All comics by areallystupidguy

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Hey kids! Cancerman here, reminding you to smoke daily and offer to your friends!
forget it Cancerman. you're cancelled.
what? why?
too many lawsuits from angry parents. they've already got somebody to take up your space on the air. face it, you're through.
Hey kids! Jason here! Sick of smelly hippies? I know i am, and nothing gets rid of them better than the HIPPIE BLASTER 4000!
Shit.

 

Sick of hippie's smoking, protesting, smelliness, and general annoyingness? then you simply must try the HIPPIE BLASTER 4000!
dude...i need to score some acid.
CALL NOW! 1-800-SOMETHING!
see how quickly and effortlessly it works?
wasn't that neat? order in the next 10 minutes and we'll also send you a free can opener! WARNING: may cause death, massive death, hippie death and drymouth.
dif causes dwymouf? aww cwap.

 

say raindrop! why did the kid throw the butter out the window?
i dunno skull! why DID the kid throw the butter out the window?
he wanted to see the butterfly!
tee-hee! you silly goose skull!
wasn't that great folks? now for today's guest: KURRRRT COBAIN!
dude, i remembered the needles!

 

so kurt, what can you tell me about nirvana's upcoming album?
um...there isn't one. i'm dead.
wow, that's a bummer! so what of these rumors about you sleeping with courtney love?
well...yeah. she's my wife.
NOW we're getting somewhere! now i have inside info that you recently worked with a band called nirvana! is this true?
dude, are you being retarded on purpose?

 

you want to hear some depressing poetry i wrote?
sure, why not?
*ahem* what is the world all about? i just can't get the feelings out. emotions bottled up inside. happiness leaves with the high tide,
i cannot climb so i must fall, life is- hey, where'd the blue guy go?
he got depressed and commited suicide. stupid depressing poetry.

 

whatcha doing?
heading to the CD store to pick up a new emo CD.
emo? what the hell is emo?
it's a cool type of music. what, you mean you never heard of it?
that's just dumb. what ever happened to grunge? i'm not even out of high school yet and i'm already behind on the times.
don't be so sad. the ataris are putting out some great work nowadays. or do you know even know who they are?

 

evil guy, you know a lot about music. can i ask you a question?
sure.
is grunge dead?
yes.
no it isn't.
yes it is. your problem is you don't know how to let go.

 

i need another opinion. so jason, is grunge dead?
yes. and before you ask, i didn't kill him.
and if i DID kill him, which i didn't, it would have been totally out of self-defense and not a psychopathic killing rampage.
dude, i'm talking about the music genre.
oh. well i didn't kill that either. what is this, a witch hunt?

 

bumblebee guy, you're up to date on a lot of this stuff. is grunge really dead?
what the hell is grunge?
um, it's a subgenre of alternative.
what the hell is alternative?
it's kind of like punk. wow, so much for you being up to date on this stuff.
what the hell is punk?

 

So psychic willie, is grunge dead?
no, but it will be very soon.
alice in chains will die in a plane crash months before their latest album. pearl jam and smashing pumpkins will both split up. soundgarden will reform to put out a couple more albums.
um, yeah. i didn't really need to know all that...
but they'll split up again too. all the others will meet with suicides or overdoses.

 

so far it seems grunge is doomed, but i need to get a final opinion from the master of grunge: KURT COBAIN! so kurt, is grunge dead?
yes, yes it is.
i actually feel depressed after this story arc. don't die grunge! i NEED you!!
n-no...it can't be...
it's okay though. emo's pretty cool.

 

at the CD store!
i guess it's time to move on. i can't stick to grunge forever. it's a new time and a new century, and i need some new CDs.
it's time to accept grunge's fate and try something new. i wonder what's best? is rap any good? punk? emo?
can i help you?
oh screw it. do you have that nirvana box set in stock?

 

SLAM!
exit light, enter night!
take my hand, we're off to never never land!
who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my apartment?
i'm singing metallica. what's it LOOK like i'm doing?

 

dude, go away.
get down with the sickness, get down with the sickness, open up your hate and let it flow into me!
how the hell did you get in here, anyway? i always lock the doors and stuff...
did you notice i'm singing disturbed now?
yes, yes i did. now go away.
everyone hates me.

 

that's me in the corner, that's me in the spotlight losing my religion...trying to keep a view-
go away, dude! and don't come back!
stupid rockers in my bedroo-
hi! i'm ronnie! i'm a fish!
go away.
wanna play connect four?

 

i've got a song stuck in my head.
what song?
that one ultra-catchy ricky martin song. you know the one i mean.
NO! WHATEVER YOU DO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T SING IT!
uno dos tres, ole ole ole...
uno dos tres, ole ole ole.

 
i just read that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea.
does that mean 1 out of 5 people enjoy it?

 

due to inumerable requests (that's one person), i have thought up another pokemon strip! we find our hero, hippie, competing in the pokemon championships!!
go LizardSuit! use the staplegun now!
Greengah.
owl! owlowl! owl? owl! owlowlowl!
go, ScaryLookingOwl! hit him with MEAN LOOK!
a few minutes later....
...and the winner of the regional pokemon battlling championships: HIPPIE!!!
why don't i feel proud?

 

hello, i'm charlie. i prefer to be called "giggles" though.
HELLO, GIGGLES.
i'm frank. it's really hard to masturbate when you're a robot.
HELLO, FRANK.
that sucked. i swear i had some point in mind when i started this. really.
DUUHHH! DAAAAHHH! DUURRRR!!! DUHDUHDUH?
HELLO, JAKE.

 

hey baby, how'd you like to go to a nice restaurant somewhere and enjoy a nice romantic dinner?
well, i-
no wait, that's gotta be high in cholesterol...
how bout a carrot?
no.

 

tonight we have a very special guest, folks! please say hello to a real live vampire, HIPPIE! so hippie, where is your dark prince?
dark prince?
you know what i mean. that vampire thing.
whoa dude, i'm not a vampire. i'm a hippie. if you want a vampire, there's a gothic dance club a few blocks down the street. it seems like the perfect hidout for-
SILENCE! YOU CANNOT FOOL ME! YOUR VAMPIRE MIND TRICKS HAVE NO EFFECTS! NOW WHO IS YOUR DARK PRINCE, SERVANT OF DARKNESS!?!?!
that's a totally negative vibe, dude. you need to mellow out.

 

welcome back to the skull show folks!
hey, didn't this used to be the skull and raindrop show? what happned to raindrop?
oh she met with a, shall we say, UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*ahem* i think it was a flat tire or something. anywho, tell me more about this dark prince...
dude....

 

hey, dork! you look like some kinda fag that's all gay! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
do you ever watch those nature documentaries about monkeys? those monkeys! they just laugh and play and celebrate all day, but then the lions come.
they eat 'em. but sometimes they mess with them, to make his last moments as painful as possible. you know, rip off his arms tear open his chest cavity...have you seen that?
no, i like cartoons. why? whats your point?
oh, nothing.

 

lesbians are GAY!
no way man! lesbians are hella tight!
no, seriously dude they are totally gay!
No way, dude! what kind of freak thinks lesbians are ga-
See? told you you've already heard that joke!
oh...yeah.

 

What we tell them...
dumb hippie! why the hell did you shoot up before coming?
yeah! you're gonna miss all the cool stuff we had planned for this party!
uh huh. yep. uh huh. yeah huh.
imma gonna shoot up a elementary school!
What they hear...
ahhgo missssu uppalla ndddaparrppttyyy
uh huh. yep. uh huh. yeah huh.

 

at the philadelphia SKCON!
this is so cool! look, they've got knives over there! oooh, scythes! i'm gonna meet tons of people i have a lot in common with! i'm glad i set the VCR, cause i'm gonna be here a while!
i still think that wasn't necessary. do you REALLY need to see every episode of race to the altar?
OMG!!1! what an awesome costume! you're gonna win the cosplay contest for sure!!!
Cosplay? ...you mean this is all fake?!
"the higher you hope, the more disappoined you are when your dreams are crushed."-somebody
this is a front...i just know it. there's gotta be a secret floorboard that leads to the REAL convention!
don't get your hopes up. more.

 

Hi-yaaaa!
UGH!
Hi-yaaaa!
UGH!
this is SO cool!
you're the only person i know who works up a sweat while playing videogames.

 

Hey, are you PAC-MAN?!
no, i'm just wearing a pac-man t-shirt. it's a common misconception.
really? i could have sworn you were pac-man. you sure look a lot like him.
well, im not. move along.
OMGWTFLOL! PAC-MAN!!?! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?!!?1
...go away.

 

whoa, dude! it's PAC-MAN!!!
what is wrong with you people!!? it's only a t-shirt!!
DOO DOO DOO DOO!
AAAAAHHHH!!!
INSERT COIN TO BEGIN NEW GAME!
you're done for, Pac-Man!
WHAT THE HELL!!?!

 

hey, do that mutilation thing.
what? no! i mean, i don't really need to. i feel kind of happy today.
c'mon! do it! please! i wanna see!
no! no! i am HAPPY! HAAPPPPYYYY!!!
frank had you do the mutilation thing again, huh?
y-yeah...

 

up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.
huh?
it's the konami code. whenever you say it good things happen.
bullshit, dude. that's the most retarded thing i've ever heard.
thanks, konami!
AAAAAHHH!!!

 

so can i stay with you, hippie?
i guess it WOULD be nice to have someone to play connect four with...sure. here's my keys so you can let yourself in. im gonna be out late protesting.
grrrr...stupid riot hose. stupid logging company. oh well, at least i'm finally home.
oh, hi there! it's kinda hard to breathe without water so i made a few changes! hope ya don't mind! oh, and i've got bad news about your gamecube and your tekken action figures...
get out. now.

 

somewhere in iraq, saddam hussein was performing weird experiments on squirrels. i guess he was trying to make giant skyscraper-destroying squirrels or something. i dunno.
hey, squirrel. eat this.
what the hell is it?
um, drugs. really really good drugs. it'll get you really really high.
HOT DAMN!
surprise! it's not really drugs! it's actually a DNA altering drink! transforming the innocent squirrel into...
AAAGGHH!
AXESQUIRREL!!!!

 

live from new york, its SATURDAY NIGHT!
no it isnt. its monday morning, fool.
telegram for ms. clyde!
i wonder if i should have this playing so loud with my parents in the next room sleeping.
this comic brought to you by insomnia.
live from new york, it's SATURDAY NIGHT!
my toes itch. i wonder what my sister looks like naked...

 

can i have that sandwich?
no. i need to eat it. sorry.
DAMN! i'm so hungry i could eat a horse! and im so horny i could screw one too!
hey, that actually doesn't sound so bad! so big...
alright, i don't want this sandwich anymore.

 

lalalala....i got a nuke....dum de doo...
SUP BUSH! can you do me a favor? i need you to take this nuclear weapon deep inside the white house. for scientific reasons of course.
no way, mister! everybody always told me niot to take anything from strangers! i ALWAYS listen to people who are smarter than me!
this is going to be harder than i thought...
has anyone ever told you you look JUST like saddam hussein?

 

you can trust me, bush. really. this only LOOKS like a nuke. it's actually a giant pinata. full of weed.
HOT DAMN!
it's okay you guys! i THOUGHT it was a nuke, but it's really a pinata full of weed! you don't have to wor-
what the hell? YOU DONT DIE!
yeehaw! check out my chicken dance!

 

hey sam, you look depressed. anything easily helpable by drugs or self-mutilation?
no, it's beyond the pain those things cure. there's this stupid freak who hates me and i want to kill him. but i'll get in trouble.
oh, well that's an easy solution. hire a hitman! everone's doing it!
really?
well, i don't know if EVERYONE'S doing it. but everyone WE know is.
i've said this before and i'll probably say it again: i have weird friends.

 

so...you're a hitman?
yes, yes i am.
so, uh, how much would it cost for you to...*cough*...kill someone?
20 bucks.
oh, for some reason i thought it would be more expensive than that. okay, so there's this guy who always beats me up. i need you to take him out.
whoa. hang on, you mean a SPECIFIC person? better make that 30 bucks.

 

man, tekken owns!
bull! virtua fighter eats crap like tekken for breakfast!
AAAAAGGGHHH! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
I EAT YOU!!! GAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!
hallucinogens are bad, kids. don't do them.
DONT EAT ME!!! OH DEAR GOD DON'T EAT ME!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!
...right. see you later dude.

 

:P
O_o
@------^^^---^---
<(( Crayola (()
____\o/_____/\___ it's no contest.
i forfeit.

 

stop yelling to people across the classroom blue guy.
HEY, JESSICA! MEET ME AT THE PARK AFTER SCHOOL!
blue guy, i just told you to stop. now stop it.
OH WAIT! ACTUALLY, MEET ME AT THE MOVIE THEATER!
that's your final warning! you have a detention!
NEVER MIND! I CAN'T MEET YOU, I HAVE DETENTION! MAYBE FRIDAY?

 

its 9-11! and you know what that means: the second anniversary of Osama bin laden's unlawful freedom!
haha! i am all free and stuff!
and what is george bush doing to stop him?
i am unstoppable! nobody can stop me! this is me at my most unstoppable hour! HAHAHAHAHA1
okay, whats a 7-letter word for foolish or unwise preson? first letter is d, last is s.
OMG.

 

what you are planning is impossible! it will never work!
no way! i can do it! i'll march right into microsoft's office and demand they stop monopolizing the computer industry!
yeah right. bill gates isn't that easy to impress. what're you gonna do? show him a magic trick?
what? no! im gonna handle this wisley and proffesionally!
sorry dude, but the hat trick is off. they've uncovered our strategy.
shit.

 

you know what's fun? renaming the song files on hippies computer! let's watch!
help me! i tore apart my inside! help me! i got no soul to sell! help me! the only thing that works for me! HELP ME GET AWAY FROM MYSELF!
i wanna fuck you like an animal! i wanna feel you from the inside! i wanna fuck you like an animal! my whole existence is flawed! YOU GET ME CLOSER TO GOD!
dude, this isn't britney!

 

Johnny Cash is dead.
who cares? country sucks.
well yeah, but he was an amazing person who revolutionized the world of country music and changed countless lives. doesn't that mean anything to you?
who cares? country sucks.
my opinions: country sucks. but it also sucks how johnny cash is dead. that burning fire song is awesome.
you're an insensitive freak.
oh yeah? well YOU like country!

 

HOLY SWEET JESUS THERE'S A DEAD GUY IN THAT TRASH CAN!
i wonder what's on tv now!

 

how's it going?
i don't think-
don't think what? that i'm cool? that life is worth living? that disturbed is overplayed?
no, i just don't think. at all.
you're just dumb.
and disturbed is SO not overplayed!

 

well doctor, it's my weight. i work out a LOT but i can never seem to lose weight. can you help me?
well, for starters what kind of "working out" do you do?
i play dance dance revolution at LEAST 10 minutes a day.
and your diet?
cookies. lots and lots of cookies. and ice cream too. sometimes cookies flavored ice cream.
we've got a long way to go.

 

can i help you?
probably. i'm here to sign up for your weight loss gym thingy.
great! let's get started on your weight-losing right away!
did ya hear that, pie? i'm not gonna be an overweight freak anymore! i'm willing to do whatever it takes! i'll work insanely hard! anything to better my appearance!
excellent! what a good attitude! we'll start you out on the 50-yard dash.
what? i gotta run a whole yard?!

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