All comics by ObiJo

Profile

 

by ObiJo
9-03-02
I'm looking at your application and under name you put "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" Under age, "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!"
Gender, "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" Address, "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" Phone Number, "NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!"
Why'd you do that?
NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!

 

by ObiJo
9-03-02
I'm sorry, but all things considered, I don't feel you're Famous Writer's School material.
Jesus in chaps!
I'm sorry.
Tell it to the judge.
The Honourable Stomps Yo Ass now presiding.

 

by ObiJo
9-03-02
Anyway I could convince you to spare me, with, say, oh... I don't know... full tuition to the Famous Writer's School?
hAw hAw!
Writing is for faggots!

 

by ObiJo
9-03-02
Well ta!
Owww, you _____ motherfucker!!!!!!
Handsome.
Dear Diary, Today I killed a man. He was...
What are you writing there, FAGGOT!

 

by ObiJo
9-03-02
I love you!
I love YOU!
Then I shall fuck you in the ass with this strap on!
Then you shall fuck me in the...wait, what?
I shall fuck you in the ass with this strap on!
Easy tiger.

 

by ObiJo
9-03-02
The Show
So I says, "Hey, polack! That wasn't a bull, and that's not milk you're drinking!"
HAHAHAHA!
After The Show
This is for my people, you bigoted fuck!
MY GOD, I'VE BEEN STABBED!
After The Life
Looks like the polacks finally made it to the Bronze Age!
HAHAHAHA!

 

by ObiJo
9-04-02
Sit down, lara.I have some important news to tell you.
Okay.
You're not sitting.
I can't sit.
I said sit!
OH FUCK OFF!

 

by ObiJo
9-04-02
The Incident
Help!!!
Life in the Balance
Is he gonna make it, doctor?
It's too early to tell. So what say we shag in the broom closet?
The Miracle Recovery!
Hiya, boys and girls! I'm Timmy, and I'm here to talk to you about fire prevention.
WAAAHH!!

 

by ObiJo
9-05-02
I wonder why chicks don't dig me.
Because you're fat.
Maybe it's because I'm fat.
Super fat.
But I'm funny.
Fat and funny. Not exactly what every personal ad is begging for.

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
Spin spin spin!
Dizzy.

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
Come 6th or 7th grade though, I was a little butterball. Unfortunately, I was a little butterball that didn't realize it was bad to be a little butterball.
Tina, will you go out with me?
No.
Tina, will you go out with me?
No.
Tina, will
No.

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
But over the summer before 8th grade, I lost weight, and chicks dug it.
Tina, will you go out with me?
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
He's talking to me!

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
Other than that and the Cubs making a rare playoff appearance, 1989 sucked utter ass.
My dad has cancer. My dad takes experimental medicine. My dad goes pyscho.
My dad accuses my mom of having an affair. My dad tears up the house and gets arrested.
My dad moves from Arizona to Illinois. For the last ten months of his life, I don't see him.
My dad's side of the family fights my mom, a single mother raising two kids, for the life insurance money.
But at least my mom's there for me.
You'd rather I died instead of your father! I can tell!

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
After losing my dad, I become reclusive. In high school, my reclusiveness is mistaken for cowardice, and I am picked on often.
Just trying to get my books out.
Tough shit. I ain't moving. Unless you want to make me move.
I don't want to fight you.
Oh, so you're a pussy?
*sigh*
Cornered me a pussy, guys!

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
So life went my freshman and sophomore year...
What up, pussy?
Pussy, my man!
Pussy alert, 12 o'clock.

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
Until one day...
Hey, pussy? Is that your pussy sister over there.
something...
clicked in place.
How about I give you a ride home by kicking your ass from here to the projects?

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
And in a show of irony only found in real life, while the kid who didn't want to fight got picked on, the highly pissed off kid looking for a fight couldn't get anyone to fight him.
What the fuck are you looking at.
Nothing, I'm sorry.
Problem?
It's cool, man. It's cool.
How 'bout you two get out of the car and I'll fight you both at once.
Drive, man! Drive!

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
Then one night I was out driving and cut somebody off by accident. He was pissed and told me to pull over, so I did. When we both got out, he pulled a gun.
Didn't know you were messing with a crazy fuck did you?
You better not drop that gun, because if you do, I swear to christ I'm going to beat you to death.
Then he stuck it in my mouth.
You behuh nah drah tha guhn, becuth if you do, I sweh to chrith I'm goin do bee you do deaf.
And then he told me to get in my car and leave. But instead...
You ran over him?!
I just regret I didn't get out, take the gun, and shoot the fuck.

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
So by my senior year, I was the most feared guy in school. But I held a secret...
Jesus! 3 D's! My dad's going to beat me raw! How'd you do?
Okay I guess.
Here, let me see.
No, don't!
All A's!
Shhhhh! You want the whole school to hear?

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
When I went to college, I stopped defining myself as a brawler, and instead started defining myself as a scholar. But I still needed to choose a major. First there was psychology:
How do you feel about that?
The syllabus? Fine. Just fine.
Then political science:
How do you feel about that!
However those fucking democrats don't!
Then finally engineering:
How do you feel about that!
Well those rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themself!

 

by ObiJo
9-06-02
I've always been a little grungy looking, which hides my intellect nicely...
Christ! 76%
Rock! 98%!
What'd you get?
98%
No, seriously.
63%

 

by ObiJo
9-07-02
Goddamn, I just realized how hard this is to condense someone's whole life into a series! Fellow, strippers, I apologize for what I've put you through!
Who the fuck are you?
One second. I mean I haven't even touched upon my obesity, my misogyny, my aerospace degree, my search for awareness, or my complying to Spankling's sodomizing me with a Barbie doll.
So you want an ass kicking?
You think aerospace engineering makes a fucker soft, tit biscuit! Well! DO YOU!
My bad.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-02
Now, my whole life is about awareness.
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
What?
Did you forget to mention you've lost 100 pounds? And that I'm your new avatar since the weight loss.
Tee Hee. Kinda did, yeah.
Am scray.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-02
Now, my whole life is about awareness.
I want to become completely open. I want to love people unconditionally. I want to be Here and Now, in the eternal moment. I want to become completely aware.
And I want to discover a non-evasive surgery that removes Mattel figurines from one's anus.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-02
My happy future...
Spin spin spin!
Dizzy.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-02
I was a happy child...
Spin spin spin!
Dizzy.

 

by ObiJo
9-16-02
Hippy!

 

by ObiJo
9-16-02
Give it to me in the ass! RIGHT THERE IN THE ASS!
HARDER! HARDER! DON'T STOP TILL I BLEED OR CUM!
GOD YES!!! GODDAMN YES!!!

 

by ObiJo
9-16-02
DING DONG
Give it to me in the ass! RIGHT THERE IN THE ASS!
DING DONG DING DONG
HARDER! HARDER! DON'T STOP TILL I BLEED OR CUM!
Hippy!

 

by ObiJo
9-16-02
And I'm a knight.
And I'm a knight.
And I'm a knight.

 

by ObiJo
9-16-02
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.
Cry if I want to.
That still doesn't explain why you're naked from the waste down and scrunching your toes in melted cheese.
Cry if I want to.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-02
I'm going away and you may never see me again.
You're not being figurative I hope.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-02
In AD 2101, War was Beginning...
So I says, "How are you, gentlemen? All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction. You have no chance to survive. Make your time."
hahaha
What you say !!

 

by ObiJo
10-03-02
KNOCK KNOCK!!!
Who's there?
ASSRAPE!!
ASSRAPE!! who?
YOU, STUPID!

 

by ObiJo
10-03-02
Time to take a break. I'm getting really worn down.
Some time away from those goddamned penises?
What are you talking ab
SHHHHH!
I think I hear one.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-02
At the sextuplets pad...
Okay, who froofed?

 

by ObiJo
10-03-02
My 1200th comic! Any ladies out there want to help me celebrate by strapping on a dildo and fucking me up the ass?
I said ladies.
Hiya, sonny. I heard you wanted
I see the zipper, Spankling.

 

by ObiJo
10-03-02
Hey, Bec. I know you're DexX's wife and all, but I was wondering if you'd consider having dirty sweaty animalistic hard-pounding sex with me.
Sure!
I am inserting my penis into your vagina!
I'll say!
UNZIP!
Oh my god!
You were great, sailor.

 

by ObiJo
10-07-02
Hey! No cutties!
What was that?
Nothing.
Thought so.

 

by ObiJo
10-08-02
Ceçi n'est pas une phone.

 

by ObiJo
10-10-02
I'll be Riff, and you can be Torg and all we need to do is find a Bun-Bun!
Behind you.
Sup.
I don't want to play this anymore.
Parachuting Gieger's, 12 o'clock!

 

by ObiJo
10-10-02
So then GlaXor says, "Well, I can make you a great deal on this cherry Slug Sport pro, with dual antimatter engines and a lift kit. Only 8 septillion miles.
What did I tell you about buying from a Glacknaxian lurking at filling stations and sporting a Windsore hairpiece?
He swore it was his natural hair.
Glacknaxians are naturally bald, you Sleptignian Sewer Trout!
UNZIP!
Did I mention the lift kit?
Did I mention the decreasing price of liquid Xenon and the fact that I prepare your food?

 

by ObiJo
10-10-02
How are you gentlemen!
It's annuit!
Novus, Ordo!
E Seclorum?
Novus, Ordo! E pluribus unum!
Rock and roll then!

 

by ObiJo
10-11-02
Scyess smells like poopy woopy.
I thought the search page a nice touch.

 

by ObiJo
10-12-02
In the deepest, darkest, corner of space sector Alpha Beta Zed, trouble is brewing aboard Starcraft Starbucks...
Coffee?
Yes, please.
One loves rape, the other not a fan.
Cream or sugar?
Both, thanks.
SUDDENLY!
Coffee.
Mmmm.

 

by ObiJo
10-12-02
I FUCKING HATE THE AUTOCOMPLETE FUNCTION WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING NAY EVER FIBROUS FIBER OF MY FIBERED BEING
I HATE IT MORE THAN BRAINY SMURF THAN CHAFFING LEDERHOSEN THAN WHITE CHUNKS IN GRAVY THAN JUGGLERS HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
And that's what I did on summer vacation.
So, umm... paper or plastic?

 

by ObiJo
10-12-02
In the deepest, darkest, corner of space sector Alpha Beta Zed, trouble is brewing aboard Starcraft Starbucks...
Coffee?
Yes, please.
Cream or sugar?
Both, thanks.
SUDDENLY!
Coffee.
Mmmm.

 

by ObiJo
10-14-02
So then GlaXor says, "Well, I can make you a great deal on this cherry Slug Sport pro, with dual antimatter engines and a lift kit. Only 8 septillion miles.
What did I tell you about buying from a Glacknaxian lurking at filling stations and sporting a Windsore hairpiece?
He swore it was his natural hair.
Glacknaxians are naturally bald, you Sleptignian Sewer Trout!
Did I mention the lift kit?
Did I mention the decreasing price of liquid Xenon and the fact that I prepare your food?

 

by ObiJo
10-14-02
The airport, with its hot dog - urine smell, strange little men with too much clothing sorting through mesh trashbins, gaining only sticky fingers.
Everyone with wild eyes, windblown hair, rapid heartbeats. Slaves to their watch, their briefcase, their box. God, I pity them.
So, where's DexX, Bec?
Masturbating at Departures probably.

 

by ObiJo
10-15-02
Picture if you will a stolid autumn day rife with orange, red, and their derivatives. A lonely leaf wafts down from a tree, swaying a happy face in the wind till it hits hard earth.
An asphalt rode runs through the trees, its worn blacky conglomerate cracking and breaking where manmade meets mother earth. It bubbles and oozes its way to the city, splaying an organism in two.
Now do you understand?
Why you turned me into a frogman? NO!

Showing page 24.

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