All comics by southlondon

Profile

 

by southlondon
3-15-06
Oh yeah, I've been meaning to show you this website.
This isn't one of your weird PVC sites is it?
Erm...no. Look, you can create comic strips on it. I'll tkae you to the 'register' section...
Two hours later...
Who said i was a builder i thought this was the brokeback mountain audition
Must destroy the evil I created...

 

by southlondon
3-15-06
Hey, Smith the Work Experience kid. Would you do me a favour and take this unsecured pallet-load of Industrial Grade chemicals to the other Warehouse? They're a bit shakey but you'll be fine.
Five...four...three...two....one...
CRASH!!!!!!!!!
Work experience kids are fun...
AH...MY EYES...I'M BLIND!!!!

 

by southlondon
3-21-06
Hey, I had this weird dream last night. I was captured by this evil warrior Goddess and brought to her castle.
You guys showed up and saved me at the last minute, carrying me away to safety. Anyway, It gave me a message. What do you think that was?
That your friends will always be there to save you, no matter what?
No, it means that its YOUR FAULT I'm still a virgin.

 

by southlondon
3-28-06
Southlondon reads QueenB's comics...
Well, heya there, lil' lady, i'ma here about your in-fest-stay-shun
The frat party's in the basement.
Hmm. I need a sandwich
NEIL! That sounded like an independent thought! WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THINKING FOR YOURSELF?

 

by southlondon
3-28-06
So anyway, the point of the novel is that man has no freedom against the world.
Uh-huh.
It reminds me of an incident back in 1411 when the peasants revolted against their masters and stormed the King's Castle. It's really interesting because of the themes and subtext clearly show this...
Oh, right. I see what you mean.
Anyway...can I have 10p for a cup of tea?
Fuck off.

 

by southlondon
3-28-06
Oh, and did I ever tell you about John Palmer's timeshare? I stayed there for a week. Then he did an armed robbery and I did the driving and we went and robbed all the shops.
Did I mention I worked for John Palmer's security man Mick? It was him and me and we used to drive around Tenerife and do this and that.....
The next day...
How long was this one?
I counted 2hrs 34mins. Would have been three but I pretended to pass out.

 

by southlondon
3-28-06
At Homebase...
That must be the new temp. Fuck me, I can't tell whether they're male or female.
NOTE: My real life image is a lot less feminine than me.
Hi, I'm Neil, what's your name?
Sanjallah
Well that helps...

 

by southlondon
3-28-06
chimppimp and Sean "QualBeans" McCarthy are outside Homebase...
Sean, look at that. Is she a she? Or a he?
A she, but it's a close call...
I think she's female. I was convinced she was male then I saw her come out of the Ladies.
Later, on MSN with QueenB
...So she's an 18 stone 16 year old Indian? And Neil's finally pulled?
Yep! *Snigger*

 

by southlondon
3-30-06
Sean is staying at chimppimp's house...
Hey Sean, I have an idea. Why not, to cover up our own blatant homosexuality, why not turn our good friend Neil into a gay scapegoat?
I'm listening...
Think about it. We can make gay dating videos, put his profile on a homo website, call him gay in front of the group,
Oh yeah! And Peter as well. We could even develop a whole ranking scheme for the group. Then no one will suspect us!
Good ideas make me horny, dude.

 

by southlondon
4-03-06
Hey man, have you got any crack?
Naw. Dalai Lhama's bin crackin' down on the drug trade. 'Parrently we're only 'loud to sell natural highs. Although I do gots this Natural High thingy they call Nirvana.
How much?
Twenty minutes later, in Nirvana
This sucks! At least the people in my crack dreams tell me to do fun stuff!
No sex! No breaking silence! No emotion!

 

by southlondon
4-11-06
I miei amici si domanderanno probabilmente perché scrivo questo comico in italiano. Che è bene effettivamente la parte dello scherzo. Lei vede, non parlo una parola di Eyetie ma ho usato un sito web
Cosí perché ho scritto un italiano comico? Era apparire il cultured? Era darmie la mistica? No era semplicemente farla inganna il graffio le sue teste nella confusione.
Senza dubbio quando lei prende questo l'ha tradotto domanderà perché sono andato allo sforzo. E poi lei te stesso guarderà e pensa "Dio, per quanto tempo ho appena speso decoding uno scherzo inutil

 

by southlondon
4-14-06
Excuse me, I'd like to buy one of your garden tables.
Ok, great. Which one were you after?
Actually, when I say Buy, I actually mean I'd like to send you out in the pouring rain to get it so I can try and fit it in my tiny Nissan Micra hatchback, even though the dimensions are miles too big
A horrific act of violence should follow this scene, but due to my amazing self control it does not.
I'd also like to demand you to cut the box open so that I can try and get it in without the packaging, only to find I can't and tell you to bring the now useless item back, without thanks or apology.
Ok, I'll get my raincoat.

 

by southlondon
4-14-06
Hey Neil, can I borrow your knife quickly?
No problem. Don't lose it.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY FINGER!
...
Aw, I knew I couldn't fool you.
Oh, you fooled me alright. I just didn't care.

 

by southlondon
4-17-06
Hey there buddy boy, welcome to Hell!
Charles Manson! Wow!
Jimbo, I'm here to invite you to the Serial Killer's annual Hell Party. There'll be all the faces-Myra Hindley, Ed Gein, Jeffrey Dahlmer. But don't go upstairs. Fred and Rose West are...you know...
Sound's great! Let me get my coat!
So let me get this straight. You want to keep having this dream?
If there's anything you can perscribe, yeah.

 

by southlondon
4-18-06
Ever have one of those days when you're sending reports out and realise you've sent out one too many?
Then to realise that rather than sending an extra report you've actually sent a graphic, but harmless, sketch of you doing it doggy style with Abby from Payroll?
Later...
Now, I know Sexual Harrasment is a big charge, but you need to hear my side of the story first!

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
You know who I hate though? Mods.
Not the guys that go around in Lambrettas, I'm on about the ones that hang around chat rooms and stop you from soliciting pre-teen boys for sex.
Every time you say that, I keep wishing I'd have set you right the first time you said it.

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
In July 2006 five innocent StripCreator users (southlondon, QueenB, chimppimp, JustPete and whatever username Sean chose before he lost his password)
Went on a trip around the world that would change their lives forever.
Partly because the plane was ripped apart thanks to Al Quieda.
Sorry folks! My bad...

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
With only seconds to go before a horrific crash, the five stole all the parachutes, beating anyone who protested.
As they dropped off one by one (without their mobiles, cos that would be too easy) they vowed to seek each other out wherever they landed.
Except JustPete, who was in his element relishing the thought of going weeks without taunts of "Virgin! Virgin!"

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
southlondon and JustPete landed in the same place.
Woah, that was some parachute jump.
Where are we?
VIVA MILOSEVIC!
Serbia? Fucking hell.

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
Sean landed in an unfamiliar setting
Woah, where am I?
Hmm...tropical island...coconuts, trees, sun...
Fucking qual!

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
QueenB opened her eyes to a bizarre sight
What...what the...I'm on the moon?
I'm actually on the moon! How can that happen? First of all, I parachuted DOWN, and second of all, humans can't breathe on the moon. Why aren't I exploding?
Hey, it's a comic, it doesn't have to make sense.

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
As Chris (chimppimp) came to, he realised he was covered in snow. What was more, he realised he was freezing.
Hmm. I wonder where I am.
A penguin? Ah, that's right.
I must be in Poland!
You're in the Antarctic, yo' crazy fool.

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
It has only been two days since I have been forced to live on this island. However, it feels like I have been here forever.
My main staple food consisting of coconuts and herbs from the nearby bushes, I constantly have the sensation of the water closing in on me.
Occasionally I hallucinate and see a giant singing chicken. I put this down to David Hasselhoff withdrawl simptoms.
I been looking for freeeedom...

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
Now Pete, let's get one thing straight: I'm not blaming you.
You're right, Ethnic Cleansing is horrible and vile and Slobadan Milosevic was an evil tyrant.
But the next time you say it, make sure there aren't any death squads nearby!
Well, at least they gave us a five second head start.

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
Oi! You're the terrorist from the plane. What are you doing here?
Mohammud take parachute right after you.
Oh you did, did you? Give me one reason I shouldn't stab you to death.
Because you have no knife.
Fair enough. Well what use are you?
If Mohammud can blow up plane, Mohammud can surely find way to food and shelter. Plus, Mohammud have knife and you don't.

 

by southlondon
4-23-06
Okaay, it's a monkey in a space suit. Makes no sense, but neither does me being here.
Ooh ooh ah ah
Damn, if only Chris was here, he knows how to talk Simian. Oh, hang on a sec, I remember...
Ooh ooh ah ah
Last Christmas...
Merry Christmas, Robyn. Here's a book on translating monkey noises.
Thanks! I'll put it right in my purse.

 

by southlondon
4-24-06
(In Monkey) Oh yeah, I've still got the book on me! Anyway. What are you doing in space?
I was part of the new Apollo mission that just launched recently.
Oh? I haven't read anything about it.
2 minutes later
I've been here HOW LONG?

 

by southlondon
4-24-06
...So then Mohammud flunk out of Saudi Arabia Polytechnic and make pilgrimage to Pakistan.
Uh huh. What was that like?
Oh, good. Very good. Mohammud visit mosques, see Al Quieda training camps.
Oh, and you sort of picked it up there. Must have been interesting.
Mohammud like talking to you! Most people Mohammud talk to shoot at Mohammud.

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
I know something that will pass the time. Let's play "Ask a stupid question."
I wish you wouldn't go on about this.
I'll start. Pete. Why are we freezing our bollocks off in a dark dank cave that probably has everything from giant spiders to Bigfoot inside?
(Sigh)
Because the death squads chasing us have all terrain vehicles and we don't. Next question?

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
So let me get this straight. They had a whole space mission manned by a single spaceman and a monkey?
Yep. And according to the laws of physics you should be imploding right about now.
Eh, take it up with the mighty artist. Anyway, is there any chance of a lift?
Hmm, sorry, no. The rocket's only built for one and I can't be left behind, so I...what? Why are you staring at me like that?
Two minutes later...
Why did she have to wear Stilettos?

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
Wow, look Mohammud! It's a colony of penguins!
Yes. Mohammud see the small black and white infidels from here.
Well we haven't had any sign of food or shelter for hours. I'm bored out of my skull and could do with some entertainment.
Mohammud hear tale once that when penguins look up, they fall backwards and can no longer get up.
An hour later...
Hey look penguin! It's a plane! Oops, you fell over! Ha ha. This is bordering on genocide but at least we're not bored!
(In penguin) Help me!

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
The hallucinations have gotten worse. Now, instead of seeing a giant chicken that sounds like David Hasselhoff, I am frequently plagued by sightings of Phil Collins and Bruce Springsteen.
She calls out to the man on the street...
I got my first real six-string...
I fear that unless i am rescued and reunited with my iPod and car sterio my mind will be lost.

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
At the William...
...So then I stole the rocket and set a course for back down to earth.
Okay, fair play, I've heard wierder stories...
Anyway. You know what this means, right?
Go on...
It means that me, you, Tony and Jade are the last hope for the others. It means we have to take the responsibility of finding them and bringing them home.
Oh come on, I only had 48 hours sleep last night. What do you think i am, a robot?

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
Apologies to QueenB for changing her character
Right, so, we're in agreement. The William will henceforth be known as the Search and Rescue outpost.
And you know why it's no longer called a pub, right? Because both the barmen are MIA!
Introducing also Tony and Jade
Err...Brap Brap?

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
Right, we need to press on. Watching all those penguins roll around helplessley was fun but we need to get moving. We need to find a proper source of food.
Mohammud agree.
Hey wait, what's that up ahead in the snow?
Look like giant building to Mohammud.
Please, travellers, enter the building beyond and make thyself at home. Welcome to the penguin kingdom.
Hmm. This makes no sense but what else has today?

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
Welcome to Penguin Kingdom. Please step this way.
If you will go into the trapdoor beyond, it will take you to our main hub.
Mohammud have bad feeling about this...

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
We are in a prison sir! It remind Mohammud of Guantanamo Bay.
Why are they doing this.
Oi! What's the meaning of this?
Christopher Martin Manlow and Mohammud Abu Allah Hamzalaah, you are charged with penguin genocide. How do you plead?
Erm...Mohammud...help?

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
Pete, I have the distinct feeling we're going to die in this cave. So before we do, I just want to say that I'm glad it was you that stuck your foot in it this time, rather than me.
Just shut up, sound travels in this cave.
Nearby...
Hey, that sounded like an echo. Did you hear what it said?
Yeah, it said you're gay, you fucking gay faggoty gay.
Aww Keith, that was really hurtful.
Aww, I'm sorry. You know I'm only joking.

 

by southlondon
4-25-06
(Whisper) Pete, we gotta keep moving otherwise they'll catch up with us. Look, this cave keeps on for miles.
(Whisper) Great. Just make sure to keep it down otherwise they'll speed up. Hopefully we'll lose them down one of the tunnels.
(Whisper) I think we're close. Now, while we're here we need to talk about your little 'jokes.' I've been thinking and you really need to stop.
Oh yeah? What if I don't?
I'll tell the chief you advocate Freedom of Speech.
You wouldn't. You're not that harsh.

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
The trial commences.
...then we saw the plane fly over. We had no idea that penguins couldn't get back up when they fell on their backs.
Is that so?
Yeah, in fact...hang on a sec. Is that a kipper on the ceiling?
I dunno, let me just...
He he, sorry, it's just too funny
I find you guilty as charged!

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
Christopher Manlow and Mohammud, your genoicide of our simple race will not go unpunished.
By the power invested in me by the Penguin City, I sentence you both to 100 years community service
100 years community service? Why not just give us a Penguin ASBO?
When he finds out what the community service is, he won't be laughing! He he he.

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
Oi, penguin. When the judge said community service, I thought it would be sweeping penguin droppings up, not going to war.
We penguins have no other function than annilihate all life apart from ourselves.
Fair enough. But whose the enemy?
Us penguins are driven by petty regional prejudices. Much like your Millwall and Tottenham, we are the South that hate the North. Our north is the Arctic. Can you think of a creature from the Arctic?
I bet you look good on the dancefloor...ATTACK!
For fuck's sake!

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
Right, we've checked all the papers, all the international news. No one knows where they are.
I think we're going to have to start thinking outside of the box.
Shortly, back at Andrew's house...
Spirits of our lost friends...we seek you through the medium of telepathy...Speak to us...Share your thoughts....
Any luck?
Not from them, but Neil's brother has some serious emotional issues.

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
We're dropping like flies out there. For an indie band they sure are bloodthirsty. Reminds me of when I used to play Command and Conquer.
Command and Conquer? What is that?
Oh, it was a game. A military strategy game.
Military strategy? You mean you have something resembling basic strategic experience?
Two minutes later...
All hail the human Chris, the veteran who will lead us to glory!

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
...So then the chief says, "Death by Um-Bongo!"
Jesus Christ, that was terrible. Besides, hadn't we best keep our voices down?
*-Satisfied?
Relax, Pete, those two death squad goons were killed a few moments go* remember? They got eaten by the giant spiders.
Yeah, but we don't want the giant spiders to get us.
Nah, see, Pete, the giant spiders aren't really a danger. They're just a plot mover, and they kill characters who the public aren't interested in any more.
Ah yes. Good old spiders. Couldn't live without 'em.

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
After a week, I can finally say that I am starting to adapt to life on the Island. The coconuts taste better each time, and my hallucinations have vanished.
Suddenly, a deafening roar is heard on the other side of the island.
What the fuck was that?
ROARRRRRRRR!
My earlier paranoia has been replaced by a maddening sense of Deja Vu. I am on a deserted island an a mysterious creature is making an evil noise and stomping trees. Where have I seen this before?
The numbers, man! The numbers are cursed!

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
Think, Chris, think. You need to come up with a brilliant plan to beat the Arctic Monkeys.
If I remember the words of wisdom Neil gave me once, I'll be fine!
One year ago...
Remember Chris, if anything ever taxes you in any way, just think of something that relates to a film or a TV show. Always works.
Right, Mohammud! Call the troops. We'll need Winchester Rifles, gay red uniforms, and a fort, which I'll name Rorke's Drift.
Erm, pardon Mohammud but was that not the plot to Get Carter?

 

by southlondon
4-26-06
Hi Mr Wallace, I'm Jade. I know you're one of the best Private Investigators out there, but I was hoping we could negotiate your fee. How about £50 rather than £100,000?
(Heavy Detroit accent) Sorry, girly. It's gadda be a hundred kay up fron' or ah'm walkin' away.
Are you sure? Not even for £150?
Laydee, I ain't ganna haggle wit' ya.
Oh fine. Brap him, muffin!

 

by southlondon
4-30-06
We can't go on like this, Pete
We're running out of food-if you could call it food. It's like moss. The water on the ground tastes awful and probably does more harm than good. I can't sleep, and I'm getting weaker.
Neil! What's up?
Sorry. I was having that nightmare again. You know, the one where we have to share a flat with Hayes people.

 

by southlondon
4-30-06
Men! Penguins...our moment is at hand. This is our day. This is the time to strike!
Of course, there will be sacrifices. Not all of you will be coming back alive. It will be a long struggle, and the enemy will take no prisoners.
...How was that?
I've told you before-just picture them in their underwear.

Showing page 3.

« Previous Next »