All comics by DrMorton

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by DrMorton
7-11-07
Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor, ...
... such wonderful things surround you, ...
That chicken has to drown sooner or later. I´ll be there to eat its eyes. That´s only fair punishment for stealing my song.
... what more is you lookin´ for?
And for that fake black accent.

 

by DrMorton
7-11-07
I told them from the beginning that replacing "American Idol" with "American Shirt Designer" was a doomed concept. They wouldn´t listen.
If Finkelman could see me now ...

 

by DrMorton
7-11-07
Ooooh, a fairy! Maybe she could fullfil my wish of having arms and legs.
I would need a mouth to utter that wish, of course. Maybe I can blink it in morse code.
Is that creep hitting on me?

 

by DrMorton
7-12-07
Dance, stupid creature, dance! People won´t give a dime if I haven´t got a dancing animal in my street clown act.
Don´t pull that face on me! I´m your provider, you owe me. What will you do anyway? Run away to live on your own?
Actually, I´ve been doing exactly that since yesterday morning ....
Say something!

 

I should demand extra pay for cleaning up THIS mess ...
by DrMorton, 7-12-07

 

by DrMorton
7-12-07
Here we are.
Who´s he?
Yep, just the two of us.
Something´s wrong with this guy. He doesn´t talk, he doesn´t even move.
Two of a kind.
He creeps me out. I wish I had feet so I could get the hell out of here.

 

Cum on! Cum on! Shoot your load all over my face!
by DrMorton, 7-12-07

 

by DrMorton
7-12-07
STOP THAT CREEKING! YOU ARE A CONSTANT PAIN IN THE ASS! I DON`T WANT TO EVER SEE YOU AGAIN!
HA! AND HOW DO YOU PLAN TO ACHIEVE THAT, YOU FUCKING RETARD? WE´RE TREES, REMEMBER?
I WILL CUT YOU DOWN, THAT´S WHAT I´M GONNA DO, DICKFACE!
HA! YOU AND WHAT ARMY OF LUMBERJACKS?
AND YOU WILL FALL WITHOUT MAKING ANY SINGLE ANNOYING SOUND. CAUSE NO ONE WILL BE THERE TO HEAR YOU!
HA! MR. SMARTASS THINKS HE CAN HIDE HIS BEING A KINDERGARTEN DROPOUT WITH A LITTLE READER´S DIGEST PHILOSOPHY?

 

The last strip left me thinking: What if you made a comic strip and no one rates it? Well, it does sound ... familiar.
by DrMorton, 7-12-07

 

by DrMorton
7-12-07
For where two or three meet in my name, ...
... I shall be there with them.
Just sit the fuck down, Jesus! The movie´s gonna start any second!

 

by DrMorton
7-12-07
Hey, guys! I say, we go for the 400,000th strip on Stripcreator! Somebody come up with a good joke fast!
Omg! Omg! Omg! I can´t think of anything!
Count me out, folks. I don´t want to have anything to do with you freaks.
Grrr?
I got one! Also I´m not dead. Here it comes: The Pope, a mobster and a headless horse walk into a barbershop to get their hair cut. The Pope says to the horse: ... Fuck! Time is up!

 

by DrMorton
7-12-07
Behind the Scenes of "666": Outtakes from 666.41 (the end of the line)
I refuse to tell a joke. The road to hell is paved with jokes. God forbids man to tell jokes.
I do not! It´s just that I am more the practical joke guy myself. Wasn´t that AIDS prank hilarious?
I don´t fucking care for your stupid Shitcreator. Did anybody of you fucking care to fix my headlights when I needed them?
This is so not cool, dudes.
Who´s in charge here? Have you got a permit for that kind of assembly?
I want to know what happened to the horse ...

 

How many times do I have to yell you that we ran out of those free beer samples two hours ago?
by DrMorton, 7-13-07

 

by DrMorton
7-14-07
Feed Me! Feed Me!
Not again.
She goes like that all day and all night. I wish she had never been born.
But then her philodendron mother was too hot to resist.

 

by DrMorton
7-15-07
Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear, and it shows them pearly white.
I do.
When that shark bites with its teeth, dear, scarlet billows begin to spread.
That´s true.
Now on the seabed, Sunday morning, lies a chicken oozin´ life. And that someone sneaking round the corner is surely me.

 

by DrMorton
7-16-07
Why didn´t the pumpkin cross the road?
Because it couldn´t.
You know what? I´m already late for my milking but I´ll stay here until the next truck comes through. I want to watch that.

 

by DrMorton
7-17-07
By popular demand and in honour of the new Transformers movie I will try to transform myself into a car today.
Hurray!
I´ve never done this before, so let´s see what will happen. Here we go! Remember, this is live!
I can´t watch!
Did it work? How do I look?
Uhm, I´m not sure a 1965 Volvo Amazon counts.

 

by DrMorton
7-18-07
This layout came up ...
... when I hit the random button just once.
I swear.
Me, too.

 

by DrMorton
7-19-07
Fuck! How am I supposed to make a funny strip out of this? Think hard, fish! You can do this!
Maybe something about a communist red herring spilling a glass of red wine in the Red Sea beneath a bloodbath committed by redskins fighting over tomato soup leaking from a tanker?
Nah. Too obvious.

 

by DrMorton
7-20-07
Listen, brothers! Them humans cannot tell the three of us apart. If we all confess that we are the one they´re looking for - they will have to let us all go.
But it´s you!
No, it´s me.

 

by DrMorton
7-20-07
Tick! Tock!
Blub!
Tick! Tock!
Blub!
What we´ve got here is failure to communicate.
Tick! Tock!
Blub!

 

That dolphin pattern blanket mom bought me really bugs me. I´m not a little child anymore! Also that eye seems to follow me wherever I go.
by DrMorton, 7-25-07

 

Ever since mom gave me that new paperclip pattern blanket I don´t get any sleep at night. It keeps asking me if I want to write a letter.
by DrMorton, 7-26-07

 

Now that I finally got me a red fish pattern blanket ...
I´m not a pattern, you psycho! Take out those staples and put me back into my bowl!
by DrMorton, 7-26-07

 

by DrMorton
7-26-07
I definitely shouldn´t have fingerpainted the wall.
Using blood might not have been a wise choice either.
Maybe killing the babysitter was a bit short-sighted, too. My diapers are full.

 

I like my new room! Everything here is plain white, even the blankets!
Which means we´ve got the element of surprise on our side ...
by DrMorton, 7-27-07

 

by DrMorton
7-27-07
For my science project I present: RoboGod! He comes in handy if you want to save on your electricity bill. He can illuminate your whole house just by uttering the phrase "Let there be light!"
To have him work properly you have to sacrifice a firstborn every Sunday. This can be a bit tough once you´ve been through all your relatives and the families in your street.
What, a D+?

 

by DrMorton
7-28-07
What is it exactly that we´re up to?
I´ll answer that question just one more time: Our mission is to blow up Santa´s toy factories. Preferably with Santa inside.
And why would we do such a dreadful thing?
We want to ensure that Santa won´t be able to deliver any gifts this Christmas. Which means our boss will be the sole competitor in the Christmas gift market on Alpha Centauri.
But Santa never comes to Alpha Centauri!
Then who put that load of coals in my stockings last Christmas, you smartass? Our parents? I got reason enough to finish Santa off.

 

by DrMorton
7-28-07
When letting my eyes gaze over the wall / That hours before had looked oh so fine / I realized that fingerpainting the lot of it all / Was to be considered the most hideous crime.
Then I looked at my fingers, the stains of red / Which sight made me think even more / If upon planning the art in my head / I should have reconsidered the use of gore.
Gaining my last insight I trembled with fear / It drove me to deeply regret what I did / Killing the nanny had been a foolish idea / For my diapers grew full of shit.

 

Maybe I should wait a few hours so it can adapt to its new home. Then I´ll try to feed it again.
by DrMorton, 7-30-07

 

by DrMorton
7-30-07
Oh no! Farmer Bob is at it again!
Yep. Recreating civil war battles with farm animals. It´s degrading. Also farmer Bob is so not convincing as Robert E. Lee.
Fuck, he has that poor old horse Charlie play Ulysses S. Grant again. This is torture. Charlie can hardly walk anymore.
Hmm, where did Charlie get this hand grenade? Oh, look at that! I did not think you could pull the safety pin with a hoof.
I guess the South lost again.
I don´t recall anyone in school telling us that General Lee lost both his arms and legs in battle.

 

by DrMorton
8-01-07
Die! Muhaha!
What? Not a single patron in the house?
I shouldn´t have picked the Pauly Shore Career Retrospective Marathon ...

 

by DrMorton
8-04-07
I did it! Finally I have the ancient statue of fish god Dagon in my hands. Gotta hide here as long as the guardians are still looking for me.
I wonder what the witch doctor meant when he said "Wherever you hide you´ll have Dagon´s curse on your tail for the rest of your life!"

 

by DrMorton
8-04-07
I don´t see why he moves me. He´s a man. He´s just a man.
And I´ve had so many men before, in very many ways, he´s just one more.
Has anyone ever told you that this is not quite the way to woo somebody? Try some flattery instead.

 

by DrMorton
8-10-07
Freeze, earthling! We´re taking over the planet.
Ooooh, it´s Kermit!
Who the fuck is Kermit?
What´s a fuck?
*blush* Erm, you better ask your parents. And don´t tell them you heard that word from me, you understand?

 

by DrMorton
8-11-07
If I hadn´t retrieved the information about the penguins´ scheme for world domination we wouldn´t be on our mission to destroy the penguin mothership that´s hidden under some iceberg.
Yep. Without it they won´t be able to interfere with our plans to take over the planet. Where exactly did you get the information anyway?
I talked to a guy called Wally the Conspiracy Theorist. He explained everything to me.
Wally the Conspiracy Theorist? That guy´s a loonie! This whole mission is a travesty! How could you fail me again, Retardron-67?
Retardron-67?

 

by DrMorton
8-11-07
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha! What the fuck are you talking about?
It´s a national security issue. But if you listen to your heart you will find the answer!
I just came here to drill. It's the kind of mission where you get medals, but they send 'em to your relatives.
I saved the world again.
This is hero stuff.

 

by DrMorton
8-12-07
Next the war room. We can control all the country´s weapon systems from here. If I don´t keep an eye on you, boy, you might start a little world war here, haha.
Muahahaha, that´s exactly ... I mean, haha.
If you hadn´t told me you were the president´s son I wouldn´t be allowed to show you all this.
Which of the boys are you, Barbara or Jenna? ... Wait, what the ... ?

 

by DrMorton
8-13-07
God morning, mister klaun. Ju is happy dis day, ja? Smørebrød, ja?
Diego? What with shitty swedish accento? I know you for years, estes Mexicano like me, si?
Si si si, Señor clown, but Señor Boorite not know this. Diego want steal prize money for comic competition 364, so Diego pretend like funny eskimo.
But ees no prize money in stripcreator comic competitiones, Diego!
Porca Misere! Señor Boorite is big bandito! Hijo de puta, Diego want money back!
Ees no entry fee also ...

 

by DrMorton
8-14-07
Zero gravity makes the life of a space shuttle cook difficult.
I just accidentally chopped off my arm and now it´s floating right in front of me. But it could have been worse.
I could have held a pot of boiled rice in that hand. In that case I´d have to chase every single rice corn through the ship.

 

by DrMorton
8-22-07
You sent an angel for me, father? What´s up?
I´ve created a new chosen people. I´m going to send you down to them.
Okay, so what´s the catch this time?
No catch whatsoever. By the way I have to change your appearance so you look like one of them.
No way! I´m not going anywhere looking like this!
If you had finished that carpenter´s apprenticeship like I told you, you wouldn´t have to work for me. Deal with it or get a job!

 

by DrMorton
8-24-07
Rock!
Trunk!
Fuck! I lost again!
I´m sure he´s cheating. But how?
Want a rematch?

 

by DrMorton
8-25-07
You know, I don´t stay head of the department by being nice or everybody´s friend.
You gotta find out who´s not playing along with your ideas and who might be a threat to your position. Then you eliminate them.
Moo!
I like your boot-licking personality.

 

by DrMorton
8-25-07
Class, can you tell why this print of Pieter Bruegel the Elder´s painting "The Triumph of Death" from 1562 is clearly a work of forgery?
No one? Come on, people, it´s not that hard!
*sigh* I´ll tell you: Bruegel never used bright green for the color of the sky. And you in the back row, stop jerking off this instant or I´ll finish it myself!

 

by DrMorton
8-25-07
Godda tell you shomeshing, Tinkerbell. Caush youma beshtest friend. Only friend that ish. Lishen: The luvv of my life hash just left me.
She shaid I´m probbabbly the nishest guy in the world when I´m not drunk. But problem wash she hadd never sheen me shober, she shaid.
Guesh she ish right. I´m even sho drungg right now that I talk to you ash if you could undershtand Englishshshshsh.
Oh, I do understand English perfectly. But if I wasn´t on crack right now I´d have run away right at the beginning of your rant. Can´t feel my legs though.

 

by DrMorton
9-09-07
You know what´s wrong with this company?
Bee!
There´s too many people who are afraid to express an opinion of their own. Heck, they´re even afraid to have one.
Baa!
You agree, do you?
Bee-Baa!

 

The Man With The Invisible Left Fist Who Punches Villains Without Even Looking While Keeping His Other Hand In His Pocket.
Take that, you fiend! Hah, you didn´t see that coming!
by DrMorton, 9-09-07

 

by DrMorton
9-11-07
Looks like your founding a new religion. Click me for help or enter a question.
How do I get off this cross?
Your search did not return any results. Do you want to try a new search? ... Sir, are you still there? Just click me! Please?

 

by DrMorton
9-17-07

 
by DrMorton, 9-19-07

Showing page 3.

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