All comics by dopearmy101

Profile

 

by dopearmy101
9-06-10
Family Guy Headquarters
So, you wanna be a familyguy writer do you?
Why yes yes i do
Family Guy Headquarters
Well give me something that might convince me to hire you
Gee this more awkward then that time i slapped that horny beaver with a carcuss of bigfoot
Family Guy Headquarters
your hired
^_^

 

by dopearmy101
9-06-10
You may have your final fantasy game back, all you have to say is the word 'VANILLA'
vanirra
Lol

 

by dopearmy101
9-13-10
You have nothing to worry about Mrs. Roads, Mr. Roads will make a full recovery i have been a professional for over 4 years i gurantee him a 100% full recovery
Okay thank you doctor
4 hours later...
*Gasp* why doctor why is there blood all on your body!? is that my husband's blood? YOU better make sure my hubbie makes it out 200% like you promised
Don't worry and yes this is his blood we are all very confident for your husband's recovery
12 MORE hours later later...
Pshh funny thing i used this saw to gently cut in the heart next thing i know im drenched in your husband's blood ok, well you pretty much guessed hes dead soooo lets discuss your bill...
What?

 

by dopearmy101
9-13-10
Well here is the body room where i store all of my victims and burn them to get rid of the evidence
And this is the living room where i would usually rape all of my hot corpses
Last but not least, this is where i keep all the squrimy victims before i killed and ate them just to make it like they had a chance of survival...so what do you think!?
Mhm.... I will.... TAKE IT!!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
Oh god there she is....I cant do this lets go man, please...I...
Calm down bud! get yourself over there and just tell her about yourself that is it bro, be 100% REAL and remember, never... hold... back! She'll come running to your arms man! pinky promise! NOW go!
Hi, my name is Pitts and i have 70% bodyfat, i sweat alot i never shower and i have an addiction for online gaming and doritos and i sometimes look at my mommy when shes naked
Ew... Get the HELL away from me you damn pig!!
TO real??
Lets just say there is no hope for you dude...

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
Ok man that last one wasnt so smooth but hey it was only strike one, there she is man go get her!! and drop that goddamn sandwich!
MMM soooooo... delicious Oh what!? oh yeah ok here goes nothing....
Hi, uhh you know i like how you have one triangle tit and the other one isnt there, very unique
Oh.... wow

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
Alright fuker i am sick and tired of having you screw up, this is your last shot, now go talk to her you ass!!! are you drunk!!?? wTf!?
i uhh what? okie donkey...
uhh listen laaaadddaaay!! i uhh am sorta uhh what are we talking? uhh i wood date me er i mean youz cause youz a fine lady with a...a clitt!!
that....
...Was the most romantic thing any guy has ever said to me!!! take me!!! DO ME!!!!!!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
So i see you sealed the deal when you were wasted off your ass! what was it like?
Huh!?
The sex with that girl...the one you tried getting with, she threw herself at you...remember!?
Oh right her...Funny story i ditched her...
WHAAAT!!!??? but WHY!?
World of warcraft online tournament...

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
WhazzzUp fucker!?
DR BADASS!!!! i need help man i have this horrible thing at my church i need a code to go by inorder to be accepted by jesus...any suggestions!?
Pshh a code...Thats fucking easy to be accepted by 'jeebus'...
Sex Drugs and Rock N Roll baby!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
Ok welcome to the Dr BadAss hotline what can i do for ya...Bastard motherfucker!?
Hello Dr BadAss well... my brother is gay and he snuck in my room while i was asleep and he shoved his entire cock in my ass i was awaken by it.....
Yeah....
..And i let him brick inside me...
You sir are Gay as Disneyland my friend
Id rather be bi courious

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
Let me ask you 'Dr' BadAss
Fuck off...i mean go on...
Do you even have a p h d?
No shit
Oh really
Yes... i have a Phucking Huge Dong...

 

by dopearmy101
9-17-10
Yes prick what can i do for you!?
oh Dr BadAss its horrible My wife is dying and i need help what the hell do i have to do?
Hmmm well what is the reason for her death?
Heroin overdose
First thing you can fucking do is request her to put her heroin stash under Dr. BadAss' name
BRILLIANT!

 

by dopearmy101
9-22-10
Ok well what the hell is up bitch!?
A murder has just taking place Dr BadAss what should we do...
Forget about it and Get fucking wasted!!
Now your speaking my language!

 

by dopearmy101
9-22-10
You wanted to see me Dr BadAss?
Yes you dick! well it seems that dr phil is asking for MY advice in this letter
WOW! thats heavy man what should i do?
Well tell the world first off that this fat bald headed prick is a fake and needs to be terminated from his show and than if all goes well, from there....
Then we ahhhhh get a network of our own?
Hell no! WORLD DOMINATION motherfucker!!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-22-10
So Dr BadAss you are one talented motherfucker what makes you such a brilliant minded being?
A year of cocaine addiction, 600 nights of awkward sex and a camel's asshole
Whhhaaat!? wouldnt you think youd have some sort of education or something
Fucker...Never question the master
I am sorry Master
Now fetch me my latte

 

by dopearmy101
9-22-10
What the fuck do you want?
Oh Dr BadAss i need some help i have this huge problem with my parents i cant escape what should i do i need to get the fuck away!
Are you a drug addict by any chance?
Well, yes, yes i am
Problem solved bitch

 

One monkey falls from the tree and kills himself....a second monkey does the same exact thing as the first monkey...Why would he do that? Because Monkey See Monkey Do!
by dopearmy101, 9-22-10

 

Ok ok so why did the chicken cross the road?
To come kick your ass because the chicken is tired of that goddamn ancient fucking joke!!
by dopearmy101, 9-23-10

 

by dopearmy101
9-23-10
Hello welcome to the fat burger, fatter ass restraunt how may i help you officier?
I have a question how do you guys prepare your beef patties?
We keep live stock in the back, slaughter them skin them torture them get the good stuff and throw the remains in the grease for that extra taste in our fries
Awww....
Well i will take 5 of them burgers and 7 orders of fries

 

by dopearmy101
9-23-10
Well Halloween draws near man so I have done everything from decorating the apartment to carving pumpkins, and i have worked on this costume, what have you been doing?
Uhhhhh, hold on...... Get it get it!!!!! FUCKING Bowser get off my Ass!!!!!!
HHHHEEEELLOOO!!!
Oh what? oh yeah halloween right well I think i threw a rock at a kid under a sheet like they did to charlie brown....
...K happy now?

 

by dopearmy101
9-23-10
Oh hi....your home i thought you were at the pumpkin patch for the great pumpkin or something
Uhh yeah i was he told me to run back to get my copy of Friends Vol. 2 dvd, why are you hear?
I can't lie man....I was fucking your girlfriend....
Wait...what? why would you do this man we are best friends how could you....
The ehhh great pumpkin has demanded me to do so or else he would uhhh.... decapatate my parrot
The....great...pumpkin told you??? why didnt you say so get back in there and finish what you started!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-23-10
Today on disney, 5 reasons why justin bieber is better than and richer than everyone else
*sigh* i am tired of these trashy little kids call themselves celebrities and they have sacks of cash, i wish that little canadian dick commits suicide
BREAKING NEWS
pop sensation justin bieber commited suicide and lands on his own 5 million dollar ferrari, officials say the media was to much for his non existing talent
Ohh... wow no more tv for me...unless, oh i sure do hope that bastard eminem walks into on coming traffic...

 

by dopearmy101
9-24-10
KaBoom!! bang Bang KAPANG!!!!!
Uhhh what are you doing?
Blowing up that waitress over there.....BOOOM!!!
Uhh but your just making those ridiculous sounds
Cant hear you im blowing you up now bang pow kaplamo!!!! SSSSSSS BANG!!!!
Check please

 

by dopearmy101
9-24-10
I am DRACULA!!! what are you!?
Im frankenstein, why are you dracula again?
Well so i can go around town to suck blood!
Well we are in that homo area of San Fran and i have a feeling your going to be sucking more than blood tonight
No shit dude!!!! blood is code word for cock!!!
Got'cha

 

by dopearmy101
9-24-10
Uhh may i help you officier?
I am writing you up for being a black guy in the levis department, you need to get your self back in the southpole section
But that isnt a crime
Well...according to this report you raped a little girl and stole a old lady's cane, all i need is your name...
Uhh i forgot
Typical....

 

by dopearmy101
9-24-10
Okay well i am officier balls and i am taking you in now i need to finish this report what is your name son?
Uhhh officier balls..
Pshh ya know..that sounds very familiar
Well your offcier balls sir
Damn...and according to this, i am a felon, im in some deep shit, well carry on son i will escort my fatass to the station to turn myself in, have a good day
Yes'sir

 

by dopearmy101
9-24-10
At the Local Streetfight Arena....
Okay so what do i have to do to get into that tough guys' club
Uhh well you have to look dangerous which you lack in and im sorry you can not come in!!! and theres no chance of convincing..
Hey hey now mister meany you're talking to the guy that has beatn Chuck Norris at a staring contest...twice!
Oh my god i had no idea, that guy is iconic to every muscle head like myself my apologes sir please come in
Thats better, now there better be capri sun in there.....in the tiny packets with a straw to! God save me if there isnt a straw!!!!!!!
Dont worry sir check the cooler in the broom closet

 

by dopearmy101
9-25-10
Get over here!!!
Fatality
Flawless victory
Haduken
Dude wrong game!!! that was Ryu from Streetfighter!!!
I havent done that much studying im sorry gee forgive a ninja would ya?

 

by dopearmy101
9-25-10
Hey welcome what can i get for ya?
Jack daniels on the rocks
Would you like me to stir it with my dick?
What?
...Straw, i meant straw
???

 

by dopearmy101
9-25-10
Now my mission starts to find that talking martian!!
Godd luck man
HOLY CRAP!!!!
Yes it is i, the talking alien!
No not that, theres onions on my burger!!!!! i must return it NOW!!!
But....

 

by dopearmy101
9-25-10
What do you want man? cant you see im doing something
What is actually that you are doing?
Im making sweet cyber sex to my love: Dragonknight3456, why?
DUDE!!! thats MY username
Oh....um well i kinda need a moment, cause this is awkward
I dont have a twix...sorry

 

by dopearmy101
9-25-10
im taking you out on a romantic evening date and there is nothing you can say or do to avoid this!!
Hmmmmmm....
Yup...Nothing at all
Oh i have one...NO!!
Damn i forgot about that word
Dumbass

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
Jon...what the hell is wrong with you? you've been calling in sick the past 2 weeks and you have been slacking, you need to pull yourself together man
Im sorry Diablo, its just my wife, she has been pregnant for the past couple of weeks and she has been watching me like a damn hawk, theres no escape, not even here
Oh wow Jon, i understand that dude tell you what Jon, ill throw you a bone, you get the week off with pay and ill let you spend it up in my cabin next to the lake
Oh Diablo!!! thats sounds so damn heavenly...i, i dont know what to say.....
Pshhh im just bullshitting man you are NOT going anywhere, suck it up bitch it is life i have 8 kids and im still pissed, your ass is doing doubleshift without pay, so FUCK you!!
Meany

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
Jon...what the hell is wrong with you? you've been calling in sick the past 2 weeks and you have been slacking, you need to pull yourself together man
Im sorry Diablo, its just my wife, she has been pregnant for the past couple of weeks and she has been watching me like a damn hawk, theres no escape, not even here
Oh wow Jon, i understand that dude tell you what Jon, ill throw you a bone, you get the week off with pay and ill let you spend it up in my cabin next to the lake
Oh Diablo!!! thats sounds so damn heavenly...i, i dont know what to say.....
Pshhh im just bullshitting man you are NOT going anywhere, suck it up bitch it is life i have 8 kids and im still pissed, your ass is doing doubleshift without pay, so FUCK you!!
Meany

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
Jon...what the hell is wrong with you? you've been calling in sick the past 2 weeks and you have been slacking, you need to pull yourself together man
Im sorry Diablo, its just my wife, she has been pregnant for the past couple of weeks and she has been watching me like a damn hawk, theres no escape, not even here
Oh wow Jon, i understand that dude tell you what Jon, ill throw you a bone, you get the week off with pay and ill let you spend it up in my cabin next to the lake
Oh Diablo!!! thats sounds so damn heavenly...i, i dont know what to say.....
Pshhh im just bullshitting man you are NOT going anywhere, suck it up bitch it is life i have 8 kids and im still pissed, your ass is doing doubleshift without pay, so FUCK you!!
Meany

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
Why are we here? i dont drink man, i dont need to be here and i dont need any alcohol
I will be the judge of that, Now what is the problem man?
Ok well my wife is pregnant and im going to be a father and...
Hold it right there...
?
Yeah my friend, you DO need this beer, now drink up

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
*Sigh*..Honey I am home, how are..
Shut up!!!
Whats wrong kitten?
Who the hell do you think you are asking me how I am when there is a little girl on that TV struggling with weight!?
Goddamn hormones
Little girl Jon!!! The little girl! DO SOMETHING!!!!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
Phillip, you are right dude, women are just absolutley crazy man so is it cool if i crash here for the night
Well, if you can admit that your hoe beats your ass of the house
Yeah right, hell no Im out, Later
Okay....
And dont let the door slam on your cunt on the way out!!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
Ive come to work early, im on 34 minute sleep and my ears bleed from women voices
Ohh well That is truley sad Jon
I know Diablo....I know
So, you know that today is the day you start the tour of our building for the womens' rehab
What are the odds....
Black cloud over your head Jon?

 

by dopearmy101
9-26-10
I cant fucking do this anymore, the bitchy bitches, the boss, the this, the that, BULLSHIT!!!!! I need a solution....ANYTHING!!!....
Who in the hell are you?
Hello Jon!!! I am the spawn of sin, you have been selected to spend all eternity in Hell serving us demons, and you wont see your wife ever again!!! MUWAHAHAHAHA!
Oh thank goodness and I thought paradise would never be within my grasp, well you proven me wrong, take me red man, take me away!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-27-10
It is complete.... All of my research and experiments all have come to one complete and superb conclusion
MmHm sounds promising what is it?
Oh yes the world will bow to my knees when they found out that I have put Peanut butter and Jelly together!!! in the same jar
Uhh Gul....that has already been invented...
What the!? seriously?? damn...
You must not get out much

 

by dopearmy101
9-27-10
Should i do it man?
Yeah Go for it dude
Okay here you go ma'am...
I rescued your pussy

 

by dopearmy101
9-29-10
Ha! Gameover n00b!!
*Sigh* okay lets play some oldschool games
Ok well I have my ps2
No i brought my super nintendo dude lets play some donkey kong country!
What the hell is a super nintendo?
You fucking idiot i feel sorry for your dumbass...

 

by dopearmy101
9-29-10
Its wabbit season
Duck season
Wabbit season!!!!
Duck season!!!!!
Fuck it alweady! i will eat both of you fuckers!!!!!

 

by dopearmy101
9-29-10
Back in 1992....
So how was your trip to the future?
HORRIBLE!!!!
Back in 1992....
What happened
Well....
Back in 1992....
I saw what future michael jackson looks like

 

by dopearmy101
9-29-10
Dude i got soooo fucked up this weekend!!! i rolled the biggest blunt and woke up in the house of mirrors at the carnival....great times so how was your weekend?
Ummm, well...
Die!!!! extra life extra life its mine, its mine!!!!! No you bastard you cheated!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO this is so gonna hurt my record...
Oh yeah oh yeah!!! Mmmm an afternoon with animal porno, my dick hanging out, a webcam and a 40 filled with applejuice so i look cool, Oh YEAH!!!
It was very fulfilling

 

Any ladies in the crowd willing to screw an untalented comedian tonight?
by dopearmy101, 9-29-10

 

by dopearmy101
9-29-10
Yeah well you know kids will be kids i guess, so my boy just totally smacked me across my face and i just let it be, he is only a little kid and i understand
YOU need to disciplin that bastard of yours sonny!!
Like what do you think i should do? send him in his room or make him sit at a corner for a couple of minutes
Pshh amatuer, no....
THEN WHAT???
Ok, okay... When my kids get outta hand I get a belt, give em, lets say 30-40 lashes than i pour lemon juice in the wounds, Now THAT is good parenting!!!

 

by dopearmy101
10-05-10
Let me tell you man, when there is somebody giving you problems it is best just to
Walk away!!!
Ugh!! No you douchebag, you get a knife, stalk them til they are in a vacant room and slit their stomachs and watch their insides pile up
Uhhh...
Pshhh....I guess i have alittle confession to make don't I? yes I am a murderer dude
That was very hard to figure out my friend, very hard indeed

 

by dopearmy101
10-06-10
So uhh what is up man you've been acting strange
Yeah well its this new thing, i have been tuning in to that "Steve Wilkos" show and i am following his advice from now on, its made a difference in my life
Is that right, is that why you left your kids over at that drughouse on 4th avenue?
Oooh is that a good thing or bad thing? what would steve wilkos have done?
Goddamn it fuck what that bald cracker thinks...he would've not let you sit on his stage
Hey, that can be very uncomfortable, anyways i should get my kids from that crackhouse huh?

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