All comics by TooMuchCoffeeGuy

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Urgghhh...
What happened to you?
Don't ask.
It looks like you've shat yourself?
Uh… yeah, that's it. I've shit my pants.
It must be bad if you're trying to cover it with that excuse.

 

Urgghhh…
It's alright, I've shat my pants before. Hey, I've even shat in your pants before, when you were passed out.
That was you?!?!?
Yeah, but Toomy was the guy who put them over your head afterwards.
Then who superglued my penis to Esh's face?
Heh heh… that was me. I'd lie, but I'm far too proud of myself.

 
Have you seen the one known as Pikadeth? We have an appointment with his anus.
Sure, he's over there. But wait a sec, I've gotta get my camera.

 

Hey, you want to hear a joke?
Sure.
So Satan, a Priest, a Demon and 15,000 Jesus Droids walk into an anus…
Oh no… not again.
All ABOARRRD!!!
*whimper*

 
Alright, I think we should have turned left at the sphincter. Everyone back up!

 
Fat wanker.
Fucking midget.

 

Hello Santa, it's been a while.
Satan. Why are you doing this? The Christian's I can understand, but why are you involved?
I thought it would be obvious.
What? I'm stealing your thunder too? I am a blasphemy unto religious icons? My uniform's too similar to yours? What? What is it, damn you!
I own the company that makes "Sylvanian Families".
You sick mother-fucker!

 

Alright troops I thought this was just business, but now it's personal.
I want the Elves down the middle with me, Snowmen and Reindeer each take a flank.
VOI, I want you to take them from behind.
Ah, you know me too well!

 

Now, we'll just wait for them to charge in, and once they get here:
KABOOOOOOOM!
How does it go?
KABOOOOOOOM!

 

"Add 1 tin of curry powder, 1 bottle of Tabasco sauce and 12 Ex-Lax to blender and blend until achieving a smooth texture."
"Combine with 2 tins of baked beans, and 2lbs of prunes. Mix well in large mixing bowl." Right! That ought to do it!
*Glug-glug-glug-glug-glug*

 

Sir, everyone is in position.
Right. Give the order to move in at once.
Lord Vision, we've got the order. Shall we advance.
Yeah, but wait a minute, we'll wait until the others get there. Might as well minimise our own losses.
General Luciveers, the enemy have begun their advance.
Excellent. Prep the explosives and start to withdraw the troops. Don't detonate the bomb until you can see the whites of their eyes.

 

I'm still in a lot of pain, but I took something for it. I just have to wait until...
*FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRT*
Ohhhhhh... that's priceless...

 

What the hell was that?
I don't know but it smells fuckin' awful...
The End is Nigh!
General Luciveers? I think we've hit a snag…
ARGH! How? How could this happen???

 

Santa? Is that you? What happened, Sir?
My name is Pikman!
Great. First they amputate my legs and feed them to Vision, and now I'm a ghost destined to haunt the depths of Pika's anus forever! What else could go wrong?
My name is Pikman!
My name is Pikman!
Hey! I can pass my hands right through you!

 

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
My armies, all destroyed! My Pikmen, gone! My Robots, gone!
Now it's going to be months before I can be legally declared a god! At this rate Pff will never fuck me!

 

Master, I felt a great disturbance in the force.
No, that was just my hand. Bend back over and complete your training.
I mean it master, it was like a million voices crying out in pain then being...
*sniff-sniff*
You can smell it!

 

Dammit Pika, how many time do I have to tell you to flush when you're done?!?
Oh come on, it's not that bad.
Pika, if I find one more turd in the bowl I swear to God I'm leaving you!
Oh come on, you know you love it.
The same goes for these dead Pikmen I keep finding.
Yeah, right. I've seen you playing with them when you think I'm not looking!

 

Earlier that day when Esh thought Pika wasn't looking…
My name is Pikman. Esh is my friend!
We love Esh! Esh is the greatest!
Why Esh, is that a bulge in your pants?
Why yes it is, my corpse-like little friend!
Esh, can we play with it?

 

Hello Pika.
Hey baby.
*Farrrrt*
Oooooo! I'm free!!!
Still farting ghosts?
That's nothing. Want to see me pull a dead priest out of my arse?

 

It goes against everything I believe in, but alright- show me.
URRRGGHHH!!!
*FART-Plop*
Air... Need... air...
Vision? I was wondering why you hadn't been hitting on me recently!
Yeah, I've had to crawl all the way through Pika's intestines, to finally emerge drenched in blood and shit. So, you wanna fuck?

 

So, you wanna fuck or not?
Vision, I don't think now's the best time…
After all I've done for you, you could at least show a little gratitude. I crawled through an intestine for you!
Mmmm… Alright, I'll flash my breast. Only one though. You ready?
He fainted...

 

So let me get this straight, After years of being rejected by Pff, trying and trying and trying, she FINALLY agrees to show you her tits…
And you fainted and missed it?!?! HA HA HA! That's classic!
Toomy, this isn't funny, you know how much it means to me to see Pff naked.
I don't know why you didn't just go to her website, she's got her naked photos on there.
Pff... has… a website? Nobody told me...

 

So I guess Christmas is cancelled this year.
Not exactly. I might be lazy, but I'm not entirely heartless.
What do you have in mind?
You'll have to wait until December to find out.
Oh, come on Pika, you can tell me…
No. Well I will for $20 and a bottle of cheap wine, but otherwise: NO!

 

The following December...
Alright little girl, climp up on PikaClaus' lap and make a wish, then pull my finger, and we'll see if your wish comes true!
*FART-Plop*
HO HO HO!
You got the Ghost of Santa!!! That means you'll get your wish!
Hooray! I love you PikaClaus!

 

Now you have to stroke the "Lucky Christmas Stick" to make sure you wish comes true!
If you see the "Ghost" you get your wish!
Ohhh… ohhh… YES! YES YES YES!!!
Ewww…. He slimed me...

 

Many years later...
...And that's the story of Christmas!
Wow grandpa! But what happened to VOI? Did he ever get to fuck Pff?
Heh heh heh... No, he never did. Now climb up and stroke my "Lucky Christmas Stick"!
Do I have to?
Yep, it's tradition. And remember, if you don't see the "ghost" you don't get to look in my ass for your "present"!
Okay grandpa...

 
That's the end Mother Fucker. I hope you enjoyed my arse!

 

I just wanted to take the opportunity here to explain a couple of things.
Firstly I do know that a prologue is supposed to come at the beginning, and epilogue at the end:
This is a *STAR WARS* parody. It was this or wait 16 years to make the second half of the series.
Secondly I know that the film title was "Attack of the Clones":
Fuck it.
Finally I know the difference between Mormons and Amish. I've drunken arse-raped a couple of each. ^_^

 

BSD and his Secred Board.
Any time now...
I've been here three weeks, but I know that if I turn my back someone will post...

 

Any day now...
OOOH!!! A Post!!!
No... wait. That's just an old one.

 

Poem by You Idiot.
Congratulations to you sir, you've bought a mobile phone. Every reason now you see, to ring up here and moan!
You're right- I'm not a human. Of course I'm stupid, too! That's why you're asking me sir, to tell you what to do!
You cannot read instructions, though simple they might be. So you've rung the helpline number, to place the blame on me.

 

Your right! I am a dozy cow, you want to reach my boss. I'm doing all I can for you, but you don't give a toss.
You've owned a phone since christmas, an expert overnight. I'm only trained by DodgyPhone, with nowt for brains but shite.
Of course you're right to swear sir, and why should I feel hurt? You know I can't retaliate, so treat me just like dirt.

 

You're right; the phone is rubbish, the salesman needs a slap. You wish you'd never seen it, It's little more than crap.
I totally agree sir, how could i fail to see? Its not the lack of knowledge, it's purely down to me!
You've read the owners handbook, well: some of it; in part. So your the bloody expert, and I'm the stupid tart.

 

Oh! here's my leader now sir, I'll transfer you to him. He knows all the answers, he's not like me:- too dim!
Oh! Why a mobile phone sir? Why did you buy that? Such a simple gift sir, for such a clever prat.
Next Christmas for a present, Ask for Dynamite! Ram it up your ass sir. And I'll supply the light!

 

Call me Mom, Mantine. No... wait, that's not...
HA HA! Pnwed!
Hey, What?
j00 is teh sucky n00b!
Mom, I'm scared...
N-GAGED!!!!

 

Mom, what the hell's going on?
My new boyfriend taught me all your GameFAQ's lingo.
Your new boyfriend?
Honey, meet your new father.
Hey baby.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

*poofa*
ARRRRGH!!! PIKA! MOM!!!
Oh, that GOD, it was just a nightmare. I dreamed that I was Mantine and Pika married my Mom!!!
That was awful!!!
It's alright honey it was just a dream. Come back to bed and spoon.

 

*Poofa*
Huh? Wha? Oh, it was just a dream.
Wow, that was weird. I dream I was Moth, and I was married to... myself?
Hey, why are my sheets sticky?

 

ARRRGH!!! Wha? Oh my GOD, what a weird dream! Mom married pika, then I married VOI, then I was VOI??? Thank God it's over!!!
Honey if you're going to sleep between us you'll have to stay quiet, okay?
Arrrgh! Oh, Mom, it's just you.
Mom? Is your hand down my trousers?
*SNOOOORE* Yeah bitch, who's your daddy... *SNOOORE* Take it like the filthy pig you are... *SNOOOORE*
NOOOoooOOOooooooOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Toomy... can you make a comic... about me? Please?
That depends...
Oh, come on Toomy, you know I'm not gay. I told you that was a once off, I was drunk and confused.
Well I was going to ask you to let me borrow your pen.
Oh...
But now I guess the whole world knows your dirty little secret...

 

*Slurp* This liquid Caramel tastes funny... *Slurp*
HAHA!!! It's not liquid Caramel, it's a mug of my diarrhoea!
Oh GROSS! Pika! How could you do that! I'm going to tip this out...
Nah, I'm just kidding, it's my really a mug of my diarrhoea...
Oh, thank God... *Slurp*
Really it's mostly blood from my first male menstruation thanks to these caramel flavoured hormone pills.

 

Greetings people in Stripcreator Land! This isn't really a comic, as it is a notice to clear up the malicious rumours regarding TooMuchCoffeeGuy.
Which we started.
The truth is he didn't die from massive caffeine induced heart palpatations.
Nearly, but not quite.
Rather he was forced to start a new identity for tax purposes, and now lives on as Injokester! http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/Injokester
And he still molests farm animals.

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