All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
12-20-03
Why does it say "7 kaufmans"? I only see 5.
I guess we're a little short. ____________ Indeed.

 

by ObiJo
12-20-03
I'M SO POOR I LIVE AT HOME WITH MY MOTHER, SEEING THE OUTSIDE WORLD A COUPLE OF TIMES A MONTH IF I'M LUCKY SINCE I CAN'T EVEN AFFORD BUS FARE
SHE PAID ME FOR DOING SMALL JOBS AROUND THE HOUSE TO GIVE ME MONEY FOR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING IN A FUTILE ATTEMPT TO PRESERVE MY DIGNITY. I HATE MY LIFE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
And that's what I did on summer vacation.
So, um... paper or plastic?

 

by ObiJo
12-20-03
*PLOP*
*PLOP*
*PLOP*
*PLOP*
*PLOP*
I can't do it when you watch!

 

by ObiJo
12-20-03
There are some people who are so deluded by their self-image and power motivations that I just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake some sense into them.
But I don't.
I'm too cool for that.

 

by ObiJo
12-20-03
Goodbye, stripcreator! I'm leaving forever!
I'm not stripcreator.
Am I?
Oh the responsibility!

 

by ObiJo
12-21-03
I noticed yesterday in a store that everyone avoids eye contact.
Makes me wonder if I'm no more anxious than anyone else. Maybe I just notice it more.
Or that maybe I should put on some pants.

 

by ObiJo
12-21-03
Once more into the breach!
Sir, I'm sorry, but this is refund line 3a. Since you paid with credit, you need refund line 3b. Unless you don't have your receipt - then you'll need 4d. That's assuming that...
The horror. The horror.

 

by ObiJo
12-22-03
Random Carved Pumpkin, I am so pissed now that Halloween is over.
I know, Generic Halloween Symbol! They'll forget about us until next year.
Now we have to step out of the limelight and let them have their day.
And people do their Christmas shopping 7 months in advance!They won't even think about US again until October! FUCK Christmas!
And then she was all "Now we have to step out of the limelight and let them have their day" but I was all "How dare you besmudge the dignity of Christmas!"
Toy train it is!

 

by ObiJo
12-24-03
Ho ho hum. Merry fucking christmas.
What?
Merry fairy gary larry fucking mucking trucking christmas.
What's your problem?
Sorry, little girl. It's just that old Santa here could REALLY REALLY use a blowjob.
Leave a Barbie Dream House and we'll work something out.

 

by ObiJo
12-27-03
NO MORE MANRAPE FOR TOBOR!!!
HERE KITTY KITTY!!!

 

by ObiJo
12-27-03
This year I've decided to make no resolutions.
But wait a minute... isn't that a resolution? If I adopt it, isn't that still making a resolution?
But if I don't adopt it, doesn't that mean I must make resolutions?
If I act, there's a resolution! If I DON'T act, there's a resolution! HOLY CHRIST! Is free will a myth??
So let me get this straight. You killed the hobo to prove you have free will?
No, I ATE the hobo to prove I have free will. I killed him so he wouldn't slide off the fork.

 

by ObiJo
12-27-03
I want to apologize to all of you. In just 3 months I told you all I had crushes on you. This was due to some kind of faux-limerence caused by mixing psychostimulants with anti-depressants.
What a fucktard.
If he yells at me again, I'm macing his ass.
Doesn't he find me pretty anymore?
I hekka grrr him for putting me through this.
Must... not.. let... him... see... me... cry.

 

by ObiJo
12-27-03
What do you call a gay football player?
A tight end?
No.
A wide-open tight end?
No.
What then?

 

by ObiJo
12-27-03
Now, I just gotta say Harv, these referees today are doing an outstanding job. _______________ They sure are, Ronny.
They have the toughest job in sports and they do it fantastically. It's amazing. They're amazing. _______________ They sure are, Ronny.
In fact, here comes a referee now. I think I'll show him how much I appreciate the job he's doing.
*unzip* *SUCK* _______________ Scoot over, Ronny. I'll work the balls.

 

by ObiJo
12-27-03
KNOCK KNOCK
Hello, ma'am. I'm selling magazines for my church. We have many fine titles to choose from including Time, Life...
CRAP!
Don't like those magazines?
Oh, that wasn't an assessment. It was an announcement.

 

by ObiJo
12-28-03
...but the teacher wants us to turn it in the day before finals! Can you believe that??
What a shit!
I'll say!
What a big old soggy shit!
Damn right!
If it doesn't break off soon, I'll be known as tripod!

 

by ObiJo
12-28-03

 

by ObiJo
12-28-03
Do you want to go to a movie?
No.
Go for a walk?
No.
Well what DO you want to do?
Cave your face in with my fist then skewer your sorry ass on a flagpole. But in lieu of that I'll take 20 minutes of quiet and a beer.
Oh Archie!

 

by ObiJo
12-28-03
I love you.
And I you.
But I am a robot and you are a gigantic pencil. It will never work between us.
Who is she?

 

by ObiJo
12-29-03
There is no right and wrong to like and dislike.
However, it IS wrong to believe that your like and dislike should be adopted universally, since this isn't how like and dislike work.
Apparently, it's also wrong to slide your knife into Streisand's soft belly, but that's a whole other comic.

 

by ObiJo
12-29-03
2004 approaching, sir!
Good, corporal. Keep it in your sights. We don't want to lose it.
OH... MY... GOD!!!
What is it, corporal?? What do you see!!

 

by ObiJo
12-30-03
KNOCK KNOCK
Trick or treat!
It's nearly January for chrissakes!
Trick or treat!
Didn't you hear me? I said it's nearly January!!
Trick or treat!
Goddamnit, what's the matter with you??

 

by ObiJo
12-30-03
Jesus, do you see him over there? He's really starting to freak me out.
Just don't look at him. Maybe he'll go away.
SNORKLE!

 

by ObiJo
12-30-03
MY MOM SAYS I CAN STAND HERE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME.
AND SHE SAYS YOU CAN'T TOUCH MY PENIS OR ANUS AND IF YOU DO THE POLICE WILL COME.
SOMETIMES I TOUCH MY PENIS BUT DON'T TELL THE POLICE.
I gotta go.

 

by ObiJo
12-30-03
Let's get high and play slavery.
Umm... okay.
*COUGH COUGH COUGH*
*COUGH COUGH COUGH*
hehehe... get back to work you... hehe... you nigger, you.
DIE MOTHERFUCKER!!!! *STAB STAB*

 

by ObiJo
12-30-03
I did not... have... sexual relations with that cow... Miss Ellie.
WHOO-EEE, boy! You is some kind of animal humper, aincha?
That depends on what your definition of the word "is" is.
I hear ya.
That word gives me trouble too.

 

by ObiJo
12-31-03
Happy 2003!
You see, up there in the top right corner it says 2004. But where I'm at, it's currently only 11:02 pm, December 31st, 2003! This comic is caught in a time vortex!
A time vortex that allows me not to ask such questions as just what in the hell I'm doing sitting at home making comics at 11:02 pm, December 31st, 2003.

 

by ObiJo
1-01-04
I am the Alpha and the Omega.
Omg!
"Omega", not "Oh my god."
Rofl!
I am the Rofl and the Omg.
Wtf?

 

by ObiJo
1-01-04
Always remember to...
dot your i's and...
cross your t's.

 

by ObiJo
1-01-04
I'm sorry, but I accidently slept with your sister.
#%@##%#$%@#@
Hey! That's no reason to get cross!

 

by ObiJo
1-01-04
KNOCK KNOCK
My boss is the biggest fucking asshole this side of the Mason Dixon clit line. I'd like to ass rape that little bitch with a strap on just to show him what it is to be a man.
Sounds like a fucking pussy. If I were you, I'd walk right up to his nambly pambly ass and say, "Nuts dropped yet, you whore's wetspot?"
KNOCK KNOCK
Who was it?
The @#$#%@ censor.

 

by ObiJo
1-02-04
...Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...
What are you doing?
Listen, kid, I've been the cook at this restaurant for a lot of years. And the way our soup became world famous is by me continuing to shake salt into it until I say "Jesus" 50 times.
Why is there a hill of salt rising out of my soup?
Jesus-ing is the reasoning for the seasoning.

 

by ObiJo
1-03-04
I can't believe this is my 1603rd comic. I really need to get out more.
I can't believe this is my 1603rd comic. I really need to get out more. _______________ I think I'll go for a walk. _______________ Guess my legs have atrophied.
I think I'll go for a walk.
I can't believe this is my 1603rd comic. I really need to get out more. _______________ I think I'll go for a walk. _______________ Guess my legs have atrophied.
Guess my legs have atrophied.
I can't believe this is my 1603rd comic. I really need to get out more. _______________ I think I'll go for a walk. _______________ Guess my legs have atrophied.

 

by ObiJo
1-03-04
If people were to read one of my comics a day, it would take them 4.3945 years to finish my collection.
If people were to read one of my comics a day, it would take them 4.6137 years to finish my collection.
No, I'm pretty sure it would take my readers longer.
Seeing as how most of them only read at a 3rd-grade level.

 

by ObiJo
1-03-04
What up, my nigga.
You're not allowed to say that.
Say what?
Nigga.
You just said it.
Yes, but I'm allowed to. It's in the rulebook.

 

by ObiJo
1-03-04
2004 approaching, sir!
Good, corporal. Keep it in your sights. We don't want to lose it.
OH... MY... GOD!!!
What is it, corporal?? What do you see!!
Find a penny, pick it up! All day long you'll have good luck!

 

by ObiJo
1-03-04
2004 approaching, sir!
Good, corporal. Keep it in your sights. We don't want to lose it.
OH... MY... GOD!!!
What is it, corporal?? What do you see!!
In January, niteowl wins the first FTC contest of 2004! In February, obijo is caught molesting a priest. He pleads "Poetic Justice" and gets off scott free! But I can't see the rest, sir!
That's okay. If the past is any indication, wirthling's suck probably takes up the rest of the year anyway.

 

by ObiJo
1-04-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
Red?

 

by ObiJo
1-05-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
It started when we all suddenly realized the arbitrary nature of ethics! There is no absolute good and bad! "Should" is a myth! The true nature of the universe is "can", the true nature is power!
CUT!! Listen, Red... babe... I know you're new to this tv thing, but what say we go easy on the concepts for the sake of Mr. and Mrs. Humanities Major watching at home?

 

by ObiJo
1-05-04
If you knew me a year ago, you knew a completely different person. I was on some meds that finally let me feel emotion, but not really my own.
This is the real me now. But soak him in while you can - in a month I go back to the doctor to try new types of medicine. Who knows what they'll do to me.
One month later...
Would you like fries with that?
Don't play dumb with me, Elizabeth Taylor.

 

by ObiJo
1-06-04
Greetings, Potato Donkey. I am Potato Durden.
Yes, I know. We met.
Did we now?
Yes.
Let's cut the shit!! Where'd you hide the jewels?!
I hid them in a potato.

 

by ObiJo
1-06-04
I found the jewels in that potato.
Yes, I know. I led you to it, remember?
YOU SHUT YOUR GODDAMNED MOUTH!!!
But we just got back five minutes ago.
WHAT PART OF "GODDAMNED" DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND??

 

by ObiJo
1-06-04
Can I talk yet?
No.
But I...

 

by ObiJo
1-07-04
I have the attention span of a vole.
What kind of attention spans do voles have?
About 30.
What?
That's highway of course.
WHAT??

 

by ObiJo
1-07-04
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.
What?
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.
I'm a hooker!
That's why I'm telling you.
TELLING ME WHAT??

 

by ObiJo
1-07-04
Want to hear a joke?
No.
Why not?
Because you killed my wife and children with a broom.
Ah. So you've heard it before.

 

by ObiJo
1-07-04
Hello, field mouse.
I'm not talking to you.
Why not?
Because you killed my wife and children with a mower.
Hey, you wanna hear a joke?
No.

 

by ObiJo
1-07-04
No.
Are you sure? It's really really funny.
I mean really funny.
No.
...so then the lawn mower...
Hey, wait a minute... I thought you were paying me for sex.

 

by ObiJo
1-07-04

 

by ObiJo
1-07-04
No.

Showing page 32.

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