All comics by MikeyG

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by MikeyG
2-03-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
Later...
...and that's how you wound up ripping the OTHER breast off Janet Jackson's outfit?
Yeah, I told her I was the Captain of the 'Taskforce In Teat Symmetry'.

 

by MikeyG
2-03-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
...and wound up strapped to a chair watching a marathon of movies where an actor fails miserably to pull off an accent, culminating with 'Gigli'.
My GOD, man! You've not had NEARLY enough recovery time! Take the year off, on the house!

 

by MikeyG
2-03-04
Honey, why is it that when we have steamy, torrid lesbian sex you never tell me you love me?
Why don't you just shut up and have steamy, torrid lesbian sex with me.
See? SEE? That's what I'm talking about!
What's wrong with being so attracted to you that I'm obsessed with having steamy, torrid lesbian sex with you?
Well, I guess the only way to resolve this is to have steamy, torrid lesbian sex.
Ooooh! Every time you say 'steamy, torrid lesbian sex', all I can think about is making sweaty, violent Sapphic love to you.

 

by MikeyG
2-04-04
Man, it's been a long, long day. I need to relax.
Oh, honey, let me lay you down and massage the pain away.
There's an almond smell coming from every orifice.
Yes, that would be my new perfume, 'Eau du Marzipan'.
That might explain why I was bumrushed by a squirrel posse opening the front door.
They just...uh...came over to borrow a cup of sugar!
I swear!

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
I'm sorry, original nose. It's been real, but we must part ways. Goodbye.
*sniff*
*SLAM*
Years later...
I biss by dose.

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
I just wanted to say that although we didn't have much time to get to know each other...
...I'll probably wind up missing you after all.
Goodbye, right Titty Covering.
*SLAM*

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
It's been a while since we've spoken.
And it's been a rocky relationship, but now I think it's finally time to say goodbye.
Adios, dignity.
*SLAM*

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
Daniel, I need to see those reports right now.
Ah, the thing is, boss, I haven't actually done them yet.
What? You'd better have a damn good excuse, Daniel.
Well, what happened was...
"...I was commissioned to cut Kevin Keegan's Perm..."
Are you sure this is what you want?
Did I bloody stutter? Give me a mullet, you piker!

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
*sigh* Goodbye, my true love. Perhaps this is for the best.
Farewell, Hostessâ„¢ Twinkies.
*SLAM*
Helloooo Bacon Double Cheeseburgers!

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
Pronounced (tess-TICK-yoo-leez)
My fellow Testiculeans! We are now a liberated country!
YAY!!!!
Testicules shall now have sole control over the Testiculean Jelly exportation!
YAAAAYYY!!!
Provided we cooperate with our liberators, the Vaginians.
aaawwwww.

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
The tyrant Penissius will no longer oppress the Testiculean population!
woo hoo!
We are free to distribute our Jelly wherever we please!
woo hoo!
Penissius was the only contact we had to export the Jelly when the Vaginians' dried up.
*sigh*

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
It appears we can't export our Testicules Jelly to the Vaginians without the great Penissius.
*boo!*
Well, we could always try to re-route our jelly exporting corridor through the Rectical Valley.
*yay!*
I just hope the Constipatory Mountains haven't caused a blockage like they did the last time we tried that way.
*sigh*

 

by MikeyG
2-05-04
Well, we could always splash our Jelly exports against the Labial Coast of Vaginia and hope some of it makes its way to Wombington D.C.
*whatever's clever.*
Or, we could just rescue Penissius from the evil clutches of the Vaginians and their elite Kegel warriors.
*yay!*
Perhaps we should appeal to Bush, the top of the Vaginian cabinet.
*aaaawwww! Everyone knows you can't talk sense to bush!*

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
1
All right! Easy access!
2
Does that mean we can sniff each other's asses?
3
Crikey! Hose those buggers down before you air 'em out!

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
1
Ever had a Rusty Trombone in public?
2
You pull a 'Mariylin Monroe' and I'm pissing on you.
3
Turn your head and cough.

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
1
Did you notice there's a choadwarrior clutching your leg?
2
Why couldn't you have a vagina?
3
You realize there is now at least one less layer of clothing between me and your genitalia.

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
1
Dude, the deep-fryer's not on, I SWEAR. Dip 'em in!
2
Dinnae bind oer, lad, or auld Besom MacGregor'll cop a hotchin deek at ye bollocks 'n choc-box!
3
Fag.

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
1
Hike up that sucker, sweetheart! Let's see the merchandise!
2
Hi, I'm dcomposed.
3
Can I see your penis?

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
1
Be gentle with me.
2
Ever had dog cock in your ass?
3
We should talk about something else.
Let's not skirt the issue here.

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
1
Ever heard of a Glory Hole?
2
Ever heard of Frumunda Cheese?
3
Ever heard of pants?

 

by MikeyG
2-07-04
How many times have I told you to wipe your nuts before you step on my carpet?
Where's your other hand?
Hey, is there a Haggis Hut around here?
Yeah, it's on the outskirts of town.

 

by MikeyG
2-10-04
What's that on your computer?
Oh, it's the online Blue Book.
You shouldn't be on there. Non-work-related internet use is...uh...illegal or something.
I looked up the value for one of our residents that asked me to.
Well, don't do it again.
Right. From now on, it's only sexyteenlesbos.com and fuckchickens.org for me.

 

by MikeyG
2-10-04
No, you can't go on any porn sites, either.
But fuckchickens.org is not a porn site.
Well, it refers to sexual intercourse with barnyard fowl.
Says you, nipplehead.
Well, smart-ass, what's on the site then?
It's uh...like, uh...radical left-wing roosters rebelling against the hen-centric politics of modern barn society, man.

 

by MikeyG
2-10-04
Here, let me take a look at your computer, then.
My LORD! The lesbian porn on here is enough to fill a....HEY! What are you doing on my PC?
www.NAMBLA.org

 

by MikeyG
2-10-04
Hey, what the hell is this you opened on my computer?
Oh, just the North American Man-Boy Love Association.
Pedophiles? Why, you're SO fired, Mr. G. Pack your stuff.
Well, I WOULD have, you see, because of the lesbian porn, but now I can't. I'm sorry.
Oh yeah? And why is that, punk-ass?
I have a moral obligation to report your pedophilia to the authorities.

 

by MikeyG
2-10-04
What? YOU opened that website!
Man, I thought me having lesbian porn is bad enough, but wait until they find out you're a kid-toucher!
Well, it was you that opened it, so you're fired.
Well, considering I use MY computer to download lesbian porn, it's kinda far-fetched that I would like little boys, too, huh?
You'll burn for this, buddy.
Man, I can only hope your computer at home is completely clean when the Feds come a-knockin'.

 

by MikeyG
2-10-04
Ok, ok. Can we pretend this whole thing never happened?
Well, I dunno. I'm kinda young, how do I know you're not gonna molest me?
PLEASE, Mr. G, can we stop this now?
I don't know. Ask me again when you've switched to grovel mode.
Mr. G, is there anything I can do or give you to stop this?
Yeah. I want your nose a fucking hell of a lot browner.

 

by MikeyG
2-10-04
I need to get out of here. I am going to pretend this didn't happen.
Suit yourself, Suit.
G-goodbye M-Mr. G, I p-promise no m-more of these s-s-silly inspections w-will bother y-you from n-now on.
See ya, Sparky. You may want to talk to someone about that stuttering tick you've got there. Bye!
Damn, I'm good.
www.HotLezSex.com

 

by MikeyG
2-11-04
Dad I need some advice. I've had.................. feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our families ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor.
Son the first thing you need is legs. Thats the most important of all. Women love a good knee cap. Secondly, I reccomend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode its true origins.
So he told me his punk-ass got laced up by some trick-ass, nasty ho, and I done come up in yo grill to tell yo ass da newz, O.G.
You've been out of my sphere of influence for 10 minutes and you turn Wanksta on me.

 

by MikeyG
2-11-04
Dad I need some advice. I've had.................. feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our families ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor.
Son the first thing you need is legs. Thats the most important of all. Women love a good knee cap. Secondly, I reccomend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode its true origins.
..and so he told me you'd decipher it.
This is terrible news. We had thought the Leg-Chewing Vaginal Lobster Creatures threat had been eliminated...

 

by MikeyG
2-11-04
Dad I need some advice. I've had.................. feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our families ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor.
Son the first thing you need is legs. Thats the most important of all. Women love a good knee cap. Secondly, I reccomend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode its true origins.
...and that's what Cousin Wilford said.
According to Dwarven coding, he just told you that your ass is sweeter than a blueberry muffin.

 

by MikeyG
2-11-04
Dad I need some advice. I've had.................. feelings for this girl. But I think she rejects our families ideals and thus won't accept me as a suitor.
Son the first thing you need is legs. Thats the most important of all. Women love a good knee cap. Secondly, I reccomend going into town with your life savings and making a name for yourself.
Cousin Wilford father has sent me to speak with you about love. Can you give me some of your insights?
My legs have been destroyed by the love of an unclean woman. Go forth and relay this message for your father he will be able to decode its true origins.
It seems like love can sweep you right off your feet.
Beautiful women WILL make you weak in the knees.

 

by MikeyG
2-12-04
Whoa! It's Jesus!
No, I am not Jesus. I am his cousin, Bejesus.
Oh. You look so much like Jesus, though. Is it some kinda Patty Duke identical cousins thing?
Something like that. So, you need any miracles?
Can you heal the sick?
Well, more like nurse the afflicted. Meaning if you've got a corn or bunion, call on Bejesus.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Prof, how does giving vague, indirect answers and the program suddenly faulting help us learn the program?
Would you like to ACCESS THE HELP MENU or know HOW TO CLOSE THE PROGRAM?
I just want to format my paragraph, dammit!
Would you like to ADD PARAGRAPH TAGS TO THE DOCUMENT or do you want to FORMAT THE TAB STOPS?
I always thought a life in academia would be rewarding.
The program has faulted. Please contact MicroShaft customer assistance at 1-888-GYPPED-U

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Seems to have something against fags. (<3 dcom)
Just my penis. Sometimes.
incongruant
Not that am I gruentconin, fucker.
Hooker with a heart of gold
I think people have to WANT to sleep with you to be a hooker.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Teeth-grindingly annoying.
Why, huh? Why did you say that, huh? Why? Why would you say that, huh? Huh? Why? What does that mean, huh? Huh? Why? Huh?
Consistantly irritating, but sometimes funny.
Kinda like herpes.
I got a metaphorical bullet fo yo ass!
Dammit. Why can't someone at least throw me a metaphorical vagina?

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
TEH COOL- Laff
tehank yehou
Good comics (definitely) -niteowl
I KNEW I masturbated while thinking about you for a reason!
Sometimes annoying, other times crappy
I'm noticing a distinct trend here.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
non-offensive and slightly entertaining
Cunting well right, you fuckhole.
With an ass like that, who could resist?(kitty)
Everyone. Since when do zits repel people?
under fucking rated! Deserves 5 stars.
...aaaaaand here's that 20 bucks I promised you.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Much like Ali G, gets "respect." (UE)
...aaaaaand here's that hummer I promised you.
I rated you fairly. Bite me. (Chicka)
Is that a kiss-off or an invitation?
Meh?
Meh.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
I give him my blessing (Beaz)
If by 'blessing', you mean 'hot monkeylove', then this statement is accurate.
There. You're on my favs. Happy now? -AtheistDiary
If by 'favs' you mean 'cock', then this is accurate, too.
Congratulations! You have *11* funny comics.
Nuh-uh! Maybe five or six, give or take five or six.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Insert positive comment here. (flickguy)
I have AIDS. Oh, maybe that wasn't what you meant by positive.
Mad imagery skills
They're more like 'slightly miffed imagery skills'.
Should have at least 4 stars (mmyers)
I do, mmyers. In our hearts, we both do.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Writes Comics Like Stan Lee, Whines like Bruce Lee
Thanks, mom. How did you get a donor account?
A One-Man Tornado Of Passion-Fueled Indiscretions
I'm so goddamn sick and tired of being the only one who likes to duct-tape scorpions to my gonads and tie my nipples behind my back while welding my pee-hole shut.
Well, I'm glad we at leash went rover this, alpo I've still got a bone to pick with some of you.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Whats chillin daddio.
Uh. I am totally not like understanding you.
Just get into the groove. Come chill with some java.
Umm. Like are you foreign or something?
Only foreign to the diggity da.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
Is it in yet?
What the fuck was THAT?
That was not unlike running your pinky around the inside rim of a Big Gulp.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
dat not furfirring
Get offa me, Kobe Bryant!
Can I go home now, Mr. Jackson?

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
That was about a C, C+. NEXT!
Your titties are chafed.
Hey, take a step back, man, I've got to air this fucker out.

 

by MikeyG
2-16-04
HA! I'm really MaKK_BeNN in disguise!
Your sister gives waaaay better head.
Was that your penis or mine?

 

by MikeyG
2-17-04
It looks like you want a date for Valentine's Day. Press [OK] to run Microsoft Matchmaker
Success! Your perfect Valentine's date is all arranged.
I can't wait.
Auuugggh, not a cat lover! I'm allergic to cats!
Well, if you're litter-ally not feline well, does that mean getting Friskies with each other is meowt of the question? I manxiously await your answer.

 

by MikeyG
2-17-04
It looks like you want a date for Valentine's Day. Press [OK] to run Microsoft Matchmaker
Success! Your perfect Valentine's date is all arranged.
I can't wait.
Man, I never should have put 'Has to be able to take a lot of shit' as a requirement!

 

by MikeyG
2-17-04
I can't believe you bought it when I told you I'm 18!
I can't believe you bought it when I told you I'm 18!
Wow, it sure is a long walk to that train station, huh?

Showing page 4.

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