All comics by maddog00

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by maddog00
4-26-04
Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's wedding is back on!
Grr, stupid Bennifer. They should just die. I swear if I hear one more bit of news like this....
Kobe Bryant was just acquitted from his rape case. Kobe, any comment? "Stupid bitch knows better than to accuse me of somethin'. She deserved what she got. Suckahs."
That's the last straw! OW! OW!

 

by maddog00
4-30-04
RAAAAAR! TOBOR COME TO CORNHOLE!!!!
Holy Powdered Hyena Semen! How'd you get in here?
TOBOR FIND KEY UNDER WELCOME MAT. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT RUMP RAPIST?
I don't believe I have.
But I can cornhole you if you'd like.
RAAR! TOBOR CONFUSED.

 

by maddog00
4-30-04
RAAAAAR! TOBOR COME TO CORNHOLE!!!!
Holy Powdered Hyena Semen! How'd you get in here?
TOBOR FIND KEY UNDER WELCOME MAT. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT RUMP RAPIST?
I don't believe I have.
TOBOR SAD. NO ONE CARES TO KNOW HIM. TOBOR NEEDS A SHOULDER TO CRY ON.
Oh, um, I think I hear my mom calling. Gotta go.

 

by maddog00
4-30-04
RAAAAAR! TOBOR COME TO CORNHOLE!!!!
Holy Powdered Hyena Semen! How'd you get in here?
TOBOR FIND KEY UNDER WELCOME MAT. HAVE YOU NOT HEARD OF TOBOR, THE RED ROBOT RUMP RAPIST?
I don't believe I have.
WHAT THE...
Sucky sucky fi dollah

 

by maddog00
5-05-04
Al! Al! You gotta help me.
E equals MC...hmm...what the hell do you want.
We have to hurry. They want that theory of relativity or else. Give it to me.
Well, I'm not done yet. Just tell them its 13. They'll never know the difference.
Shortly...
"They'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by maddog00
5-05-04
Shit! The mob's lookin' for their drug money...and we spent it on video games!
Look, dude, just go color photocopy some money. They'll never know the difference.
You sure? I mean...
Hey, ass, c'mon now. I'm busy playing Britney's Dance Beat. Go do it.
Shortly...
"They'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by maddog00
5-06-04
So, maybe we can go to a bar...get a few drinks...get it on.
Objection! She's leading the witness on.
You took the hammer and killed him.
Objection! Relevance.
Your Honor, the prosecution rests.
Objection! Speculation.

 

by maddog00
5-06-04
So, who were they.
They were...Asian...and speaking Asian...and....ASIAN!
If OJ and Kobe can get away with it, so can I.
You shot him five times, then slit his throat.
Yeah, but it was an accident. Honest.

 

by maddog00
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did...hm, deja vu.

 

by maddog00
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
wehn a man loves a women, HE NALE'S THE FUCKIN BITCH!
AH! POLEECE!! ITS RAPE!!

 

by maddog00
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
What...what is that for?
I wanna nail you. That such a bad thing?

 

by maddog00
5-10-04
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
Wait a minute... that was YOU!?
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by maddog00
5-10-04
Know what would be funny?
What's that?
We wait till Tyler falls asleep, then lube him up and have our way with him.
That's fucked up. I'm outta here.
Wait a minute... that was YOU!?

 

by maddog00
5-10-04
Oh yeah...that's good.
Keep it up...mmm
SLURP
Wait a minute... that was YOU!?

 

by maddog00
5-10-04
You know...you should make someone pay for getting stuck down here. What about Jones?
No, no. Someone bigger. A lot bigger. He's got some pull.
Don't tell me...
Yep...him.
Wait a minute... that was YOU!?

 

by maddog00
5-10-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
You could've at least told me you were on the rag. Jesus.

 

by maddog00
5-11-04
Last day high school
I went 4 years of cheating and never got caught, isn't that right, Mr. G.
Last day high school
Jim...you're getting an A in English...and a son.
Last day high school
Remember the time I lit your desk on fire and left you death threats, Mr. G? That was funny.

 

by maddog00
5-17-04
You shithead
You asshole
I'm starting to run out of curses
I'm not.
You BASTARD.

 

by maddog00
5-17-04
Yeah, so I snuck into the room and it was all dark. And there she was, lying there...just waiting for it. Spread eagle and everything.
Oo, man, its gettin' good...then what.
I left.
You BASTARD.

 

by maddog00
5-17-04
Seriously, I really gave her the time of her life.
Awesome. Do you even know who it was.
Your mom.
You BASTARD.

 

by maddog00
5-17-04
Hi
Hi
You BASTARD.

 

by maddog00
5-17-04
The Beatles are back together! They even resurrected John Lennon!
How appropriate they're doing death metal then.
ITS BEEN A HARD FUCKING NIIIIIGHT! RAAAAAAR!
*UNINTELLIGABLE GROWL!*
EIGHT FUCKING DAYS A SHITTING WEEK!!
AND I RAPED YOUR MOTHER!

 

by maddog00
5-17-04
I'm doing this crossword. Three letter word for 'not me' and a seven letter word for 'illegitimate child.'
Hmmm.
Think of it yet?
Shut up, I'm thinking. Hmmm. Ah.
You BASTARD.

 

by maddog00
5-18-04
Uh oh, plane's going down. Luckily, I have this parachute. Think I'll step out.
Oh no, it didn't open. I'm doomed! Wait, what's that below me? I'm saved!
Who would've ever thought there'd be a fat guy in a red suit out here for a nice soft landing.

 

by maddog00
5-18-04
Uh oh, plane's going down. Luckily, I have this parachute. Think I'll step out.
Oh no, it didn't open. I'm doomed! Wait, what's that below me? I'm saved!
You're early. I'll have to thank JC for this.
Shit. Maybe not.

 

by maddog00
5-24-04
Playing paintball
So what kind of balls do you have?
Blue is the most popular.
Don't you hate it when your balls get stuck like that?
I hear ya. No time to clean when you're under fire.
If you get on your knees behind here, you'll be safe.
You said that last time and I got a faceful...and a mouthful. Gross, man.

 

by maddog00
5-25-04
Ouch, I think she's actually hurt.
Ooh, yes Bob, that looked like a nasty fall.
Anyway, onto a different matter. If we believe the prophets of disaster our world could soon end due to global warming or a meteor strike.
And if this topic turns out to be true they may be right. We now go live to our reporter who's on the scene of a very interesting new find.
So, can I get a quickie?
Only for fi dollah.

 

by maddog00
5-25-04
Ouch, I think she's actually hurt.
Ooh, yes Bob, that looked like a nasty fall.
Anyway, onto a different matter. If we believe the prophets of disaster our world could soon end due to global warming or a meteor strike.
And if this topic turns out to be true they may be right. We now go live to our reporter who's on the scene of a very interesting new find.
Yes, Janet. It appears the second coming of Jesus has arrived. Any comment, Mr. Christ?
How about you help me down from here.

 

by maddog00
6-01-04
That's the stuff...just a little longer. Let me turn on this flashlight. I wanna see you.
..the hell?! When did I get to the graveyard with a squirrel giving me head?
The same time you started thinking a squirrel could talk, you drunk.
Let us never speak of this again.
Agreed.

 

by maddog00
6-01-04
RAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!
HEE HAW! ME DOG ON BALL! ME GET CHAINSAW AND KILL YOU WITH IT!! VROOM VROOM!
IS THIS NOT "CORNHOLE 103"! RAR!
BOING BOING! ME AM TEACHING ENGLISH! CORNHOLING DOWN HALL BUTTFACE!!
OH, I APOLOGIZE!!
ME AM RACE CAR! ME SAY GO TO HELL! GRRR!!

 

by maddog00
6-02-04
Oh, this is the part where we find out that Max is the killer.
Man, this shit is gay. I can't believe I paid to see shit like this.
Hey, wasn't she in a porn? Think she'll get naked?

 

by maddog00
6-07-04
Thanks for coming on this conjugal visit to your granny.
If I didn't come, I wouldn't be finished.
You must have some sort of Oedipus complex to do this with me.
What can I say. I'm a real mother fucker.
One of these days I'll learn to keep my big mouth shut!

 

by maddog00
6-07-04
Mines-shmines. Let's just make a run for it.
Hey, I pulled this pin on this green pineapple thing. What's that do?
Make love, not war.

 

by maddog00
6-10-04
I cant stand my father, he is SUCH an asshole!
Oh goodness, i know! Just last week he got me whipped for playing grab-ass with the angels!
I wonder what Satan thinks about my dad, I mean he can't still be sour at him for the whole "eternal damnation" thing
Hmmm...
My ears are ringing...someone must be talking about me!
No, that's just the cries of the damned.

 

by maddog00
6-28-04
Time for a little self-pleasure.
*thwap-thwap*
HEE-HAW! WHAT THAT NOISE! ME TURN ON LIGHT! VROOM-VROOM!
HAW-HAW! ME SAW LITTLE DING DONG! ME GET CHAINSAW AND KILL YOU WITH IT BUTTFACE!
Well...that could've gone better.

 

by maddog00
7-01-04
Man, that horror movie was great. Could you imagine if a monster like that came along in real life?
It'd scare the piss out of me. But I know of a more terrifying monster that would scare me.
Oh yeah, who's that?
Michael Jackson.
Hi boys. How about a foursome with me and Bubbles at the ranch. We could play four square...or go fish.
Freak

 

by maddog00
7-02-04
Can I get a Shirley Temple?
In a gay bar
Hey, put a head on it.
No tip. Bastard. Good thing I piss in all the drinks in case that happens.

 

by maddog00
7-02-04
Is this a great game or what?
Yeah, too bad I gotta leave soon.
You can't leave, we've almost finished it! Where do you gotta go?
I've got some important business to take care of...
3 hours later
I thought you had important business to take care of.
I lied.

 

by maddog00
7-02-04
Is this a great game or what?
Yeah, too bad I gotta leave soon.
You can't leave, we've almost finished it! Where do you gotta go?
I've got some important business to take care of...
*thwap-thwap-thwap*

 

by maddog00
7-06-04
60s, innocence at its best
Rockin' Robin
80s, loss of innocence
Who's bad?
Today, ?
I'm not guilty
That's not what my ass says.

 

by maddog00
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
What the...you're...you're...
What? I'm...I'm...aaagh...ME DOG ON BALL! VROOM VROOM

 

by maddog00
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
Good job, dick.
Me ruv u rong time.

 

by maddog00
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
Good job, dick.
Me ruv u rong time.

 

by maddog00
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
Its not like she could erase me from existence.

 

by maddog00
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
I guess you're right. Let's go. I'm getting hungry. Like for bacon.
Ok. Hey...speaking of which, you smell a cop around here?

 

by maddog00
7-13-04
Detectives Asiangirl1 and Asiangirl2 are on the case.
We fin' dead man in street.
Too bad. He rookie pretty goo' fo' sucky.
Except for that rarge gaping hole in anus.
You know me. I'll sucky anything...fo' fie dollah.
Who could be the suspect?
I know where to begin. Ret's roll.

 

by maddog00
7-13-04
*CHING CHING* 69 ROBOT AVENUE, 5 PM
Open up, its dah police.
Er, she mean, fie dollah, sucky sucky. Open up.
RAAAR!! CORNHOLE TIME!
WHY YOU BIG FAT ASSHOLE! YOU LIED!
You under arrest for not having fie dollah.

 

by maddog00
7-13-04
*CHING CHING* Downtown poreece office. 6pm
Admit it. You wanted some cornholing and decided to get it the easy way. Found that poor schmo in the street
TOBOR NO CORNHOLE MAN TO DEATH! BUSY WITH BRAD.
You think he's ryin'?
HEE HAW! ME DOG ON BALL! KILL YOU WITH CHAINSAW!
So, he not ryin' then.
HEE HAW! DOG ON BALL THINK BRAD A WHORE! HE NO LIE! VROOM VROOM! FIND ANOTHER SUSPECT, IDIOT!

 

by maddog00
7-13-04
*CHING CHING* OUTERSPACE 3am
How we end up out here?
This is where our culprit is.
HE NALE'S THE FUCKIN BITCH
AH! POLEECE!! ITS RAPE!!
Caught you! You're under arrest. Want some sucky first?
I wnat a lwyar

 

by maddog00
7-13-04
CHING CHING. Grand Jury Part 126 2pm
I brought all the evidence I need in this leather box. It'll be a briefcase. Fuck's not guilty.
We have evidence. Blood on his glass eye, linking him to the murder.
That's a glass eye? Why, I didn't real eyes.
Your honor, the dead homosexual noticed fuck staring, he averted his gays.
HEE HAW! WHEN IS THIS GOING TO BE OVER WITH! ME A RACECAR!

Showing page 3.

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