All comics by graykane

Profile

 

by graykane
1-24-04
I am a Marshmellow!!!
Marshmellows can't die.
I am but the idea of a Marshmellow.
I'm going to stick my dick in your head.

 

by graykane
1-24-04
Welcome to Heaven, little girl. Let me show you to your new home.
This is where God keeps His power tools. And over there is where He keeps all His red costumes. Sometimes He likes to fool new arrivals. God's such a card.
This is God's rehearsal room.... Oh, uh-- hey there, God. We were just talking about You. Uh, what's with the hockey mask? You're starting to freak me out, God.
I like yellow pez.

 

by graykane
1-24-04
You may not recognize me, but I was in "Being John Malkovich." Want to see a hundred dollar bill? I have one. It's one of the new ones. You want to touch it? I'll let you touch it.
This alley is more comfortable, isn't it. Have you ever seen foreign candy? I have some. I'll let you see it. I'll let you touch it. It's hard candy. You want to touch it?
John Cusack Becomes a Favorite in the Community
I have some candy. Some guy gave it to me.
Me, too. Want to see it? I got it in the alleyway. It was hard, but now it's all sticky.

 

by graykane
1-25-04
Officer, I can explain everything. It was a pre-emptive strike.
Your Honor, the situation called for a regime change. When it comes to my own personal safety and interests, I do not need to consult any tribunal. In the immortal words of President George W. Bush,

 

by graykane
1-26-04
That's right, Bob. Complete muscle destruction + complete muscle recuperation = maximum muscle growth. Bring on the muscle apocalypse today. Await the complete muscle resurrection. Think of Jesus.
It worked for me.
Operators Are Standing By: Call 1-800-676-MEAT. Don't Get Caught On Judgment Day Looking Weak.
That's a good stretch, Jesus. If you don't get resurrected with more muscle than you could ever dream of, you'll get a 100% refund, no questions asked. Don't get caught on Judgment Day looking weak.

 

by graykane
1-26-04
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
No, man, it's not a knock-knock joke. I'm just imitating the sound of your mom's tits as they slap against her stomach when I fuck her in the ass.
Oooooh, that's a bad one.
How about giving a starving baby a little suckle, and then we can hit that bed again. If anyone comes in, just say I fell out, you didn't know you was pregnant, and you were trying to push me back in.
I can't use that excuse twice.

 

by graykane
1-27-04
You should have never gone for the pre-emptive strike. You can't regime change a woman-- not like you can regime change your muscles.
I feel so impotent.
Maybe I shouldn't have stuck my dick in that marshmellow's head.
I had the power to stop him.
It sure felt good to stick my dick in that marshmellow's head.
If this baby comes out your mama's pussy, it don't mean I'm your brother. I'm your daddy. I bent your mama over an ice-cooler, cuz if I don't, she get too hot, burn my dick. That vagina needs cream.

 

by graykane
1-28-04
I'll beat you. I'll spank you with my arm as if it were a breakfast sausage. I'll shove it up your ass so hard your spine will raise up two inches. Everytime you wipe you'll be giving me a high five.
You're not getting enough protein.
Protein is essential to the resurrection.
Listen to him, my son. He speaks the truth.
After a complete muscle apocalypse, two key essential elements trigger the complete muscle resurrection.
Protein and Rest. Avoid prostitutes. They carry diseases that hinder muscle development. Remember: just because it's a growth, doesn't mean it's positive a growth.

 

by graykane
1-28-04
So, Gray, why do you love the obsequious non-sequitor segments of my-- *cough* Sonofabitch, I fucked it up. G_d damn it.
Take 2
So, Gray, why do you love the non-sequitors in my work so much?
Well...
Well, Matt. As you know, I'm wearing a codpiece whittled from human teeth shed from 14 generations of your family on your mother's side.
And only the hole at the very tip of my codpiece still needs a filling.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
You know, everything you say or do is some form of euthanasia. Every movement wears out your organs. Even the tiniest motion leaves stress marks and scar tissue.
Intelligence is really a compilation of psychic scars: mere traumas that the individual has had the good fortune to overcome.
Echinacea is really just "Euthanasia Light."
Shut up.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
Hey Hey Hey, look at the prime piece of ass we got here. Anybody want to rent 15mins with a comatose pussy? I got the vasoline if you got the green.
WHAPBAM!
Twat Shot!
ATROPHY LEGS, ACTIVATE!!!

 

by graykane
1-29-04
You don't have to be the hero. You don't have to be good. She's not really there for you, so why should she inspire you to be all that you can be? You're putting too much strain on yourself.
It feels so much better to be the hero than to be like this.
When I'm around her I feel strong. Capable of doing anything good and right in this world. Capable of defending-- nay, of bringing about the good in his world.
My only hope lies in that she may recognize that ability in me. Everytime I confirm myself in her eyes, even if only for a moment, it makes all the struggle and pain worth it.
I just wish I could make that moment an eternity.
On Earth, eternity comes only in glimpses. The rest will have to come from faith. She may not remain the one who delivers those glimpses to you. Don't give up on the good she inspires in you, kid.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
I leave my apartment to conquer the day's nutritional deficiencies.
As the inner child, I'll talk about your mama. She's got an ass like a Private-Eye's office: there's always some dick in there. While some women love me, you don't, so I have to hide when you're here.
And then I get tired. When I'm tired, my mood drops. Emotionally, I fall apart at the seams. That's when I most need you in order to sustain my life, my vitality. Please don't leave me.
Have you ever read Don Quixote? Marcela is treated as the blame for Grisostomo's suicide, because she's so beautiful he couldn't live without her, but she never led him on. She was just beautiful.
She was so beautiful that Grisostomo dressed up as something he's not, a shepherd, and followed her through the very same pastures that she inhabited to get away from male attempts to "conquer" her.
Yeah, but I won't fail like my predecessors.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
Listen, evil inner child. In trying to abort you, I've created a horrible psychopathic puppet freed from its master-- my arch-nemesis.
Dude, as long as she looks that good, there's no way you can kill me forever. I'm worse than Lazarus when it comes to a hot chick.
I mean look at that shit, man. Even a dead man would get rigormortis looking at that.
Stop being a baby. You're not respecting the human being who wears that beauty, and part of respecting her is respecting her decision to not be with you, which she's all but explicitly stated.
Dude, I'm definitely taking that into consideration. I'm working the whole innocence & sadism hard in this fantasy. She's wearing a fucking Catholic school girl uniform & kickin my ass, for Chrissakes

 

by graykane
1-29-04
Don't feel emasculated, Matt. All women are lesbians and do that to their men to fulfill their lesbian fantasies.
Dude, why are you looking over there? I'm over here, cock.
Hi.
You weren't supposed to be eavesdropping on my catharsis. That's just wrong.
Boy, she has him whipped.
Cock.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
Nice weather we're having...
We all have our demons, Matt.
We just confront them differently.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
You know those ABDOMINAL ELECTRODES work great, Matt.
It's true. I have one on under my dress.
Don't believe it, Matt. I'm the only electrode you need.
Don't listen to the cigarette, Matt. It's the devil talking.
The temptation to kill is great.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
What's going on, man?
My friggin arms. Dude, I can't move my pinkies after that workout. My freaking pinkies are shaking. Look at them.
What's he complaining about now?
I don't know, man. I just workout here. I think he's saying you're working him too hard.
Sonofabitch, two seconds ago he was working you too hard, too. Sonofabitch. I'll gut you like a fish.
Don't worry, Matt. Jared's just an elitist. We all know Gray's like Hitler, only not as charismatic.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
Did you download a virtual blowjob?
Since that's about the only way I could get one, I must have.
Open wider. Gosh, just cuz it's virtual doesn't mean it's small.
Oooh, can I play "grownup males" too?
You bet!

 

by graykane
1-29-04
Being an infant, I can safely enter all the ladies' restrooms I want-- totally unsuspected by jealous husbands.
Next time she comes out of the bathroom all sweaty, ask her when was the last time she had a baby.
You're on my turf.

 

by graykane
1-29-04
typo
typo
Motherfucker!
He made a typo.
Oh, go to hell.

 

by graykane
1-30-04
I was eating my girlfriend out, and she had a miscarriage in my mouth.
Oh, stop it already! That's horrible.
I've been flossing fetus now for weeks. You ever eat stringy rotting chicken wings? Wait a minute: aren't you a marshmellow?
Yeah.
I'm going to stick my dick in your head.

 

by graykane
1-30-04
Fucked her so hard I could wear her as a hat. I'm like, I'll never have to pay for two plane tickets again. She's an apparel. By the time I'm eight, she'll be an umbrella. By 23, a circus tent.
So I'm fucking this pregnant chick, right? But I made sure it was going to be a girl first, because I ain't into no gay shit. I'm not sticking my dick in there and getting a blowjob by no baby boy.
So I'm doin the preggy mom and this fine-ass fetus chick at the same time. If we coulda only stuck the preggy chick inside her dead mama, I coulda nailed 3 generations in 1: like a fuckn Russian doll.

 

by graykane
1-30-04
I said, "Quick, hide me up your skirt. They're coming. We don't have time to discuss this." She fell for it. I gave her sixty-three orgasms between here and Texas. Something about the illicit, Brian.
I'm failing to see how any of this qualifies you to be President. I mean I just don't get it.
Has to do with closing the deal, Brian. I always heard that babies and dogs were chickmagnets, and then I saw these two chicks sucking mad dog dick on the internet, and I thought, "That's genius."
...
The dog bypassed the master & got his own dick sucked. I learned that day that I was a tool, like a screwdriver, but that I could learn how to screw on my own. I am my own master, Brian.
Help.

 

by graykane
1-30-04
I know, I know: I go up the, the... I go up the tree to get the nuts.
Right! And where do you not go to get the nuts?
I go up the... the... I do not go up the cross to get the nuts.
That's right! Now say it again from the top.
I... I... I go up the cross and get the nuts?
Shit. I'm fucked.

 

by graykane
1-30-04
Interviewing a Presidential candidate like myself should be like a really messy menstruation: It should be difficult, something nobody wants to deal with, leaves people feeling uncomfortable.
Oh My God, go to commercial.
But it has them all talking about it behind your back.... You know I can smell you, right?
Excuse me while I hide under this table.
I don't mind getting red wings.

 

by graykane
1-31-04
...with vibrators for lightsabers, & I say to yo grandmama, "Damn, Yoda. You like the force, dontchya!" & I say to yo mama, cuz she's liftin her black dress, "Damn, Darth Vader, yo pussys da darkside"
Are we still on the air?
& I say to yo sista, "Damn, Princess, you took dem lightsabers whole up both ends! Now I can hold you like a corn on da cob & eat them little yellow nipples of yours like da tasty kernals dey are!"
Da's cool, baby. I aint neva done no alien b'for. You probly mo' versatile. I can stick my shit in yo back or in yo leg, back of da head, in yo 1 eye. I fuck yo knees. Poke big holes tween yo toes.
If you become President, the whole universe is fucked.

 

by graykane
1-31-04
I am THE INVISIBLE GIRAFFE!!!
You know I gots this girl who says I just aint big'nuf for her shit. She used to stretch herself over small furniture for small audiences. Just private parties. Nothin famous or nuth'n.
I am THE INVISIBLE GIRAFFE!?
Wid yo help, I gots a plan. I drop my pampers, aim my chubbybabycock at her & the sheer unseen force of my shit chops everything tween us in twain, tears her dress, blows her shit wide & into the sky.
I am the invisible giraffe?
Course she could never know you're there, but we'll take this show on the road, my friend. I'm done with this small-time shit. Nuthin but the bigtop for this peewee.

 

by graykane
1-31-04
I need to clarify my last statement before it gets quoted out of context: I do not have a small cock by any means. In fact...
I was the only one who survived Flight 93. I grabbed the first chick I could find, fucked the shit out of her, & used what was left of her pussy to parachute to safety.
It's with mad skills like those that I intend to steer this cuntry out of harm's way. Fuck you, Bush!

 

by graykane
1-31-04
Some didn't comprehend how I was able to use a pussy to parachute to safety from a crashing plane. Let me explain: I ripped the vericose veins from this one mama's legs, tied 'em to the twat...
...and jumped.
She blew up like a hot-air balloon. She's now in advertising. Presently she's on display hovering over a Chucky Cheese on 3rd and Main. Nice woman. I wish her the best of luck in her new business.

 

by graykane
1-31-04
Yeah, I used to read "Over 90". I aint scared of what you're hiding under there-- unless you're a tranny granny. If I go down only to find a six-inch clit, somebody's getting beat.
I mean I'll lick up to an inch, but anything longer than that, you can call it "genetics", "gravity with age", you can call it whatch you want, but it's a dick & ain't touching it.
That's right. You can go twiddle yer own diddle, Grandma. Cuz if it's longer than an inch, you ain't twiddlin it. You're fuckin jerking it. You need yo walker cuz you need to keep on walkin, Tranny G.

 

by graykane
1-31-04
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Must be tough getting old. My turbines won't stop generating. Like I graviton'd this kid's mom so hard last night. My rotor fuckin rooted her.
Pardon me, señor director, but am I in the right script?
I fuckin blew a load of gravitons right in her face. I shot it right in her eye.
Okay, who the fuck are you? What are you doing here?
I'm the piece of flesh that replaced your dad. I'd shake your hand, but I just left your mom. My fingers... Let me take you to Hooters: some bonding time. So, yer mother tells me yer a director.

 

by graykane
2-01-04
Childofthecorn254, let's be bosom buddies. We'll have so many illegitimate children we won't even name them. I mean we're bound to lose a few, & I want to keep only the good ones anyway.
Honey, I'll knock you up so many times you be shooting them at de neighbors. On 4th of July, dey'll be our fireworks: streaming babies, colorful umbilical cords raining afterbirth along da horizon.
It'll be butiful.
You'll have so many children you'll be sending the wrong kid home to the wrong father every summer.
I never said I was claiming responsibility for all of them.

 

by graykane
2-01-04
Here comes Tranny G with her hermaphrotitties. Tranny Granny, dat aint a tampon string you hiding. If I pull dat string & see blood, it's cuz I ripped yo dick off.
Oooh! Little boy, I am not a hermaphrodite! I don't know where you got this idea from.
Da problem is when the little man in the boat don't leave room for no passengers. Like I says before, call it what you want, but if yo clit covers yo shit like a lid, you gots yo self a wang, KD Lang!
A clitorus is erectile tissue &, like penises, come in all different shapes & sizes. I think you may be feeling intimidated: being a baby, your erectile tissue may not be longer than many clitoruses.
I accept yo challenge, biatch! On da count of 3, we whip it out. ONE...
TWO...

 

by graykane
2-02-04
Damn, Tranny G! You're my hermaphrohero. Just be careful, woman: you damn near quiefed my head off. You don't want to blow baby balls all over the walls.
Aaaaagh!!!!
I warned your hermaphroass about that quiefing. Our friction musta left you aflame. I had to use the fire extinguisher on yo shit. Damn, Miss Tran, will you stop yo screamin?
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!!
Oh, I do apologize. I keep forgetting I came in here with you. I keep thinking you fell out or something.

 

by graykane
2-02-04
I'll pluck your nuts like an apple from a tree, shove 'em in your cheeks, and pop your face like a zit.

 

by graykane
2-02-04
With factories, the upperclass needed trained employees, so this was the birth of public schools. You learn to be on time, obey a bell, work silently in lines & rows, & read basic signs like "Warning"
Kaisha realizes her people were never freed.
So, you're saying that, contrary to what everybody else says, the public school system is not failing? That it's doing exactly what it was designed to do: transform the masses into factory workers?
But we're not an industrialized society anymore. We're a technological society, so the public school system is failing in the sense that it's outdated. It's designed for factories, not networks.
That's why schools are trying to rearrange the desks into circles: to transfer the power from the supervisor to the individual-- to reinforce the concept of a network. We must help save the upperclass

 

by graykane
2-02-04
I'm a slave.
Kaisha realizes that Whites are too dumb to be intentional perpetrators.
Come on, everybody. We have to act quickly before we're antiquated.

 

by graykane
2-02-04
Aaaaaaagh!
Oh shit!!!!!
I can't look.
D'FUAK IZZU HAPHENE WIZZU, OHSHUT, GNASTY, PCCCCP MAAK BUD DR REAM
I know, I know. My mouth's been stuck like this ever since I gave John Holmes that blowjob for four bucks back in 1978.

 

by graykane
2-02-04
Disfigured-From-A-Blowjob-Woman, what brings you to my humble abode?
Baby-Aborted-In-Anal-Sex-Incident, I didn't know where else to turn.
Tell me all about it, Disfigured-From-A-Blowjob-Woman.
It's President-Who-Got-Fisted-And-Is-Now-A-Handpuppet. He's escaped from prison.
Meanwhile, on the other side of Washington D.C.
To complete my evil plan, quick, shove your fist up my ass. First my ass, and then the world! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!

 

by graykane
2-04-04
What do you think of filth?
It's dirty.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
Today, class, we need to discuss Tennyson's "In Memorium." Please turn to poems #28, 78, & 104. Margaret, why don't you have your book?
I ordered the book online. It was supposed to arrive this week, but it hasn't.
It seems that most of you don't have your books. How are we supposed to have a class discussion if the majority of you don't have your books? Mark, why don't you have your book?
I ordered it online.
I love watching him get angry. Look at him. He wants to punish us, but he knows the bookstore didn't order enough copies and that we had to order the book online. I think he's having an aneurysm.
I just wish his eyes wouldn't bleed like that all over my new shoes.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
I am one of your tears.
I have to stop listening to The Cure.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
Prbbly shldnt hve taAkn tht laAst cap.
yeah

 

by graykane
2-05-04
I have to stop listening to Morrissey.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
Ok. I'll take out the garbage.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
Ughfff
Ok. I'll get you some ice-cream already.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
Please!
Ok. I'll teach you kung-fu already.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
Ughff
Ok. I'll teach you the ways of the street already.

 

by graykane
2-05-04
i give you the power to say one word
oh fuck off

Showing page 1.

Next »