All comics by Injokester

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by Injokester
8-26-05
I've got good news and bad news Chen. The bad news is I ripped all the copper pipes out of your walls and sold them.
You what?!
Hey, wait until you've heard the good news.
Well? What is it then?
I made $23.

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
I've got bad news Chen, I got bored and moved your furniture around.
Well, I'll just move it back.
Not likely, I predicted that and nailed everything in place.
What?!
The good news is now it looks like your armchairs are gang-banging your fridge.

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
I've got bad news Chen, I broke your GameCube.
What? How?
It turns out that your Playstation controllers don't fit your GameCube, and forcing it doesn't help the issue.
Also, neither device can withstand an hour in your oven.

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
I couldn't find the remote for your TV Chen, I looked everywhere.
I even slashed open the cushions on your couch with a steak knife, but it wasn't in there either.
You WHAT?!?
The funny thing is; it was in my hand the whole time!

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
I looked after your house like you asked me to Chen, but while you were away some Mormons knocked on your door.
You didn't let them in did you?
Yeah. Why?
Great, now they'll just keep coming back.
I wouldn't worry about that, they've been handcuffed to your toilet since last Monday.
Did you remember to feed them this time?

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
I've got bad news Chen,
I accidentally ran over your cat.
Well that's okay, she's a cat, so she has another...
I'm 8 steps ahead of you.

 

by Injokester
8-26-05
Good news Chen!
What's that?
I won $5 off Chuck today.
Oh, how did you do that?
I bet him that with nothing but a pencil I could wedge a dead mouse up the tap in your kitchen.

 

by Injokester
8-27-05
Hey Chen, you know that teddy bear of yours?
Rufus? What about him?
I gotta say, I love that bear!
Oh, well thank you. I've had him since I was a baby.
I never knew a bear could soak up so much urine!

 

by Injokester
8-27-05
What's up Chen?
Not much.
I got some fuzzy dice for your car today. I hung them over the mirror.
Really? Thankyou! I've always wanted some fuzzy dice!
Of course they're more raccoon's testicles than fuzzy dice.

 

by Injokester
8-27-05
I bought a new CD stacker today Chen.
That's pretty cool.
And then I got all your CD's and made a huge CD stack.
I don't like where this is heading.
I don't know if it was the butter or the mapyl syrup, but you owe me a new CD stacker.

 

by Injokester
8-31-05
So how was time travel?
Interesting, we went back to see if Jesus really fed all those people with just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.
So was it true?
Sort of. There really were 5000 people there, but most of us were time travellers.
And to minimize the impact on the space time continuum we all packed lunch.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
You don't look too good Chen.
I don't feel too good either. What was in that sandwich you made me?
Ham and toxic mould spores.
Ha ha ha.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
MMMMM!!! MMMPH!!!
Settle down Chen, this game is a national tradition!
MMMMM!!! MMMPH!!!
Don't struggle Chen, the glue's too strong.
Alright now, I've got $10 that says the ambulance will get here in time. Chuck, where's your money?
I'll take the hotplate for $20.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
Chen, if you didn't want me having sex with your car you wouldn't have given it a girl's name.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
Bad news Chen, I smashed your piggy bank.
I don't have a piggy bank.
Well what's that thing on your table with the flowers in it?
The old jam jar I've been using as a vase?
Vase! That's the word I'm looking for! Anyway, I smashed your vase when I got bored and started throwing your laptop around.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
I had no choice but to set fire to your house Chen.
Why?
I needed moths to feed my pet lizard.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
You know Chen if you'd just swept your arm around for cobwebs when you walked in you would also have avoided the fishing hooks hanging from the ceiling.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
Look Chen, if you didn't want me putting dead fish in your shoes you'd do a better job of hiding them.

 

by Injokester
9-02-05
So my wife decided she wants a divorce.
Yeah, I've been there. What brought this on?
She caught me in bed with her sister. What about you?
My wife left me because I have hair growing on my penis.
She left you because of that?
I think I pushed her over the edge when I shaved in little mutton-chops and a goatee.

 

by Injokester
9-06-05
After four months of harvesting my snot my sculpture is complete.

 

by Injokester
9-06-05
Note to self: never use the tether for lasso practice.

 

by Injokester
9-06-05
Having walked around the entire moon 3 times I have established that it is devoid of any vegetation.
So I'm just going to pee right here.

 

by Injokester
9-08-05
Today I docked at Mir 14, where the corporation had arranged to have an atmosphere generator installed in my ship.
I am now able to leave the confines of my airsuit, and move freely about the ship.
In retrospect I wish I had followed the correct proceedure for fart disposal over the last 301 days.

 

by Injokester
9-08-05
The atmospheric generator has malfunctioned and I have once again been confined to my airsuit.
Addendum: The air pressure nozzle on the atmospheric generator was a good substitute for female company, while it lasted.

 

by Injokester
9-08-05
The first rule of Fight Club is "You do not talk about Fight Club".
The first rule of Fight Club is "You do not talk about Fight Club".
The hologramatic DVD imager is on the fritz again.
The first rule of Fight Club is "You do not talk about Fight Club".

 

by Injokester
9-08-05
Oh baby, you make me soooo horny!
I want to run my tongue over your naked body!
Note to self: When next buying Russian XXX holo-DVD's, make sure the dubbing is not done entirely by James Earl Jones.
Ooooh, watch my tits wobble!

 

by Injokester
9-08-05
Captain Supreme! Hurry! A train full of people has lost control down-town! You have to save them!
Well?!?
I'm not going anywhere until my erection settles.

 

by Injokester
9-09-05
Wow, nice wings! What do they call you?
I'm the Avenging Angel.
And what do you do?
Well I used to be top gun around here, until Cyclops showed up.
And now?
Now I mainly shit on statues.

 

by Injokester
9-09-05
So what's your name?
I'm Rogue.
And what's your special power?
I can suck the life out of a person in mere seconds.
So how are you different from any other woman?
I have this sexy outfit.

 

by Injokester
9-09-05
And here we have invisible girl, is that correct?
Yes it is.
So what's the secret of your amazing power.
To be honest it only works on men.
So how do you control it?
I just move my arms up to cover my breasts and BAM!

 

by Injokester
9-09-05
And here we have Magneto, arch enemy of the X-men. So can you tell us a little about your powers?
Your fly's open.
Whoa, that was embarassing. We'll edit that part out. So can you tell us a little about...
Your fly's open.
Damn thing must be broken.

 

by Injokester
9-16-05
AAAARRRGGH! AAH! AAGH! AAAARRRGGH!
AAAARRRGGH! AAAARRRGGH! OW! OWWWWW!
So that's what happens when you superglue someone's urethra closed.
AAAARRRGGH!

 

by Injokester
9-17-05
We have a problem, I just checked over the final budget figures for the project and we came in $200 under budget.
Can we change the figures?
No, they've already been submitted. If we resubmit them the costs to the company of extending the project will be more than $200.
Can't we just give them the $200 back?
No, the balance won't add up and they'll make us resubmit the figures.
Alright, you schedule us into a meeting and I'll call a hooker.

 

by Injokester
9-17-05
So I found out my wife has a dildo.
Wow, that can't help your libido any.
Yeah. So anyway I filled her lubricant tube with superglue.
Damn, that's evil. What happened?
It was so funny watching my neighbour hobble out of there screaming I'm not even angry anymore.

 

by Injokester
9-17-05
♫ Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage... ♫ ♫ Despite all my...
Bird. Bird in a cage.
I think I've been in here too long.

 

by Injokester
9-25-05
Good news Chen! I've discovered the meaning of life to within a 0.00001% margin of error!
Really? What is it?
To urinate on your carpet.
I really don't think that's the meaning of life.
You'll need to debate that one with the philosophy students inside.

 

by Injokester
9-25-05
Good news Chen, my buddy Greg got a job in pest control!
Well that's good I suppose.
He said it's a pretty nasty job though, he has to clear out roaches and rats and the like.
That doesn't sound like much fun.
Anyway, I need to borrow your blender.
No.

 

by Injokester
9-25-05
I hate having to carry a swipe pass.
I keep mine in my wallet, that way I can just press my wallet up to the reader. Anyway, I've got a meeting, see you in there.
Chen's going to have fun when he realises I stitched his wallet into his pants.

 

by Injokester
9-26-05
Mornin' Chen.
Not now, I have to pee. Get out of my bathroom.
AAAAAAARRGH!
Ha ha ha. While you slept I got the surgeon in and now you're a chick!

 

by Injokester
9-26-05
Today is day 433 of standing here safeguarding the ship.
This morning curiosity got the better of me and I decided to search the cargo hold.
To be honest I feel rather foolish.

 

by Injokester
9-27-05
Who are you?
Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah. Some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice.
Maurice, eh? How about Moe?
No, it's Maurice.
Moh!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by Injokester
9-27-05
May I take your order sir?
I'll have the McVenison and make it quick.

 

by Injokester
9-27-05
Help me, help me Lassie! I've fallen in the well! Go get help boy!
No dice Timmy, I don't have opposable thumbs.

 

by Injokester
9-27-05
Today I discovered an uncharted and unpopulated M-class planet, and took the opportunity to frolic naked in the endless fields.
Note to self: Scan. Always scan.

 

by Injokester
9-27-05
After labouring a month to build my robotic woman my urges got the better of me and I couldn't wait.
Note to self: Next time spend more time installing cooling fans and less times crafting the breasts.

 

by Injokester
9-27-05
Go to Warp-4 Mr Spock!
My name is Greg.
Then go to Warp-4 Greg!
This ship doesn't have "Warp"
Then ahead at full impulse!
You mean third gear?

 

by Injokester
9-28-05
Have you got the RSNT figures? I need them for the board meeting in 20 minutes.
Of course, I'll print it now. You've been telling me all week how important the RSNT is.
Good. Oh, and do you know what RSNT stands for?
Actually, I've got no idea.
Alright, call marketing and tell them we need something made up, I'll need it for the meeting.

 

by Injokester
9-28-05
I have to appear in the court of petty sessions on Tuesday.
So you're a petty criminal?
I prefer to think of myself as a violent and psychotic criminal with an ambition deficit.

 

by Injokester
9-28-05
Hey Colin, I was hoping you could give me some pointers for my next scene. I'm having difficulty welling up enough emotion from the bottom of my heart.
Well that's your problem, a good actor doesn't act with his heart.
What does he act with?
His great ass.

 

by Injokester
9-28-05
Greg, fire a photon torpedo at that star cluster.
The ship isn't armed with photon torpedoes. And I can't see any star cluster.
You know Greg, for a hologrammatic assistant, you're not very helpful.
Perhaps I could throw some of our empties randomly into space?
That's the ticket!

Showing page 4.

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