All comics by UncleTerwilliger

Profile

 

I've lost my home, my wife and my youth all down this bottle.
I've squandered everything for the temporary high of Thunderbird and a toothy B.J. from a bag lady who is high on airplane glue. Then it's another night on the cold, unforgiving ground.
Yeah...but at least those hipster beards are popular right now, so you could pass as just a self important, douche bag and not a hopeless wino.
Thanks, man.--you always know what to say. Hey! I'll bet if you still had legs you could fit into a pair of those "skinny jeans" those self sucking pricks love!

 

Maybe you should cut down on the raping part of raping and pillaging...it's just not that cool these days--or, ya know...ever.
Yeah, I think you're right.
It always sounds like it's going to be more fun than it is.
Tell me about it.

 

So you DON'T want to act out the end of 'Sid and Nancy'?!
I thought you were into role playing?!
Last week when you asked me to pretend to be a principal without morals to your wayward school girl--I did it!
This is a little different.

 

What's up...Dick?
Oh Jesus. Oh God. I shouldn't have weturned to the scene of the cwime. I should just confess...it was self defense after all.
Alright, Fudd. I'm taking you down to the precinct now.
You have to understand...he was an evil abuser! He has been pushing me and pushing me since the early 1940's! I just snapped!

 

So, what's in the briefcase you're fingering shiftily?
It's the Doomsday device.
Really?!
No, asshole. It's just my T.P.S reports, an eerie golden light and a MacGuffin.

 

Umm...how about a little foreplay?

 

Wow, the water cooler! So this is where Dad spends most of his time at work. I'm going to hide behind it and see what grownups really talk about.
Hey, Maurice. Have you seen that little goon-faced, troll daughter of mine anywhere?
You mean the really unmolestable one? No. --Thank God.

 

Remember...you must be like water.
Yeah...you keep saying that... and I get it and all...
...but what if I was more like an Appletini or a Rum and Coke?
Whatever helps you shut the fuck up.

 

His flavor profile is really on point.
What the hell does that even mean?
I'm in the weeds here!
They all talk like they're in a damned cult! Just make the food taste good!
I've added a superfluous foam to my radish and bird cartilage risotto and finished it with truffle oil and just a drizzle of my own liquified ego served on a bed of pomposity.
What a buffet of cream filled, al-dente penises.

 

What is this shit?! You call this an art opening?! I've been in better openings in Minneapolis!
Look...outsider art ain't cheap, Eduardo Corrochio. Besides, unlike your bathroom glory hole experience with Larry Craig...I have the God damned common courtesy to look you in the eye when I fuck you.
Hmmm, good point. -------I'll take the blue one.
Meet you in the bahtroom in five minutes?
Make it two.

 

I heard that what you call sex organs says a lot about your personality. Do you prefer the term cunt, pussy or vagina?
Pussy...cunt is just too harsh.
Hmmm...true. Do you like penis, dick or cock?
I prefer Dick.
That's what I heard!
Burns and Allen it ain't...but I DID walk right into that one.

 

Virtual Internet Roleplaying/fantasy Gamer In-character-chat.Net
Sexywarrriorbigcock:If you could be a super hero what would be your powers and your name?
Hot4ElfSluts: I would live underground and have ultra digging speed. Having been bitten by a pissed off Mole while on a camping trip... The Molester fights evil, always tunneling towards freedom!
Sexywarriorbigcock:Umm...The Molester?
Hot4Elfsluts:Yeah, man. The Molester!
Sexywarriorbigcock:You should drive a big unmarked white van and be able to spontaneously produce candy and Chloroform.
Hot4ElfSluts:???

 

So...you're sure you're okay to work late and lock up?
No problem, sir. I have an important project I've been meaning to get to.
I've got your "PC Load Letter" right here, fax face!

 

Excuse me, Young Muggle...I was wondering if you perchance had seen a very large bearded man pass by here...a giant to your eyes?
I haven't seen your boyfriend--sorry, dude.
Thank...hey, how did you know I was gay?
You're looking for a big hairy bear, you used the word "perchance"in a sentence and you're dressed like Ian Mckellan...I'll bet your ancient, wrinkled anus is a bigger stretch.

 

Wow!--A Crucifix outside of a temple in China! I guess they're really trying to be inclusive of other cultures and religions! Maybe this is the start of a new China after all.
Please come back...I'm in so much pain. I work in a Whole Foods in Portland!...Lady?---- Wait!

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