All comics by ivytheplant

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by ivytheplant
2-21-07
Jesus is the answer!
!
I want my stapler back, you thief.
Someone squealed.

 

by ivytheplant
2-21-07
Okay, comic strip about my birthday is made.
*loading*
And that's the most productive thing I plan to do today.
*loading*

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
*your phone bill is ready*
What the--!?
*look at how we screwed up your account! go ahead, get angry!*
Grrrr! I'm mad! I'm going to call them and yell at them for being so incompetant!
Hi! You've reached a very friendly customer service agent you won't be able to stay mad at! I will also flirt with you until you flirt back!
Damnit.

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
I like your stuff. It's very creative and good. With a little polishing, I think it could be really great. Keep up the good work!
omg why do you have to be so meen!?!11!?2?
Ice is cold.
If you don't like it then leave me alone! God!

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
[Makes introduction post in introduction thread]
Jesus! What's wrong with you!?!1? Why are you always talking about yourself!!//?
Ducks quack.
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!!!11! By the way, I TOTALLY got drunk last night and fell in my own vomit lololol. And then I was listneing to this song that want da da da and then I met this girl who...

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
Could any1 give me some advice plz?
Sure, here's advice that's similar to what everyone else is saying.
What's your problem? Why can't you be nice like everyone else?
The sun is hot.
There you go again! Go away, no one wants you.
Note to self: nuke internet from orbit.

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
10am
Jeez, you must be on the internet all day lolol you're always posting lolol loser with no life.
1pm
God, you have no life. Oooo, I'm Google stalking you and I'm going to go everywhere you go!
4pm
STOP HARASSING ME!!!!111!2

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
This crime scene has me stumped, Lieutenant.
This monster will just keep on murdering if we don't do something.
I'm thinking of bringing the big guns in on this one.
Sir, you can't be serious.
Yes, it looks like we're going to need--
Stinky Mansauce!

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
Haha! Victory will be mine! The police will never catch me!
I'm afraid so, sir. You see, the cops brought in some help.
You don't mean--!?
Yes, sir. They have managed to get--
STINKY MANSAUCE!

 

by ivytheplant
2-22-07
My plans have failed. The only thing to do now is jump and end my life.
Don't be a fool! Come peacefully and your sentence will be reduced!
No! I will never be stopped by--
STINKY MAAANSAAAUUUCE!

 

by ivytheplant
2-23-07
My car has plates that expired months ago, so I'm going to park backwards right here.
Good thing I blocked the intersection to make this delivery.
Now would be a good time to jaywalk.

 

by ivytheplant
2-23-07
1996 - Roasted Squirrel
Look! If you wiggle his legs, the cooked muscles will flex!
I'm going to go be a vegetarian now.
1998 - Whole Calamari
You have a tentacle on your lip.
Get this thing off me!
2007 - Shell-On Mussels (why didn't anyone tell me Italian seafood pasta came like this!?)
You look like you're about to scream.
The labial palp won't stop staring at me.

 

by ivytheplant
2-24-07
"The Pope" - Tax relief services
Forgive me father for I have spent. It has been one year since my last set of deductions.
Right this way, my child.
"U Stuff It" - Mini storage
U Stuff It!
Yeah, fuck you too buddy!

 

by ivytheplant
2-24-07
Sniagrab!
What?
Sniagrab! It's "bargains" backwards!
My god! That's brilliant!
"Sniagrab" is backwards bargains? Doesn't that mean it's a shitty deal?
I...I think I must kill them now.

 

by ivytheplant
2-24-07
"The area appeared ripe for endless grinding and probing."
!
Nah. I must have misheard it.
"Probing."
I HEARD THAT!

 

by ivytheplant
2-24-07
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/ boorite/309194
I got $100 worth of comics.
I also got $100 worth of comics.
I got an awesome stabby weapon.
I also got an awesome stabby weapon.
omg &l t;3!
omg g33x0rrz

 

by ivytheplant
2-24-07
WARNING! Kershaw Knives are extremely sharp and dangerous. If not handled properly, serious injury could result.
Read the operating instructions before using.
Step One: Stab a motherfucker.
Finally instructions that make sense!

 

by ivytheplant
2-25-07
Here, try these $100+ tennis shoes.
Wow, the insoles are great, but the sides are too narrow.
I assure you, these are excellent shoes.
Yeah, I really like them but they pinch my instep something fierce. Do you have them in a W?
*snoot!* These are European sizes.
I didn't know Europeans were a different species.

 

by ivytheplant
2-25-07
You can buy these $60 insoles to give you arch support.
I don't need arch support. Arch supports bruises my instep. What I need is toe support.
No, you just must have had bad insoles. You most certainly need arch support.
Toe support.
Arch support!
Are you trying to get me to go to Payless?

 

by ivytheplant
2-25-07
At a completely different (yet not) shoe store next door.
Can I help you?
I need shoes. Here's a detailed description of what I need.
Here's several pairs of shoes in the wrong sizes and some in the right sizes that just happen to be the most uncomfortable we have.
Do you have anything in a my foot up your ass?

 

I'm going barefoot from now on.
Look at my new shoes!
by ivytheplant, 2-25-07

 

by ivytheplant
2-26-07
I got some window punches to put in the car.
Neat!
You aren't using the Geo are you?

 

by ivytheplant
2-26-07
I really want to try out the window punches.
Wal-Mart parking lot.
Drive! Drive!

 

by ivytheplant
2-27-07
WARNING! Kershaw knives are intended and sold for legitimate sporting purposes only.
Knives are dangerous tools if not used properly and should be used with the utmost care and caution.
Any use of your knife other than cutting is considered abuse and will void your warranty.
I'm sorry, but your warranty is void. Stabbing is not covered.
I didn't stab that mofo, I cut him. Now gimme another knife!

 

by ivytheplant
2-27-07
Stab stab stab. Stab stab stab.
What are you doing?
I'm practicing stabbing.
You say "stab stab stab" while you practice stabbing?
Yeah. You got a problem with that?
Please don't stab me.

 

by ivytheplant
2-28-07
*cheesy whistling* It's our friend Bob!
BLAM!
Bob is not my friend.

 

by ivytheplant
3-01-07
"For sale: Very successful mom & pop roadside diner on busy highway."
Gimme a reason to want it.
"We are about 25 miles from the new Les nuclear fuel rod plant."
Score.
"We are offering this property due to health reasons."
Nevermind.

 

by ivytheplant
3-01-07
Welcome to our deceptively paradise community.
It's nice to finally meet someone who isn't trying to kill us.
Oops, looks like one of your friends broke some stupid and anachronistic law of ours. We'll have to put him to death.
Welp, these things happen. Nothing we can do.
Get ready to smash and grab.

 

I only buy organic, sustainable, fair trade food. I want to do my part for the environment.
Is that your Hummer in the parking lot?
by ivytheplant, 3-06-07

 

by ivytheplant
3-06-07
My dear lady, that knife you are carrying is made in China with inferior steel.
I laugh at your attempts to justify your purchase under the guise of frugality. Obviously it will never hold up under proper use.
*stab*
I stand corrected.
Cheap knives mean I don't mind leaving them in the body.

 

by ivytheplant
3-07-07
Monday...................................Tuesday
Hey look! My comic finally made it on page one of toprated!
Oh, it got downvoted to page ten of toprated.
Wednesday............................Thursday
Hey look! My comic finally made it on page one of toprated!
Oh, it got downvoted to page ten of toprated.
Friday.....................................Saturday
Hey look! My comic finally made it on page one of toprated!
Oh, it got downvoted to page ten of toprated.

 

by ivytheplant
3-07-07
I'd like to see an erupting volcano but I really want Chinese takeout.
Surely there's a way to do both.
Hello Montserrat.
*booking tickets*

 

by ivytheplant
3-07-07
Anfa Chinese Restaurant, how may I help you?
Do you deliver to Wyoming?
...
U.S.A.
There will be a $3500 surcharge.
Do you take traveler's checks?

 

by ivytheplant
3-07-07
"Only, they are no longer the Romans. They are the Franks!"
Hi, I'm former Roman, Frank Castle.
And I am former Roman, Frank Burns.
History is so weird.

 

by ivytheplant
3-08-07
Monday...................................Tuesday
This comic has a better rating than mine. I'd better downvote it so mine will look better.
This comic has a better rating than mine. I'd better downvote it so mine will look better.
Wednesday............................Thursday
This comic has a better rating than mine. I'd better downvote it so mine will look better.
This comic has a better rating than mine. I'd better downvote it so mine will look better.
Friday.....................................Saturday
This comic has a better rating than mine. I'd better downvote it so mine will look better.
This comic has a better rating than mine. I'd better downvote it so mine will look better.

 

by ivytheplant
3-09-07
*BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!*
"I, Ronald Wilson Reagan, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States..."
*BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!*
Would you tell your daughter to stop banging those pots and pans together?
Actually, I think she's voicing her disapproval of our new president. I'm so proud of her.
*BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!*
I'm so humiliated.

 

by ivytheplant
3-09-07
Do you often just follow the latest mindless pop culture hype without any thought?
I don't understand your question. By the way did you see American Idol last night?
But one year I got some hand cream. And by gosh it's true! I did shoot my eye out!
Gross.
Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon Bohannon
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my entire backing band!" Haw haw haw!

 

by ivytheplant
3-09-07
My kitchen smells like a dumpster full of baboon ass festering in a Bengali swamp.
Let me check it out, dearie.
Let's see what you all have learned. You're doing a comic about a guy digging up female corpses to screw. How do you make it funny?
Ummmm...Wirthling sucks?
*sniff* You kids grow up soo fast. Let's move on to the reading portion.

 

by ivytheplant
3-09-07
*blah blah blah blah* So then I chopped off his dick and fed it to my rottweiler.
Way to go, sister!
Can you wrap up my dinner and bring me my check? I have to hurry home and masturbate.
Arrrrrrr.

 

by ivytheplant
3-09-07
"How are you doing?"
You have disappointed me for the last time. I am forced to dispose of you.
Uh...
"You look well."
I see you have been prospering at my expense. I am not pleased.
Well...
"How are your wife and children?"
Because you have forced my hand, I have taken your family hostage. Obey me or they will die.
Dude, I don't even live here.

 

by ivytheplant
3-11-07
eFax allows me to send and receive faxes in my email!
How?
By using eFax!
What's eFax!?
I'm in hell.

 

There is a fine line between "just enough calamari" and "too much calamari."
I want to die.
by ivytheplant, 3-11-07

 

Urinetown: The Musical - "It's trickle down economics!"
by ivytheplant, 3-11-07

 

by ivytheplant
3-12-07
Today we're bringing in a plastic surgeon to give you all consultations. Isn't that wonderful?
Shouldn't our parents be here for this?
No, it's free!
But shouldn't we have to get some form signed before we're examined by a medical practitioner?
Freeeeeeee.
I hope you're getting a smaller ass out of this deal.

 

by ivytheplant
3-12-07
I hope everyone enjoyed spending time with the plastic surgeon! What did everyone learn about themselves?
I learned that I have very attractive breasts! the doctor thought they were great!
What about you? Hello?
Motherfucking sonofabitch thinks I'm a "lost cause" eh? We'll see who's a lost cause when I destroy him with a sexual harassment suit...
And what did you learn about yourself, Ivy?
I learned I want to join the Boy Scouts.

 

by ivytheplant
3-12-07
Today we're going to learn how to set up a household.
How is this useful?
When you get married, the first thing you'll need to do is set up the household so you can care for your husband and children.
Does the NWSA know about this?
I don't know who they are.
Maybe if you learned to read instead of pooing out babies in your kitchen...

 

by ivytheplant
3-12-07
Cookie sale sheets are ready. Please take some when you leave. I want you all to be strong businesswomen! Show those men that we're strong, independent women!
Also, don't forget next week we're going to have makeovers!

 

by ivytheplant
3-16-07
I have an idea. Let's work together to dominate this town with rentals that take absolutely no pets.
Why would we ever want to do that?
Because not only will we create a hostile rental market, we'll lose assloads of money as well!
My god, man! That's...
Brilliant!
Brilliant!

 

by ivytheplant
3-16-07
Do you want this? Huh? Huh? Look, it's just out of reach. Oo! Can't reach it!
Here, I'll give it too you. Oops you missed! Here, you can have it now. Psych!
You're such a dick.
No no, let's try again. I'll let you have it this time. I promise.

 

by ivytheplant
3-17-07
Your parents let you play by yourself when you were 12!?
Yeah, so?
That's child abuse! They should be jailed for that!
My dad taught me to drive when I was five.
I don't think I'll bring up the hunting I did in kindergarten.

Showing page 34.

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