All comics by graykane

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by graykane
2-17-04
Drum Roll
Why's the White House burning down?
Laura Bush gave birth to conjoined puppets. But don't worry, my Bush-loving friend, leave progress up to me.
Ta-DAAA

 

by graykane
2-17-04
Hours and hours and...
still more hours and hours go by
Okay, my little pookie, it's time for me to put you in your rocker.
i thought she'd never put us down. it's tough being your blanket, kid. you stink!

 

by graykane
2-18-04
Okay, Han. Ignore the smell, but that should keep you warm until I get back. Ugh, that stinks. Sucks to be you, Dude.
Tauntaun, frontal view.
Baaagh, you gut me like a fish!!!

 

by graykane
2-18-04
Oh shit.
Doc, we have conjoined droids. Can you separate them?
How the fuck does that happen?
Naaa, I am Tobor's evil twin! First assrape, then THE WORLD!!!! HAHAHAHA...
Hi

 

by graykane
2-18-04
Tobor assrape gone bad. Tobor sorry.

 

by graykane
2-19-04
How do you like my new perfume?
You napalm my lungs. You American kill my whole family. I go now. I no die at hands of Paris Hilton chemical warfare.
Hey, Laquisha. Wanna go for a smoke? Sniff, sniff. Do I smell diesel, with a hint of rose?
Aaaaagh!!! Laquisha!!!! I'm burning!!! Where the fuck was your caution label?! I have to wear one for you!!!

 

by graykane
2-19-04
Two men...
You think you're pretty hot stuff, donchya.
I'm not talking to you.
One journey...
Fine. I'm not talking to you then either. You're too fat for me to talk to. You're an elephaggot: I couldn't fuck you, but I could ride you through the desert.
Do I feel a hot wind? Don't look now, Self, but there's a big red asshole over there, and I think it's hemorrhoiding at me.
Coming To Theaters Soon... GAY SEX WARS, THE MOVIE
Wouldn't be the first time you got assblood on you.
You're so mature. You're like a mature old woman's spastic colitis, Mr. Diarrhea Mouth.

 

by graykane
2-19-04
What's the matter, Dexxy Baby? You look bloated, like you're retaining water.
Oh, it's Satan. He was being a little bitch, so I sent him to hell.
So I gave him a little spanking, just a couple love taps, and shouted, "Suuuueeey! Look, Ma, I'm surfing the fat outback!" That's an analsex reference. He got so pissy! Oh Mister Owens, I need minions
My students won't shut up. I tried duck taping them, but parent-teacher night is this week, so I can't leave any visible red marks until next week. Parents only look when preparing for a confrontation
So, what are you going to do?
I think I'm going to have to go to war with the little red, tanning-salon slut.

 

by graykane
2-19-04
I'm here to audition for the Gay Sex Wars.
Stop looking at my ass, kid. Even if you're of age, you look like my first sexual experience at summer camp. You can't fight Satan. He'll use your prick as dental floss & your balls as a makeup sponge
He calls me fat. With you he'll start a collagen lip-injection business in South Beach.
I guess we just stand out here and wait so he knows we're serious. I mean that's what everyone else is doing. Gosh, the line's long, and it looks like he shelled out some mega dough for the catering.
Look, all I know is there's a rumor at the homeless shelter that if we let some fag criticize us, we can hangout outside and eat free sandwiches.

 

by graykane
2-19-04
I'm so distraut, Mister Owens. Dexxy and I flew to San Francisco and got married this weekend, and now, not only are we not together, but we're going to war!
What are you going to do?
I mean it's no big deal. I can always just write the Vatican and ask for an annulment.

 

by graykane
2-20-04
Boy, this crucifix is so life-like. I bet you if I were to touch it, his skin would be soft.
Yes, our Christ is made from only the finest latex.
Ooooooh.
So, how can I help you?
Well, I originally came here for something else, but now I just want to borrow your crucifix for the weekend.

 

by graykane
2-20-04
Oh, Mister Owens, I need minions.
And my students need discipline.
sucky sucky
five spot is my g-spot.
Now, children, just because I'm an associate of Mister Owens doesn't mean that I share his vices. What's that little girl looking at? ...Sweetie, that's just Latex Jesus. He doesn't concern you.

 

by graykane
2-20-04
Satan Trains His Minions For Battle
Who wants to spank my munkey?
?
Owww! OMG, someone lit my fart-- my ass is on fire!!!
hehehe
Sir, will you tell Tobor to stop cornholing me? He's starting to rip me new orafices.

 

by graykane
2-20-04
Meanwhile, At the Parent-Teacher Conference...
Mister Owens, I insist you tell me right this instant where our children are.
Mom, Dad, whatever you are, don't you recognize me?
Yeah, where's our children?
Actually, I don't care if I get my child back.
Just because my daughter is Asian doesn't mean you don't have to return her at the end of the day. You have to share, Mister Owens. We'll take turns.
Uh, I think I have to go to the bathroom or something. I'll be right back.

 

by graykane
2-20-04
Look, you have to take Satan back. I've seen all the drunk homeless people outside. Your army sucks, and frankly, so does Satan's, and I'm going to get fired if I don't get my students back. Damn him.
*frrrrrp* Whoops, your nose was so close to my ass, I couldn't resist farting.
What did you do, eat boiled eggs and then douche with hot oil?
Yep.
Let me kill him.

 

by graykane
2-20-04
I've heard a lot of height jokes in my life, Dr. Kaufman. My favorite is, "When I said 'minion', I wasn't mispronouncing 'munchkin', Mister Owens."
But, Doc, nobody-- I mean nobody-- had ever farted on my face before, especially not to illustrate my vertical handicap. He fucking ate boiled eggs & douched with hot oil, Doc. I MUST RIP HIS SKIN OFF
Hello? Doc?
Are you going to eat my cat?

 

by graykane
2-20-04
Dexxy is here to see you, Satan.
Really? To see me? How's my breath? Do I look okay? OK, send him in.
Oh well, at least Satan still has another day left with the latex Jesus.
Hi, honey. I've missed you. I decided you were right, I was too fat, so with a little help from Mister Owens, I lost some weight for you, my love.
Mister Owens, what did you do to Dexxy?
Hmmm?
Hurry, kids, run upstairs to your parents. Whatever you do, don't slow down and don't look back.

 

by graykane
2-21-04
Shotgun.

 

by graykane
2-21-04
Why does this style always look so much cooler on the Japanese?

 

by graykane
2-21-04
Tip my dance.
Tip my dance.

 

by graykane
2-21-04
SEXY!
WORK IT!
YOU GO, GIRL!!!
Damn I'm good.

 

by graykane
2-21-04
Oooh, can you set that on "stun"? If so, I'll sit on that nicely shaped head of yours & ride back & forth & back & forth shocking myself all day & night. You're exactly what I needed: a new sybian.
Okay, I'm going to drop 'em, spread 'em, and shake myself to heaven. You ready? Bring it to me, big boy.
What a headfuck. I couldn't even begin to tell you what this eye has seen.
SCROE

 

by graykane
2-21-04
SYBIANS R US
*beep beep* me sybian *beep beep*
Really? Aren't those arms?
*beep beep* not arms, seatbelts *beep beep*
Dude, I think I'm addicted.
Phew, you're starting to stink.

 

by graykane
2-21-04
Okay, here's the storyline: Marsha walks in on Debbie, who is enjoying herself on the sybian. Marsha says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves."
And that's when I get on my knees and start licking?
*beep beep*
What the hell are you talking about?
Dude, did you see me on the Spice Channel last night?
I think you're violating Prime Directive.

 

by graykane
2-22-04
Debbie, after making that porn with you, I haven't been able to get you off my mind as easily as I got you off my dick when I said, "I'm cumming, I'm cumming."
That shot was worth an extra $200. That's why it's called "the money shot."
*beep beep* get away from my earthling. *beep beep*
Pushy little sybian, ain't you. Oh yeah, I forgot: that's what you're designed to do.
Sybian darling, put away the red pocket rocket. I've already tried that on Tyler. He doesn't like it.
Oh this is getting so foul that I'd rather be watching Gay Sex Wars, all 11 episodes. See graykane's comics for listings. [/shameless plug]

 

by graykane
2-22-04
He's masquerading as a what? He's violating the Prime Directive. I don't care if he is developing an "inside view" of human existence. We have to stop him before it's too late.
Too late? His skin reeks of fish & he's developed herpes in his one eye. I think it's way beyond too late, Sir.

 

by graykane
2-22-04
If he's gone AWOL, how will we find him?
He now goes by the name of Jack, short for One-Eyed Jack, a.k.a. Jack In-Her-Box, a.k.a. Jack The-(Pleasurable)-Ripper. He's the most famous "equipment" in the adult-film industry.
Really?
*nods*
You know, I've always said: If you're going to violate the Prime Directive, go all the way.
Yeah, this certainly isn't half-assed.

 

by graykane
2-22-04
Thanks for the ride. I'm going outside to smoke this cigarette.
*beep beep* I feel so dirty *beep beep*
Watching that really really really turned me off, Sybby. I doubt I'll ever be able to use you again. The dog saw you getting your nose rubbed in it, & afraid to be next, he went and hid under the bed.
On the streets, a few days later...
*beep beep* five dolla make you holla *beep beep*
Here's to shit in your eye.

 

by graykane
2-22-04
*beep beep* I was at the top of my game, Bob. *beep beep* Starred in The Proctologist. *beep beep* There was a new movie scheduled. *beep beep* The Green Shaft. *beep beep*

 

by graykane
2-22-04
That concludes 1 sybian's journey from the heights of pornography to the depths of prostituting its shaft as a toilet cleanser. Next week on Where Are They Now an Austrian bodybuilder/governor/whore
I hate to see one of my former stars sink so low. Hurts me right here. *pounds chest* This press has recirculated his image in the community, but with press like that, he can't make a name outside of
SCATTERED LOVE, now playing in a dirty raincoat-wearing-audience driven theater near you if you live in a filth pit of a city. Check for local listings, You Nasty Fucker.
Sit on my head, you dirty slave. Did you eat the 46 tablets of Exlax as I commanded?
Yes, master. And the cheese sandwiches. I can't hold it in anymore.
Each chooses his own path, and this is the life he's chosen.
Yeah, let's just leave him. I don't want him touching the seat coushins.

 

by graykane
2-22-04
I know everybody in SC is getting tired of all of the perverted sexual allusions in my comics, so I decided that in this comic, I'm not going to refer to sex at all.
Okay *wink*

 

by graykane
2-22-04
ZZZKAFUKI'MZZUDDERWUMANNNKK!!!
BZZKYOUREZZTOOFZZUKFARAWAYZKAK
DFZZUKKISSMEEEEEFUZKKKAKLUVYOU!!!
ZZKAFDWAAAAA!!!

 

by graykane
2-22-04
Too bad animals can't express their thanks.

 

by graykane
2-23-04
bastard done fucked my back legs off

 

by graykane
2-23-04
you done chicken-wiggled my whole back half off.
i'll get you for this.
when you count my crippled assless self slopping over the fence to help you sleep, just wait to see what i do to you. you can't stay awake forever.

 

by graykane
2-24-04
next time, YOUR ass is MINE.

 

by graykane
2-24-04
view through infra-red binoculars
i got your back
GET DOWN GET DOWN!!!!
BAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

 

by graykane
2-25-04
GET DOWN ON YOUR KNEES
suck my butt
thanks for sucking his butt for me, terry.
give me some honey, beeATCH.

 

by graykane
2-25-04

 

by graykane
2-25-04
what is this: a competition?

 

by graykane
2-26-04
i was in this jungly mountain walking down a dirt path cut from the brush, and i was radioing ahead to see what frelance amo sellers were there, and that's when i saw them, not the frelancers but...
down the hill, they were moving quickly-- not single-file, almost coincidentally together-- up the hill through the brush towards the path and even crossing it...
i started to fire with my rifle, but it was too slow to reload. i switched to my 9, emptied the clip on them, and did what i'm never supposed to do.
instead of changing clips in one motion, instead of tossing the clip with the downward movement & inserting the new one with the upward movement, i wasted time saving the empty clip in my belt...
i was afraid of running out of clips to reload with.
the enemy soldiers all pointed at me. one of them came over & told me what a doofus i was. i was winning the war, but i lost of embarrassment. the quality of life depends on split-second decisions.

 

by graykane
2-26-04
oh hey, butch. how's it hanging?
you cut my head off, butch.
i need to find a spear. it's not going to be an artistic expression if i can't put it on a spear. the integrity of my art is at stake here. no pun intended. hehehe, without a spear it's at stake. haha

 

by graykane
2-26-04
There's not enough time to warn anybody or to make preparations. The end of the world as we know it will begin in 5, 4, 3...
Babysitting is so cool. Creative dorky kids are so cool.
Shit. There goes the roof over our heads.
How did you know this was going to happen?
You know how some people read palms? I can see the future in women's panties. You left yours in the bathroom's wastebasket. They were streaked with blood. There could be no mistaking the signs.
I bled death into the world.

 

by graykane
2-26-04
Run for your life! There's a boy psychic who reads little girls' panties.
My gynecologist is a psychic. He uses a horror scope.
Too bad your panties got destroyed in the war. We need to see what we have to do to survive.
Oh my Gosh, you're right. My panties were the window to the future.
You know, since the markings on the panties come from the women who wear them, maybe I can look under your skirt and find a way to intepret it. It may take some time, but I'm sure if I dedicate myself
Nice try.

 

by graykane
2-26-04
Run! There's a boy psychic who reads women's panties to see the future.
Oh yeah, that's exactly what I'll do. I'm gonna run all right. Point to where he is so I can run to him.
I hear you need my panties, kid.
Actually, he just told me that, since a woman wears the panties, he could read the woman even better. The panties receive only an imprint, so that means the real future he'll find between your legs.
I'm fucked. She just fucked me. Forget the girl. Abort pussy-finding mission. Go Go Gadget Running Shoes.

 

by graykane
2-27-04
I see the future by reading panties. I can't believe you made me read that hag's vagina. That was the most disgusting experience of my life.
Then why are you smiling?
Something squirted out of her that got into my teeth and locked them together. My whole mouth is stuck like this. I'm in pain, and I look like a vantriloquist.
Whoops.
Poor kid! He'll stick to panties from now on. Haha, I made a pun.
Wangs

 

by graykane
2-27-04
i farted in this paper bag for you.

 

by graykane
2-27-04
i once was at this pool party and a really fat pregnant lady came and she waddled over to the mothers' table and her face turned red and she dropped a 6yr old kid in a school uniform out her skirt.
he had a fifty-foot umbilical cord that his mom must have bought at Lowe's it was so long. he ran to us. we played tug-a-kid with the umbilical cord.
i hated that kid.
at the end of the party, his mom's stomach made all sorts of noises, and the umbilical cord reeled back up her dress dragging her kid kicking and screaming until it slurped him up.
his mom liked me. she said, i want you. i said, i can't do it with a woman with a kid, because i don't trust the kid nuff to stick my stuff in there. she said, i'll abort him. her stomach grumbled.
wet bones splashed from between her legs. she and i got married. we have a dog. we named it Abortion in memory of her son. sometimes i kick it when i masterbate.

 

by graykane
2-27-04
Will you take that off! I told you it's just a cold sore.

 

by graykane
2-27-04
doesn't it look like you're falling through the air?
not falling, it's more like floating through the clouds. i can almost feel the air move around my waist and arms.
OMG, you killed kenny!
sorry i had to crash your party, kids. i thought i was floating through the clouds, but i guess i was really falling.
oh yeah, well when i land, i'm going to fall on your mother's testicle, you bastard.

Showing page 3.

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