All comics by LuckyGuess

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by LuckyGuess
12-13-05
Oh my God, it's my ex-husbands new girlfriend.
Michelle! Nice to see you!
Oh God, oh God, what am I gonna say?
So, how's that whole 'wish granting' thing going?
WHORE! WHORE! YOU RUINED MY MARRIAGE! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
God I love me.

 

Alright boys and girls, this year we've decided to showcase our new Non-Denominational Generic Holiday Clause.
My ex-wife, my ex-wife, my ex-wife!
by LuckyGuess, 12-14-05

 

I want peace and love for Christmas, man.
Didn't like the train, eh? Eat my jolly cock.
by LuckyGuess, 12-14-05

 

by LuckyGuess
12-15-05
Hello, dear.
Look, I just want to get home. I had a rough night.
Would you just grant me pleasure so that I can die naked and sweaty?
I wonder if I can teleport myself into the sun.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-15-05
Please? My vagina is wrinkly and nobody will fuck me anymore.
Ghaaaaa!
Oh, hello. Who are you?
Today an 85 year-old woman was found dead in her apartment building. She was naked and sweaty.
My ascension into heaven is a farcical illusion.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-15-05
You know what? Chimi-Changas aren't funny.
He's still posting nonstop.
And he still isn't witty or thought provoking.
I liked that "Cadillacs and Dinosaurs in 3-D" picture.
We know what you think.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-17-05
How are our spies doing, Gabriel?
Most of them have infiltrated government offices, schools, and the military, my lord.
What do you mean by 'most'?
Deuteronomy and Clotho went onto a comic making website.
I liek Jsus, JasonP.
Yoo sid ti, goofycomiinc.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-17-05
Hi. I'm here to grant a wish.
Hold on while I check your security clearance. It'll take a bit, but it's just protocol. After all, we can't have just anyone prancing through Area 51.
Zeraxithe, devourer of worlds? I'm here to grant your wish.
Ah, you must be the fairy I sent for!
Shit.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-18-05
Chris? What could you possibly need? Forbes magazine said you were worth infinity dollars.
I need a clothes hanger.
For the Mrs.
Haven't you ever heard of an abortion clinic?
Ho ho no.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-18-05
My friend was reading a fashion magazine yesterday.
Neato frito bandito.
It was one of those ones that showcases little girls in skintight "salsa princess" outfits.
That's just wrong.
They were delicious looking.
Give me the magazine or I'll drop you like it's hot.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-19-05
I just picked up some hillbilly from Arkansas. We're going to probe him soon.
Ah, very good. What device will we be using this time?
We'll screen "Titanic" forty seven times while holding his eyes open.
Excellent! I'll get the report from Ted tommorow.
...And mah butt hurt fer three days afterwerds.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-22-05
I need guidance, father.
My son, God will show you the path I if you truly believe in him.
Suddenly, a divine vision!
You have to be home by eleven.
Fuck you, dad! I'm a responsible adult now, and I can do anything I want!
Enlightening. I'm going to join that Neo-Druid nudist colony down the road. Toodles.
I'm coming with you.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-26-05
Why are the comic book based movies all tanking?
We're not actually following the plot of the comics and add needless unfunny jokes and special effects.
So... you guys gonna fix that?
No.
I figure if we just cast Samuel L. Jackson in every one they'll be okay.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-05
I don't like you.
Aw...
Many Years Later
What do you mean, "Catch the roadrunner?" Why don't you buy a rifle or something?
Listen, Fairy. If a thermonuclear missile can't kill this thing, then I'll use magic.
I'm sure I put that Arc somewhere around here...
I hate this jo...b... oh no.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-27-05
Well, well. If it isn't miss bippity-boppity-boo herself.
Hello again, Yahweh. Been a while.
You know, I never could remember why I didn't like you. You're petit, bubbly, have massive, throbbing breasts...
Didn't I tell you to try hair club out?
That's the ticket.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-30-05
Mr. LuckyGuess, people have been saying that you are a communist wildebeest. Is there any proof otherwise?
I'm a person.
There you have it, folks! A communist wildebeest in our midst!
I want a redo.

 

by LuckyGuess
12-30-05
LOOK YE UPON THESE MIGHTY WORKS AND DESPAIR!
LOOK YE UPON THESE MIGHTY WORKS AND DESPAIR!
I know you're holding it behind your back.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-02-06
New York, September 11th, 2001 A.D.
This isn't going to go well.
Why? Is it the turban? Is that it? I'm so tired of being discriminated against for looking like this!
Okay, okay! I'm sorry! Tell you what, I'll give you two wishes.
Good! Allah would be happy to see such kindness.
What have I done?
Two wishes, two towers. Deal with it, capitalist breast fairy.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-02-06
Delicious cajun Seafood or Cornbread stuffed Turduckens.
Excuse me?
One of them is lodged in your vagina.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-03-06
Goo.
To become a Jedi, one must begin training at an early age, and have a high enough midichlorian count to manipulate the force.
Burblesplat.
Furple.
We might consider midichlorian boosters for the midichlorian impaired.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-03-06
I am known as Lucifer, Prince of Lies. You have summoned me into this world, mortal.
My lord! How may I, a humble servant of darkness, serve you?
You get DirecTV?
I just bought the hockey package.
Cool. Grab some Cheezits and Dew.
Uh... O-kay...

 

by LuckyGuess
1-04-06
So I was thinking, how is it that some jelly is better than other jelly?
Do you mean jam or that see-through jiggly stuff?
Jam.
Because you're a cunt.
That was uncalled for.
Oh, but was it?

 

by LuckyGuess
1-04-06
My life is a hollow existencial existence.
I ignore the fact I have multitudes of friends and supporters and choose to focus on and mope about all the negative aspects of my life.
My succeses mean nothing to me.
My talents are useless in my eyes.
Sometimes I get itchy for no reason.
Love me, you cocksucking bastards.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-04-06
Welcome to the arena, knight. Here you will face your doom!
So be it, hideous dragon! How shalt we fight? Sword against flame, or with bow and arrow?
Scategories. But I always start out with fifty bonus points.
Fifty? Oh cruel fate!

 

by LuckyGuess
1-05-06
So Jared, what do you think of my Australian girl?
Call me crazy, but she looks very familiar to me.
How do you mean?
Her eyes. It was something about her eyes, but I can't remember what.
The Previous Night
Hey! Twilight Zone!
....a place of sight....

 

by LuckyGuess
1-05-06
Hey, there you are!
I just have a quick question, if you don't mind.
Okay.
Whoa! Cool accent!
Not this again...

 

by LuckyGuess
1-05-06
Australians think Steve Irwin is crazy, right?
Yeah. We don't know what's wrong with him.
Thought so! Thanks!
No problem.
I wonder what would happen if I poked him in the face with a stick.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-05-06
Hey, that guy is actually afraid of you.
What?
Someone told him you were going to fight him and he exended a peace invitation.
He knows I have no muscle mass, right?
Just wear a lot of layers.

 

Hello, are you the Trumpeter? I have an express letter from God for you.
Ready the horsemen, we ride at first light.
by LuckyGuess, 1-05-06

 

Is there something you should be telling me?
Nothing at all. Go back to your mortal blue-collar job as I prepare for the rapture. You better hope you aren't gay.
by LuckyGuess, 1-05-06

 

I'm not letting you destroy the Earth before I murder some specific people, got it?
You are SO a pile of salt.
by LuckyGuess, 1-05-06

 

by LuckyGuess
1-05-06
Your search for "LuckyGuess" under favorites has returned 0 results.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
Our Story Begins With Pointless First Person Narration
I should have know that this was coming. My entire life I wanted to believe I was special, and that somehow I was destined to save the world.
I never realized how much I loved the simplicity of this life. I miss everything. Bagels, cream cheese, X-Box, goldfish, fanfiction.
Suddenly, my entire world came crashing down around my head, and I didn't even know it.
Dear Aster, I really do like you, but I think I'm dragging you down. If you need me, I'll be fucking that guy I used to hang out with all the time. I'm sorry. Not really. -Yuri

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
Hey, can I buy three hundred and forty dollars worth of Nyquil?
Whoa!
What?
Colors.
Can I just get my medicine?
Why don't you just take the Nyquil suicide pill? It's the itching, aching, fever, coughing, headache, stuffy, sore throat, kill yourself to feel better medicine.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
I took the pill so that I might be released from my bonds of pain. I would suffocate the life I led and move on to Nirvana. What awaited me at death's door? Was it happiness?
Perhaps I never really awoke from that darkness. Perhaps the light was permanently taken from me and I was just dreaming. Maybe that's what life really is... a dream. But what does that make death?
All I knew was that when I waked, I would need to be ready.
Ghaaaaaaaaa! ............................. You defeated grunt! You gain 15 experience! You found candy bar!
What the hell?

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
What's gong on?
I just saved you from the vile clutches of Doctor Edmund Zoro. You've been in stasis since you were born.
Since I don't know what the hell's going on, I guess I'll go with you.
Great! A new member!
Aster has joined Nikki's party!
What was that?
A text box. They come and go.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
So what now?
Since your the fourth member of our party, you'll take the fourth battle slot in random encounters. I'm Nikki, the heroine with a semi-mysterious past. The others are behind me.
I'm Reginald, a pirate lord whose crew was slain by an evil madman who resides in this very tower.
I'm Dew, Nikki's faithful companion. I'm harboring a dark secret that will one day test Nikki's courage and spirit in the face of incredible odds.
Um, I'm Aster. I tried to kill myself when my girlfriend dumped me over the internet and woke up on top of a grunt. I have no battle experience or puzzle solving abilities.
I'll just put you in the back row.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
So why are you guys here now?
Edmund Zoro killed Reginald's men, and he's now exacting revenge. Zoro may also know something about my semi-mysterious past.
Nice place he's got here.
If by nice you mean evil and horrible.
Well what about his room, then? Look, thats a Stradivarius mounted on the wall right there.
Don't make me deequip you.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
AAAAACK! What happened? Everythings spinning! I think I'm gonna puke!!!
Don't worry, it's just a random encounter.
Quick, say your tag lines! "You won't beat me! I'm the best!"
"For the honor of my men!"
"Fear my blade!"
HURRRRRRRK!

 

by LuckyGuess
1-07-06
For the last time, no.
Ultimate power! Fame, fortune, and anything you desire! All I ask is for you to destroy the Creator!
No.
You had to think about it.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-08-06
King Pirate Slash
You cannot escape my fury!!!
115 ................................. skeleton defeated!
Neko-Shuriken
Take THAT!
78 ................................. skeleton defeated!
Aster is Confused!
What the hell is this supposed to be?
Oh my, your grammar is terrible. Choose more eloquent words, whelp. I didn't go to Juliard to hear hell used as a descriptive adjective.

 

A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down!
by LuckyGuess, 1-08-06

 

by LuckyGuess
1-08-06
How's this supposed to work?
You perform an attack previously aquired by an event, gaining a level, or accessing it via personal or item skill tree.
Then I'll say a number relative to the damage I, the enemy, recieve from the attack. If my HP is depleted by those numbers, I die and you win.
The numbers deplete the HP?
Once it's my turn, you are so poisoned you don't even know it.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-08-06
I don't know any attacks.
Just make something up.
Bitch Slap
1
That was bad, wasn't it?
It's no "Omnislash," that's for sure.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-08-06
Your search for "LuckyGuess" under favorites has returned 1 result.
Really? Who was it?
funnykid. Good comics, you are a character in his set.... oh, here we go. He only has one star.
DAMMIT!
There, there. One day Kaufman might add you, but only if you make a set starring him that's at least 100 parts long.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-09-06
I noticed there's a "Block" command on every MySpace page.
That's for stopping users from sending you messages.
Couldn't you just ignore them?
It's primary function is to keep your exes from communicating with you.
So stopping ex grilfriends from accessing a small corner of MySpace is considered a snub?
If you think that's bad, try removing them from your friends list. It's like commiting a mortal sin.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-09-06
Hello, God! You have 0 new friend requests.
What? People should be flocking to me. Look up the username "God."
Found 170,000 matches.
Commence the smiting.
Found 160,000 matches.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-10-06
I was reading my psychology book and figured out the breakup had caused a full-blown 'defense mechanism recovery period."
That's what that was? I thought you'd been drinking.
First there was repression, where I ignored everything, then bargaining, then anxiety, where I became lethargic and immobile, and then depression and finally acceptance.
What happened during bargaining?
All that matters is that he didn't fulfill his end of the deal, and that means I still have a soul.
I hope you got a signed confirmation.

 

by LuckyGuess
1-10-06
Hey fairy, why you lookin' at me all angry?
YOU RUINED MY MARRIAGE! I HATE YOU! AAAAAAGH!

 

by LuckyGuess
1-11-06
I want to ask you a question.
Shoot.
Lets say you like a certain person, but that feeling is overridden by the insatiable need to kill them?
You know, hypothetically speaking.
You need to get out more.

Showing page 3.

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