All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
10-02-07
Ok. All you niggers need to come out now
I meant the AFRICAN ones. NOT the ones on Stern Shrine.com

 

by BobRogers
10-03-07
I guess being here in Africa is not TOO bad. It's warm and I HATE the cold and wet.
Now I know for a fact there are no sperm whales in Africa
Damn it! Now I got something greasy stuck between my toes.
I bet we get thank you letters from the parents of teenage girls now though.

 

by BobRogers
10-04-07
Nick the Hood runs into Dave by accident...
Hey Dave! What are you doing in Africa? I thought you were going on vacation to Maine.
Stupid NJ Harley got me tickets on Priceline.com and they said Bangladesh instead of Bangor.
You're looking a little smushed as well. Sperm Whale fall on you?
No! Stupid elephant stampeded over the top of me like I wasn't even there.
20 elephants and 30 seconds later...
Ahh, Dave. Never say Stupid and elephant in the same sentence. They have great hearing
Everybody shoud just F'n DIE!

 

by BobRogers
10-09-07
Ah, Dave. Back from Maine, I see.
You CRUD! You sent me to Africa and got me smushed by elephants! You SUCK!
Resisting the urge to chop...
And furthermore, I am leaving the message board FOREVER and you CAN'T STOP ME!
And then again, why bother fighting?

 

by BobRogers
10-09-07
Harley, I have invited you here to this cave for an intervention. You have been axing people too frequently.
And you object because...
Because slapstick is the lowest form of humor and because I pretty much don't like you.
Good reasons, certainly, but hardly persuasive.
I feel compelled by a higher power to do the things I do, but whacking Canadians ... that's all Harley, baby!

 

by BobRogers
10-09-07
Haven't seen that Canadian Clown around today.
Harley chopped him into kibble and fed him to Mel Gibson's boa constrictor
Mel Gibson has a pet boa constrictor?
Absolutely! An 18 foot python ...
With a taste for chopped Canadian?
Yep. And they're getting harder to find. The tender ones seem to all be in Florida.

 

by BobRogers
10-11-07
The Canadian's Mom flew down from Montreal to visit Kelly S at the Manhattan Howard johnson's ...
Listen to me, eh? My son doesn't have "mommy issues." He is a good boy, an obedient boy. So shut your face!
So why is he such a pain in the ass all the time?
You know he wasn't potty trained untill well into first grade...
You're KIDDING!
Well, that and we only had the one bedroom, just him, his sisters and me and the dogs...
Wow. I am sooo feeling empathy right now.

 

by BobRogers
10-14-07
Bob Thorney confronts Dave due east of the Twilight Zone...
If you can't stand the heat, get out of the KITCHEN!!!
I use the MICROWAVE, you BUM. It isn't hot in my kitchen.
Confucious say man who stand in front of moving car gets tired!!!
My car can't move without me in it. How stupid are you anyhow!
Jen got laid while you watched and the midget was left at home!!!
I did NOT watch!!!

 

by BobRogers
10-31-07
J. Gargoyle examines the facts in the ongoing Chuck Norris saga...
So Dave, Chuck Norris really gay...
CHUCK NORRIS IS NOT GAY YOU NIGFER!!!
Chuck Norris IS gay. I read it on the Howard Stern Message Board. They NEVER make anything up.
CHUCK NORRIS IS NOT GAY YOU NIGFER!!!
What happened over here?
Dave spontaneously combusted over Chuck Norris being gay.

 

by BobRogers
10-31-07
Halloween is my favorite holiday next to Christmas where you get free stuff even if you are jewish.
Halloween gives you an opportunity to dress up as your favorite fictional character and shamelessly beg for candy from strangers.
Pay no attention to the pumpkin. That's Dave in his new Chuck Norris costume.

 

by BobRogers
10-31-07
I am leaving this HORRID place forever and you will never see me again.
You are leaving Loretta's World?
NO you stupid NIGFER. I am leaving howardshrine.net and never typing another word on there.
I see. Good luck with that, Albert.
I hear you're taking the bets on how long Dave stays gone. I'll put $50 on day 7.
The odds are 12 to 1 you know. Doc is holding the money.

 

by BobRogers
11-01-07
I have a new hero. I don't like Chuck Norris any more.
Ok Dave. I'll bite. Who's your new hero.
I now like Dog The Bounty Hunter. He uses the "N" word just like me.
Dave, even Black Rappers don't use the "N" word just like you.
First time he's been speechless since 9-11.

 

by BobRogers
11-01-07
Unsolicited Advice Guy is, if nothing else, a philosopher...
The Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas just got burned for 12 million dollars for protesting at a soldier's funeral...
They claim that God is killing American soldiers for having gays in the military. Sounds like free speech to me.
And God ACTUALLY DOES hate fags...

 

by BobRogers
11-03-07
Dave decided that he wanted to join the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas.
So what happened?
They just looked at him funny-like and told him he couldn't join because "God hates retards."
So now what's he going to do? He quit the Stern Shrine.
He's saving his paper route money to move to Hawaii to become a bounty hunter with his new hero "Dog " Chapman.
I think I will post that on Wickipedia under "irony."

 

by BobRogers
11-04-07
Shhhhhh
What? Who's there?
It's Dave. I'm wearing my Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak.
There's no such thing as a...
OW.
Apparently falling Sperm Whales have infrared air to ground targeting radar.

 

by BobRogers
11-09-07
Nick! Haven't seen you around for a while. Home for Christmas?
Nah. I just flew in for the funeral
Funeral? What funeral is that?
I got a report that the "Hey Now" section of The Stern Shrine was dead. Services tomorrow at 3.
I think that report might be premature. Since when has Dave ever killed a message board by leaving?
True dat. But I had to come harvest the soul of Kelly S anyhow so I figured I'd make it a busman's holiday.

 

by BobRogers
11-09-07
What are you taking to the food drive at the mall?
Creamed corn.
Cool. I LOVE creamed corn!
Black people aren't allowed to eat creamed corn. it's a rule.
Who says so?
I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with FEMA.

 

by BobRogers
11-11-07
Did dave ever tell you how he crashed his car?
Not really. I heard a rumor that he made a left turn on green across traffic and got pranged badly.
I heard that same rumor, but I also heard he filmed the whole accident with his video camera.
Wow. Unbelievable
You know... We really need to get a life.
Damn Skippy we do.

 

by BobRogers
11-12-07
It's all over Craig's List today.
What is?
Dave is trying to raise money to replace the car he wrecked. He put a video on YouTube begging for cash.
He basically wants people to send him a hundred dollars apiece. I saw that. But NO PAYPAL. He says he HATES PayPal
That's irony for you. Bank of America would have given him a hundred bucks to say he LOVES PayPal.
True dat. The backlash would have shut down PayPal AND Ebay both.

 

by BobRogers
11-16-07
Web definitions for the word, PRATE = "idle or foolish and irrelevant talk."- as in, Kelly S. has mastered "prate." and raised boredom to a mind numbing new level.
And who exactly is Kelley S.?
Nobody, actually. Just another ditzy broad making herself obnoxious on the Stern Shrine.
"Ditzy broad" is pretty far from politically correct. Are you sure you want to use such strong language?
Too late. Her repetitive and self congratulatory masturbatiory fantasies have forced me to pound a nail into my forehead.
Yeah, I'm pretty much thinking of doing the same thing myself.

 

by BobRogers
11-22-07
Happy Thanksgiving, Dave.
Thanksgiving SUCKS and Christmas SUCKS. There is no Santa Claus, and there is no GOD.
God and Santa are nearby, in a meeting...
Did you just feel that? It was like a tremor of disbelief vibrating through the force.
That's just Dave in Pleasant Valley. He always disavows us this time of year.
You know, Dave, Jesus loves you. Just sayin'.
They all SUCK, I tell ya. And NEXT YEAR, I'm killin' the Easter Bunny and that bow and arrow shootin' baby too.

 

by BobRogers
11-26-07
You're up for a Stern Shrine Award this year. Just sayin'.
Screw dat.
Whoa, son! Why the 'tude? You've had more than a few views for cartoons on that message board.
In a rat's eye. Those people are so self absorbed they make Sponge Bob look like a dry rag.
Wow. Somebody got up on the wrong side of the othopedic bed this morning.
Telemarketer work me up at 7AM to ask my opinion in a poll about telemarketers.

 

by BobRogers
11-27-07
I'm here to audition for the part of Bob Rogers.
What? That part is already taken.
Apparantly, the powers that be think the "wheelchair" thing is passe'. New blood is taking over.
We'll see about that.
Whar? You can't take a joke? If you think God has no sense of humor, have you tried walking recently?
We are NOT amused.

 

by BobRogers
11-27-07
You know there's a writers' strike going on right?
Yeah. What's it to me?
Well, you write this pathetic excuse for a comic strip, so that makes you a writer. Ergo - you should be on strike.
If I were getting paid 1 million dollars for a movie script and wanted digital residuals, I might agree.
So?
So I write this strip for free & get ridiculed for not being funny by brain dead critics. What's the up side I should be striking for?

 

by BobRogers
11-29-07
An unedited conversation between Artie and The Canadian...
I think 007 perfectly captured the essence of Dave's problems.
And well he should understand. HE'S been staling Dave since 2003.
Maybe Lightning can get the "Lifetime achievement award for excellence in Dave stalking" seeing as he's been at it for years.
Nah. Thorney has him beat hands down. Besides, he's already getting "Worst Cartoon by a Cripple." Why pile on accolades for someone no one likes.
Sometimes I think Artie just likes the sound of his own voice. Other times, he's just drunk.

 

by BobRogers
12-03-07
Snow covers the Hudson Valley. Looks like a White Christmas ahead for The Stern Shriners who live there.
I perfectly understand why Dave hates snow.
Why dat?
Being only 5 foot 3 inches tall means he has difficulty moving around after a storm.
Even with all-weather tires, this thing still gets bogged down.
Mostly though, it's because he keeps getting run over by snowplows.
Must be contageous.

 

by BobRogers
12-04-07
I hate snow! I hate ice! I hate cold weather! I hate SternShriners! I hate cartoons! I hate Craig's List!
Ok.
I hate not having a job! I hate not having a car! I hate having Joel Tyner wake me up at 10 o clock to give me a ride! I hate Christmas!
I see.
I wish NOBODY had ever been born but me. I wish the whole world would DIE Die Die!
Hmmph. Seems like suicide would get you there faster than screaming.

 

by BobRogers
12-06-07
Kelly S. and Dave are both in the hole...
Jeeze, it's DARK in here.
I am in the dark with an actual female. Yum.
If you don't move your hand from off my ass you are going to lose it, buster,
slurp
Dammit Dave! My BODY is a TEMPLE!
Physical contact! Eureka! I'm not a VIRGIN anymore!

 

by BobRogers
12-07-07
In the hole, Kelly S. contemplates her sins.
Doc has no right to keep me here in "The Hole" with that little creep Dave.
So I spammed "Hey Now." So what? People treated me horribly the last time I was here under a different name. They deserved to be spammed.
DOC! You BETTER let me outta here!
That's what I keep telling him, but does he listen? NOOoooo!

 

by BobRogers
12-10-07
Gargoyle meets Kelly S...
You know, Dave was actually coherent on the Joel Tyner Radio Show last Sunday.
Tell me again why I care?
Because the two of you are alike. He spams. You spam. He is insane. You are insane. Both of you are bitter and incorrigible.
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME!!!!
I need say nought else.
Grrrr

 

by BobRogers
12-11-07
Sorry you didn't get that free car, Dave. You should really try not to be a psycho about it though.
She PROMISED! Then she didn't even CALL ME! It's WRONG, I tell ya. She HAD my number.
Sometimes things don't work out. When that happens you just gotta smile and move on.
I don't HAVE to do ANYTHING. I do WHATEVER I WANT! You can't make me do stuff.
Yeah, you're right Dave. Nobody can stop you from acting like a narcissistic psycho bitch.
And you better KEEP going before I kick YOUR ass and every ass on Craig's List. Get outta my house ya BUM!

 

by BobRogers
12-12-07
There are a lot of people who post on Craig's List Hudson Valley R and R who don't like Dave at all.
Conversely, there are more than a few who feel sorry for him.
Why dat?
Because Asperger's Syndrome is autonomic behavior and Dave's symptoms sre severe.
Huh?
Translation: Dave's insanity is a form of autism and therefore not deliberate or precalculated.

 

by BobRogers
12-12-07
Dave gets past the resume' screener and gets an interview...
Dave, we'd like to thank you for applying for a job as a janitor here at Widgetworld Online.
Your resume is impressive - Enterprise rent-A-Car, delivering newsapers, bagging groceries - all these are worthy occupations.
Unfortunately, we Googled you. It's standard practice to Google potential hirees. Sorry, we can't hire you. Dave. Best of luck elsewhere though.

 

by BobRogers
12-13-07
Nikki catches Bob riding his wheelchair in the snow...
Dude, I just came off Craaig's List a minute ago. Did you know that somebody besides you is posting "Dave" Cartoons?
You're saying that lik it's a bad thing.
Well, I thought you'd be all jealous and stuff. You know, you've been "tooning" Dave for 4 years. Just sayin'
To tell th truth, those comics are getting funnier by the strip. Anybody that uses Stripcreator.com is OK by me.
DUDE! That's a magnanimous attitude. I would be totally ripped if people were stealing MY comic strip thunder.
It's not magnanimity. I have been hitting the hooch pretty hard and just don't give a damn.

 

by BobRogers
12-13-07
Hold up a second, Rogers. I know you. You can't say you aren't put out by this other guy mimmicking your cartoons. You've got a lot invested.
That may be true, but whining or pissing and moaning never solves anything. If making toons puts a smile on his face, God bless him.
But doesn't it cause confusion with him using one character to represent Dave and you using another?
You are basing your hypothesis on the assumption that anyone on Craig's List givs a heck - which they do not. These people are hanging with Dave in REAL TIME! Think!
Ahhhh Jeeze. You're right. The people reading these toons on Craig's List are on Craig's List! What the hell was I thinking?
You damn skippy. We're talking Dave's peers here.

 

by BobRogers
12-14-07
I am a IAPD3000 series robotic cartoon critic. My job is to pick apart each and every panel of your cartoons without enjoying the actual content.
I don't have time for this crap.
What I don't like about cartoon # 75 is that the character are so depressing. The KellyS character that YOU put wanted to killed herself .
Tell it to Siskel and Ebert, metal brain.
I am just trying to be thorough in my evaluation... You misspelled "Coherent" as well you know. We critics are unappreciated. Siskel died you know...

 

by BobRogers
12-16-07
IAPD3000 series robotic cartoon critic did not recieve a favorable response from his first review.
I don't get it. All I did was my job. I am programmed to be a critic after all.
What you don't understand about biologicals is that they suffer from actual feelings. It is their achilles heel.
Still, he just blew me off, like my opinion is worthless or something. My anger circuit has been activated.
Maybe you should be telling this to him rather than me.
You, sir, are a dick.
Now what?

 

by BobRogers
12-17-07
Grrr. People keep FLAGGING my posts on Craig's list. Grrr.
Remind me again why you are posting on Craig's List in the first place, Dave.
Because I have no car, I have no job, I have no dollars and I have no girlfriend. That reason enough for ya?
So please explain how any opportunity for any of those things to become yours exists on Craig's List...
I HATE you, Gargoyle. You are a N I G F I R !!!
Happens every time he tries to think. Spontaneous combustion, I believe it is called.

 

by BobRogers
12-18-07
I can't help but notice that you are wearing a hood. Are you here for the big rally?
Actually, I am here to retrieve someone. The Superior Grand Poobah is scheduled for a fatal heart attack in a little under an hour from now.
So you are NOT a member of The Secret Society of The Benevolent Order of The Ku Klux Klan?
Not even close, although I do have my own Death Squad.
Death Squad? Sweeet! So you and me, we are pretty much brothers of the cloth, right?
Yeah, I guess so, in a "you're gonna be the next one to die" kinda way.

 

by BobRogers
12-19-07
I hate to bring up any subject as worn out or irrelevent as Dave's love life or the lack thereof, but...
Tattoo Girl. Yeah, I know. Bizarre to say the least. She picks Dave up on Craig's List, so the story goes, and gives him a ride to wherever.
That in and of itself isn't too creepy. I mean after all, even Dave deserves a little love every now and then, yes?
So what's the deal then? Why worry about it?
Because I heard a rumor that Tattoo Girl is actually Bob Thorney in drag!
DAMN, boy! I just ate breakfast! Wht kind of image is that to throw at someone on top of scrambled eggs?

 

by BobRogers
12-19-07
Your last cartoon, you know, the one about Tattoo Girl being Bob Thorney in drag was acceptable.
Why thank you, Artie. I have always respected your opinion, you know.
Then why draw me looking like this? You have stereotyped me as a fat, pie-eating guy in a sweatshirt.
Isn't your official screen name, "Artie's Talking Gut?"
It's a METAPHOR, Dammit! Aw crap. What the hell. It's Christmas. Have a brewski.
Don't mind if I do and thanks for your support.

 

by BobRogers
12-20-07
Rusty The Dog makes his cartoon debut.
Just so you understand, I am not your typical talking cartoon dog. I am sensitive and intellectually well equipped.
Frankly, I am put off by all thie "Dave stalking" You're as guilty as Thorney, though probably less obsessive compulsive.
And by the way, if you pull that lame "drop a sperm whale on his head" gag on me, I will rip out your heart and stuff it in your wheelchair battery.

 

by BobRogers
12-20-07
Nick the Hood, Meet Rusty The Dog...
So, Rusty, out for a brisk invigorating winter walk?
Just burying an old bone.
I get it. Despite self-proclaimed intellectual superiority, you still do "dog" stuff.
Not really. This bone represents the last gasp of the Clinton Presidential Bid.
But if you bury it in the snow, won't it just turn up later?
Probably, but by then, which largely apathetic American voter will give a crap?

 

by BobRogers
12-20-07
Hey you, newbie. I demand to know what your position is on Arabs and Muslim Rights?
Yaaaagggggaahhhhh!
I believe that the best answers are the short ones.

 

by BobRogers
12-21-07
IAPD3000 bumps into Rusty The Dog...
... so then I commented about his cartoon strip and he DRAFTED me! Drew me like this. He made me into a Mechanical Cartoon Critic!
What are you complainng about? He gave me the body and primal urges of a DOG and the personality of a Sturgis Biker.
So what are we going to do about it?
I dunno about you, but I'm going to bite somebody.
But I have no teeth... or mouth ... or face. All I can do is use sharp words.
Methinks thou dost whine too much. Umm... bone... yummy.

 

by BobRogers
12-21-07
It seemed like an innocent question...
Why is Rectal Itch such a faggot?
I presume you are referring to a person using that screen name on the Stern Shrine Message Board?
Of COURSE that's what I mean! Are you stupid, or just obtuse?
Obtuse, actually.
I'll teach you about being a wise-ass, you bench-sitting beatnick!
Have you had that anger managemt problem long, Canadian?

 

by BobRogers
12-27-07
Happy New Year, Dave.
What's HAPPY about it?
Just sayin'. It's a kind of a greeting, you know.
Listen. I got no dollars, I got no car. I got a sympathy girlfriend, and I'm being stalked by jews, catholics, indians, africans and nigfers. Not a happy new year.
But that was last year Dave. 2008 may be totally different.
I doubt it.

 

by BobRogers
12-27-07
IAPD3000 doesn't appreciate the honor of being "tooned."
I told that crud I didn't WANT to be a character in his stupid cartoon strip and he just ignored. So YOU brother Tobor will now kill him.
TOBOR HATE BOB ROGERS! RWWARRR!
... so then I said, "Those rotor blades aren't going to generate gravitons all by themselves and...
What the hell are you talking about? Umm, you better scram. That red robot over there is calling your name.
RAWARRRRR. TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!
Can we discuss this for just a moment?

 

by BobRogers
12-28-07
What's with the new background, Gargoyle?
I'm on Christmas Vacation in Boca Raton.
No you're not. Tombs, the Union Guy painted that yesterday and set it up behind the bench.
I see. I was wondering why I was freezing my ass off in Florida.
Wow. Wind gusts are really getting strong.
And it isn't even a Monday.

 

by BobRogers
12-29-07
The writer's strike sucks.
Hold on there bucko! That's a UNION action you're disparaging.
Imagine I don't give a crap. Reality shows are taking over TV and Heroes is shut down. I'm watching the HISTORY channel for crap's sake.
Want some bread with that whine? There are millionaire writers out there not getting their fair share of the residuals.
DUDE! Go back to the last panel and read what you just sair!
What do you expect? The writer of this strip is non-union and a scab.

Showing page 21.

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