All comics by mrpoop

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by mrpoop
8-08-05
...and Abraham begat Isaac. And Issac begat Jacob. And Jacob begat Judah. And Judah begat Pharez. And Pharez begat Hezron.
and Hezron begat Ram. And Ram begat Amminadab. And Amminadab begat Nahshon. And Nahshon begat Salma.
...And they all walked into a bar, okay?
This is gonna be hillarious!

 

by mrpoop
8-09-05
Let's have gay sex.
Well?
I'm thinking about it, give me a second, geez.
This ass ain't getting any warmer, you know.
I forget, does Jesus love or hate homosexuals?

 

by mrpoop
8-10-05
Whoa!!!!
Check this out, Pirate! A whole bunch of PETA chicks are lying on the ground naked in protest!
What are they protesting?
To Be Continued!!!
I dunno, but methinks it's time to have a complete reevaluation of my ethics and morals in order to hit that.
Heh. They want my meat.

 

by mrpoop
8-11-05
Down with meat! Up with non-meat!
Fur is murder! Murder hairy people!
Save the cute animals! Eat the ugly ones!
Hug a kitten! Urinate on scientists!
...and then I realized that I was actually at a NAACP meeting. And I won first prize!
You're the blackest!

 

by mrpoop
8-15-05
Welcome to Chicken Joe's Chicken shack of Chickens. May I take your order?
I'll have a hamburger.
What the fuck's the matter with you? We don't sell burgers here.
How was I supposed to know that?
WE'RE THE CHICKEN SHACK OF CHICKENS!
I thought it was just a clever name.

 

by mrpoop
8-15-05
What happened here?
Heh.
What did you do?
You don't have to worry about feeding your children anymore.

 

by mrpoop
8-16-05
Well... here we are, in Urgay.
It's called Uruguay.
I'm pretty sure it's Urgay.
No, it's Uruguay.
I'm pretty sure it's funnier if it's Urgay.
You're a class act, you know that?

 

by mrpoop
8-17-05
Welcome to TGI Friday's. May I take your order?
No you most certainly may not.
Well then it appears we are at an impass.
You are correct. Good day sir.
May I interest you in a bottle of skin lotion and a picture of Kevin Spacey?
I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!

 

by mrpoop
8-18-05
As Bobby and Pirate plumet to their certain doom from the clear sky, they reach terminal velocity.
Spiraling out of control, the g-forces nearly tearing them apart bit by bit, they have seconds before their lives come to an end.
These are their last words.
Oh hey, what happens at the end of Harry Potter?
Snape totall kills D...

 

by mrpoop
8-21-05
What happened? Where the hell are we?
I think we're in hell.
Oh. That sucks.
Nah.
Hey, is that Mel Gibson?
Yea, and he's not even dead yet!

 

by mrpoop
8-22-05
Well shit dude, we gotta get outta here.
Oh yea, I suppose you have some brilliant scheme to escape hell.
Hey.
Hi.
They're smarter than I thought!
RUN YOU FOOL!

 

by mrpoop
8-23-05
Shit shit shit! How the fuck are we going to escape?
There's no way out! We're DOOMED! DOOMED!!!!!!
What about that door over there?
...And that's how we escaped from hell.
I know. I was there with you. Idiot.

 

by mrpoop
8-24-05
You want to know...
What the hell are you doing?
Huh? What do you mean?
I always stand on that side. Why are you standing on that side? I want to stand on that side.
Well I want to be heard first. And I'm tired of having the last, stupid thing to say in order to get a cheap laugh.
Nipple!

 

by mrpoop
8-25-05
In 2012, the world will end.
You don't say.
I shit you not. Nostradamus said so. The Mayans said so. And I said so.
But didn't you just say so because Nostradamus or the Mayans said so?
2012...
Nostradamus AND the Mayans.
What a killer name for a rock band.

 

by mrpoop
8-29-05
Hey dude, do you want to go get something to eat?
Heh. Yea, lets go eat. we could go visit your mom. I like eating your mom's cookies. And she's got a really nice rack of ribs. They're delicious.
See, I'm making an allegory. I don't actually want to eat food at all.
Well now I don't want to eat either.

 

by mrpoop
8-30-05
Carrots, cucumbers, mayonaise, celery, q-tips, scissors, fried chicken, cell phones, toilet paper...
...Mouth wash, broccoli, turpentine, chili cheese dogs...
...all should not be served without a white zinfendel. Tomorrow, chianti!
Oh Jesus Christ...

 

by mrpoop
8-30-05
Okay, if you had to choose between nunchucks or a katana, which would you choose?
The katana.
Well what if you got TWO nunchucks.
The nunchucks.
This was topical a year ago!
Jesus you're such a flip flopper.
Fuck it, I'm going back to making ketchup.

 

by mrpoop
8-31-05
Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
Rise and speak, lad, and all shall be forgiven.
I killed a man, killed his children, raped his wife, then killed her too.
Bless you my son, all is forgiven. As long as you didn't do anything gay with the man.
...Forgive me father, for I have sinned again.
Drop dem drawers, choir boy!

 

by mrpoop
9-05-05
It's Labor Day! Yay!
I love this holiday. Let's celebrate!
...How do you celebrate Labor Day?
Well, it was created by the Labor Unions, so I suppose we should celebrate it in a manner fitting of a Union worker.
By not working?
And getting drunk!

 

by mrpoop
9-05-05
Earth.
I dub you the United States of America!
USA NUMBER ONE BABY!

 

by mrpoop
9-06-05
Rumor has it that an old, old, old man lives in that there house...
Spooooky!
He came back from the future to save the past from the future, and now is a ghost that feasts on the flesh of the living!
SPOOOOOKY!
And late at night, you can hear him whispering softly about tax audits. FROM THE FUTURE!
Lamest. Haunted. House. EVAR.

 

by mrpoop
9-07-05
Hey Pirate, what do you think happens when you die?
Well that's quite the quandry. We have to consider the possibility of a soul and, perhaps, an afterlife.
And, if there truly is happiness in the next world, then does it make this world an arbitrary train stop in eternity? Is our life really that pointless?
Let me rephrase: Within 5 seconds, you will be impaled by a bull if you don't move.
Well now I WANT to die. Thanks for nothing.

 

by mrpoop
9-07-05
Try the new Angus Burger. It'll help you sit! Ha ha. That commercial is funny.
Yea! You're full of sit! I'm full of sit! We're all full of sit!
Listen you sitting sitter, don't make me rip off your head and sit down your throat.
Go suck on some sit you sit eating sit head. Now go get me an angus burger, you worthless pile of sit.

 

by mrpoop
9-11-05
What was that? I saw something over there, Willow!
Fuck that, I don't wanna be Willow. And who says that you're Buffy?
FINE. You can be Buffy.
Well I don't want to be Buffy. I just don't want YOU to be Buffy.
WHY DO YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!?
Cause I'm SPIKE! BWAHAHA!!!! This game sucks anyways.

 

by mrpoop
9-12-05
Hey, you know Army Men?
What, the video game?
No, no, no... The little guys that the video game is based on.
Oh yea, the little green army men.
Yea. Totally racist.
Fuck the tan army men.

 

by mrpoop
9-13-05
In honor of the Aristocrats Joke...
Alright, so a man, a woman, and a horse walk into a talent agent's office...
Without a word, the man turns to the woman, slices her throat open with a cork-screw from a swiss army knife, pulls down his pants, and starts slamming her in the ass.
The talent agent starts yelling "Hey, you can't do that here!" But the man doesn't listen. He just keeps pounding and pounding away. He then looks at the horse and starts saying...
"Hey Horsey! Get in on this!" Without another word, the horse turns his head and starts shitting all over everything. The talent agent, allured by the wafting scent of manure...
...Walks over and starts licking the shit up off the ground. So the man keeps fucking the corpse of the woman while the talent agent eats the horse shit. The man turns, smiles, and says...
"We're the Aristocrats!"

 

by mrpoop
9-14-05
Ahh.. nothing like the great outdoors.
They don't seem so great to me.
You're always so critical of everything.
What? All I'm sayin' is that it's just a bunch of stupid trees with stupid leaves and ugly ass fuzzy animals.
(You don't get this unless you play video games. In which case you're a total loser so you shouldn't laugh anyways.)
...except when it's a forest in World of Warcraft.
Yea but then you can totally pwn the animals...

 

by mrpoop
9-16-05
Sweet! Check it out! I got a PDA!
Why do you need a PDA? All you do is sit around and smoke pot and masterbate.
2:00 PM. Beat Pirate Senseless.
Let me see that. It says BUT PLA SEENSL
I'm still getting used to the syllus.
Hey put me in for a 2:30 appointment with your mom's vagina.

 

by mrpoop
9-17-05
Ugh. Look at those two over there. Get a room. Sheesh. Public displays of affection piss me off.
Yea, they should just fucking die. And you should be the one who kills them.
Hell yea. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. Just watch me.
Yea! FUCKING KILL THEM! AND THEN THE JEWS!
...beg pardon?
AND THEN THE BLACKS!

 

by mrpoop
9-19-05
Grand Theft Auto should be banned! It is corrupting our children!
Wait, let me get this straight... The rampant murder and crime spree was fine until people found out about the hidden sex scenes?
ARGH! My righteous indignance knows no bounds!
Excuse me then, I'm gonna go murder a hooker. But I won't sleep with her.
That's what Jesus would do.

 

by mrpoop
9-20-05
In the interest of remaining topical...
Hah! What about that Dan Quayle? He's so funny. Potatoe. Man that's dumb.
Yea, totally dumb dude. Hey, check out that new Tears for Fears song- I got it on my mix tape.
I dunno dude, I was gonna go to the arcade and play pinball.
Aww c'mon man, listen to my tape and play Double Dragon with me!
Some things never change...
Fuck it. Lets just get drunk.
Fuck yeah.

 

by mrpoop
9-20-05
Hey Pirate, do you ever wonder why we're out here fighting?
Yea. You know those guys in Washington D.C. that are really rich? That got rich from the oil from here? We're here to make them get even richer.
Hey, that doesn't sound very American...
Oh.. I'm sorry... I mean, we're here to kill homosexual Muslim transvestite Arab Jews.
LETS DO IT BABY!
Don't call me baby. That means you're one of them. Repress your homosexuality and use it to kill others.

 

by mrpoop
9-21-05
I'm thinking of a number between one and blue.
Purple.
I mean six...
Too late.

 

by mrpoop
9-22-05
*BLUH-BLEEP!* ZZZZTHSSHA ZZZZSSS ZZEESSSHZZZ.
What the hell is that?
Oh, that? It's my Nextel Walkie Talkie feature. Cool, huh?
Cool like a tire iron upside your head.
I gotta go. Pirate's being a dick. *BLUH BLEEP* ZZZZZZZHAAZ EEERZZZ ZERZZZ. *bleep* Ha ha! You said it. Where you at?
Nextel- taking technology and the English language back a step.

 

by mrpoop
9-28-05
Whoa! A hot chick. I better lay on the charm.
Hi there! Do you know how to get to Church Street from here?
What, do I look like a fucking atlas to you?
Er.. no.. It's just I'm not wearing my shoes good for walking in-
Why would you wear shoes that aren't good to walk in? You make me sick.
It's a woman thing. Just like how I'm about to kick you in your man thing.

 

by mrpoop
9-28-05
So like what's your name and stuff?
I'm Goldie!
Hot. What's your last name?
Showers.
Wait, let me get this straight... your name is Goldie Showers?
It's better than my aunt, Pearl Necklace.

 

by mrpoop
9-29-05
So Goldie, do you have any more priceless sexual inuendos to share with me?
Well... I play the flute.
Ha ha ha! The skin flute!
Er, no, you sick fuck. Just the flute.
Well, that's not very sexy at all, now is it?
I thought you said CRUCENDO!

 

by mrpoop
10-03-05
Yo! I totally met this chick and like totally scored.
Hot! What's her name?
Goldie Showers.
No, I mean what's her name?
That is her name.
What's her aunt's name? Like Pearl Necklace or something?

 

by mrpoop
10-04-05
So what are you going to dress up as for Halloween?
Dude, we ARE perpetual Halloween costumes.
Yea, maybe Dave will dress up like us, huh?

 

by mrpoop
10-05-05
On behalf of all of us that work on and behind the scenes of the Bobby and Pirate show, we would like to congratulate the winners of the 2005 nobel prize.
Good job, nerds!
Yes, your countless contributions to the field of the metathesis method in organic synthesis will be remembered through the ages.
What did I just say?
I dunno, I already forgot.

 

by mrpoop
10-06-05
Hi, is Bobby here?
Oh Jesus! You DO exist! Ha ha ha! I can't believe that a girl that looks like you would get slammed by a guy that looks like Bobby.
So that's what he said, did he?
Hey Bobby, that girl that you bent over and made #$@% your #@$% while she #@$%ed all over your @#%$ with the gerbil is outside! Should I invite her in?
No, that's quite alright. Let him come out here. His world is about to become a realm of everlasting pain.
OH NO! She wants to get married! RUN FOR IT!

 

by mrpoop
10-09-05
I heard on NPR that the Liberian Civil War has ended. Free Elections for Liberians! Yay!
Of course... This is the 3rd civil war in three decades. Two of which have happened in the past 5 years.
I guess Emperor whoever's reign from 2003 - 2003 wasn't what the Liberian people had hoped for.
It's never good to have the name "Emperor Temporary, the Short Lived."

 

by mrpoop
10-10-05
Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla the committee of the department of bla bla bla bla bla.
Bla bla bla bla bla the senate confirmation bla bla bla committee of the department bla bla bla.
Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla deadline of the committee of the department of bla bla bla bla bla
Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla of the committee.
Stay tuned for POLITICIANS GONE WILD!
Well, it's agreed then. Nothing just got solved.
Bla.

 

by mrpoop
10-11-05
Hey, do you remember that episode where Jessie got addicted to diet pills and they went to the diner...
Okay, hold on a second, fuckface. First off, Jessie got addicted to CAFFEINE pills. And it's not a diner. It's The Max.
Who cares? What's the difference?
Listen, any harry asshole dick can go to a diner. The Max is Saved By The Bell hardcore quality.
I think the phrase you're looking for is "Any Tom, Dick, or Harry."
I stand by my harry asshole.

 

by mrpoop
10-12-05
Look at this beautiful view... It's just amazing, y'know?
Like fresh morning farts.
Huh?
You know, when you wake up and your stomach feels all tight and you just fart like you've never farted before and it feels amazing?
Are you high right now?
High on life, my friend. And I feel as good as fresh morning farts.

 

by mrpoop
10-18-05
Based on a true story...
Hi can I get some Lo Mein please?
Huh?
You know, Lo Mein... the staple on which all Chinese food is made?
White rice?
This is what I get for going to Chinese restaurant that misspelled its own name on the sign.
No, we're actually called "Cehng's Kitchen."

 

by mrpoop
10-20-05
...So I says to Mabel I says "Rectum? I damn near killed him!"
What the hell are you talking about?
You just started talking with the words "So I says..." I'm sick of your damn non sequiturs.
The secret is in the pudding.
See me right now? This is me emoting fury at you.

 

by mrpoop
10-21-05
Day one of my intrepid journey...
I fear for the worst. We have run out of food, our water is scarce, and I believe I may have to resort to cannibalism to survive.
Five minutes later... the bus to Linden still hasn't arrived.
I'm glad I peed all over that car. Did I miss anything?

 

by mrpoop
10-23-05
Shit shit shit shit shit!
What?
Um, we're all going to die. The plane is crashing.
Eh, who cares. Change the channel.
We're not watching TV right now. WE'RE GOING TO DIE!
Oh great, now the plot is just going around in circles.

 

by mrpoop
10-24-05
GAH! You know, just because you're a recurring character doesn't mean you can just march into our house.
What's with you and Pirate anyways?
Oh, well, we met a long time ago in college.
Oh! Tell me about it.
Wait a second, we never went to college. I do remember eating carpet.
Beg pardon?

Showing page 2.

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