All comics by Spankling

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by Spankling
6-14-01
Watch out for him folks! He's big! He's evil!
He's Big Evil Dave!
DAN! Big Evil Dan you nimrod!
That's what I said.
*gnashing of teeth* *mutter* idiot pervert *snarl* no wonder he got stomped!

 

by Spankling
6-15-01
Do these jeans make my ass look fat?
Yes, but I'm sure the proximity of your miniscule breasts has something to do with it.
Then maybe I'll feel better if you boob-bang me. At least that will make my knockers look larger.

 

by Spankling
6-15-01
Can you believe ObiJo, or OboJean or whatever is actually gone?
No. I'm kinda stunned.
Yeah...
Wow...
Well, at least my sphincter is beginning to heal up.
Now you're gonna make me cry!

 

by Spankling
6-15-01
Can you believe ObiJo, or OboJean or whatever is actually gone?
No. I'm kinda stunned.
Yeah...
Wow...
Well, at least my sphincter is beginning to heal up.
Now you're gonna make me cry!

 

by Spankling
6-15-01
The summer before I went to college I "dated" an older woman (30 or so). She was randy and liked doing it in public places.
C'mon Spanks. I know a shady spot where we can get busy.
Cool. Right behind ya.
She taught me a lot and only almost got me arrested once (she charmed the cop out of it.)
The Gap has the best dressing rooms for sex. But the staff is hyper alert, so be quiet.
So I should scream less... got it.
One night she took me to the park, boffed me, then told me it was over. The next night I left for college. I miss her.
It's been fun. See ya.
Can't we play lion and lion tamer one more time? You hold your mouth open, and I'll feed you the meat. No?

 

by Spankling
6-15-01
How was she? Any good? Does she swallow? Is this enough food stamps?
Actually, we never got around to it. By the time I got comfortable enough to take off my jacket my time was up.

 

by Spankling
6-16-01
*puff* *scramble* *pant* *puff* *stumble* *pant* *puff*
whoo! What a climb! *puff* *puff*
Now what was it I came up here for?
One can be instructed in society, one is inspired only in solitude.

 

by Spankling
6-17-01
Damn you bitch. You been on the street for 8 hours tonight and all you got to give me is a lousy 2 grand! Are you trying to MAKE me whip your ass?
NO! I'll make more for you! Just let me stay out another couple of hours! The Johns are just starting to roll in!
Welllllll...
please?
All right. But you bring me another grand by 3:00 AM or you'll be fartin out from between your tits!
Oh thank you!.... And.... Happy Father's Day, daddy.

 

by Spankling
6-17-01
That........ That...... That was fucking incredible!
Yeah, I know. I get that a lot.
So.... can I see you again sometime?
No. I don't think so. You're not really up to my standards.
Oh.... Then I guess I'll just be consuming your soul and shredding your body now.
Whatever.

 

by Spankling
6-18-01
Fuck this.
Yeah. Like I got all day.

 

by Spankling
6-18-01
Stood up again!
This is really cutting into my ME time!

 

by Spankling
6-18-01
Hello, this is Big Evil Dan and I just called to...
Dave's not here, man.
Not this again...
Dave will be back later, man. Check back then.
I'm Dan! D-A-N! Got that?
I told you! Dave's not here, man!

 

by Spankling
6-18-01
Fuck....
Bad news?
Yeah. I can't read.

 

by Spankling
6-19-01
You got anything on wirthling's dick?
Why? Who you been talking to?
It's this new thread. They want stuff on wirthling's dick.
Oh! You mean like jelly, or cheese whiz?
What?
Obi walked out with all I had left. I'll go get more. (Man, when is it ever going to be MY turn?)

 

by Spankling
6-19-01
RARRRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
Kiss this hole, tinman! Everyone knows you only go for boys.
Well?
TOBOR SORRY TO HAVE BOTHERED YOU.
That's what I thought you said! Later, bung-boy.

 

by Spankling
6-19-01
High upon a mountain.
*puff* *scramble* *climb* *gasp* Master! *puff*
*puff-puff* Master! Thank the gods I finally reached you! *pant* I have an inner longing for truth that only you can fill!
Baaaa

 

by Spankling
6-19-01
Fucking 13 innings! Damn do I need to piss. I'll never make the EL before I wiz my pants... There's a good spot!
tsssssssssss... tsssssss... tsss... tsss... tssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss... tssss... tsss... ts... ts.
Dum... de de dum...
HEY!

 

by Spankling
6-19-01
Wow! Two bags of M80s, bottle rockets and witch whistles! I can't believe they all fit down there!
Dude! I can't believe we stuck our hands down there! What a stink! Okay I twisted the fuses together. You light it up.
tssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
*snicker* This is gonna rock...
He's wakin' up! RUN!
ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Wha'? You better run, fuckin' bastards! Don't be comin' roun' here! Damn! Did I shit my pants agin'? Feels like I'm packin' a load...

 

by Spankling
6-20-01
Hello little girl. What's your name?
That dog is wearing underpants!
He he. Actually I'm a performer. This is my costume. I'm also standing on a ball. Do you think you could...
That dog is wearing underpants!
SHUT UP!
That dog is wearing underpants!

 

by Spankling
6-21-01
So, the summer solstice; the day when the Holly king kicks ass and begins to diminish the length of our days. The veil between worlds is thin today.
Of course the crackheads on the other side of the globe see things the other way about. Right now their nights are longer, while we enjoy late night sun.
You are sooooooo turning me on right now.
I get a lot of that.

 

by Spankling
6-22-01
She filled my dreams.
You've been staring at me long enough. Are you going to talk?
I...
I tried to approach her.
You got 30 seconds. Impress me.
That is...
Never had a chance.
A minute ago I might of banged you for the novelty, but now I see your just too fucking pathetic. Make tracks. And don't you DARE beat off while thinking about me!

 

by Spankling
6-22-01
You wanted to see me, Mr. K-roosoe?
Friday! Yes, thank for coming so quickly. Which brings me to my point. There is a Mr. X here to see you.
You didn't loose me in another poker game, did you sir?
No. It's just a rental for around noon. Play nice.

 

by Spankling
6-22-01
Hello donkey. Saw Gabe recently?
Agreement.
It was straight line donkeys, with the broom 2 minutes forwards!
This wank!
He promised today first dibs, which are on its bag wirthling!
Copulate nooner of. Afterwards that mean bag I chugged, have your thoughts obliged me have let it more rubber.

 

by Spankling
6-22-01
I've been working on the raaail road. All the live-long daaay.
*Clang*
*Clang*
I've been working on the raaail road. Just to pass the time awaaay.
*Clang*
*Clang*
Can't you hear the whistle blowin'? Rise up so early in the morn
*Clang*
*Clang*

 

by Spankling
6-24-01
So... what you got? DSL or cable?
Bitch. I'm still doin' modem.
MODEM?! You got a second phone line? Shit! DSL would only cost a couple bucks more!
I know. I know.
So... You gonna ask that guy behind us if he wants sucky sucky or is it my turn?
You go. I'm still waiting on a download.

 

by Spankling
6-24-01
Spankling, you don't look so good.
Allergies. The herbicides and chemicals didn't help, although the lawn looks good don't you think?
Looks like hell.
Thanks. So anyway, I stripped all my meat away to see if that would get rid of the sneezing and the watery eyes.
Any luck?
No I just checked. The nose is still running and the eyes are dripping right where I left them.

 

by Spankling
6-25-01
Aboard the good ship Low Pass
Captain Skagg, the crew is revolting!
Yeah, they stink on ice.
So, Mr. Christian, you think you can take over this contest?
That's Dan. Big Evil Dan. Not Dave. Not Christian. Let's not make this any more confusing than it already is.
Are you still in charge, sir?
What do you care, Spanks? You were history ages ago.

 

by Spankling
6-25-01
If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it does it make a sound?
Yes. Next question.
Which came first...
The egg. Come on! Give me a hard one!
When gabe and wirthling play hide the sausage, who supplies the sausage?
.....hmmmm....... good one.

 

by Spankling
6-26-01
I guess you're a busy guy these days...
Nope. Business is pretty much taking care of itself.
That's nice.
Yep.
You ever hear back from Andre Agassi?
Yeah. I'm letting him off the fame for his sole deal. Whatever Striesand did to him was worse than anything I had planned.

 

by Spankling
6-26-01
SHUT UP????
NO!!!! YOU SHUT UP!!!
SHUT UP????
NO!!!! YOU SHUT UP!!!
SHUT UP????
NO!!!! YOU SHUT UP!!!

 

by Spankling
6-26-01
I've always wondered about the flat side of your head. Were you a bonsai baby?
WHAT? Good god no! That is just sick.
Sorry I said anything.
My parents tied a board to my head.

 

by Spankling
6-27-01
Joined at the brain, eh? Do you find that difficult?
Not usually, but sometimes I find it...
... a bit distracting. Quiet you two! I'm on a personal chat session here.
Big Red: Can I see you tonight?
2-4-1: I can't make it. My other half is seeing an appliance tonight.
Sounds like fun! Maybe I should ask if I can join in...

 

by Spankling
6-27-01
Aliens have abducted Maura and Hank. Hank is taken away by the female alien leaving Maura and the male alien behind.
Now begins the probe!
Really? Cool!
And if you are not satisfied with my... er... probe... you my slap me on top of my head to make it bigger.
Damn nice arrangement! You really are a superior species!
Later...
That was fantastic! How did it go for you?
I don't know. She spent the entire time slapping me on the head.

 

by Spankling
6-28-01
buck buck buck
Yoinks! that's what I call fresh! Well I might as well get started. Now where did I put my copy of CRABBY'S CHICKEN RECIPIES?
buck?
It says here, "CHOP ITS HEAD OFF. THEN PULL ALL THE FEATHERS OUT BEFORE GUTTING AND STUFFING IT."
Stuff yersef, Oblio. I'm outa here.
What a relief. I didn't want to read any more of that book anyway.

 

by Spankling
6-28-01
Hello Office Smiley!
Hello Suzy. Are you being a good girl?
Yes, Officer Smiley. My Uncle says I'm the best he's ever had.
That so? This uncle got a name?
You know him. He's the police chief. Right now he's got his "night stick" up your wife.
Goodbye Suzy.

 

by Spankling
6-28-01
I saw you in the alley with that pretty lady, Officer Smiley.
WHAT? I mean... er... she... I was just...
She must have been pretty drunk! I saw you given her that breathalizer and she kept sloppin her mouth all over it.
Oh. uhhhh... yeah. She was drunk.
But why do you keep the breathalizer thing in your pants, Officer Smiley? And what did you say to her that was so funny? It looked like a pint of milk was gushin out of her nose!
Goodbye Suzy.

 

by Spankling
6-29-01
Hi. I'm Trampy. Use me to suck dick.
And I'm Crampy. Don't use me at the wrong time!!!!!
I'm Humpy, wirthling's love interest. Use me like a rented mule.
I'm Stabby. Use me to cut yourself some slack.
I'm Thirsty. Use me, baby. Just use me.
BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T USE ME!!!!!!

 

by Spankling
6-30-01
o/` Come and meet those dancing feet on the avenue I'm takin' you to - Forty-second Street. Hear the beat of dancing feet. It's the song I love the melody of - Forty-second Street...o/`
o/` Little nifties from the fifties - Innocent and sweet. Sexy ladies from the eighties who are indiscreet - OH! They're side by side, they're...o/`
STOP! People! Are you phoning this in?!? Where is the passion and excitement I saw last night (especially from you Gilbert)? Rafael, get me a latte and some codeine.
Yes sir Mr. D.A.12-Q! Right away!
Girlfriend, I don't know how you put up with it. You're never going to recreate the magic you had with those boys back on Earth.
I know. Gabe was a swell dancer (and so willing). But I've got to believe that a group of superior beings can match the hoofing and glitz of those monkey-boys. I must keep trying!

 

by Spankling
7-07-01
As you can see from these X-rays, Miss... I mean Mr. Wirthling, you have begun what we call a spontanious gender transformation.
Is it fatal doc?
That all depends, little lady. How hard would it be for you to give up being ass-bumped by pink donkeys. You see, that is the cause.
Curses! If only I could have given up butt-snorkling gabe instead! But I can't turn my back on my donkey love!
Oh, it appears that turning your back on that donkey is all you really care to do. I'm afraid he will ride you into the ground within the next week. Sorry.
But what a way to go!!! Saddle me up!

 

by Spankling
7-10-01
97... 98... 99...
100
Thanks! 100... 101... 102...

 

by Spankling
7-10-01
DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!! DAMN IT!!!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!!!
THAT TROW DROPPING MONGOLIAN SMOKING DONKEY HUMPER GABE NAMED CRABBY THE WINNER!! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE THE PAIN STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK THAT!!! I'M GOIN DOWN TO THE WASH AND WASH AN' PISS ON THE WINDOWS!!!!
AND IF I SEE GABE I'M GONNA GATHER HIS FREAK-ASS NUTS!!!! GET IT RIGHT!!!!!

 

by Spankling
7-12-01
Bad news LadyJ, they're onto us. Or rather WE are onto us.
Damn! I was hoping this would never happen! I rather enjoyed being boorite.
I guess it's for the best. Now maybe I can stop pretending to by crabby. It was giving me a headache.
Whatever... Well, I better go break the news to Obi. He's not going to like it.
I've got some bad news, Obi. We know we are only three people now.
NO! I'm Jael I tell you! I'm not listening! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

 

by Spankling
7-12-01
So, Spanks, rumor has it that you're into BDSM.
WHAT? What could possibly give people such and idea? I've never been so insulted!
Gosh, I'm sorry. So what IS it you're into given your name, history, comics and all?
Wrestling, body worship, smothering, maybe a little horse play. And spanking of course. Why? You interested, Maura?
With your dick? *snicker* Sorry, but Jael was right.
Hey, I don't need to stay here to take this kind of abuse! I can go elsewhere and get the kind I like!

 

by Spankling
7-12-01
Spankling looks for abuse.
Excuse me, are you free for some wrestling, maybe a little horse play?
No, but I'm reasonably priced.
Fabulous! Lead the way!
He came along at just the right time. I'm getting a bit peckish.
They romped. She stomped. Fun was had by all.
*puff moan* What do you mean *pant* take off my feathers?
Just do as I say and get in the pot or I wont sit on yer face again! *slurp*

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
Dr. Pedantic mulls things over with himself.
So my little invention has met with some success.
I DO NOT SUCK DICK!!!
Of course he doesn't. He doesn't even exist.
But *umf dig wank* Dr., we need more notoriety! You must continue our reign!
Yes Spankling. That is why we invented Dr. Light!
On with the show!

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
*Ahem* he he...
closer...
I said *Ahem* he he he. Hi there...
a little closer, old man...
AAAAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!!
Gotcha, sick fuck!

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
So far so good. This far through Friday the 13th and nothing bad has happened.
HA! Chumps! To think you tried to scare big old bad Gabe! What could possibly scare ME?!?
Okay, that's a good start.

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
Barracuda!

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
*Ring Ring* Mr. Cthulhu, this is your wake up call.
Thanks honey. *yawn* *scratch*

 

by Spankling
7-13-01
Show them your tits, you said! What could it hurt, you said!
I just wanted to get us a ride! How was I supposed to know wirthling would be driving by!

Showing page 3.

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