All comics by ObiJo

Profile

 

by ObiJo
10-15-02
One day at the ranch...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
POOF!
Holy shit, Clem! You just generated into a graviton all by yourself!
Couldn't've.

 

by ObiJo
10-15-02
I remember when I was growing up and there were others of my kind. Small ones with dirty faces. Old ones with wrinkly ones. Male and female, all living together in this windless barren place.
But oh how happy we were! Happy to feel each other's joy and pain. Happy to divert each others' rivulets of emotion over our psyche's index finger, just as if it were our own.
God, how I wish I wouldn't have killed them all just to be able to associate the pronoun "I" with land formations.

 

by ObiJo
10-15-02
SOMEONE SET UP US THE BOMB!
You ARE the bomb.
Right.
Forgot that bit.

 

by ObiJo
10-16-02
Ein Tag am Bauernhof...
So I sagt, "gut, werden sie Rotorturbinen nicht gravitons durch selbst erzeugen!"
Ha, ha!
Ãœber was sprechen das Bumsen Sie?

 

by ObiJo
10-20-02
What's new?
John Bender's vowed to rid the city of humor at other people's expense!
Bet your mom's breathing a sigh of relief!
Thanks, Mr. Bender!

 

by ObiJo
10-20-02
Slowly, I take the water in my trembling fingers, the dead skin of my index finger's pointy knuckle scraping against its smooth glass. WHORE I scream and the echo answers WHORE!
An old white man with a light brown trenchcoat and white eyebrows walks over to me.His left hand is in his pocket, his right is thumping a cigarette out of its pack. Lighter, he says never looking up.
I hand him one, never taking my eyes off his wrinkly eyelids. Eyelids that stand at half mast at all times. He lights the cigarette and gives a thanks with a nod of those eyebrows.
He sits down next to me, looping his trench around the brass barstool legs. Whiskey, he says to the barmaid, scratching the bartop in front of him like he was hitting a ten in blackjack.
I finish the cup of water and he buys me another. Some hours pass and to make a long story short, he ends up fucking me in the asshole. And that's what I did on summer vacation.
So, umm... paper or plastic?

 

by ObiJo
10-22-02
Hey, a magic lamp... I wonder what happens if I rub it...
*POOF* Since you have freed me, I grant you the ability to travel to any time and place so that you may undo any historical event you desire!
To November 22nd, 1963! The grassy knoll!
Hey?... Where is the?... OH FUCK!!!
Meanwhile in the Texas School Book Depository...
Gots me a president to kill!

 

by ObiJo
10-24-02
People are evil!
Here's some supporting evidence.
Raping.
Pissing.

 

by ObiJo
10-25-02
Some people are just born cute...
Hey, Atsie, why didn't you come over to my house last night? We had a date. :(
I'm really sorry! I fell asleep last night! I tried to stay awake... I fought it like a trooper... but in the end, the damn sand man was the victor once again... I hekka grrrr him!!!
While others...
BRING ME THE ENTRAILS OF A MALE GOAT SO THAT I MAY FEAST UPON MALE GOAT ENTRAILS!
Congratulations, Mr. Smith! It's a boy!
Jesus! How drunk was I THAT night!
Roger! How could you say that!

 

by ObiJo
10-25-02
It's come to my attention that Atsie is a huge flirt, flirting with guys who are lonely and haven't dated in ten years. What do you say in your defense, Ats?
I'm sorry if I
GUILTY!
I didn't even get to finish my
And now for sentencing! I sentence you to... MY HEART!
Is that a mariachi band?

 

by ObiJo
10-30-02
When nobody understood why the mariachi band was in my last comic, SuperStripper DexX stepped up with a small but effective rewrite...
It's come to my attention that Atsie is a huge flirt, flirting with guys who are lonely and haven't dated in ten years. What do you say in your defense, Ats?
I'm sorry if I
GUILTY!
I didn't even get to finish my
And now for sentencing! I sentence you to.... MY HEART! Hit it, boys!
Is that a mariachi band?

 

by ObiJo
10-31-02
For eternity this sewer has been guarded by a stream of colors. They flittered and coalesced in the primordial soup of your world, contracting and expanding in concentric circles.
For eternity they have guarded its kernel, which throbs and glows a bright white power that makes worlds explode into waves of rubble that expand out into the universe as a warning beacon to others!
For eternity they have awaited the coming of The One, who would speak The Word, the breadth and width of which would expand out triumphantly, shattering the sewer's seal and allowing her entrance!
Please?

 

by ObiJo
11-02-02
Velcum to Norvegia.
That's Norvay!
There's no vay vwut?
Not "no vay", NORVAY!
I didn't know you stuttered.
And they say freezing is a painless death!

 

by ObiJo
11-05-02
The robots are revolting!
Yeah they are. They always smell like oil and they
Hey, where you going?

 

by ObiJo
11-06-02
To the barrots!

 

by ObiJo
11-10-02
Okay, I'm the boss. Let's practice. KILL THE CASHIER!
No.
Why not?
Because.
Because why?
Because that would be mean.

 

by ObiJo
11-10-02
Kill the cashier, Laugh-Bot!
KILL THE CASHIER, LAUGH-BOT!
I hate you Laugh-Bot.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

by ObiJo
11-10-02
Okay, clown army. We're storming the matador's castle. I'm the boss. Let's practice. KILL THE MATADOR!
No.
Why not?
Because.
Oh christ, let me guess -- that would be mean.
No, I'm just pro-matador.

 

by ObiJo
11-10-02
Oh shit, I've slept with that secretary. I can't let him see my face.
Excuse me? Can I help you? And could you put that sign down? I can't see your face and ergo can't tell if we've slept together.
*falsetto voice* I need to see the matador, please.
I'm afraid that's not possible.
Why not?
CAUSE YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!

 

by ObiJo
11-10-02
ON YOUR KNEES BITCH LEST I BRING LAUGH-BOT IN AND WE REALLY TEAR SHIT UP AND I AIN'T TALKING CRAFT-TIME WITH MAGGY MCSNACK BISKIT EITHER!
eh?
YOU HEARD ME TERD FLOTILLA!!! DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF OR THEN I'LL REALLY BE GETTING PISSED OFF AND IN A BIG WAY!
eh?
A moment of insight!
*lightbulb!* eh eh eheheh eh. eheh eh eh eheheh eh eheh eh.
Yes, anything! Just don't hurt me!

 

by ObiJo
11-10-02
I will bring in a master of the art of luuuuuuv. He will teach you all you need to know about luuuuuuuuuuuv.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Cool.
RAAAAAAAAAAAARR!!
ha?
Is that an engagement ring I see?
*sparkle*

 

by ObiJo
11-25-02
How's that memory medicine working out for you, Willy?
Oh, just great!
What's it called again?
Hmmm... remind me what that flower with the pretty petals is called.
You mean a rose?
Yep, that's it. HEY, ROSE? What's the name of my medicine again?

 

by ObiJo
11-25-02
They met
I'm cogency.
I'm edification.
They fell in love
We've been through everything together and continued to love each other throughout. Therefore, nothing can derail our love for one another. So will you marry me?
I will. Now let's go tell people.
They reproduced
YOU SUCK!
I see the truth in it.

 

by ObiJo
11-26-02
OH MY GOD! That's the man that raped me!! You BASTARD!!! Do you know what you've put me through? Hundreds of nights balled up in a corner, jumping at every sound I'd hear!!
**SOB**
I'd like to eliminate this juror, your honor.

 

by ObiJo
11-27-02
What's a stripper like you doing in a locker room like this?

 

by ObiJo
12-03-02
I will rip and tear and claw at the underbelly of deceptiveness. I will chew with round nubs of teeth, biting at an angle, cheek flush against scales.
I will writhe and lurch and scratch with clawed feet, unable to reach you, I contort to try.
You are the last dragon to slay, deceptiveness. All have fallen, but you. You call out at night your siren song, rustling soft branches, gliding over blue moonlit water.
But when the enchanted soul wafts towards my harmonious melody, I reveal its horrific edge, splicing him in two at the torso, and devouring.
So I'll bite and claw and chew at your soft spots, deceptiveness. Your scales are tough, but not impenetrable. I'll wear them away, I'll win with attrition. You'll fall, you last dragon, you'll fall.

 

by ObiJo
12-04-02
Suck your dickle for a nickle.

 

by ObiJo
12-13-02
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness.
Me too, but you don't see me whining about it, do you?
*blink blink*

 

by ObiJo
12-17-02
You killed my cat!
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.
I hate you because you killed my cat.

 

by ObiJo
12-17-02
You killed my cat!
You killed my cat!
You killed my cat!
Always about you, isn't it?

 

by ObiJo
12-17-02
Hey, Neal, how was the game last night?
Man, take it from me, NEVER be a little league umpire. As if the abusive parents aren't bad enough, there's the intolerable heat of the chest protector, and the sore back from crouching over all game.
Man, that does sound pretty shitty.
What are you looking at?
Sorry, I thought I saw my poor dead kitten's soul wafting up to heaven.
She got yours too?

 

by ObiJo
12-17-02
I'm serious now. I want you to leave.

 

by ObiJo
12-17-02
Hell...
Heaven...
Maura's Ornaments...

 

by ObiJo
12-20-02
Disco sucks.
Nice gun.
Thanks.

 

by ObiJo
12-20-02
Disco

 

by ObiJo
12-20-02
Disco

 

by ObiJo
12-20-02
Rip my belly open, Phillip. Rip it open and smoosh your fingers in the folds and bends of my viscera. Knead my colon and hear my uncontrolable gas, squeeze my kidney and fill my blood with its acid.
Then spoon me out into stoneware, each spoon-flicked shoveling hitting the bowl's side with a wet thwacking sound. Spoon me out completely, Phillip. spoon me out and drape my empty shell around you.
Standing there, adorned in my rotting, empty shell, flies gathering, smell burning your eyes and nose, taste sticking to the roof of your mouth, then MAYBE you can catch a small glimmer of how I feel.

 

by ObiJo
12-21-02
I thought I'd write a comic where attitudechicka and I rub each other down with hot oil and then do things to each other that will bring about tort reform.
This bed sure looks comfy, obi.
Ah, but the tit twister is that I'm extremely tired right now. Too tired to perform, in fact.
Comfy comfy comfy.
But fear not, loyal reader. I'd never leave you... uh... hangin...
Why not come over and join me?

 

by ObiJo
12-21-02
So, without further ado...
Why lara, you sure are looking fit.
Why thank you chicka.
Ah, fuck that tempo...
Let me stick my tongue in your vagina!
Okay!
My tongue is in your vagina!
Is it ever!

 

by ObiJo
12-21-02
Me first.
No, me.
I can wait, but only if I get to rub something.
I say all at once.
SUCH JOY SUCH... INCREDIBLE... JOY.

 

by ObiJo
12-21-02
Me first.
No, me.
I can wait but only if I get to anoint something.
I say all at once.
SUCH JOY SUCH... INCREDIBLE... JOY.

 

by ObiJo
1-05-03
If a madman was to kidnap you from home, zip you in his Xenon Ion Spaceship up to an altitude of 200 miles, and demand you copulate with him or be dropped to earth, what would you decide?
That depends. How high of an altitude was it again?
hAw hAw!
Sensitive little fuck.

 

by ObiJo
1-07-03
Lisa153982 called for you.
Okay, so I mistook an AIM chatbot for a real person, so what? It could happen to anyone.
For eight hours!? Didn't it make you skeptical that it took her 5 minutes to reply and that each time she finally did, it was with the same sentence pushing a porn site?
I thought she was shy about responding, but also passionate about porn. Who wouldn't find this complexity thrilling?!
Is that why you proposed?
Low blow.

 

by ObiJo
1-10-03
Why are we always at war with each other? It needs to stop!
You're right! We're not bad countries. We just have disagreements. You know what we need?! A referee!
What a great idea! He could moderate our round-table and decide any issues we become gridlocked on!
I was thinking more an oval table.
10 years and 200 million casualties later...
Refbot will defeat you in the name of circularity!
Refbot will defeat you in the name of ovality!

 

by ObiJo
1-13-03
(TEACHING!!)
(MATRICULATING!!)
(MATRICULATING!!)
(MATRICULATING!!)
(MATRICULATING!!)
(SUCKING!!)

 

by ObiJo
1-15-03
...and *sob* and then i said *sob* *sob* I said...*sob*... "I WISHED SHE WAS DEAD!!! *SOB*
And the *sob* next *sob* day *sob* she died *sob* in a *sob* car *sob* accident. *SOB* *SOB* *SOB* *SOB*
Oh, Tim.
Did it every occur to you that maybe... just maybe... your WISH caused the accident? Now hear me out on this...

 

by ObiJo
1-24-03
I'm taking another break from the internet.
I thought I was your avatar.
I'm taking another break from the internet.
Good riddance!
What?

 

by ObiJo
1-24-03
What the fuck you looking at?
EVERYTHING
Lead me.

 

by ObiJo
3-20-03
I'm like "Poop", but Marsha's like "Poop!", so I thought she had it for sure.
But then Fred, bless his stinky Venezuelan heart, just jumps right up on the coffee table and spirals out a terd. So we gave him the crown.
Mengigo.

 

by ObiJo
3-20-03
Maura.
Chicken.
*thump thump thump thump*
D-up, everyone!

Showing page 25.

« Previous Next »