All comics by daddydoright

 

by daddydoright
1-21-06
Well there mister bull. I am the greatest matador in all of Mexico!
Oh yah! How'd you like a horn shoved up that skinnny little ass of yours???!
(crowd cheering), "OLAY!"
If your not gone by the time I turn around. I am going to tell you what hotdogs are really made of?
Oh fuck!
"OLAY! OLAY! OLAY!! OLAY!!!"
Wow! That great Japanese swordsman and stragetist Miyamoto Musashi theories about fighting really do work!

 
by daddydoright, 1-22-06

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
singing
I'M BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
singing
BAAAH DAAAAHHH DEEEEEE DAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
singing
"BLUE IS THE REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT I AM SO BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
Psycho killer
run, run, run awayyyyyy
Oh, oh, oh

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
Born into hell
I exist each day, not really alive
and with nothing to say

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
I'd like to be under the sea
in an octopus's garden
in the shade

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
if you were stuck on a desert island
I hate when people ask me this question!
and could have only one record album.
First I don't like the tropics! And secondly they never say that your alone! And I've seen reruns of GILLIGAN'S ISLAND way to many times.
What would it be?
Hey Big Daddy.
So..... if this is my Island! I guess me and Ginger would want to hear the album "The 2 LIVE CREW's".. NASTY AS I WANNA BE. Cause me and Ginger are gonna be getting all kind of freaky!

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
Hey Joe, how 'bout some sucky, sucky?
And some fucky, fucky?
We love you long time.
Only ten dolla.
Aw, why you make that face Joe? You maybe tink we fall in love whit you and want to give you free pussy?
Stupid American!

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
And the whole world is wondering. Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?
This is the last known photograph of Bin Laden. F.B.I. experts say that he has probably changed his appearance and using computer similations we have come up with a possible composite photo.
Is it me or does he look a little to much like Abe Lincoln?? Oh!! I get it! It's his way of mocking one of our famous vestigages of all that is AMERICAN! How fiendishly clever!

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
Look at them facing death
at 10,000 feet, placid as
Hindu cows

 

by daddydoright
1-22-06
Hellooo there. I am King Friday. Welcome to the Land of Make Believe.
Meow, meow, me, yow, yow.
Your going to have a litter of eight!!!! And I'm the father???????

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
At his Mom's grave
Hello son.
Dad!! What are you doing here?
I come to make ammends before you die.
How did you know I was dying? I didn't tell anyone!! And what makes you think I want you in my life now?
Well I heard you had money. And you know you can't take 'it' with you when you die. So...... how's about leaving some to your dear ole dad?
Drop dead!

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
At his Mom's grave
Hi Ma, me again. Came to say hi.
Still drinking I see!
Yah Ma, I guess it must be the Irish in me. Haha.
No, it must be the alcholic in you!
Aw, come on ma. Don't start!
Watch your mouth! I brought you into this world and I can STILL take you out of it even from here!

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
At his Mom's Grave
Ma I miss you so much! I wish we would of talked more!
Hi son. So sorry to hear about your mother's passing away.
Dad?! I haven't seen you in ten years! Did you come here to pay your respects to Ma?
No. I just came here to ask you if she might have left me some money. Me being her first husband and all.
I see you haven't changed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still a fucking asshole!!!!!!!!

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
At his Mom's grave
(singing) You are my sunshine!..
(singing) ..My only sunshine!..
(singing) ..You make me happy!..
(singing) ..When skies are gray!..
(singing) You'll never know dear...... How much I love you!..
(singing) ..Oh please.............. Don't take.............. My sunshine.......... away!!!!

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
At the shrinks office
(German accent) I hev red ze comiks dat yuv rittun. I hev cum to ze concluzion.
What is it doc?
(more bad German accent) Jah. You are vhat ve kull in ze teknickel terms ze "NUTZ"
Thanks doc!
(more bad German accent) Butz notz to vorry. I vill keepz seeing ju for da sake of milking da in-shu-anz monies. And cuz ju make me lauffz.
I would expect nothing less.

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
In his early 20's
I use to date chicks who were addicted to sex.
Oh please fuck me again! I want you to fuck me all the time!
In his late 20's and early 30's
I use to date broads who like to drink all the time.
It's almost bar close hon. I hope you got that bottle of whiskey and case of beer at home for our 'After party'!!
In his late 30's
I now only date overweight women who like to eat all the time.
Let's get two Double Quarter Pounder Combos, with Supersize fries and extra large Cokes!! Later on we can get snacks and icecream to watch the dvds we rented!!!

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
Ben-day-ho!
Calling me an 'asshole', huh? I know a few Spanish swear words. Like??? "Puta!"
Go To Hell!
I've already been there and they kicked me out! I'm one of the Devils Rejects!
(fear on his face) "This guy is fucking loco, I better not fuck with him!"
Alright! I not only shut his ass up but also worked in a title of cool movie I just saw!

 

by daddydoright
1-24-06
Break Time at the Factory
Hey man! If you want, you can borrow my book! That is...if you want something to read on break???
No thanks. I like looking at women.
Break Time at the Factory
Oh?? You mean you like the magazines with all the pictures of women. I get it. Haha.
No. I mean I like to look at women.
Break Time at the Factory
Oh!!!! Well.... I go to work to get 'away' from women.
(sarcastically) Ahh??? Yah????

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
shrinks office
Doctor my life is beginning to feel like it is only there to supply me material for my comics.
This is because you are crosssing the line between comics and reality.
shrinks office
But I don't feel like I'm living in a comic?? I just can't wait to write the comic about what has just happened.
You are going to write a comic about this aren't you.
shrinks office
I'm picturing it as we speak.
(writing on his notepad) "I can't wait to see how he portrays me in his newest comic!"

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
(me) "Honey, what do you think aren't they great?!"
I don't want to read this shit!
(me) "Why?! Come on!"
I don't like reading these! They make you seem fuckin retarded!
(me) "Give your honest opinion"
You need therapy!

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
You are not a actor! So quit doing all those stupid impressions!
(in a weird voice) "I am a Master of Disguise!"
YOU are so fucking weird!! I want a normal boyfriend!
I'm better than normal. I'm more fun.
No! Your just obnoxious!
Did she ever stop to think that maybe I'm not trying to entertain her but myself.

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
You are under arrest for a online display of comics that goes against the purient interests of society!
I just thought they were being funny.
Normally we don't commit people against their will for writing bad online comics. But we had over ten thousand emails requesting that we do so!
Oh wow! That many people read my comics!
Yah your famous. Crazy, but famous.
Oh well if that's the price I have to pay!! I didn't like being sane anyway.

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
IDOL contestant
(singing) "I'm to sexy for my shirt! I'm so sexy it hurts! I'm a model you know what I mean!"
judges
STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's Enough!!!!!! I've heard enough!
Yes! Me too. Thankyou! But I'm sorry.
and judge number three?
I think you are by far the BEST performer we have EVER had!!!!!!!!!! There is NO doubt in my mind that we have here............. the new AMERICAN IDOL!

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
(singing) "Lines form cross my face and hands!"
(singing) "Lines form from the ups and downs!"
(singing) "I'm a boy and yet I'm a man! And I'm eighteen and I LIKE IT!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!!!! EIGHTTEEN!!!!!! EIGHTTEEN!!!!!!

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
DREAMING
Are you GOD?
I am just you minds collective vision of what a wise man should look like.
DREAMING
I guess I watched way to many Kung Fu movies, huh?
Yep and way to much porn, ha.
DREAMING
So master. What is the Meaning of Life?
To Live! Stupid.

 

by daddydoright
1-26-06
I AM DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE COME FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!
But I'm already dead???????? There's obviously been a mistake!!!!! I'll tell you what!!!!! I'll go with you but first join me for some errands and a nice dinner.
(holding up a little shirt) "Does this extra small make me look fat??" Ha,ha,ha.
Ha!!!!!ha!!!!!Ha!!!! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your killing me!!!!!
The baked potatoe was a little dry. But the steak was excellent! That'll stick to your ribs 'eh!
Oh! OH! Ha,ha,ha! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I sure needed a good meal. You know? Put a little meat on my bones! I have lost alot of weight being dead and all.

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
Oh, this is my favorite Nirvana song.
singing
Rape me, rape me, my friend. I'm not the only one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yah, I'm not the only one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAPE ME!!!!!!!!!!! RAPE ME!!!!!!!!!! RAPE ME!!!!!!!!!
That Kurt Kobain! He sure knew how to write love songs.

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
You've suceeding in pissing off everyone in the world with your comics. Why'd you do it?
Ever hear the BEE GEE's song "I started a Joke"?
Nope. How's it go?
(singing) "I started a joke which started the whole world laughing..
Not a bad voice. He should'a stuck with the singing instead of writing!
(singing) "..Oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! I.................. couldn't see.............. that the joke.................. was on meee!!!!!"

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
CHRIST
TONIGHT ON AMERICAN IDOL..
MOHAMMED
TONIGHT ON AMERICAN IDOL..
BUDDAH
TONIGHT ON AMERICAN IDOL..

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
Hi there writer!! How's it going?
I'm sorry??????? Who???? Are??? You????
I'm Bob. How's the comics coming?
Good, good. But, I still don't know who you are??? Who told you that I do comics?
Writer!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're not all introverts like you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just because you don't know everyone in your neighborhood! Doesn't mean they don't know you.!
My philosphy in dealing with bees and unwanted people is the same. Ignore the pests and they will go away.

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
I'm so fucking nervous! I have to give a speech tommorow and just the thought of it is freaking me out!
I have an idea. I read this article saying that sex before a speech relaxes you significantly.
later on in the broom closet
mmmm,mmm! Gaahhh! Slurp, slurp! Gulp!
Oh,oh,oh,OH! Ahhhhhh!
Next day after the speech
I don't understand?????? I was still nervous during the speech!! Even after we did.... 'That!'.
I forgot to tell her! First, that it only works for the speaker if they've had vigourous intercourse! Not just oral sex!!!!!!!!! Oh well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shure feel very relaxed!!!! Ha!

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
Your a racist aren't you?
(shaking) No I'm not!
Let's see.......... You've moved out of the city!!!!!!!!!!! You live in all white neighborhood!!!! You don't have any friends of color that you invite 'IN' your house!!
All right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You got me!!!!!!!!!!!! But I??????????? Put up a good act at work?????????? and in public???????????? I'm ahh?? Sorry????
It's alright! I feel the same fucking way about you whites. I'll tell you what!! We can pretend to be friends at work to advance both of our careers!!
Sounds great bro!

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
Sir knight I have a mission for ye! Your king is horny! Go out in my kingdom and bring me back the best pussy you can find!
Yes your majesty! I shall not fail!
A few days later
Prrrrr. Prrrrrrrrr.
What the fuck is this?!
Sir knight I see you've misunderstood your mission!!!!!!!!!!! I guess she will have to do though! Say??? How exactly does one go about fucking a cat?
Don't worry your majesty. Just walk up behind her and let nature take it's course. She's in Heat my Lord!

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
Oww!! Fuck!! Shit!!!! I just broke my damm fucking finger! Damm!!!!!! That!!! fucking!!!! hurts!!
Aw jeez. What ever you do. Don't cry.
ASTRONAUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh! Okay! Okay! Were tough! Were astronauts thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get it already!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No you dumbass!!! In space there is no gravity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So tears can't stream down from our tearducts onto our face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S FUCKING SPACE PHYSICS 101!
Well than Waahhhhhhh! Asshole!

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
Wow, I can't beleive it! I'm finally in China!
Oh Wow! A real Shaolin monk! Hi my name is... (interupted!)
We know who you are! You are the man who writes the odd online comics.
How in the world did you know that? I haven't even talked to anyone in China about my comics?
(Very sarcastically) What do you think you live in a vacuum?!

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
Talking to his brother
Do you ever feel like your just wasting your life away?
Ah???????????? What do you mean?????
Like all this!!!! (gesturing) Is just meaningless bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That you should be doing something more important with your life!!!!!!!!
Ah??? yah??? Sometimes?? I guess??
Well then. What do you do then bro?
I drink!

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
As heard inside the capitol
We just passed a state law saying you have to turn your car headlights if you can't see clearly more than 500ft.
Yep, otherwise some idiot wouldn't know to turn on his headlights in the dark!
As heard inside the capitol
Ha! Next we will probably have to make a law saying you have to brush your teeth everyday!
Hmmm? After smelling my inturns breath maybe we should?
As heard inside the capitol
Yah it's to bad we can't legislate common sense.
(sarcastically) Ohhh can't we?!

 

by daddydoright
1-28-06
I've chummed the water with bloody bait. A shark should be coming soon! I will look it in the eye and face my fears! I AM STRONG!
I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU ANYMORE! Sharks are not like in the movie "JAWS" they are just fish!
He don't look like the bloody chum bait I smelled? I'll just circle around a bit and see where that smell is coming from.
HE'S COMING IN FOR THE KILL! OKAY! WANNA PLAY ROUGH! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!! (shoots his shotgun)

 

by daddydoright
2-03-06
I've done it. I've finally done it. I've destroyed the world.
after 1 minute of silence
Now what do I do?

 

by daddydoright
2-03-06
Hey sarge! I was thinking about our slogan 'A Army Of One'. Isn't that an oxymoron?
STOP THINKING!!!!!! I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO THINK PRIVATE!
But think about it! You can't have an army with just one soldier! You need a whole lot of soldiers to be an army!
OK GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A SPECIAL JOB FOR YOU!
I WANT THIS BATHROOM SO CLEAN THE VIRGIN MARY HERSELF WOULD BE PROUD TO TAKE A DUMP IN HERE!!!
SIR!!! YES!!!! SIR!!!

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
Yes! I made it! Finally in 'new' Mexico!
Hold it right there partner. Your not in New Mexico! This here is TEXAS!
speaking in Spanish
The gringo Americano doesn't get that we Mexicans now refer to all of America as 'new' Mexico.
See! Just -tay meal-yon more of us cum here and dis wheel be OUR country!
speaking in Texas hick
What did them thar Mexicans wunt enny-way?
Stew-pid Mexy-cans mustta been lost. Hey, get this! They wuz thunking thay wuz in New Mexico. Ha,ha.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
Hi honey! I'm home! Uh? er? Hello?How'z it going!
Shhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M WATCHING TV!!
(yelling) IT'S JUST A DAMM FUCKIN COMMERCIAL!! Fuck you! I'm going back to the bar!
SOOO!!
"..Viagra shouldn't be used by patients who have high blood pressure. Consult your doctor before taking any new medications. Fi-sir is dedicated to quality..blah, blah.."

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
5th hour of TV without a word spoken
8th hour of TV
I'm goin ta bed.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
10 continous hours!
The 17th hour!
yawwn. You Win! I'm going to bed.
Winner! And still champion!

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
The 10th consecutive hour!
And on the 16th consecutive hour..
Yawwwn! (very tiredly) "I'm sick of watchin fuckin TV. I'm goin ta bed."
The winner and still champion!
..blah,blah, blah, blah. (flash), (color change), (color change), (movement infinitum),(etc.,etc. infinitum)

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
(burp!),(drunkenly), "What'z it like being you bro?
Well..? Picture living in a unending hallway with huge posters of all the things you ever wanted to do posted all over on the walls.
(confused), "Aren't there any rooms at all?"
Nope. Just pictures of rooms with the things you would like to be doing in them.
(quietly in disbelief) "Shiiit. How do you get outta here?"
Well.... actually you never do. (Thinking), Buut??? You can visualize or 'picture' yourself leaving. But it's only in your head.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
..So I sayz, No You Did-ent! End she sayz I Better Git Outta Her Face..(more personal ghetto talk overly emotional drama)
soo...? This is where all the crack babies go to work when they grow up.
(very irritated mean look), "What You Want!"
(scared and nervous), "Don't show any anger or annoyance or 'THEY' will spit on your food!"
Sheeet. If dis mothafuckin Racist peckerwood wasn't such a punkass. Being all skared cause I'm black, I would'a served his ass 5 minutes ago!
(using his best talking to a 5 year old voice), "Thankyou, I'll take a number 3 combo, with a medium Coke." (voice rising in pitch), "Pleeze."

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
What! Are! You! Doing!
Watchin TV.
WHY did you cover the TV screen up with a big picture mirror?!
Well...? This way I know I will never be bored with TV again. And there will always be 'something' good on TV.
staring hard at the TV screen
SHHHH! My favorite show is on! Oh it's a rerun. Watch! Yep, yep, see! (excited), I know this part, now she walks out the door.

 

by daddydoright
2-04-06
over 1 million online hours
(so deep subconscious not even aware of it), "The computer is my only true friend, alone with the computer I feel safe and satisfied, I love and live for the computer"
(Epif-fenny), A moment of realization
(yelling at the screen) "Wake up you dumbass motherfucker! YOU'VE BEEN PUNKED!! The Fucking Computor Is Acting As Your Pimp!"
Uhhh! I thought I heard something?? Maybe I should....???....go outside for awhile!
If I would of know sitting on the computer all those years was gonna make me lose the use of my legs I SWEAR I never would of done it!!
YOU SHOULDN'T OF TAKEN YOUR FUCKING HEALTH FOR GRANTED ASSHOLE! YAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!!

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