All comics by vladdrac

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by vladdrac
11-05-01
Wow, these games I invented were pure genius! I have a new kitchen, bathroom, redwood deck, patio, fresh coat of paint inside and out. That about does it! Muahahahaa!!!
OK everyone! Party is over! Go home now! No, no, don't take the beer, just get the hell out! I mean now!
Massive explosion heard not too far away! Angel's house begins to shake!
What the hell was that?!?!

 

by vladdrac
11-05-01
Ok, time to act! When I light the bag and knock on the door you guys run like hell! When the flames touch the poop it's gonna be like Hiroshima! Muahahahaaa!!!!
Alright, place the bag on doorstep, now light the match, hehe! Burn baby, Burn! *KNOCKNOCKNOCK!*
Run for your lives!!! Hahahaaaa!!!

 

by vladdrac
11-05-01
Huh? Yes? Who could it be theres?
Oh sweet Allah! It is a fire on mine porch! Auugghh!! I know, I will stomp it out! Osama is so smart. Allah guide my foot to victory against this flame! *STOMP!*
EXPLODE!!!!!

 

by vladdrac
11-05-01
Angels house, as well as half of Texas has been destroyed! Luckily it was just Texas and not an important State! The Fukkie Osama Bomb was a success!
My house! My beautiful house, I worked so hard on is gone! Blown to bits! Noooo!!!
Serves the bitch right for using people like that! Ha! Say? Whats your name? You seem nice and normal.
My names are Coffin and I am completes and all types normal! You like Yodels and Elves, mmmmmmm?
Angel! I am sorry I am late, but I was having a hard time getting in the plane. I have brought Budweisers and Doritos! Oh you look so delicious, touch me in a naughty place my little french fry! Uhhh!
Oh you dumbasshole! Get away from me, look at what happened to my house! Budweiser and Doritos? You are a nit-wit! Get off that cross and I'll touch you! Waaaaaaa!!!

 

by vladdrac
11-05-01
Haha! Osama you towel headed retard! Look at you now! A shit stain! Hahaha!!
Hello my psychotic friend! I see you nailed that bastard Osama! Great job!
Thanks Reaper, I'm glad it's over.
I just spoke with Allah and he doesn't want Osama in Paradise. I sent him to a place that is lush and green, and the women and children do and say whatever they want! Thats HELL for Osama!
Thats what the greasy fucker gets! Haha! Well thats the end of my adventure! Bye! Hey Cracker, Fukkie! Lets get some Funyuns!

 

by vladdrac
11-09-01
After SLK took care of that dick Osama Bin Laden, the world was forever changed. No one felt that change more than Angel.
*sigh* Here is my new home. A 3 dollar a night flea infested motel. *sigh*
*through the wall* Oh! Oh! Oh! Yes! Yes! Yes! Uhhhhhh!!! *squeaksqueaksqueak*
. . .
I am gonna kill that SLK asshole!
20 dollars?!?! Shit bitch! What do I look like? Alright, alright, now pull down that tube top. Oh yeah!

 

by vladdrac
11-09-01
Who the hell is that?
*knocknocknock*
*ugh!* What the fuck do you want?
I am knocking on your door, now I shall run and hide! Muahahahaaa!! I am so hilarious!
*sigh* You are supposed to run and hide before I answer the door dumbass.
That wouldn't be funny! How would you know it was me?!?! Ok, ok, we will try it again, go back inside."

 

by vladdrac
11-09-01
That sonofabitch!
*knocknocknock*
What the fuck . . .huh? What? . . . DB, I can see you there.
No, you cannot see me! I am hiding from you! Muahahaaa!!!
I see your crazy hair sticking out of that grbage can.
Oh this is a disaster! You are making it hard for my comedic genius to shine! Phew! This trash can smells like urine and cigarette butts! This is not funny! Help me out!

 

by vladdrac
11-09-01
Alright! I'm gonna drop kick that dickhead!
*knocknocknock*
I am gonna roll your bodiless ass to the bowling alley and . . . huh? Oh hello.
Hello Missy Miss Angel Lady, me names is Greg and Big Boss Floaty Head says to me's to knock on yours door and it will be funnies! Missy Miss Angel Lady is this funnies for you?
Uh, Greg? Your Boss is a moron. Would you like to come in and have some M&M's?
Me loves me's Big Boss Floaty Head, but he's acts some crazy sometimes, always laughs and yelling! Does these M&M's has nuts in them? Me's would like very much to share yours M&M's. Me's thank you!

 

by vladdrac
1-09-02
Ahhhhhhhh . . .
Son? Whatcoo doin'?
I'm peeing with no hands! Look at me!
Are you retarded or sumpthin'?
Oh damnit! I peed on my foot! Damn my playfulness! Damn it to Hell!!!
Tha's alright. We have a nice gas chamber for you to pee in, follow me.

 

by vladdrac
1-09-02
Hey man, got a smoke?
Yeah, let me piss in your face and you can have a cigarette!
No prob man, do your business. . .ouch! That oil is hot!
Shut up skank and lap it up! Ahhhhhh . . .OK heres your smoke.
Whoa! You are the biggest smoke ever! That hot oil was worth it!
Shut up cunt! I'm your daddy now! Pull down those crusty jeans and I'll scrub your ass with a wire brush!

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
This Week On "Strip Chat"
Hello, I am Chicken.
"And I am Goat, and this is Strip Chat. Hopefully the Mental Coven will keep producing poorly written strips so we can keep making fun of their humorless crap!
Huh? You are a Goat?
Yeah, what the hell do you think I am?!?!
I thought you was a rabbit with a beard!
Oh, Ha. Ha. I thought you was a cross dressing Parrot! Fuck You!

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
"Strip Chat" Continues.
Anyway, we have a handful of vomit inducing strips from the all too unfunny crew at the Mental Coven. Goat?
Thats right Chicken, these are some sad motherfuckers! What ever happened to the GREAT strips from the likes of GoreGod and ShaolinLambKiller? Man, those were the days!
I hear ya Goat! Tis very sad! Very sad!
Cripes! Did you read the last strip from Darrel? My God what a penisless sack of crap! Fucking lovey dovey strips deserve a HAMMER bashing as our friend ShaolinLambKiller would say.
You got that right Goat! That guy is fucking pathetic! Haha! Goat? Whats wrong?
Just the thought of that ass sucking bullshit is making me ill. I must vomit again! Until next time folks, this has been strip chat! PUUUUKE! Uhhhhhhh. . .

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
Yet Another Fantastic Episode of "Strip Chat".
Welcome! This is Strip Chat and I am your host Chicken and this is my weak stomach side kick Goat!
Hello everyone! Well, last week we focused on only one strip from Darrel aka Jesus, whos pathetic attempt to woo the white trash skank Metalangel made me vomit 15 times and we had to end early!
Speaking of Metalangel, Goat. Did you hear they made a movie of the week about her life story?
Well it's funny you should mention it, I was invited to an advance viewing of the movie and WOW! what a train wreck!
Oh yeah? The movie was a disaster eh?
No! I mean Metalangels face! Zowie! What a pooch! Woof!

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
The Carnage Continues on "Strip Chat"
Did you know Metalangel was kidnapped as a child, Goat?
Do tell! Do tell! Did they put her face on the side of milk cartons?
Yeah, but the milk industry complained because her face was spoiling the lot!
Zowie! That was a low, low, low joke Chicken!
Lower than Darrel's manhood?
Oh shit! Nothing is that low! Haha!

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
An Uncofortable Moment on "Strip Chat"
They listen to Heavy Metal Music at the Mental Coven! Can you believe that happy crappy?!?! Only fucking idiots listen to that garbage! God I hate that shit, how 'bout you Goat?
But . . .I . . .like Heavy Metal Music Chicken.
...
...
How pathetic is Darrel huh? I mean give me a fucking break!
Yeah! What a schmuck! Haha!

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
Now For a Very Special "Strip Chat".
I bet your thinking, 'I thought this was a show about Comic Strips?' yes you are correct. Bad Comic Strips from Mental Coven members to be exact!
Thats right Chicken! Let's get to the business at hand!
OK, lets see? Heres a real unfunny piece of garbage. It appears that Metalangel made a thing about ShaolinLambKiller and she tried to poke fun at him and . . .Goat? Whats wrong?
*weepweep* How could there be so much idiocy in the world Chicken? I mean the Mental Coven are like a Special Olympics after party! If theres a God,why don't he just end their suffering! *weepweep*
There, there Goat. Sometimes when 2 cousins love each other very, very much they make love and the end result, unless aborted, end up at the Mental Coven. They have to go somewhere right?
*sniffsniff* Really? They are just genetically defective? Gee wiz that makes me feel so much better! Thanks Chicken! *sniff*

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
A Special Guest Visits "Strip Chat"
I am so excited right now! I can't believe this Goat!
I know! I know! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a surprise guest today, coming in via satellite! None other than the one, the only, the great . . .ShaolinLambKiller! Mr. LambKiller it's an honor sir!
. . .huh? . . .wha? No, I don't hear anything. What is this shit?!?!
Apparently we are having some technical difficulties.
Goddamnit Jose! Get that fucking sound problem taken care of or it's Adios Amigos! Comprende?!?!

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
A Special Guest Continues on "Strip Chat"
OK! Hopefully the damn live feed will work this time, hello Mr. LambKiller? Can you hear me?
Goddamnit Jose! Turn up the fucking Microphone! Thats the last time we recruit from the peach orchards! I don't care how cheap they are!
Hello! What the fuck is wrong with this thing?!?! Why am I on a Turkey and Rabbit show? I am gonna kill my agent! Hey, you with the camera! Get me an Evian water, my feet are dirty! Chop, chop!
Uh? Looks like we are having more problems folks. We'll be right back!
Did he call me a Rabbit?

 

by vladdrac
1-10-02
And The Special Guest Continues on "Strip Chat"
Mr. LambKiller, welcome back. Uh, what is your response to the lame comic strip done by Metalangel which shows her treating you like a bitch and such?
I'm not a fucking Rabbit!
Well Mr. Turkey, I will HAMMER that bleach blonde bimbo into the ground and then I'll run over her head with a lawn mower! Say? Whats that Rabbit bitching about?
Alright, well I guess the lesson today is that violence solves everything. Take note all you kids at home!
I'm not a Rabbit you fucking freak! Come down here and I'll shove a carrot in your nose!

 

by vladdrac
1-11-02
Bitch! Where's my money?!?! Huh? Who da fuck are you mutha fucka? Where's my Ho?!?!
Go piss up a tree you fucking rotten banana.
Bitch! You knows who you be talking too?!?! I be the Big Mac Daddy wit da extree Cheese! I am the G-Nugget under these Golden Arches, yo!
Oh! Excuse me Ronald McDonald! I didn't realize you was a shitty hamburger homey! I thought you was a negro crack head that needs a good hammering!
Shamikra? Sweet thang! Come on out, I be gonna slicing up dis cracker peanut head! C'mon baby, Bic Mac needs his cash, hunny. I won't slap you or nuttin, I promise.
Thats Mr. Ritz cracker you fucking spook! Your bitch whore is in the bathtub with a splitting headache. You'll be joining her soon enough!

 

by vladdrac
1-11-02
Whachoo say mutha fucka?!?! I be goin to kick yo ass bitch! You skinny ass honkey ass mutha fuckin bitch ass punk!
Jesus! You have quite a way with words Mr. Negro Banana Suit. I didn't realize you had to have a college degree for flesh peddling.
What the fuck is you doin?!?! You be a crazy ass cracker!
I am gonna do worse than this to you, Jiggaboo! Hey I'm a poet and didn't know it!
Ouch bitch!
Haha! I shall use my knife instead! Haha! Huh? goddamn, he just exploded into a blood clot! They sure don't make negros like they used to!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Hello, you may remember me as the whacky couch cushion humping perverted freak from the "SLK vs. Osama" strips created by the Comedic Genius GoreGod. Um? If you forgot, I am Old Ancestor.
As you may have noticed, I am now a completely different character. GoreGod in his grand wisdom decided that a geek holding a baby was more appropriate for me. By the way, this is baby Old Ancestor.
I wouldn't trade fatherhood for anything in the world! Isn't dat wight my wittle smoogy woogy? Dat is wight! Yes it is! Uh Boo! Uh Boo! Uh . . .someone please kill me. *sigh*

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Muahaha!!! I am Satan! Lord of Hell Fire! God of Darkness! Greeter of . . .uh? . . .well? . . . all the evil thingy's? Ugh. I mean, Fear me foolish mortal! Muahahaaa! Oh shit, forget it!
Oh hello Satan, you must be looking for ShaolinLambKiller.
No foolish human, it is you I seek! Muahahaha . . .*coughcough* . . .Uh, do you have a lozenge or a Life Saver or something? Uh, nevermind. I am here to barter for that baby in your arms!
Uh? I don't really need anything, but thanks anyway.
What?!?! There is nothing you want? Nothing at all?!?! How about a car, or a pile of money or a solid gold drumset? Women? A complete library of Adam Sandler movies on DVD?
Nope, nope, nope, nope and definitely not!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Damn Dog, waddup wit dat? You don't want anything?!?! You are a bigger idiot than ShaolinLambKiller said!
Satan you are the fool! You don't understand the bond between a father and son is unbreakable and priceless! I would never give up my precious baby Old Ancestor for meager possesions! Begone Satan!
Gee, I never thought about it that way. I feel kinda bad, I envy you Old Ancestor. You are the richest human ever! I guess there's no reason to offer this bottle of Knotts Boysenberry syrup then eh?
Knotts Boysenberry Syrup?!?! *lickinglips*
Yeah, it's ruby red, sweet and quite delicious. But you have your son and happiness and all that, I'll be seeing ya, bye!
Deal! Take him!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
What?!?! Take him? Oh no, you are talking nonsense. I'll just be on my way . . .
NO! Take him, seriously! Give me the syrup! Please! Please! Please!
Are you sure? Well? . . . uh? No! I cannot seperate you two, remember the bond between a father and son cannot be broken and. . .
Forget that shit! I am an idiot! ShaolinLambKiller said so remember?!?! I need the syrup, I need it bad! Take. . .the. . .Baby!!!! *weepweep*
Sorry, I would feel horrible if your son was down in Hell with me having fun and learning all kinds of cool evil deeds and stuff. No, he should lead a bland life with you.
I'll throw in my wife! She cooks Korean food, seriously, she's really cool! C'mon, the syrup! Please! *sobsob*

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
I am sorry Old Ancestor, you have convinced me that trading people junk for their children is wrong and I vow to never do it again! You have taught an old evil dog a new trick. So long.
*sobbing profusely* No Satan don't go! I have hundreds of relatives! You can have them all!!! Syrup! Please! I . . .need . . .the . . .syrup!!! Whaaaaaaa!!!!
Bye!
*weepweepweep*
Honey! Time to come in, I made hot cakes! I am warming up the inferior store brand maple syrup!
SATAN COME BACK! PLEASE SATAN! PLEEeeeeease . . .!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Now Kids it's time for Strip Chat!
Hello everybody! I am Chicken and that's Goat and . . .uh? . . .oh cripes! What's that smell?!?!
I didn't fart.
What do you mean? You farted didn't you Goat?!?! What the fuck? We are on the air for two seconds and you have to cut one?!?! Damn you smelly little bastard! Ugh!
I didn't fart.
Wha . . .? You did so!!! I never said anything about a fart, but you immediately denied farting! What the hell is that?!?! That is the same as admitting you did! P-fucking-U Goat! Damn!
Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
After airing out the studio, we return to Strip Chat
Hello everyone, I am Chicken and this is my stinky side kick Goat.
I didn't fart.
Don't start that shit again! No one else around here eats eggs and old smelly sneakers, you stink pot! Let's discuss some comic strips shall we?
That's what I've been trying to do, but you keep getting upset about the fart I didn't do.
YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING GODDAMN FART STINKING LIAR!!!
Chicken is a bit tense folks, he is excited about GoreGod's recent comeback to the Comic Strip scene. We'll be right back. Breathe Chicken, deep breaths. Jose get Chicken a paper bag to breathe into!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Back to Strip Chat
Alright, alright, we have been seeing a lot more Strips from the self proclaimed Comedic Genius GoreGod, and now we are going to plead here on the air for him to be a guest on Strip Chat, Goat?
Ahem! GoreGod you stuck up cunt! You better come on our show or I'll kick Chicken in his McNuggets non-stop until you do! I'll do it! I swear I will!
Very funny Goat! Haha! But seriously, GoreGod we are really big fans and supporters of your craft. Please come on down to the studio and . . .uh Goat? Where are you going?
I'm going to get my steeltoe boots. I'll be right back!
Ha. Ha. *gulp* Goat if you come near me, I'll . . .I'll scream really loud and quite possibly puncture your eardrums! I'll really do it!
OK Chicken, I'll get some ear plugs too. Give me a minute or two!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Strip Chat with your solo host Goat
Hello ladies and gents. I am your host Goat, Chicken has been taken out for emergency McNugget surgery! Well, I kicked them, he screamed like a girl and now, on with the show! Jose, what are we doing?
Que?
What? Line five? OK, OK! Ladies and gents, on our line is the Comedic Genius GoreGod! Oh shit! Chicken will be kicking himself that he missed this! I'll click speaker phone, Mr. GoreGod, you there?!?!
Hello Goat?!?! Hows it hanging?!?! I am really happy to be on the phone with you instead of in the studio. Watching Strip Chat is my favorite passtime next to meat sculpture!
Mr. GoreGod! Let me just start by saying that you are the greatest comic strip creator ever! If all the creators were half as witty as you are, we wouldn't have to do this retarded show!
You are right Goat! I am great and your show is retarded!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
The GoreGod interview continues on Strip Chat
So, will you be gracing us with a visit soon? Chicken will be really glad to meet you. I feel bad, it's kinda my fault he's not here. Kinda, but not completely.
I saw the show and you didn't kick him that hard. I think your foot convulsed when he screamed in your ear. I recorded it and play it over and over again! Don't blame yourself Goat.
Yeah? I never thought about it that way. Gee, you are the Great Comedic Genius GoreGod! Can I get a copy of that tape?
Sure, I'll send it in about two weeks from never. The Great Comedic Genius GoreGod? I likes it! I likes it a lot!
So will you come down to the studio? For Chicken? Please?
Uh, no. I won't be doing that, but thanks for asking.

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Phone interview cut short by an offended producer
Wha . . .? You won't appear on the show? But, why not?
Christ man! You are a Goat and Chicken! Who do you think I am, ShaolinLambKiller?!?! Haha!
*lip-quivering* But . . .but . . .but . . .we are your biggest fans! You cannot deny us! We have supported you from the beginning! What the fuck?!?!
That studio must smell like poo! There's probably chicken crap and hay everywhere! Is your producer a Pig?!?! Hahahaha . . .*click*
*sniffsniff* Mr. GoreGod? You there? Hello? Jose we lost the connection. Call Mr. GoreGod back and . . .what do you mean, "No?" Jose! You cut the line?!?! Oh shit!

 

by vladdrac
1-13-02
Goat yells at Jose on Strip Chat
Damnit! It appears that Mr. GoreGod has offended our non-english speaking Mexican immigrant producer. Chicken is gonna kill us both! Goddamn Mexican jumping bean motherfucker just rips out the cord!
Que?
Stop with the whole "I speaky no english" bullshit Jose! Chicken is gonna lay fucking fried eggs when he see's this episode!
Que?
It's too late to apologize Jose! That wasn't ShaolinLambKiller! That was Gore-fucking-God! You will be fired, your wife is gonna leave you, your 15 kids will frown upon you! Shit popcicles!
Que?

 

by vladdrac
12-25-02
Hey Kids it's STRIP CHAT!
Thats right! We are back and ready to tear some shit up yo! Say hello Goat.
I don't want to.
What do you mean you don't want to? This is a brand new show and we must make a good impression. Say hello goddamnit!!
I wont and you can't make me! I am still pissed off because GoreGod was an asshole and called me a rabbit!
Uhhhhh . . .it seems that Goat has a problem of some sort, so lets take a break and maybe we will have this resolved when we come back.
I wont say it Chicken so stop lying to the people!

 

by vladdrac
12-25-02
and now back to STRIP CHAT
Alright, we are back. Goat has agreed to be reasonable and . . .
I agreed to no such thing. You yelled at me for 6 minutes while the commercials were rolling and threatened to shove things into my anus if I didn't say hello, but I never said I would.
Haha . . .uhhhhhh, c'mon Goat ol' buddy, be a pal and forget about GoreGod and all our past shows for that matter! Today is a new day!
I am now turning away and ignoring you.
Fine! Fuck you, if you want to be a big baby go ahead! I'll do the show without you!
I wonder if there is a glazed donut left in that box on the table there?

 

by vladdrac
12-25-02
Alright, well let's see? Oh, OK, so the ex-crew from Metal Coven have created a board of their own called Welcome To Hate and have been doing quite well for themselves. . .
. . .grunt. . .
. . .and it was discovered that ShaolinLambKiller does in fact have a black heart cold as stone and he . . .*sniff-sniff* Eghad! What is that smell?!?!
*chuckle*
Shit Goat don't start that farting thing again!
I didn't fart.

 

by vladdrac
12-25-02
The gas cloud spreads
Ugh! Crap Goat what the hell did you eat?!?! My god that smell is suffocating!
I told you, I . . .Didn't . . .Fart!
Auuugghhhh!!! The odor is sticking to my feathers, it burns like napalm!!!
Oooch! I gotta use the little Goats room!
Hey! Thats the last glazed donut and it's mine! Goddamnit Goat, are you gonna crap and eat a glazed donut?!?! *sigh*

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