stripcreator archive (2001-2026)

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All comics by BigEvilDan

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Not nearly as big or evil as you'd think.

 

Serial Comic: Bob Dole is in deep trouble by BigEvilDan 3-30-01
Ahh...a good walk always gets my mind off things that trouble me...like that bastard Bob.	I just wish there was some way I could get some revenge for the way he's treating m--hey, what the hell is that?	Have you seen my death ray around? I seem to have misplaced it. I thought I told you...no dangerous alien technology outside the house!

 

Serial Comic: There's Something About Mary...Is It the Squi by BigEvilDan 4-06-01
Somewhere in the city, Bob and Rob plot revenge... Come on, Robert. Let's find Mary and teach her a lesson. Only if you let me use the whip for a little while.	Elsewhere... Let's go find Mary and abduct her. Now that she's doing the talk show circuit, she'll get us a lot of money on eBay. Never underestimate the spending power of braindead rednecks.	Later, Mary hears a knock on the door. Hello, who is -- oh my God, it's you! That's right Mary...

 

One good thread deserves another. by BigEvilDan 4-06-01
Crap. They're talking about bad movie sequels. It's only a matter of time before someone brings back that "Chicken crossing the road" series.	Great. The last thing I need is to be stuck playing Jesus in some endless, confusing storyline. We need to find some way to change the topic...fast. Wait, I have an idea!

 

Comic Contest XX: Searching for the Holy Grail..of comedy by BigEvilDan 4-07-01
So you won't let me win, wirthling? Well, you mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. Look, just because my dad was an elderberry addicted rodent-sex machine, that's no reason to act like a spoiled child.	Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. ObiJo, fetchez la vache! Fetchez la...uh oh! Run away!!	Just once I'd like a conversation with gabe that didn't end up involving hurling cattle.

 

Comic Contest XXI: Rules? Who needs 'em? by BigEvilDan 4-10-01
		That yellow-bellied NeoVid is to afraid to break the rules. Qué pensamiento.

 

Crappy Jesus Strips: Where would we be without them? by BigEvilDan 4-10-01
johnnysokko, my son. Please don't give me a 1.	Why not? Because I'm the son of God. Because I died for your sins. Because I love all of humanity. Because--	You realize that it's that 'my dad can smite your dad' attitude that got your other comics voted down, right? *sigh* Back in my day, we actually respected our saviours...

 

Comic Contest 22: Nobody likes Mr. Oblivious, either by BigEvilDan 4-16-01
These are some neat contest entries, Andy. Too bad nobody likes using your character, dumbass.	I like being part of the latest contest, Dr. Pedantic. But you aren't, Mr. Oblivious. The only new comic you appear in, NeoVid didn't submit as an entry. Although I suppose this one counts.	It's great that I've been recognized as a popular one-note character. But you aren't! That's really obvious, even by my standards.

 

Caption Contest 10111 - Nuts to originality by BigEvilDan 4-18-01
How are you today, Sexual Squirrel? Aroused, very aroused. But that's the way I always am, Andy.	Dammit! I'm so tired of you getting all the women, you bastard! You're a fucking squirrel! It's not my fault I have such huge nuts.	The one note contest is over already! Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious. I was afraid we'd have to find a punchline that wasn't taken by the caption contest.

 

Comic Contest 29 - Don't Panic by BigEvilDan 5-12-01
It's made me so happy to serve everyone's door-opening needs! Thanks, and please stop by again. I hate those damn doors and their happy, let's-prance-and-light scented candles mood. Here I am, brain the size of a galaxy...	Ford, this is the strangest day I've ever had.	Don't panic. There's still plenty of day left.

 

Comic Contest 31 - Pushing the limits of craptacularness by BigEvilDan 5-22-01
ABCDEFGHIJKLM NOPQRSTUVWXYZ! What the hell is wrong with you, Dan?	I haven't entered a comic contest in ages! I need to get something into this one. So your solution is another totally uncreative comic? Hell, I'm surprised you didn't stick in a donkey sodomy reference.	Even I have my limits... *sniff* Why won't he call?

 

CC 32 - What the hell? by BigEvilDan 5-25-01
Holy crap! Is this Heaven? Yes it is Heaven, and yes the crap is holy. Welcome to your afterlife.	But I designed weapons of mass destruction! I kicked puppies! I directed a Pauly Shore movie! How could I end up here? Hell is a fate reservered for those who commit crimes far worse than yours.	So ladyjdotnet, lets see what you're in fo--wait, you did a Jesus strip CONTEST!? We toss people in to firey pits for just one strip! Aw crap.

 

Got Donkey? by BigEvilDan 6-07-01
		C'mon, everybody else is doing it. You know you want to.

 

Serial Comic II - On the trail... by BigEvilDan 6-07-01
TOBOR SEE CORNHOLED COYOTE! THE PUNY HU-MAN IS NEARBY! Yup, I reckon we're gettin' close to that there bastard.	Donkeys, chickens, coyotes... is there anything he won't--wait, did that big grey rock just move? I don't think that's a rock...it looks more like a...	*GROAN* TANTOR WAS CORNHOLED TOO...

 

Comic Contest 35: This one's to you, Jean. by BigEvilDan 6-08-01
Kill them! Holy shit! Big screen TV's, ripe for the stealin'!	Burn them!!	I don't get it, Senator. Why're they riotin' and turnin' on old Dubya? I told you the "Dubya needs a new yacht" tax would piss people off.

 

It's back! by BigEvilDan 6-13-01
	Uh oh...	The strip creator is working again. Hurry up! I'm coming, I'm coming....

 

Working girls by BigEvilDan 6-13-01
I sure am glad the strip creator is back up. It was scary there for a while. I was afraid we'd have to become prostitutes to support ourselves!		How is that any different from what we're doing now? No dental plan.

 

CC36: On the case by BigEvilDan 6-13-01
I swear officer, Kaufman was like this when I arrived.		What makes you think it was Gabe who killed him, Inspector? What motive could he possibly have? See the Character Usage graphs scattered around? He was probably trying to defend his 'alpha geek' title.

 

Lowpass secrets revealed! by BigEvilDan 6-14-01
Actually realSim, it is possible to edit or delete comics if you submit them too early.	All you have to do is follow these three simple steps:

 

Comic Cup I: It's not easy seein' green by BigEvilDan 6-15-01
In protest of this contest's rules and it's unfairness towards colourblind people, all the characters will be green.		Think we should tell him? Nah, this is even funnier than wirthling's trip to Scotland. You should have seen that kilt...hah!

 

CC37: Tobor's Summer Break by BigEvilDan 6-15-01
*click*	*click*	*sigh* I'm so sick of seeing these trip to Tokyo slides... And on this slide, Rodan and I are playing "catch" with a fighter jet.

 

CC39: The end is more terrifying than we imagined. by BigEvilDan 6-26-01
Wow, that was one heck of an apocalypse. I can't thank you enough for letting me trash the place when you finished with it.	There was thunder, there was lightning, then the stars went out and the moon fell from the sky. I must say it was a great show. Well, I'm glad you liked it. What was your favourite part?	RAHHH!!! MONICA WILL SHOVE HER FISTS UP YOUR ASS!!! I thought the Lewinsky-bots were a nice touch.

 

Happiness is the CC40 Rules by BigEvilDan 6-27-01
You may use any three reasons character *except* asiangirl1-2 and asiangirl2-2. You have no idea how happy I was when I could turn around. You may use any dieselsweeties *except* mauras 2 through 5. You have no idea how happy I was when I could close my eyes and ignore the dog on the ball.	You may use any lifeinhell character *except* bongo1-2 or bongo2-2. You have no idea how happy I was when I could turn around and look at the asian girls. You may use any jerkcity character. You have no idea how happy I was when we got the WIGU hooker in here.	You may use any of the first four backgrounds, or none at all. I was never happy here. Have you seen the crap I say? You may only use the characters and backgrounds listed. Please be funny, or I will cornhole you. I'm happy when I cornhole.

 

CC Just Shy of 42 - A sneak peek at the next Star Trek film by BigEvilDan 7-02-01
Hmm...a new alien race. I think it's time for a diplomatic first contact. What do you think, Data, Counsellor? Well Captain, considering the fact that they just vapourized Ensign Cannonfodder, I estimate a 42.4769% chance they are hostile.	I'm sensing anger from them, Captain. It's difficult to tell what they want.	[We just killed the one in gold and they're still standing there?! Should we finish them?] [I think we'd be doing the galaxy a favour if we did.]

 

CC 42: WASH AND WASH INTELLIGENCE LOSS!!! by BigEvilDan 7-09-01
Finish this sentence: Wash and...	...WASH MILLENIUM WASH!!! FUCK YOU DR. PEDANTIC!!! YOU'RE A SQUIRREL, DAMMIT!!!!!	It's exactly what I feared. You've caught crabbitis. You'll be a babbling idiot in a matter of days, I'm afraid. Thanks, Doc. Any idea where I can get some cheap cyanide pills?

 

CC 43: MY MONEY'S ON DR. SQUIRREL... by BigEvilDan 7-12-01
YESTERDAY ON ALL-CAPS JEPORADY... LOWPASS STRIPPERS INSIST THAT THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH CRABBY.	WHAT IS "PATIENCE"?	WHAT IS "CAUTION"? WHAT IS "ABUSE AND SODOMY, FOLLOWED BY A QUICK YET PAINFUL DEATH"?

 

CC 44: Gone in the blink of an eye by BigEvilDan 7-14-01
		Few realize that the ultimate battle between good and evil will be settled by a staring contest. You blinked. No I didn't!

 

Not a CC44 Entry by BigEvilDan 7-15-01
		Incompotent boobs I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!! I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!!

 

CC 45: XXXtreme Stripping by BigEvilDan 7-18-01
Hi, I'm here to compete in Microsoft's Lowpass Xtreme Stripping Competion. Yes, your Microsoft Windows computer, complete with Microsoft Internet Explorer is right over there. Right beside the Microsoft Xtreme Monopoly signups.	Great, now I just reach into my big bag of donkey sodomy jokes and write a funny strip. I wonder why they call this "Xtreme", anyway...	Hi there. Are you ready to do some Xtreme dramatization of your strip? I guess that explains it. And the one time I find a funny use for the fire prop, too...

 

I can't believe it's not bunny! by BigEvilDan 7-23-01
One of these things is not like the others...

 

CC 47: Australian for "What the fuck are you saying?" by BigEvilDan 7-23-01
Hey Johnny, you should really some of this beef jerky I got. It's *munch* great. Im trying to watch what I eat thanks Can I see the package	S*re, t*ke a l**k. Man th*s stuff *s add*ctiv*. I th*nk I'll h*ve *noth*r on*. This stuff doesnt look too bad but was does "50 per cent less vowels" mean	* h*v* n* id**. S* d* y** w*nt s*m* *r n*t? Nah I'll pass I had some "I cant believe theres no punctuation" on the flight over

 

Interviews with the Lowpass Characters - Part 13 by BigEvilDan 7-23-01
Interview with DexX So DexX, what made you decide to draw yourself into the Strip Creator? Well, I've gotten so much laughter from this site, I really wanted to be a part of it.	Really...? Yeah.	So did you forget about the rampant sodomy jokes or are you just stupid? Obviously you've never been to Australia.

 

All hail Brad! by BigEvilDan 7-23-01
So, you're the guy who runs this site, eh? Yup, that's me.	So, doesn't that make you, like, God around here. I guess that make sense, in a way.	Dammit, the new guy is stealing our job! Great, I'll take any excuse to get out of here.

 

All flash, no substance by BigEvilDan 7-23-01
Watch this!		But you didn't change into anything. Is anything I do ever good enough for you?

 

Lil' Crabby by BigEvilDan 7-24-01
Mr. Randall, what are you doing here? Well Crabby, as your guidance counsellor, I thought I should try and figure out what the hell is wrong with you. Can I speak with your mother?	MOM!! THERE'S A MAN AT THE DOOR WHO WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!! This is a nice looking place. I'm sure the problem isn't here, but where could it be?	I've got a donkey and a red robot coming over in five minutes, so lets make this quick. Actually, I think I've got everything I need to know, thanks.

 

Don't Drink and Draw by BigEvilDan 7-26-01
I'm glad you could stop by on such short notice, DexX. So what seems to be the problem?	Well, you seem to have drawn my thumb in the wrong place. Oh, sorry about that Jael. Heh, I must have been out of it when I drew you.	Um...I'm not Jael. I'm Gabe. Well, that's the last time I go drinking with Skagg before I draw...

 

CC 51: Viva la Canuck! by BigEvilDan 8-07-01
And now a message from Joe, the Molson beer commecial guy. My fellow Canadians, the time has come to take up arms and conquer the world!	All the people of the world will be united under a single language...er, two languages. That's a nice colour for your dress, eh? Merci, vous bâtard anglais! Pouvez vous être assaillis par un âne seulement une fois, eh?	Enemies of the great Canuck empire will be dealt with quickly and fairly. But I'm the prez-e-dunt! Not any more. The Poutine Regime is in charge now. You're going to the maple syrup mines.

 

CC 52: Willy Wonka and the Prince of Darkness by BigEvilDan 8-11-01
Did you steal another box of those damn ice cream bars? There's a million dollar prize for getting the right bar. I intend to win that prize.	I've never heard of a dumber plan. I swear, hell will freeze over before one of your schemes pays off. I guess you're ri--hey, wait a second.	A few minutes earlier... Have you seen my ice cream bar? Hang on, I think I just found a way to deal with this heat wave...

 

Mr. Know-It-All Presents: How the Internet Works by BigEvilDan 8-11-01
Step 1: The user types in an insightful or witty statement that they wish to send. "While I respect your opinion, I'm afraid I must disagree."	Step 2: Mystical telepathic spirits take that information and transfer it across the world instantaneously. This package needs to get to wirthling's computer ASAP. Okay.	Step 3: The information is then placed inside the destination computer. Because the mythical spirits are illiterate, this sometimes gives the illusion that the internet is full of morons. "d00d, u suxx0r u cornhole donkees lol. :p" WTF?

 

CC 54: A public service announcement from Dr. Help-me-out by BigEvilDan 8-16-01
Pokemon is an insidious force that is corrupting todays youth. To explain further, here is a talking chicken. Thanks Doc. I've created a little demonstration to show Pokemon's destructive influence.	This conversation seems innocent enough... Wanna see my Pokeballs? I've got a huge Blastoise and a Doduo. Wow, neat!	...but watch as we change the setting slightly. Wanna see my Pokeballs? I've got a huge Blastoise and a Doduo. Thank God for pepper spray!

 

CC 54: Not-so-SmartTalk by BigEvilDan 8-16-01
This is SmartTalk, the weekly discussion panel. Our topic for today is "Pokemon cards: Innocent game or evil ploy?"	My mom bought me tons of these cards. They were fun at first, but eventually I just traded them for some beer. These cards are the tool of the Devil! First it's Pokemon cards, then them Magical cards, an' eventually sacrificin' virgins. An' I hate wastin' a perfectly good virgin.	You realize that we sell more pack because you say it's "Satan's game" than we ever could normally, right? Hell, I *WISH* this game was my idea. I'd rule the world by now if it were.

 

Max Payne by BigEvilDan 8-16-01
The city was cold with the icy grip of winter. Not a soul could be seen outside, which was good, because I had already sold mine. AHH!! The pain! Why God, why?	They'd left me to take the fall, but they didn't count on my making such a mess on impact. It was time to stab at the heart of this monster they call the mob. Make the suffering stop!!!	How the hell is Max Payne killing so many of our henchmen? He's not even carrying a gun! Yeah, but he wields a mean metaphor...

 

CC 54: More educational than the WWF! by BigEvilDan 8-20-01
Bondagebird, I choose you!		Wait, is this a Pokemon battle or a cock fight? Who the fuck cares? One of them is gonna be fine eatin' tonight.

 

CC 59: Master stripper by BigEvilDan 9-04-01
So what do you do, exactly? I run a website that allows people to design their own comics about donkey sodomy.		No, seriously. Hey, it looked good on paper.

 

The Gabe Billings Memorial Museum - 2169 AD by BigEvilDan 9-05-01
White power! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!	I DO NOT SUCK DICK! Hi, I'm new. I wrote some comics. Look at my comics. What do you think of my comics? Do you like my comics? READ MY COMICS!	...but thankfully these species were wiped out in the Tobor Wars of 2056. Why half of my unit was cornholed just trying to bring Deisel down. Can we go home yet gramps?

 

HHGTTG in five panels by BigEvilDan 9-06-01
We're approaching Earth, sir. Good. Let's blow it up, and make sure the cooks don't let anybody on, or I'll read some poetry.	Now why did I just ruin my presidency just to steal a spaceship? Oh well. I guess I'll just look for mythical planets.	Hi there Earthling. We're having some computer trouble. Can we pick your brain for a second? Uhh...I really have to be somewhere else right now...

 

Interviews with the Lowpass Characters - Part 14 by BigEvilDan 9-08-01
Interview with the dolphin So, what do you bring to the stripcreator?	A blowhole.	You must be new here. No regular could possibly think sticking something into an orifice is original. Yeah, I know. I met Tobor on the way in.

 

Life of the two-headed shark... by BigEvilDan 9-08-01
		This blows. Hey, at least we don't have an ass. That gets gabe, wirthling and Tobor out of our hair.

 

My Arch-nemesis Returns by BigEvilDan 9-08-01
Who the hell are you? I'm your big, evil twin, Dave. I'm here to steal your money, your girlfriend and your life.		But I don't have any of those. Then this is the easiest day's work I've ever done.

 

CC 61: The best laid plans... by BigEvilDan 9-09-01
Now that we've eliminated the real ObiJo, we can finish cloning a new one for our devious plan to destroy stripcreator.	Weeks later... My missions: 1) Infiltrate the stripcreator; 2) be funny; 3) sodomize all animal life; 4) bring you the head of JohnnyBrad. Excellent, he's fully grown and his programming is complete. I think we're ready to unleash him. This plan will never fail!	Hmm...I'm not sure how I'm going to get the head through there...oh well, I'll just make some shark comics instead.

 

Serial Comic ]|[: Meet the team by BigEvilDan 9-12-01
Meanwhile... So now that Captain Name Change has most likely been eliminated, I'll need a status report. Second Banana? Well sir, I've assembled the finest group of cliche characters money can buy to help with our mission. Each is trained in self-defence, spy techniques, and foreshadowing.	I'm the Aussie Assassin. I insist on using this Boomerang Gun, despite it's inefficiency and the fact that it is easily traced. I'm the love interest Veronica Del'ass. I'll no doubt fall in love with the hero while seducing him and betray you.	I'm the scientist held hostage to make insane devices for you. When the hero arrives, I will no doubt betray you as well. I'm a chicken. I know, it doesn't make any sense to me, either.

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