All comics by thochaos

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by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
IT'S YOU!!
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

 

by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And you... Jesus Christ?! What are you doing here?
It is time for the Earthlings to re-learn the true meaning of Christmas!

 

by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
Well Santa, now the kids are dead. I sure hope you're happy.
Well if you're unsure, maybe this will convince you - HO HO HO!

 

by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
Oh shit, not this kid!
Santa Claus you cunt! Where's me fucking bike?

 

by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt Sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what would you like for Christmas, little alien?
Michael Jackson's phone number!

 

by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
Mr Grey! What a surprise!
Cut the bullshit, Claus. My son said he saw you fooling around with my wife! Prepare for fisticuffs!

 

by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what would you like for Christmas, little grey alien?
For the last time Kaddar, you are not Santa! Have you been eating those brownies again?

 

by thochaos
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
And what would you like for Christmas, little grey?
I'd love for you to empty your sack all over me, big boy.

 

by thochaos
11-27-03
The lights go out at Andy's house...
*CRESCENDO*
Andy? Are you ok? Are you ok Andy?
Just then, the lights came back on...
Michael Jackson just came into the window, it was the sound of a crescendo. He came into our apartment and he left the cumstains in my armpit!
Oh my God! Then that means-
No! Don't say it!
You've been touched by a sick pedophile!

 

by thochaos
11-27-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't get into the stables this time...
And what would you like for Christmas, little reindeer?
I'd love for you to empty your sack all over me, big boy.

 

by thochaos
12-05-03
And with this magic hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you want to do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
o/` I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it! o/`
Mr Jackson, I advise you to stop singing that song.

 

by thochaos
12-05-03
And with this magic hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you want to do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
... and no matter how hard I tried to explain it, he just kept saying "What the fuck are you talking about?"
Was that really reason enough to beat him to death with a rotor turbine?

 

by thochaos
12-05-03
And with this magic hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you want to do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
I didn't bludgeon that girl to death! You have to get me out of here!
Relax Frosty, any fool can see you're completely 'armless.

 

by thochaos
12-05-03
And with this magic hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you want to do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX!
Oh, you're the most sexual rule-breaker I've ever met, Frosty!

 

by thochaos
12-05-03
Hey man is this your car?
Yeah, why?
You must have an awesome sound system. All I can hear is the bass thumping. What brand is it?
"Hitchhiker."

 

by thochaos
12-05-03
Are you all right? Lately you seem kinda depressed.
I really miss Molly.
I didn't realise you two were so close.
It's not that...
I just really miss looking at her tits.

 

by thochaos
12-05-03
You know what I'm sick to death of?
What be that, me hearty?
Spam emails that promise to enlarge my penis, or sell me cheap viagra. I bet it's all just a big scam anyway!
Don't be too sure of that.
Why not?
This ain't a wooden leg I be standing on. Arrrrh!

 

by thochaos
12-08-03
Oh man, there's that girl I like! I better act cool.
Hey, how are you doing?
I HAVE AN ERECTION!
Smooth.

 

by thochaos
12-08-03
Hey guess what's in my hand. If you guess right, you can have it!
Oh ok. Give me a minute...
Take your time.
Wait! If it's what I think it is, then I don't want to play anymore!
Oh my cock? No I meant the other hand!

 

by thochaos
12-09-03
I saw that girl I like earlier and I blurted out that I had an erection.
No shit? That was a dumb thing to do.
I know it! I bet I've blown any chance of ever going out with her now.
At least you still have Mrs Palmer and her 4- wait, you only have 3 fingers!
So I guess that's out then. You don't wanna be my girlfriend do you?
Well, first, I'm a man, and I have an application to fill out, but then I should have some free time.

 

by thochaos
12-09-03
I saw that girl I like earlier and I blurted out that I had an erection.
No shit? That was a dumb thing to do.
I know it! I bet I've blown any chance of ever going out with her now.
At least you still have Mrs Palmer and her 5- wait, you only have 4 fingers!
I know. Can I borrow one of yours?
Okay, but you have to call it Shaniqua.

 

by thochaos
12-09-03
o/`O say can you see, By the dawn's early light, What so proudly we hail'd At the twilight's last gleaming?o/`
As a matter of fact, no I can't. I'm blind, you insensitive prick!
Oh.
Commie bastard.

 

by thochaos
12-10-03
So I was with this girl and I started talking about my ex.
Then I got all emotional and started crying. But instead of comforting me, the girl left! What was up with that?
Dude, think about it.
Oh... So she was jealous!
You're a lost cause.

 

by thochaos
12-10-03
A study at Latrobe University showed that the kind of male face that a woman finds attractive can differ, depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.
For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
If she is menstruating, she is more prone to prefer a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a cricket bat jammed up his arse while he is on fire.

 

by thochaos
12-10-03
This gay guy gave a talk at my office today. Totally bored the shit out of me.
That's sick dude!
???
NOT LITERALLY!

 

by thochaos
12-10-03
I'm glad I agreed to give you a second chance. Tonight was great and this sunset is just so special, I completely forgive you for last time.
You know who else loved sunsets?
Don't you dare say it!
My ex-girlfriend.
THAT'S IT! I'M LEAVING!
You know who else left me? My ex-*sob sob sob*

 

by thochaos
12-16-03
After a few drinks at our office Christmas party, we all started singing Christmas songs.
I mistakenly sang "deck the halls with bowels of holly" rather than "boughs". We laughed about that for hours!
On a completely unrelated note, if you know how to get rid of the smell of rotting intestines, I'd love to hear it.

 

by thochaos
1-01-04
5pm, December 31st:
Yes! New Years Eve 2003! I have a good feeling about tonight!
I've decided not to drink too much and just enjoy myself. Well, here I go for a night of fun!
5am, January 1st...
Fuck.

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
5pm, January 1st 2004
I am so hung over. I can't remember what happened last night and I feel like I'm gonna throw up.
It's also highly likely that I'm still drunk.
Especially considering that I just finished a 7 hour shift at work without realising I wasn't wearing pants.

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
Why can't I remember what happened last night?
I do remember drinking beer at home, bourbon, beer and wine at Jennifer's and then more beer at the party...
Maybe that's why.

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
January 2nd 2004
I'm still hung over and I have to work again today.
My stomach is churning away like crazy, I wouldn't be surprised if I vomitted.
That'll teach those bastards for making me work.

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
9am January 3rd 2004
Finally! My first day off since new years! I can sleep all day and finally get rid of this damn hang over.
*RING RING*
Hello?
Hi. There is a problem here at work so we need you to come in.
FUCK!!!
Hello?

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
At work:
I vaguely remember you being at the party.
Yeah, I was there.
And did you turn purple and grow an extra head?
Uh no...
So I WAS drunk!
Practically paraplegic.

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
I don't remember a thing. Did I do anything stupid?
Well you did make out with a girl.
Oh crap! Wait - was it you?
No.
Oh crap!

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
So I made out with a girl, that's not so bad.
I wasn't finished. As I was saying, you did make out with a girl. And...
And what?
And several guys.
OH DEAR GOD!!!
Hey, you asked.

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
I didn't really make out with any guys did I?
Well I'm not sure, but you did seem to be coming on to them.
You must be mistaken! What was I saying?
I didn't quite get it, but something about needing someone to "pop your ass cherry."
I don't think I want to hear anymore.

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
I am annoyeed with you though. You spilled coffee on my clothes!
Coffee? Where did I get coffee?
We gave it to you to try and sober you up.
Oh. I'm sorry. About the coffee and pretty much everything else that happened that night. I hope I didn't leave any stains.
Elsewhere:
What's that white stain on your shirt?
Burn it!

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
I have one last question. Why did I come to half naked on some random street?
You thought it would be a good idea to perform a striptease.
That explains the half naked part...
We went inside to grab some money to stuff in your underwear but when we came back you were gone.
Hopefully that was the only thing going to be stuffed in my underwear...

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
It took 3 days, but I finally have a better idea of what happened on New Years Eve.
But one thing still troubles me: why do I have a smiley face tattooed on my dick?
Don't you remember? We got matching tattoos to commemorate our first time together.
Babe?

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
Can I ask your advice on something?
Sure.
I have this horrible red itchy rash. Could you take a look?
I guess so...
Did I neglect to mention that it was on my penis?

 

by thochaos
1-03-04
I have this itchy red rash and it's spread to my arms and chest and it keeps getting worse.
I see.
What do you recommend?
Amputation and buggery!
I hate you Dr Doctor!

 

by thochaos
1-07-04
I love you. You are all I ever think about. Since the moment I met you, I knew you were the one.
You complete me.
Wait, maybe I'm thinking of your sister.

 

by thochaos
1-12-04
Things haven't been going well with my girlfriend lately, so I decided to sit down and talk with her.
I told her I feel like the guy in a movie who is dating the girl all the way through even though you know she's gonna end up with the lead eventually.
She told me she saw me as more of a "horrible death scene, audience applauds" kind of guy.

 

by thochaos
1-12-04
You've got to warn everyone and tell them! Soylent green is made of people! You've got to tell them! Soylent green is people!
Yeah, it says so right here on the packaging.
...
I meant "genetically-modified" people!
GASP!

 

by thochaos
1-13-04
Bad bad
bad bad
Really really bad.

 

by thochaos
1-20-04
Hi Katie, what's new?
Well this morning before I came to work, my dog got really excited and pissed on me! So gross!
Hey, I know a girl who had that happen to her.
Really?
Yeah. Except instead of a dog it was me and instead of piss it was-
Shut up. Now.

 

by thochaos
1-20-04
I think Sam is cute.
She is.
Yep, she's a real cutie, she is.
I agree, she's a very attractive girl.
Yeah, I'd love to have lesbian sex with her.
Nice try.

 

by thochaos
1-20-04
So what exactly were you trying to do there?
I was hoping that by fooling you into saying that you wanted to have sex with Sam, it would release your latent lesbian tendencies resulting in us having a 3-way.
I see. And why would you be involved?
It was my idea!

 

by thochaos
1-20-04
So what do you look like naked?
Just like this, but with no clothes.
...
Hot damn!

 

by thochaos
1-25-04
My life is so depressing. I wish I would just die.
AAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!

Showing page 3.

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