All comics by niteowl

Profile

 

by niteowl
2-22-03
Sadly, a lot of message boards on the Internet are like this.
BMXbandit: Hey I have a question..
l33tM0d: We don't answer questions from newbies. Go away scumbag.
BMXbandit: But isn't this the Questions and Answers forum?
l33tM0d: You can ask a question when you have 1000 posts. Now stop with the questions or YOU WILL BE BANNED. LOSER.
BMXbandit: Uhhh..How am I supposed to get my post count up when I can't ask a question?
l33tM0d: Kiss our asses in every thread on the forums, duh! Fuck it. You are done here, you pathetic piece of shit.

 

by niteowl
2-22-03
You smell great today, you twat...BANNED!
Huh?
You fought odor and wetness today, annoying bitch...BANNED!
...?
C'mon, just play along, you retard.
YES! BAN ROLL-ON FIGHTS ODOR AND WETNESS! AND IT LOOKS LIKE A BINGO DOBBER! I GOT BANNED!

 

by niteowl
2-22-03
God, why is grass green?
Because if grass was brown, you wouldn't be able to dodge doggie land mines.
Ok...why is the sky blue?
Because it's my favorite color.
Why did AOL kick me offline earlier today?
bEcAuSe I 0wn j00...bAnNeD! tee hee.z!

 

by niteowl
2-23-03
Like Father, Like Son.
Read my lips. No new attacks.

 

by niteowl
2-23-03
Cowboy #1 : "So I said 'Those rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!'" Cowboy #2 : "Ha ha!"
Tyler : "Well, hello there!" Tobor : "RAAARRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!"
Newbie #1 : "REED MY COMICS TEHY ARE TEH FUNNY! R0X0RS!!!!!1" Newbie #2 : "LOLZERS! RITE ON BROOO+)(*&*^ FUK THESE ASHOLES TEHY ALL HACVE GAY SECKS"

 

by niteowl
2-23-03
Hmmm, I'm running out of ideas for strips...
I've got it! I'll make a strip about a red robot who likes to cornhole everything! I'll call him TOBOR! I just hope no one else thought of it first...
"your search for 'TOBOR' returned 1075 records:"
Shit.

 

by niteowl
3-03-03
I fucked your mother last night.
Ok.
Ok...I fucked your mother TWICE last night.
Uh huh.
Alright fine....get this. I cornholed your mother twice last night with a toilet plunger handle.
And...?

 

by niteowl
3-21-03
I tell ya Tony...we shore did a bang-up job over here in Iraq...git it? "Bang-up" job? Haw!
Bloody right GW! Terrorism is vanquished!
Awright, I think it's time to head back and see how things in the good ol' US of A are. Thanks for your support!
Ok, cheers mate! Give the guv a kiss for me!
Downtown Washington D. C.
Shit, I knew I was gone too long.

 

by niteowl
6-21-03
Hello...anyone there?
Why yes baby...I'm over here on the bed. Come to me.
Well, I want to see what you look like and I like having the lights on when I'm having sex...
C'mon, leave 'em off baby...It's your bachelor party, and I'm the last piece of ass you're ever going to get, so let's get to it.
I can't do this...
It's because I'm pink, isn't it?

 

by niteowl
6-28-03
Whizzy tha shizzy mah nizzy?
Sizzle fizzy shizzle, fo rizzle.
Tizzle mizzle drizzle izzle?
Yo dizzawg, fizzy lizzifting drizzinks mizzake yizzou dizzy.
Well well, looks like my ebonics lessons are helping. Not bad for a cracka.
Thanks, hizzomie skizzillet.

 

by niteowl
6-28-03
Saturday Night in a chat room.
"Hi there baby, A/S/L?"
"Wow, you like cybersex too! Wanna give it a try with me? *S*"
Later...
Man, ordering pizza online is the bomb!
Almost done with this download of The Hulk movie! This is gonna rock!
Next Day.
Dude! I had a hot date last night! Got dinner, watched a movie, I even had sex with her!
So basically you sat at the computer all night again, eh?

 

by niteowl
6-29-03
Oh my God, I'm home...You really did it, you blew it up!
DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
Although I must say, The Statue Of Liberty is hot as fuck dressed in a bikini.

 

by niteowl
6-29-03
Hi there, do you remember me? I'm Britney Spears, totally hot pop star whose career is on the way down!
Uh, Hi. Why are you here?
I'm going door-to-door to remind fine folks like you to buy my albums and buy that horrid movie I made a while back!
No thanks, I'll pass. Later.
FINE YOU FUCKHEAD...C'MON OUT AND I'LL SHOW YOU MY FAKE TITS IF YOU'LL AGREE TO BUY MY STUFF!
Hey...I've got porn. Besides, Christina Aguilera was just here, and hers are real!

 

by niteowl
7-04-03
I HATE THE INTERNET FUCK THE INTERNET
FUCK THIS I'M LEAVING BYE :(
Ok. See you tomorrow.

 

by niteowl
7-04-03
Dad, how come we don't get presents on the 4th of July?
Because son, Independence Day is a day to celebrate the freedom of this great country of ours.
I don't care about that freedom stuff. I want presents!
That's a very un-american thing to say! Son, are you some kind of commie?
No Dad, but if you buy me presents, it'll help boost our sagging economy.
Well I'll be damned, you are a patriot!

 

by niteowl
7-04-03
My girlfriend dumped me. She said I spent too much money on video games and not enough on her.
Really...what did you buy?
Um, I bought an Atari 2600 with 100 games on EBay for $1000, in mint condition no less.
Dude! You do realize that you can just download the games off the internet for free, right?
Gee. Thanks for helping ease my pain.
That's what I'm here for.

 

by niteowl
7-04-03
Finally finished the new website, what a thing of beauty! Sure, it took 3 straight weeks to write up the PHP code, but it's worth it!
Wow, it's really storming out there. I better save this before the power go.........
*blinks*

 

by niteowl
7-06-03
I really should go into #stripcreator and see what's going on. What will I say though? I don't want to sound like a troll...
...and I sure don't want to go in there and not say a word, I'll look like a stuck up bastard.
WELL HELLO #STRIPCREATOR! Wow, what a crowd here tonight! You know, I just flew in and boy are my arms tired! LOL!
HAHA! Check out the idiot newbie!

 

by niteowl
7-07-03
What do we have here...Kids fooling around in dad's car on a Saturday night...
Alright you two, step out of the vehicle.
DRIVER AND PASSENGER EXIT THE VEHICLE NOW WITH YOUR HANDS IN THE...Oh shit. Hey there Chuck.
Damnit Stan, you interrupted the body cavity search I was performing on a 21 year old busty blonde I pulled over earlier.

 

by niteowl
7-07-03
Dude, why do you bash gay people so much?
Because it's fun! Fags suck!
C'mon man.
I hate 'em dude! Fags are like, so gay and stuff.
It's because they get more action than you do, isn't it?
FUCK OFF DUDE!

 

by niteowl
7-19-03
Oh no, it's the ex-girlfriend...what do I do?
Hi Tommy! It's been so long, I've missed you!
What are you doing here Jenny?
Well, I'm here to get food silly! So how's things? Are you seeing anyone?
Aha! She came here because she wants me back! Maybe I'll get back together with her, and cheat on her like she did to me!
Oh hey, wave to my new boyfriend out in the parking lot. He's in the BMW out there. He's a doctor!

 

by niteowl
7-19-03
And now, our #1 beach on the countdown...Playa Flamence in the Caribbean!
Yeah yeah yeah...palm trees, sand...
This beach is regarded by all who visit to be the most beautiful in the world...
Ok, what's so great about this? They all look the same to me.
...and today we stumbled upon a bikini photo shoot...
WOW! Look at that hot chick! I'm definitely going there!

 

by niteowl
7-19-03
Holy shit...what the hell happened?
Well, stripcreator.com went belly up, so the members went crazy. They nuked the world and wiped out everyone but us.
I can't wait until they get the internet running again so I can get THAT domain name.

 

by niteowl
7-20-03
I'll get back to you on that.

 

by niteowl
7-20-03

 

by niteowl
7-20-03
Christ, I can't even hear my music cause of that damn woman blasting the volume on the TV!
"HURRAY FOR PETER PUMPKINHEAD!"
"KICK IT UP A NOTCH!"
Christ, I can't hear the TV cause of that putz and his Winamp blaring!
Yes, we got a call that there was loud music AND excessive volume from a TV coming from this house.
Oops.

 

by niteowl
7-20-03
And now, a PSA from David Schwimmer. "Your kids love to surf the internet."
"Do you know what sites they are surfing to? The people they're talking to? You better."
Later..
"aiight...i been kickin it wit muh h0mies all week that's y i havent posted to dis journal at all yo..but check 0ut muh pHat ride dawgs LOLZ"
Nevermind the kids, I need to stop randomly clicking links.

 

by niteowl
7-21-03
Life is like a squeeze box of chocolates...Daddy never sleeps at night...
It's my life!..it's like a box of chocolates...it's now or never...
18 and life is like a box of chocolates to go...

 

by niteowl
7-21-03
Fuck! I hate how it takes me 3 hours to find the right characters and background to make a comic with.
CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
Wonderful knockers.
Soft, silky like a Nerf Ball.
Not like basketballs.

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
What is with the phones? Answer it, don't answer it...
I killed your wife with a piece of steak. It was juicy and delicious.
Hmm. A license plate. And what the hell is an oracle?
What good is a mind, if you are unable to remember anything?
Take the red pill, and you'll tattoo a white rabbit on yourself. Free your mind.
Who are you? Where am I?

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
Hey, can you help me? I can't get on the internet on this computer my sister-in-law gave to me. I get all these error messages.
What do the error messages say?
Some bullshit about the modem isn't configured properly. What the hell does that mean?
The modem is hooked up, right?
Of course it is! Do you think I'm some kind of moron?
Well...

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
You know, I try to connect to the net and I don't get a dial tone.
What ISP are you using?
What's an ISP?
Internet Service Provider. AOL for example.
Fuck, I don't know! All it says is Internet Explorer! I open it up and all it says is "This page cannot be displayed"
God help me.

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
This sucks. I hate this shit. I ain't no computer expert.
Ok, have you tried going into the Control Panel and messing with your modem settings?
No. This is a joke. Fucking pisses me off! You know, I go to work, turn on my computer there and everything works. I don't have to fuck with anything.
Well, if you're getting modem error messages, then we've got to tweak your modem a bit.
I should be able to just click a couple buttons and it's done! Always has to be so goddamned complicated...
Hello! Anyone home?

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
It would be really nice to get this thing running, I could be doing work online here at home instead of at work like I usually do.
Ok, is the phone line hooked up to the computer?
YES. I've checked all that shit already...
Hmmm...I don't know what to say...
...I put the modem in myself and hooked up the phone line...
WHOA WHOA WAIT A SECOND! You installed the modem?!?!?

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
ARGH! This is annoying!
Do you get a dial tone when you try to connect.
Nope.
What's the number to connect to? It is a local number, right?
What number? It never gave me a number to call, all I see is my number.
Uh, HELLO. The magic internet fairy can't just magically connect you without a number.

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
I just hope I installed the modem right, I called the phone company and everything...
Ok...and what did they say?
They said the software should be here in a week. A WEEK! I CAN'T WAIT AROUND FOR A WEEK! Those bastards, I've got work to do!
Software for what?!?!?
For MSN, whatever that is.
JESUS H. CHRIST...YOU NEED MSN INSTALLED TO CONNECT TO THE NET!

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
So basically I have to wait for that MSN CD to get here before I can get online?!?
YES. You need to have MSN installed to connect. Simple as that.
Well, that's fucking great. Wonderful. Alright, goodbye.
Bye.
Well, there's a half hour of my life I'll never get back.

 

by niteowl
7-22-03
I'm sad. I feel empty, lifeless.
I feel like hurting myself.
Ha! You thought I was gonna pound that nail into my skull didn't ya? SUCKER!

 

by niteowl
7-24-03
1993.
Dude! I just bought The Spaghetti Incident! It rocks!
Damn straight it does! Man, I can't wait for Guns N Roses' next studio album!

 

by niteowl
7-26-03
One day at the ranch...
So I says, "Well, them filthy animals ain't gonna wrangle themselves!"
Ha, ha!
Yo, Dr. Pedantic...What the fuck is he talking about?
Pink Donkey Wrangling Day is coming up on August 2nd, where donkeys are moved swiftly from field to barn, in a bizarre and ritualistic fashion, with their tails twitching every step of the way.
Of course, *wrangling* is a loose term.

 

by niteowl
7-27-03
Sunday. 11:11am, on the SC Forums.
In total there are 5 users online :: 1 Registered and 4 Guest...Registered Users: niteowl
Everyone must be at church.

 

by niteowl
7-27-03
The Sleep Number Bed.
...Lay across my big brass bed. It's set at 45.
Cottonelle Toilet Tissue.
You know I paid my dues getting through. Tangled up in poo!
Bowflex.
Everybody must get toned!

 

by niteowl
7-27-03
Hmm, it's getting stormy outside, better check The Weather Channel...
...And it's another beautiful day here in Atlanta. As you can see, lots of people enjoying the wonderful weather here, biking, taking in some sun at the beach...
Come on, get to the Twin Cities already...
...Low humidity and light winds here in Atlanta today, with a high of 85 degrees made for an almost perfect day, with more sun and temperatures in the 80's expected for tomorrow...
...elsewhere, 3 separate tornadoes have hit St. Paul Minnesota. 300 people have died. It's time for a commercial break, and when we come back, we'll talk about New York City for a half hour!

 

by niteowl
7-27-03
We've got it all here at WMD, Inc.! The finest bombs not located in Iraq are...hey what's with the American flag...Oh, ha ha. Very funny.
Cut, CUT! Who's the infidel who put up that background?

 

by niteowl
7-27-03
So Saddam is on the run.
Yup.
You know, I thought that by bombing his palaces, we would kill him and end his career as evil dictator.
Hey, no one ever said killing him would be easy! Besides, we are there because they have WMDs...uh, because the oil, er Iraqis need to be liberated!...Uh, we're fighting terrorism!
Ok, whatever. Now how about Uday and Qusay's reconstructed faces! I suppose they did that so we'd be spared of the gore when they plastered the pics all over CNN and Fox news.
What are you implying? Hey, if you hate America so much, why don't you get the fuck out?

 

by niteowl
7-27-03
Face it, you're just a commie bastard!
Why? Because I think that the war was a bad idea? Tell me something, what about all of our troops getting killed over there even though the war is over?
Sometimes casualties are needed..casualties are needed..casualties are needed..
*SMACK*
..casualties are needed to ensure the safety of the world!
These robots from Patriotism, Inc. need to be recalled.

 

by niteowl
7-28-03
Sum 41
Blink 182
Def Leppard

 

by niteowl
8-01-03
Die already you idiot jocks.
blah blah blah blah blahblahblah...LEONARD BERNSTEIN!
WOOOO YEAH!!!!! ROCK AND ROLL!!!!
Die already you idiot jocks.

 

by niteowl
8-02-03
NEXT!
DON'T WORRY. THIS WON'T HURT. MUCH.
Gulp.
NEXT!

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