All comics by callie_chan

Profile

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Vice & Andre have a frank discussion of ideas.
THREE FUCKING HOURS of foreplay? Jesus, Andre, I know -dead- guys who can get it up faster than that!
Hey, you didn't seem like you were complaining!
Yeah, I wasn't! But now I have to go in to work, & after three hours of foreplay I've got nothing to show for it but a hard-on the size of a fucking REDWOOD!
Don't flatter yourself. You aren't -that- big.
To Be Continued...
Ahem.
You goddamn--hunh?

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
A surprise guest interrupts Andre & Vice's argument.
Hello, Vice. Andre.
Arien? What the hell are you doing here?
I came to deliver a message.
Oh yeah? What's that?
Stop acting like women, you fucks.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
The artist has decided to make the two-part strip actually longer than two parts, just for the devilment.
Hey! You just reduced my boyfriend to a pile of ash, you asshat!
So? You two were arguing anyway.
Forget that! I'm going to have your guts for garters in about five seconds!
I tremble.
OWFUCK!
See, my taser takes only four seconds to recharge.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Arien the goat has reduced Vice & Andre to lumps of smoking char for acting irrepressibly gay.
They had it coming. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to disgrace the entire orientation.
Just out of curiosity, what gives you the fucking RIGHT to bust in on a domestic argument & turn us into shapeless piles of carbon?!!
The fact that I have a brain & a taser while you're just a shapeless pile of carbon.
SUCK MY CARBONIC DICK, ASSCHEESE!

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Just for shits & giggles, are you Vice or Andre?
It doesn't really matter.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Arien the goat is minding his own business when a mysterious voice from the beyond beckons him.
Hey, you dickless bastard!
Ah, I am summoned by the voices of angels. Delight of delights.
Recognize us? After you vaporized Vice & Andre, we fused to become a demon!
Impressive. So now you've got twice the gay potential as before, yes?
...that's not exactly the point.
Do you get a demon name? Like Anus? Anus, Lord of Gayness... there's a certain ring to it.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Arien is confronted by Vice & Andre, whom after being vaporized fused into a demon('Anus').
Dammit, Arien, what do you have against us being gay anyway?
Nothing, really, except your acting like women during menopause.
We don't--look, that's none of your business!
You're perpetuating the negative stereotype of gay men acting like fucking pansies & fruits. Is that the sort of legacy you want to pass down to your love-children?
...Look, are you a homophobe or a gay-rights activist? Make up your mind already.
When it comes to you two--mostly the former.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
'Anus' the demon & Arien are having a frank discussion of ideas.
You dickless bastard--hey, what the hell--?!
WTF?!
Hey, we've unfused! We're not a demon anymore!
And we're back to our old selves again!
....though how long that will last, I don't know.
'Dickless bastard', was it? Excuse me for a moment whilst I set my taser on 'puree'...

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Vice & Andre, no longer a demon, find themselves once again at the mercy of Arien & his S00per-D00per Taser o' D00m.
Look, what will it take to keep you from reducing us to lumps of carbon again?
Quite a lot. You two as piles of smoking ash is a very entertaining spectacle.
What if I give you cash? How does $100 sound?
Not nearly as entertaining as you & your boy toy as featureless piles of ash & char.
Alright then, sex! I'll let you fuck my virgin ass if you'll just leave us alone!
Virgin ass? Don't take me for a fool. I've had sex with virgins before, & YOUR farmland has been thoroughly plowed, my friend.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
What? You're just letting us off?
Indeed. Vice trying to pass his ass off as virgin was entertainment enough for one day.
Then you're not going to taser us? Really?
That's right.
Boy howdy.
Hey, I'm capable of changing my mind. Keep the gay cowboy quotes to a minimum till I'm out of hearing range.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Arien, doing what he does best.
*angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst*
Yo, Arien.
Hunh? What is it?
Stop angsting, you fuck.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Cricket minding her own business.
*angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst*
Yo, Cricket.
What?
Stop angsting, you fuck.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Morgan, minding his own business.
*angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst* *angst*
Yo, Morgan.
Yes?
Stop angsting, you fuck.

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Hey, Hevquip!
Yeah?
What's the one thing worse than someone who has nothing better to do than sit around all day & make comics?
Someone who has nothing better to do than make comics about someone who has nothing better to do that sit around all day & make comics?
Smart girl.
Thanks!

 

by callie_chan
12-11-02
Once again I have been asked by Calli to apologize for her behavior.
Calli was rather surprised by Hevquip's comic complaining about her, but Calli's comic in response was not intended to offend.
Calli has a PS: 'After all, I thought she might like the variety.'

 

by callie_chan
12-12-02
Let's see now...I'd better consult the recipe.
Take three tablespoons of charm...
A half a stick of sexual appeal(sprinkle T&A/cock as desired)...
A half cup of magical abilities...a dash of tragic past...
Add one pint of Suspension of Disbelief & mix well.
Serves at least five, possibly more depending on the size of the bed.

 

by callie_chan
12-12-02
Calli, Kieki, & DeMona MST a Harry Potter smutfic.
"Harry had a terrific scheme to lose his virginity. He rented a large house and invited Hermione and Cho there to visit him one night, without the other girl's knowledge of someone else being there."
Calli: That's not how you lose your virginity, that's how you lose your testicles. Jesus. Imagine two rampaging jealous MAGICALLY-GIFTED females angry at you, & one of them's Hermione.
*smut smut smut*
DeMona: I can only imagine the curses involved...
*smut smut smut*
Kieki: Do the words 'testicular witherosa' strike fear into your heart?

 

by callie_chan
12-12-02
Hey, Arien.
Hey, Soulless Bitch. You look happy. That's rarely a good sign.
Well, I sat in front of a computer all day, blowing off all my responsibilities & rejecting any chance of a social life. But I made some comics & wrote pages of creative stuff, so I'm in a good mood.
Nope.
...That you ought to reconsider your priorities hasn't even crossed your mind, has it?

 

by callie_chan
12-12-02
So you say you made comics about me?
That's right.
This I've gotta see.
...I want you to know that I hate you more than words can ever express.
Hey, the truth hurts.

 

by callie_chan
12-13-02
Calli finds out about a 'Gift Exchange' operation going on among her 'Net friends.
Obie: See, you send someone a gift, & they sent you a gift back. Want to give me a suggestion for your gift?
Calli: Well, I don't want a gift. I don't have money to buy gifts & then send them to people, so there's no point anyway.
Obie: Well, the gift-giving on the part of the sender is entirely optional. Now what would you like me to send you?
Calli: Let me get this straight--you choose to send me a gift, thus making me feel obligated to send you a gift in return. How ulterior-motivated of you. Well, screw that. I don't want anything.
Obie: So in other words, I should just guess.
Calli: Ah, Christmas...'tis the season to be guilt-ridden & broke.

 

by callie_chan
12-13-02
Calli does something she's never done before--she looks for spiritual guidance.
I have a confession to make.
Speak, my child.
Yesterday my mother dragged me out Christmas caroling to a senior citizens' home with a bunch of extremely religious neighbors. I feel dirty. Like I'll never be clean.
...........
Well? Give me some guidance. Tell me how I can restore my misanthropic atheist idiom.
Look, I don't think you're asking quite the right person.

 

by callie_chan
12-13-02
Calli searches for spiritual guidance.
So you're referring me to somebody else?
Well, to be perfectly honest, I think someone with your attitude is obviously looking for spiritual guidance in the wrong place.
Well, where -should- I look, then?
...Ah.
So Gordon said you should tell me he sent you, did he?

 

by callie_chan
12-13-02
Calli has been sent to Hell in her search for spiritual guidance.
So then I'm supposed to ask you for guidance, is that it?
Yep.
Well, I was forced to do a good deed against my will last night.
How good was it?
Christmas caroling to senior citizens. And we handed out candy, too.
DEAR SWEET SATAN! And you have the nerve to call yourself a misanthropist!

 

by callie_chan
12-13-02
Look, I didn't WANT to do a good deed! My mother made me! And I'm sure you're on a first-name basis with HER...
Oh, definitely.
Please don't use this as a lead-in for a your mom joke.
I have to. I'm evil. I did your mom just the other night.

 

by callie_chan
12-13-02
Calli in Hell, seeking spiritual guidance, pleads her case.
Look, I didn't mean to do a good deed. I just want to earn back my hard-earned reputation for being an evil, soulless psychotic witch.
Well, this IS your first major offense. I suppose with some penance, we can overlook it.
Kick. So what's the penance?
Tomorrow you must start all of your conversations with a your mom joke.
...that's so evil. It's brilliant.
What can I say, your mom taught me everything I know.

 

by callie_chan
12-16-02
Calli looks over her Spiritual Guidance series of comics.
.......well, shit.

 

by callie_chan
12-16-02
Calli is less than pleased when she reads over her Spiritual Guidance comics.
Less than pleased my ass!
This stuff is crap! I mean, sure, the idea was good, but the execution could have been so much better.
I guess it's kinda like being drunk...it seems like a good idea at the time, till you wake up the next day & begin h0rking.

 

by callie_chan
12-16-02
Calli resolves to make a good comic, hopefully to make up for the Spiritual Guidance series.
And......?
Well, brilliant comic inspiration doesn't just grow on trees, dammit!

 

by callie_chan
12-16-02
The author apologizes for the rather bad representations in this strip.
Parents: Excuse us while we fuck you over.
Life: Excuse me while I fuck you over.
Well, at least my day can't get worse.
Finals: I don't believe we've met yet.

 

by callie_chan
12-18-02
Calli meets the physical embodiment of her semester finals.
Tobor, the cornholing red robot? You're the physical embodiment of my college finals?
Yes I am.
Well, doesn't that fit like a shrink-wrapped glove.
This IS your comic.

 

by callie_chan
12-18-02
Calli speaks to Tobor, the physical embodiment of her semester final exams.
So then I suppose there's no need for me to ask what you're doing here, is there?
None whatsoever.
And I don't suppose I could distract you from violating my tender orifices with that tentacle behind you, could I?
Do you really think I'm going to fall for that old trick?
.........well, shit.
Hi there.

 

by callie_chan
12-18-02
Tobor encounters Del-me the tentacle, back for yet another guest appearance.
Who are you, & why are you interrupting my cornholing?
I'm afraid that Calli is my exclusive property for any & all violation of orifices, Tobor. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Well, hell! But I came all this way!
Hmmm. Hang on just a sec.
Tobor is insulted.
Why can't anyone love me for me?

 

by callie_chan
12-18-02
Tobor & Del-me have a frank discussion of ideas.
I am Tobor. I must violate someone. If you won't let me violate Calli, then Tobor will have to terminate you.
Bring it, bitch.
IT BURNS!
Hunh?
Like the man says, this IS my comic.
...I love you.

 

by callie_chan
12-18-02
You're all losers.

 

by callie_chan
12-18-02
Arien, you just called everyone who reads this strip a loser!
Yes. Yes I did.
Well, why?
Because they are.
...I hate you when you're right.
Right. Now shut up & fellate me.

 

by callie_chan
12-23-02
Calli & Kieki have a frank discussion of ideas.
Fuck you!
Yeah, well, fuck you too!
...You know, it seems like it's EXACTLY the wrong season to be bitching at one of my best friends.

 

by callie_chan
1-03-03
Andre & Vice have a frank discussion of ideas.
Look, I'm over him, okay? You don't need to feel jealous.
Jealous? Me? Andre, I don't do jealous.
.........riiiiiiight, & the Pope doesn't do nubile young choirboys either.

 

by callie_chan
1-14-03
Arien takes the 'How Seme Are You?' online quiz, just because I say so.
*click* *click* *click*
......you know, for most people 120% Seme isn't even possible.
Shuddup & fellate me.

 

by callie_chan
1-14-03
The author confronts her character.
Dammit, Arien, enough of this 'shuddup & fellate me' business. It just sounds WRONG from a goat.
Cry me a river.
Don't -make- me use this, boy.
Do your worst!
I always do.
Now this...I did not see coming.

 

by callie_chan
1-14-03
Arien finds his new comic representation...not to his liking.
You can't just leave me like this! I mean, what in the fuck AM I, anyway?
Um...good question, actually.
A teardrop?
A dung beetle?
That is SO a music note.
A figment of our imaginations!

 

by callie_chan
1-14-03
The debate rages as to what the hell Arien's new comic representation is.
I think it's an alien.
Or a robot!
THAT thing an alien? We are SO much better drawn than that thing.
Had to put me in this strip somewhere, didn't you, Calli?
Seriously, y'all, that's a bubble. A blue bubble. With, um, wings. And eyes.
YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKS!

 

by callie_chan
1-14-03
You know, you've been sitting in front of this screen for seven hours straight.
Yeah, so?
So when does your brain start oozing out your ears?
I think you might be laboring under a slight misconception here.

 

by callie_chan
1-21-03
A meeting of the minds(or lack thereof)--Calli & Kieki.
Calli, I think one of us really needs to change our comic representation. Having us look exactly the same is confusing.
Alright, I'll buy that. Of course, since this is my comic, you're the one who's changing.
Well, hell. Alright then, give me something sw33t. Something that says 'Kieki'.
I'll try.
........this is SO not what I had in mind.
Hey, I can only do so much.

 

by callie_chan
1-21-03
Alright, Calli, you've got ten seconds to explain why you made me look like this before I go beatnik on your ass!
Well, it seemed appropriate.
I mean, you're always talking about how you're so pale your skin blinds people, & you wore a black costume for Halloween, so I thought, hey, white-skinned sprite with a black outfit!
.........But I'm a GIRL!
Let's not go jumping to conclusions.

 

by callie_chan
1-21-03
Calli & Kieki discuss Kieki's new comic representation.
.......okay, explain to me how this is an improvement on the beatnik.
Well, larger range of expressions, for one. Try it out.
Hmmm....I guess you've got a point.
See? It's fine. Now stop pissing & moaning about it.
I especially like how this character gives me the option of holding various weapons of mass dismemberment with which to punish you painfully.
Right. I'll just be over here in the next zip code.

 

by callie_chan
1-21-03
Calli discovers that BDD made her a comic tribute for putting him on her favorites list.
calie_chan is kool!!!!1
...the fuck?
...........damn. The boy has me pegged, doesn't he?
Not like that, you perverts.

 

by callie_chan
1-23-03
StickMan is called in yet again to apologize for something Calli did. Pity StickMan.
Once again Calli has asked me to apologize for something. However, in this case what I am apologizing for is something in the future rather than the past.
You see, Calli has had just a little too much sugar today...& when Calli has too much sugar, she gets this strange misconception that she's funny.
"As such, I apologize for this panel."
The clams! THE CLAMS, I TELL YOU!
Boing!

 

by callie_chan
1-27-03
*thud*
What was that sound?
That was the sound of my head hitting the keyboard.
That reminds me--I've discovered the magic technique of downloading pr0n.
*THUD* *THUD* *THUD* *THUD*
......a keyboard is a delicate piece of equipment, you know. That can't be good for it.
PLEASE DEAR GOD GRANT ME THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH!

 

by callie_chan
1-27-03
I am...disturbed.
Gee, what was your first clue?

 

by callie_chan
1-27-03
I have decided to break out of my StripCreator stereotype that I'm a whiney bitch about being nailed to this goddamn cross.
See, the truth is, I like being up here! This cross is made of high-quality balsam wood, & you get used to the nails in your hands & feet after awhile, & the loincloth is really quite liberating!
.......oh, who the fuck am I kidding. My kingdom in Heaven for a prybar.

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »