All comics by attitudechicka

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by attitudechicka
5-13-04
Aus, I heard it was your birthday...
So I got you a clown.
Happy birthday! *clap, clap, clap*
But then I thought you might be afraid of clowns.

 

by attitudechicka
5-13-04
So I got you a chessboard.
But you might not like chess.
So I got you a snowman.

 

by attitudechicka
5-13-04
But snowmen have a tendency to melt. Especially in May.
In the end, I screwed up and didn't get you anything.
So I made this series. Happy birthday!

 

by attitudechicka
5-14-04
Stripcreator.com...
bunnerabb> I am leaving forever.
JrnymnNate> I'm leaving 4-ever.
mAAk> I'm leaving forever... starting tomorrow.

 

by attitudechicka
8-21-04
"Things I've learned as a parent", by attitudechicka.
Never hold a baby above your head. He will likely spit up on you.
The chances of this happening increases by 12% if your mouth is open.
Never ask someone who's never had kids to hold your baby. It's like watching someone try to grab a fish out of the water.
Babies can shoot pacifiers up to 30 feet.
Cat tails are a delicacy to babies.

 

by attitudechicka
8-27-04
Mommy? Mommy, where are you?
Oh there you are, Mommy.
Oh crap. I thought you were in bed.
Why are you wearing that Halloween costume, Mommy?
Because your father won't let me ride his broomstick.

 

by attitudechicka
8-27-04
Mommy, what are you doing out here?
Trying to get away from you.
What are you doing up? I tucked you in hours ago.
I wanted a glass of water. And look, I got it all by myself.
Was that WARM water?

 

by attitudechicka
8-27-04
I couldn't reach the cold water knob.
I'm melting, melting, etc.
What?
You know. Wizard of Oz? Melting witch and all that?
Oh, right. So where are the flying monkeys?
I knew I forgot something.

 

by attitudechicka
12-27-04
Here, Mom, Gia sent you these things.
Well, what is it? It looks like two red packages.
They're Christmas gifts, Mom. You have to unwrap them.
Why would my grandaughter want me to unwrap something?
Because they're gifts. Oh, for Christ's sake, I'll unwrap them

 

by attitudechicka
12-27-04
I don't think Gia sent me these things just for you to open them.
Great. Have at it.
What is this? Tape? The government must have put that there.
Mom, I'm sure Gia put it there to hold the wrap on.
Oh sure, that must be it. That's what they want you to believe.
Just open the freaking gift!

 

by attitudechicka
12-27-04
Now what is this? A picture of the great grandbaby?
I think there's two in there.
Well, how the hell do you get this thing open?
It's a picture frame, Mom. And from the looks of it, a cheap one. Just lift up the back panel.
Oh no, then the spy camera will come out. I'm not opening this.
Then you'll never see the second picture.

 

by attitudechicka
12-27-04
Nevermind that. Let's see what else she sent.
Okay, here you go.
NO! MORE GOVERNMENT ISSUED TAPE! THEY'RE AFTER MY MONEY!
Not again. I'm getting some turkey.
2 hours later
Look what Gia sent! It's a video of Travis! Let's go watch.

 

by attitudechicka
12-27-04
That was even better the 13th time. Let's watch it again!
Gia's voice: Here we go. Roll over, baby. Show everyone.
Gia's voice: Look at those teeth. You bit Daddy with them, didn't you? Well, say goodbye everyone.
Let's watch it again!

 

by attitudechicka
12-27-04
Hey, Dad. So what did Gran think of her gifts?
As far as I know, she's still sitting by the TV watching the tape.
Well, that will keep her occupied for 3 months so I can make another.
Yeah, but next time, send someone else to deliver it. I'm not going to watch the same thing 15 times again.
The next Installment of Home Videos...
Merry Christmas!
It's April. Are you with the government?

 

by attitudechicka
1-03-05
Hey can you go check on the baby for me?
Sure no problem.
Dah gah ma dah GAH DAH DAH!
I hate to say it, but I think your son's gone evangelistic. He was holding up his right hand to the television and talking in tounges.

 

by attitudechicka
1-13-05
Hey Scy, are there any positions available at your current place of work?
There sure are!
Really? What's open?
There are a variety of positions available in unemployment.

 

by attitudechicka
3-12-05
Who got the turkey and swiss sub?
Oh, that would be me.
Oh my god, that's a lot of food! Aren't you worried about getting fat?
We all eat salads here.
I'm sorry.

 

by attitudechicka
4-23-05
Ratzinger.
Ratzinger.
Ratzinger.
Ratzinger.
Ratzinger.
Guilty!

 

by attitudechicka
4-27-05
Everything's $1
Well, Gia, you can put out 30 cases of merchandise an hour...
Everything's $1
But you still can't seem to get people to understand that everything is $1, so you're only putting in 20% effort.

 

by attitudechicka
4-27-05
Now that you're Joe's assistant, remember you can come to me with any problems that arise.
Well, now that you mention it...
He's sexually harassing you? I knew it!
Well, no.
You see, now that Joe knows that I get coffee for my boyfriend at home, he's a little jealous.

 

by attitudechicka
4-27-05
Joe, you've got that sandwich we ordered for you today in the fridge.
I do?
Damnit...
I'll eat it all!

 

by attitudechicka
5-02-05
Hey bartender, you know anyone who is hiring?
Why don't you try the circus?
What would the circus do with a typist?

 

Would you like a chair there, John?
No thanks, I'm okay standing!
by attitudechicka, 5-02-05

 

by attitudechicka
5-02-05
Another pint, mate.
What are you staring at, never seen a cow serve drinks before?
No, I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.

 

by attitudechicka
5-02-05
What is this, some kind of joke?

 

by attitudechicka
5-04-05
So the diamond was stolen from the museum?
Yep. The guy wore a mask, so no one knows what he looks like.
Well let's go to the crime scene then.
Sure thing.
OH! You meant the museum...

 

by attitudechicka
5-10-05
So Gia, how's your birthday going so far?
Well...
This morning the power cut off while I was typing a 12 page report...
NO, I HAVEN'T SAVED THAT YET!
And there wasn't even a cloud in the sky, so pretty much on track to previous years.

 

by attitudechicka
5-10-05
So, what is it that you do now?
Well, Ivy, I investigate insurance fraud.
Cool. Who are you putting the screws to currently?
Well, actually right now I'm working on a fraudulent worker's compensation case at Wal-Mart.
Gotta go.

 

You know, Ivy, this case is from 2003. It'll be at least two years before Wal-Mart catches up to you.
by attitudechicka, 5-11-05

 

by attitudechicka
5-18-05
I think I'm going to quit smoking.
Good for you.
Yeah, they're going to put this click in my jaw.
Sounds painful.
At least I'll never have to smoke one of those nasty things again.
As for me, I'm headed outside.

 

by attitudechicka
6-08-05
That's disturbing.

 

by attitudechicka
6-09-05
*squalking noises*
*squalking noises*
Man, those turkeys are everywhere!
I'm gonna go get my BB GUN!

 

by attitudechicka
6-09-05
Watch this, Bill. I'm going to throw away the old paper towel roll and NOT OPEN A NEW ONE!
Genius! The next person to use the restroom will flop around like a fish trying to open the plastic with wet hands!
Excuse me guys -- gotta pee!
Score!
Brilliant!

 

by attitudechicka
6-14-05
I can't eat anything because I'm diabetic. The email is keeping my emails again. My computer froze and all my information will be lost.
------->
JUST STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING ALREADY!
Gia?
Okay... so no, you don't want any donuts then?

 

by attitudechicka
6-16-05
Dig the new water cooler.
It's cool when it's hot!
Doesn't water, like, fry your circuits or something?
*Snap, Crackle, Pop*

 

by attitudechicka
6-16-05
I just turned in a report 3 minutes late. The psychos here are going to fire me for sure!
If it's any consolation, I haven't turned in a report that was due Monday at 10:30am.
Is this one of those "Things-could-be-worse" speeches?
Cuz if it is, it sucks.

 

by attitudechicka
6-20-05
There's no good way to tell you this, Mark, but we're cutting your position.
I don't understand.
We just think it would be more appropriate to put Ahmed as the executive assistant.
Have it your way. What will I do then?
We're making you the office assistant.
So you mean I have to do whatever anyone in the office says, even the mail guy? I'm lovin it.

 

by attitudechicka
6-22-05
Hey Gia, how's it going?
I despise staples.
Um, okay. Uh, why is it that you despise staples?
Because you stick them in papers and expect the papers to be held together, but no, it's the wrong size staple! Then you can't get them out even with the claw grabber thing!
Um, yeah... maybe now's not a good time, I'll come back.

 

by attitudechicka
6-22-05
I hate filing. It takes up too much of my time, and I can never get any work done. And it's hot over by the filing cabinets.
Fine, I'll do all the filing from now on. Problem solved.
Two days later...
Just what are you doing?
Filing.
I can do that.
Not without complaining the whole time, you can't.

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
Hey, Santa, what are you doing here? It's July.
Well, I was making my pre holiday run, for timing purposes of course, when something happened.
What happened?
My OnRudolphTM GPS Navigational System shut down.
Well, let me take a look at it and see what the problem may be.

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
I see the problem. Your OnRudolphTM bulb has burned out.
Ho ho dear.
Don't worry Santa, I know where we can get one.
Where's that?
At Dollar Tree!
How much will it cost?

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
Everything's $1
Santa, you are now witnessing the wonder that is Dollar Tree.
This is where my elves' toys go to die.
Everything's $1
Everything's $1
Okay... let me just find that bulb.

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
Everything's $1
Okay, Santa, I've got the bulb.
Great! How much is it?
Everything's $1
Uh... is this a joke?
No really, how much?
Everything's $1
It's a buck.
Well, I guess I'll have to give up Prancer, then. He always was a bit cocky.

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
Now we just have to make sure it works.
Oh yeah, it works. Think you could turn that thing off while you're inside Rudolph?
Great. This OnRudolphTM GPS Navagational System is now fully functional.

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
Thank you, Gia, I won't forget this.
In three days, you'll be visted by a strange character. He will reveal my gift of gratitude.
I look forward to it... I think.
I'll be going now. Remember what I said.

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
Three Days Later
Knock Knock!
Who are you?
I'm one of Santa's helpers. And this is Santa's gift of gratitude.
What is it?
It's a talking box that says "Thank You" every time you open it.

 

by attitudechicka
6-23-05
Thank You!
Great, I helped saved Christmas and all I got was a talking box...
Thank You! Thank You!
Which has a broken sensor mechanism, so it won't stop talking.
Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
That's it, I'm getting a hammer.

 

Do you mind if I borrow that when you're done?
by attitudechicka, 6-23-05

 

by attitudechicka
6-24-05
You wanted to see me, sir?
Yes, Johnson, get me a brown permanent marker.
What can brown do for you, sir?
I need to hide the scratch marks the President's wife put on my desk earlier.

 

by attitudechicka
7-08-05
Hello Darcy, my name is Gia, and I am calling about an extremely overdue invoice you have yet to pay.
Listen, missy, this is a fortune 500 company. I think we can afford to pay a tiny bill such as yours.
So why haven't you for over two years?
If you keep up this attitude, we'll just switch to another company.
Two days later...
This is Gia, may I help you?
Yes, this is Darcy, I'd like to request investigation on a new case.

Showing page 4.

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