All comics by mmyers

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by mmyers
4-02-03
Could someone give me a boost here? Ah screw it. For his tireless efforts in saving the city of Detroit from the talking dolphin attack, we'd like to present Jesus with the key to the city.
Jesus! Oops, I mean, Jesus?
You know, standing here, holding this key to Detroit, I have to say, I'm about the luckiest guy on the planet. Except for Phil Mills of Indiana, he's THE luckiest man on the planet.

 

by mmyers
4-02-03
On a remote island off the coast of Khaki-noslacky, Hawaii
One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do,
Two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one...
Boy, I'm so lonely that I'd have sex with the number 'one'. I'm not sure how I'd do that...maybe I could stick it up my butt.

 

by mmyers
4-02-03
Soul Sucking Job, Inc., Matt speaking, how can I help you?
I work for y'alls and I need to get my address changed for my Dubay-Two's.
Allright, please give me your name and social security number.
My last name is Niles, Nancy Niles. 'N' as in knife, 'I' as in eyeball, 'L' as in elevator...
Excuse me, Nancy, do they let you operate heavy machinery, such as cars or lawnmowers? Because I think that'd be bad, you know, for everyone else.
No, not since the DUI, no.

 

by mmyers
4-03-03
I've been on this island for so long, I've run out of things to fantasize about about, sexually, that is.
I've forgotten what a woman even looks like. Now all I fantasize about is that palm tree on the hill that I can't seem to reach.
The way it shakes its leaves, knowing how good it looks. I'm only human, for Pete's sake. Besides, you grow leaves like that, you're just asking for it.

 

by mmyers
4-03-03
Darby's Journal: April 3, 2003. What I have found that i miss most, since being on the island, is the internet chatrooms. My mind wanders.
[12:30] (Darby) You suck donkey balls. [12:30] (Fire69) ..... [12:31] (Darby) Troll.
[12:31] (Darby) Why don't you just leave, asshole? [12:31] (Fire69) .... [12:32] (Darby) That's it, you're banned!
[12:34] (Darby) God, I'm lonely... [12:34] (Fire69) Phhssss...

 

by mmyers
4-04-03
And please take care of mummy and deddy and little sister Katey, too. I promise I'll be a good owl. With all my heart, I promise.
Your prayer has struck me, little Ollie Owlerman, and I shall look over your family and you in times of need. Yep, that's right, I'm Jesus.
Ahhhh! But you can't be Jesus, you're....
White?
Well, I was going to say that you're not a big blue owl.

 

by mmyers
4-04-03
Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.
What'd you wish for?
Nothing. I usually save them all up until the end of the year and make one big wish.
What'd you wish for last year?
To be white.

 

by mmyers
4-08-03
Kaufman likes"orienteering"? What does that even mean? He's in MENSA and he has several pets. He has a PhD in IT.
What i find to be creepy about the internet is that you can find all sorts of info out about people you don't know...
Quit stairing at ME!

 

by mmyers
4-08-03
Kaufman. Kaufman, Kaufman.
Kaufman. Kaufman?
Kaufman...Kaufman.
Kaufman kaufman Kaufman.
Kauf...man. Kaufman.
KAUFMAN!

 

by mmyers
4-08-03
Kaufman?

 

by mmyers
4-08-03
Kaufman!! I've been searching for you everywhere to tell you this...I invited a turkey over for dinner but he couldn't come because he felt fowl. Hehe.
Sorry Mario, but your Pun-cess is another castle.
Damn.

 

by mmyers
4-11-03
All of my daughter's favorite Stripcreator characters are all here for her birthday party! What fun!
What happened to your pants, Mr Kajun Firefly?
Oh my god! The pink donkey got out and is trampling the children! Oh the humanity!
I'm a pink donkey! Hahaha! What did you expect me to do??!!
What kind of idiot brings a spray painted donkey to a children's party?
Look lady, you had a choice of the pink donkey or the hooker from 'When I grow up', YOU chose the donkey.

 

by mmyers
4-11-03
In the news, life imitates art as Congress caught StripCreator fever! Philabustering will now be called "Cornholing". Also, new representatives will be refered to as "newbies."
Congress decided not to listen to a proposed bill, because the proposer was "Too new". Not_scyess did offer "Work on your timing."
Elsewhere...
They have me dressed up as a what? A cowboy? Well, whatever gets the votes, I guess. Get my tailor on the phone.

 

by mmyers
4-15-03
Take a ride on the Eddie Grant Express. Rock down to Electric Avenue, then take it higher, Roll again.
Busted at work for being on StripCreator. Lose one turn or all of your money.
No bonuses this year. Hohoho!
StripCreator CD Swap: Change places with closest player and follow instructions.
Hmm...Backstreet Boys CD or a pile of shit, Backstreet Boys or a pile of shit...I'll take the shit.

 

by mmyers
4-15-03
Obscure movie reference. Collect $10.
Sit down, jump around, pick a bail of cotton!
ELECTRIC AVENUE. First player to find a trash can or a hammer or nails moves forward two spaces.
It's hammer time.
Be kind, rewind...I mean recycle...I mean shut up.
Get a deck of cards and play Poker with all players, 2's being Wild. Winner collects $25.
Give me all your 'fours'.
Go fish. Hahahahaha hahahahaha hahahahahaha...hahaha..I said 'Go'!

 

by mmyers
4-16-03
Congratulations! You have a baby girl! You lose 5 turns waiting for her to grow up and for you to get your life back.
Daddy, what's a Spankling?
For cryin' out loud.
The obscure movie reference was from 'Fletch'. If you knew that, collect $15, about as much as you spent on the crappy Chevy Chase movies that came after that.
Where'd my career go??
You win a StripCreator contest, but don't go online for a couple of days. Everyone has to wait for you to make a new contest. Everyone loses a turn.

 

by mmyers
4-18-03
Sometimes you have to take two steps back to go four steps forward, so do that.
Lucky I wore my running shoes.
Cards mixed in from a different game. Remove Funny Bone for $500. or you can just use this as a FAQ card.
I'm a good doctor...No, wait, I AM a good doctor...I'm a GOOD doctor. Yeah, that sounds good.
Stare at your navel, trying to untangle it with your mind. If you are unable to do this, lose one turn.
It's pronounced "Ohm-phalo-skep-sis" but I can't remember how to spell it.

 

by mmyers
4-22-03
The new fax machine says that it's "Sleeping". Does anyone else find this to be a little creepy?
???
Hey guys, move out of the way. The fax machine is late for it's 2 o'clock breast feeding. Dawngonit. OK, who hid my pump?

 

by mmyers
4-22-03
The Earth is heating up gradually. Last summer was, on average, 6 degrees hotter than summer in 1921.
The polar ice caps are melting. When they are completely gone, California along with 10% of what is currently land will be submerged.
If I look at a picture of myself from last Christmas versus a picture of myself from this Christmas, my hairline is further back. I AM balding.

 

by mmyers
4-24-03
So what exactly happened?
Well, I was a young girl on the boat.
"I met a boy, an artist, and we fell in love..."
Yeah, yeah, how about you save the stories for the grandkids and just tell us what happened to the expensive necklace.

 

by mmyers
4-24-03
You did what?
I threw it in the water...as a symbol of our love together.
Kill...you...stupid....of all the....
Later...
Hey, I think I spotted it. That lobster is wearing it.

 

by mmyers
4-24-03
Look Doc, you and I have been fighting since 1959. I think it's time we admit that there's something else going on. Sexual tension, doc. Masochistic tensions, doc.
?
Hear me out, doc. The way you watch me before you ram me, the way you look at me when I'm dressed like a girl. Homoerotic undertones, doc. My friends and I go to this club on Thursdays...
?
Oh dear, I need to see if Mickey Mouse is hiring.

 

by mmyers
4-25-03
So this is like a virtual undersea world down here?
Yup, everything has been made to appear exactly as the bottom of the ocean, 20000 leagues. Have a look out of the window and watch nature's mysteries unfold.
That looks like a big robot just moving the fish around.
We're still working out the kinks.

 

by mmyers
4-30-03
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN
No, baby, aim for the stomach, it's much more painful. Just a little lower.
BOOKS YOU'D LIKE TO SEE A MOVIE MADE FROM.
Sweet! They're finally making that movie based on the telephone book. I come on around the middle.
HOBBIES FOR THE INVULNERABLE.
You just sit right there, Mr Bull, and I'll get your rectal examine underway.

 

by mmyers
4-30-03
UNPOPULAR HOBBIES.
No matter how much I shoot at that rainbow, no Skittles ever come out. I wanna taste the rainbow, dammit.
REJECTED COMIC CONTEST IDEAS.
'Most traumatic childhood incident in comic form'. This is going to be great, plus I've got a lot of shit to get off my chest.
*Tweet*
WORST THING TO HEAR FROM YOUR DOCTOR.
The ancient Egyptians looked at death as a long trip, and you like trips, don't you?

 

by mmyers
4-30-03
Is my dad going to be OK?
Well, I'm afraid I've some bad news.
Yes?
We had to push Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
Nooooooo!
But the good news is that we did salvage his hard drive but all of his unsaved material is...gone.

 

by mmyers
4-30-03
Will he ever be the same?
Well, your dad...he's an old model, you see.
So we had to reboot him and give him the closest comparable program model we had. Windows 97.
Noooooooo! So he's retarded?
Transactions with him, well, they might take a bit more time.

 

by mmyers
4-30-03
I'm so glad you're better now, Dadbot. Hey dad, can we go get pizza? Can we, can we, can we?
Page cannot be found. Please click refresh.
Nooooooo!

 

by mmyers
5-01-03
THINGS YOU DON"T WANT TO HEAR A DOCTOR SAY.
OK, the bad part first. Hypothermia has been known to make some of your extremities fall off. The good part is...um, you'll always be giving a thumbs up...like the Fonz, ya know? Ayeee.
MOVIES YOU'D LIKE TO SEE MADE.
They're making a movie out of 'Dianetics'? I hope John Travolta is in it.
CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS STRIP CREATOR.
Kaufman doesn't really even know what 'Orienteering' means.
I just thought it made me sound mysterious.

 

by mmyers
5-01-03
Ahh-choo! Oh man, my sinuses are killing me. My face is puffy. My head is killing me. I can say, without hyperbole, that it feels like I've been punched in the face.
SMACK, POW, BIFF!
Like that? Does it feel like getting punched in the face like that?
I stand corrected.

 

by mmyers
5-01-03
Oh man, there's that girl I used to date. She looks great. Why'd we ever break up? I should go talk to her.
Hey, hey Karen, it's me, Darby Dillman...
Several minutes of bad conversation later...
Oh yeah, that's why we broke up.

 

by mmyers
5-01-03
LITTLE KNOWN SECRETS ABOUT SC REGULARS.
If you pay $2000 to PayPal, you'll get your own forumuser character, sort of like paying to get into SAG.
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO AN ASSASSIN.
I loved that movie 'Assassin' with Antonio Banderas and Sly Stallone.
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A DOCTOR SAY.
You know, while I've got my hand up here, we should do a puppet show.

 

by mmyers
5-05-03
Hey, Filing clerk. Good news for you. After four years of being the filing clerk, we've decided to promote you to HR analyst. All you have to do is accept the position.
I...*ACHOO*...I'd like...*ACHOO-ACHOO*
Now this will mean less time actually working, but it will also mean a substantial raise, and a parking space, and stock options. Just need a 'yeah' or 'nay' from you.
*ACHOO*...I would like...*ACHOO*...to accep... *ACHOO* *ACHOO* *ACHOO*
Aw, screw it. Pepe, looks like Myers doesn't want it, so the job's yours.
*ACHOO* *ACHOO* *ACHOO* *ACHOO*

 

by mmyers
5-05-03
NOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO *ACHOO* OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO!

 

by mmyers
5-06-03
Eyes running...noise also running...face hurts.
Dude, you should go to the chiropractor. My old lady swears by 'em. Clear your...'whatever' right up.
Chiropractors aren't so bad, right? I heard that the government even has laws and stuff for these guys now.
Hey hey, come right in. I have a tent in the back where we can do your intial exam. My name is Tad, Dr. Tad, or just the Tadders. What ever makes you comfortable.

 

by mmyers
5-06-03
Hey, I think my goat likes you. Right this way, Ferris Wheel.
Excuse me, did you just call me Ferris wheel?
Here at Doctor Tadders, we don't believe in referring to people by their society name but rather their spirit name.
What exactly are you a doctor of, Tad?
At Doctor Tadders, we don't believe in labeling ourselves as a 'Doctor' or 'PHD' or 'College Dropout'. It's all good here. Also, you can't prove that I ever said that I was a doctor, either.

 

by mmyers
5-06-03
*ACHOO* *ACHOO*
All better now, yes?
I'm still sneezing.
It's a process, Fire Hydrant. Did you notice that you did not sneeze for a few minutes there? If you come back twice a week for the next 6 months, your cold will clear up.
Cold? I thought I had allergies.
Whatever, just come back next week.

 

by mmyers
5-06-03
So did the chiropractic clear your sneezing up?
Sort of. It was so expensive, I couldn't afford to keep my cat.
Turned out that I was allergic to the cat.
Low self esteem, hmm? Chiropractic can clear that right up. 6 months, twice a week...

 

by mmyers
5-06-03
So what do you think of these new urinals, eh?
Isn't there some kind of rule about not talking to someone while you're peeing?

 

by mmyers
5-07-03
I'm never gonna be able to pee if you stare at me.
Gotcha.

 

by mmyers
5-07-03
When you yelled at me today, it hurt my feelings. It made me feel small. I'd like an apology.
Now that you have come to me with this, you have hurt my feelings. It embarasses me and makes me feel like you think I'm a bad person. I'd like an apology for that.
Now that has hurt my feelings, because that makes me think that you think I am judgemental. Please apologize for that.
Now that has hurt my feelings, because I feel like you are being insensitive to my feelings. Apology, please.
I'm definitely going to have to unplug their emotion chips before the day is over.

 

by mmyers
5-07-03
Hey, you fat ass, dickhead, mama's boy. Hahaha.
Hey man, that's not cool.
Oh, come on, they're just jokes, you alcoholic, adulterer, child molester. Hahaha!
I thought jokes were supposed to be funny.
They're funnier if you aren't a lame ass, draft dodging, shoplifter! I've got a million of 'em. Ha!

 

by mmyers
5-07-03
Man, what passes for jokes these days aren't very funny.
You don't get it. You take something that is sad and sort of true about someone, like your being fat, then you say it, "You are fat", then you say it was a joke. Ha!
Like, "Hey, you fat ass porn watcher!" then when you get mad, I say, "That was a joke!" Then we laugh about it.
I guess I get it. Like "Your mom is dead." Hahaha!
Heh...I've got to go now. I think a piece of dirt flew into my eye.

 

by mmyers
5-07-03
I'm sorry, I can't do this. This is too embarassing.
What's wrong?
This just feels weird. I can't do it.
What?
Your cat is watching us. I can see its eyes in the dark. He's staring.

 

by mmyers
5-08-03
I tell you the cat sits there watching me...like he's...
Like what?
Like he's judging me.
You're crazy.
No I'm not. His little eyes study my moves, watch my hips, and sometimes, when it's really quiet, I swear I hear him...laughing.

 

by mmyers
5-08-03
Can't we just put the cat outside? Just while we're, you know, fooling around?
James, you're crazy. Please, honey, come back to bed. We'll get under the covers and kitty won't see a thing.
See honey? Kitty won't see a thing.
Are you gonna put your beer bottle down before you come to bed?

 

by mmyers
5-08-03
Oh James. That's nice. Oh yes, that's the spot.
She's faking it.
Tell me you heard that.

 

by mmyers
5-08-03
Meow.
Meow, meow...*purr*
Meow, meow, *hiss*
Meow *hiss* *purr*
Ah-ha! Caught you. Now how do you like it when someone comes and stares at you when you do it?
How embarassing.

 

by mmyers
5-08-03
Last night, before I went to bed...
I'm only a couple of comics away from 100. Tomorrow I should break 100, I think.
*brushing teeth* *spit* That's nice.
Yeah, the way I look at it, if 60 out of 100 are humorous, I've done OK.
*spit* Good.
Yeah, according to the Georgia school system, 60% is passing, so there for, with 60 good comics, I passed StripCreator class.
You're obsessed.

 

by mmyers
5-08-03
This is my 100th comic strip! Yeah! I'm ready for my adulation now.
Tell him, fellas.
Who cares? Talk to us when you reach 200.
Or your own character.
Or 1000 posts.
Or a contest about you.

Showing page 2.

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