to go... must.....maintain.....

 

A Tiger in Hand is Worth 2 in Bush 4 by brycekain 4-09-10
And now the moment you've all been waiting for! Tiger Woods has returned to golf! Let's watch!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!!! GO TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO TIGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!		ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzz...

 

Just Testing My Donor Status by brycekain 4-10-10
	What?	It's just a detachable penis...

 

A Few Good ...Men... by brycekain 4-10-10
You want the truth?	YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!	I just wanted to know if you pulled out. Geez...

 

CC 449 by brycekain 4-13-10
	See, doc? It smells like moldy twinkies. What should we do?	How about necrophilia?

 

Meanwhile, Down in the Basement by brycekain 4-19-10
Ever think to yourself, "I'd turn gay for him." but then realized you were looking at a picture of Scooby Doo?		Quit stalling and fist me.

 

Fun with Random Button by brycekain 4-20-10
		I can see your ass from here. Shut up.

 

Happy Hitler's Birthday! by brycekain 4-20-10
In celebration of 4/20, we Klansmen would like to make this public service announcement. We'd like everyone here to know that the Klan has become more of a peaceful, accepting organization.	We adopt highways. We clean up litter at puppy shelters. We even help the elderly cross the street and change their diapers.	*sniff* That was beautiful, man. Ok, Paco. Buttsex time. Score!

 

The Beginning of Man: What They Won't Tell You by brycekain 4-22-10
Behold, Lilith. The Garden of Eden. What more could you ever want...? Well...I could use some make up. And get me a bra will you? Oh and a maid cause I ain't cleanin' up no man's bullshit...		Behold, Eve. The Garden of Eden. What more could you ever want...? Well, I tell you what! I'll look round this here place if'n I can get out da kitchen long nuff n such! That reminds me, I need to go blow Adam. It's almost Springer time!

 

The Genesis Flood: What They Won't Tell You by brycekain 4-22-10
They aren't doing what I want them to do. Yes, but they seem happy.	But...they're not doing what I WANT them to do!! But, sir, they seem...	FUCK IT! Flood the bitch. Time to call the Doc and up your meds again.

 

Because KFC Cares...About Your Tits... by brycekain 4-23-10
For Mary... For my cousin Jane...	For every pink bucket of chicken you buy... KFC will donate 50 cents to fight breast cancer.	Bill? It's Doctor Bob. Take all my money out of mutual funds and dump it into liposuction clinics! We’re about to hit PAY DIRT!!

 

How You Remind Me by brycekain 4-25-10
Is it time to put my tampon in? Uh...no...?	Is it time to put my tampon in? NO!	Is it time to put my tampon in? What the fuck are you? Canadian??

 

R.I.P, My Man by brycekain 4-25-10
Welcome to Heaven, Darrell. Wow, this place is beautiful!	We ask that you treat everyone here like you want to be treated and don't hesitate to share with your fellow man. Sounds fine to me. You know, I wasn't much of a believer, but I think I may be quite happy in this place.	Oh, and you can't smoke grass. Right. Where the fuck is the elevator to hell?

 

Neverending and Such by brycekain 4-26-10
Fuck me? Seriously? Hey, I already knock my own balls around...why not your's?	Meanwhile...in Heaven... And then that little bastard did a commercial where he took my voice and...	What a minute! What the hell are YOU doing up HERE!? It's a long story. You see...

 

Loaded Weapon by brycekain 4-28-10
What were you doing in the back of my car?? Seriously, Officer, I wasn't doing anything.	I find that VERY hard to believe. Why?	First off, you're covered in cum. I'm just happy to see you...?

 

Never Ending 6(66) by brycekain 4-30-10
You rang?	What's this I been hearing about you tempting Eve in the form of a snake? It's not what you think.	Really? Well, first she saw my penis ...

 

CTC #1: Just Say....uh......... by brycekain 4-30-10
...so that's why we're out here protesting.	Really? I never knew that about hippies	Hippies????? We're Jews Uttering Spiffy Tran-Sexual And Yummy Necrophiliacal Orgasms!! I just barfed and got a boner at the same time.

 

COMIC CUP XIV: An Error in Comedy by brycekain 4-30-10
Thy kindey stones hang flacid in thine fatty tissues, Sir Ham! Thou dost mocketh me, young lad. Hold thy tongue or a lashing from gristle and lard ye shall receive!	Thy threats do maketh mine testicles ache with pain from a sound so uproarious in mine belly. Thy future be graven if things be taken careth not. Could be the end is this? With words of ridicule and mockery and thy, and thine, and thoust?	Huh? Fuck it. Cut em off.

 

Inspired by COMIC CUP XIV, Round One, Match Two by brycekain 5-01-10
O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father, and refuse thy name. Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet...		WOOOOOOO!! SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!

 

CTC #2 Template by brycekain 5-01-10
	Really? Why is that?

 

Don't Ask, Don't Sing Show Tunes Off Key Gawd Dammit!! by brycekain 5-04-10
♫ Oh what a beautiful mooooooorning...! Oh what a beautiful daaaaaaaay...! ♫ Sorry, but you brought this on yourself...		What the...?? Don't worry. He was gay.

 

Never Ending Sweater Meat! by brycekain 5-08-10
So about those pictures...? I'm sorry, sir, but as a good christian I can not allow you to take pictures of my private parts in good conscience.	Please? Nope. I'm a good christian.	Here's 50 bucks. Deal! Now here's what I was thinking...

 

Sticks and Stones May Break My Ego, but ... eh, fuck it. by brycekain 5-08-10
...and then she says that I'm always tripping over myself in anxiousness self-promotion! Can you believe that? HAHA! Now way! Are you hurt?	Oh PLEASE. Like I care. I'm too busy pumping iron and scoring with all the ladies! You're THE MAN!	20 minutes later... Hey, where's Bryce Kain? In the bathroom cryin' like a lil' bitch.

 

CTC #3 Sliptwat by brycekain 5-11-10
Thanks for talking to me, Geraldo. I'm currently on my European tour and - Yes yes, how do you feel about TMZ having video of you and a crack whore screwing in a chinese cat box?	Wait, what? Oh! I almost forgot the BEST part...	Ah fuck. How could you do that to her stinky hoo-hoo, son?

 

There Once Was a Reverend Named Boinky by brycekain 5-12-10
Reverend Boinky, today is Limerick Day. Can you PLEASE keep your sermon clean? Of course, Sister Mary. In fact, here is what I intend to say: There once was a man from Nantucket...	REVEREND!!! No no, my child, it's not what you think...	Oh ok. Go on then. There once was a man from Nantucket. Now show me your cunt.

 

STD #2: The Retardening by brycekain 5-12-10
Can you guess when I fucked TheCreatorOfStrips in the ear?	Friday Night?	No, that was his dad. I bashed his turd cutter in with a squeegee. I didn't know you were into fucking the retarded?

 

CC 451: Dystopia and the Dystopian Dystopiisms by brycekain 5-13-10
Hi, I'm looking for the band. Hey great! The Producer is here. Follow me...	I try to serve all the band's needs. I can produce the best sounds, do food runs, and I'm good at swallowing pride when everyone is pissed. Great great. Ok, Gary would like you to produce a load on his chest. Then Tim wants a "round the world." I just want to watch and jack my man-seed into your hair.	Woooooooooo!!!

 

OPC47

I know that sex is a natural antihistamine and can help combat asthma and hay fever, but I can not make love to you anymore. I have stopped loving you. Please leave me alone. Goodbye.

by brycekain, 5-16-10

 

CTC #4: A Clean Slate by brycekain 5-19-10

 

Never Ending Death Screens by brycekain 5-21-10
You can't be serious. Why would you do that? I've always wanted a library full of computer books and such.	You replaced every single book with science and tech books?? Of course.	But we just put in a Goosebumps section! What did you do to that?? Upgraded to Goosebumps Vista. Now they can enjoy big, scary blue screens of death!

 

No Wammies! No Wammies! by brycekain 5-21-10
Welcome to "Name That Qu'ote!" Brought to you by the new family friendly Taliban!â„¢ Uh, sir?	You know the rules: Each infidel must name the correct quote from the Qu'ran or risk the wrath of Allah! Sir, I was kidnapped at gunpoint in Pakistan. I'm a middle aged, white businessman from America. I don't know anything about the Qu'ran.	This brings us to the Sudden Death round! Shit.

 

OPC 49: The Example

Sir, they just wiped out the AIDS virus. DAMMIT! This kinda thing always happens when I decide to take a shit!

by brycekain, 5-24-10

 

CTC#5 by brycekain 5-30-10
Scissors! I win!		*sniff* *sniff* Oh don't be such a pussy, Cthulu!

 

OPC 50: Get to the Back of the Short Bus!

This just in ... North Carolina schools vote to re-segragate their students. Could this be turning back the clock on civil rights? Coming up: Women! They suck at math and laugh at my penis. Why should we keep 'em?

by brycekain, 6-02-10

 

RCD #36 by brycekain 6-06-10
In several of the comic competitions I've won, I used the Chopping Block guy to bring the funny. I'd like to thank him for his time and patience while I continue my stripping endeavors.	Baby, you grew out your hair for me? I'd also like to blame him for how gay I've been acting lately.

 

OPC51

Miss Moneypenny always feared her stutter would someday get in the way. Agent 077 reporting for duty. Ah Jesus Christ!

by brycekain, 6-11-10

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