All comics by mmyers

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by mmyers
6-06-03
Just as a plant lures in bugs...
Psst, come here. I'm a defenseless plant, not a venus flytrap.
Sounds reasonable.
So, too, does a dumbass manage to avoid any subjects that may reveal that he's a dumbass on a blind date. She won't realize what a waste of time he is until she's actually wasted time on him.
Your handsome.
Why, yes I am.
It's nature's way of taking care of the undesirable.

 

by mmyers
6-06-03
What about me? Where's my place that people would find me desirable?
Can't really say. It's like one of those kids who picks up a violin and knows how to play it, they don't know until they're there. So too must you find your own spot.
Because isn't that what life is really about? Finding a place where you can go and everyone finds you to be attractive?
Yup. It's in the bible, you just have to read between the lines.

 

by mmyers
6-16-03
Man, I'm so hungry I could eat the ass out of a dead hooker.
You know, it's weird that you say that because I just found a dead hooker.
Oh...I was kind of exaggerating. I'm not really that hungry. I was just making a joke.
Look David, I went to a lot of trouble to dig up this dead hooker. Don't embarrass me. Now go to it, Dave, eat her ass out.
Now this is the part where you say that you're on this dead hooker like Spring Break girls on extacy.
I ain't quite deads yet. I's juss hung overs.

 

by mmyers
6-17-03
I tried to start this comic the other day but it got erased, so I'll try again.
My wife got mugged at gunpoint the other day. While I don't really think it's funny to get robbed, some of the aftermath is ridiculous so I decided to make fun.
Most of what you will read is either true, exaggerated truth, or maybe a little fabricated. Enjoy.

 

by mmyers
6-17-03
Give me your purse.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
*gasp* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

by mmyers
6-17-03
The Doctor's Office...
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...
Doc, I can't really understand anything that you're saying.
I SAID I THINK THAT YOU'VE SUSTAINED SOME SORT OF EAR TRAUMA!

 

by mmyers
6-17-03
Did he have any distinguishing marks?
No, except that he was ugly.
Mr Officer, I have a question. What if I would have hit the guy with my car? Would that be illegal?
Hmm, hard to say. I guess if you were defending yourself or your wife, it'd be fine.
What if I hit him mulitple times with my car, you know, on accident?

 

by mmyers
6-17-03
So then he jumped out of the bushes and showed me the gun and grabbed my purse.
He took yer purse? Good gracious.
Yes, and he bruised my arm when he grabbed it.
Well, I'll bet you like to have had a cow, hmm?
I guess you could say that I 'had a cow', sort of in the same way you could say that "war isn't very nice" and that Charles Manson is a 'little unbalanced.'

 

by mmyers
6-17-03
So he told me to give him the purse, then he ran off.
Ohmygod, that's totally horrible. Are you OK?
Yes, but I've been having bad dreams ever since and I've been having small panic attacks when I remember it.
That's the most horrible thing ever, just horrible. On the upside, it must really be agreeing with you because your skin looks fabulous, better than I've ever seen

 

by mmyers
6-17-03
Give me your wallet.
You're kidding, right?
No, give it to me now before someone comes along.
How about I give you my badge number?
I was just holding this knife for a friend, honestly.

 

by mmyers
6-18-03
Dad, what do you think about burned CDs and music from the internet?
Well, Kelly, with burned CDs, I don't have the same fondness that I look at other CDs with. I like the notes and lyrics and detail.
It's the same way that you can never love an adopted child like you love your own. They're just a cheap copy when you can't afford the real thing.
*crying*
Oops, Kelly's the adopted one. Slipped my mind.

 

by mmyers
6-18-03
Look, honey, I'm sorry I called you a cheap imitation of a real kid. What I meant to say is that you're like a rare bootleg.
A live concert song version by the Manic Street Preachers before they were on a major label. And it's before that one guy died, you know, ultra rare.
*sob*
And you can't find the original artwork so you find some old pictures of them online and make your own artwork for the case...Kelly?

 

by mmyers
6-18-03
Thank you, everyone, for being in attendance here today. I see people from all the way from Switzerland and the east coast are in attendance.
I'm sorry that we had to spread the word of Grandma Gertrude's untimely passing in such an unconventional way.
The information superhighway does have its benefits, though. Look at how it's brought us all together today, all of these smiling faces.
If there's one thing that Grandma Gertrude liked, it's smiling faces. And if there's another thing Grandma liked, it's big penises.
Who here wouldn't like to increase their penis size by as much as 75%? It's an all natural, risk free alternative to drugs or surgery.
We're outta here.

 

by mmyers
6-19-03
Did Kaufman show up yet?
No, we are still waiting. Look at my costume. I am going to be Senor' Pedro, a Spanish land baron.
I'm going to be a gypsy. "I put CURSE on you!" Hehehe.
This is going to be the best role playing murder mystery party ever. I'm an oil tycoon from Texas. Yee-HAW!
I hope he got the email that I sent. We've been planning this murder mystery weekend for months now.
"I want my share of the inheritance, bitch!" This is going to be fun. I can't wait to get started. Where the hell is Kaufman at?

 

by mmyers
6-19-03
Dude, M, I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm leaving work today, this place is a shithole.
Don't do this to me. Let's just not say goodbye, OK?
I can dig it. You hate goodbyes, but don't you worry. We will always be friends.
No, I mean we were never really friends and I don't feel like faking any sentiment.
You're so crazy, man. I'm going to miss our inside jokes like that.

 

by mmyers
6-19-03
Yep, guys, I am not going to miss this place at all. I'm just going to fart around all day and get paid for it. Screw this place like it's screwed me.
Oh yeah, there he is, my main man, my brother from another mother. Here's the guy I'll be missing. What's up M?
I don't know you. Quit saying my name.
Man, that motherfucker M is always trippin'. I'm going to miss these times.

 

by mmyers
6-23-03
*Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop...*
*Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop, Thip-Thop...*
You can't wear flip-flops at work anymore.

 

by mmyers
6-23-03
In an attempt to make the company run a little more efficiently...
Agatha, you're fired.
I was going to retire next year.
Taking over Agatha's responsibilites of spreading gossip around the office will be GossipBot 3000.
Two of the people who work here had sex in the closet in the bathroom. Click *HERE* to find out who.

 

by mmyers
6-24-03
Would you like to hear the latest gossip? Someone who works here is going to be asked to leave or take a demotion.
Piss off, GossipBot. I'm trying to get some work done here.
Are you sure? GossipBot has many juicy details about the office. Also, GossipBot loves to tell all.
No! I said go away. I'm working.
GossipBot has some juicy gossip about someone whose harddrive is full of pornographic material, and he has red hair and a black shirt, and his name starts with a 'E'.
Hey hey, GossipBot, not so fast. I'd like to hear some of your gossip.

 

by mmyers
6-24-03
GossipBot can not believe that Jill wore that to work today. White sweat pants? GossipBot thinks that Jill is gaining weight. She must be pregnant. She's dating Phil from accounting.
You know I can hear you talking about me down the hallway, right?
GossipBot was not programmed with the ability to whisper, Jill.

 

by mmyers
6-24-03
Did you know that James' wife left him? He's not wearing his wedding ring!
I was not aware of that. Did you hear that Tricia and Jeanie hate each other? They almost got into a fight at the breakroom.
That's news to me. Did you know that the company is going to start laying people off in January? Sales are down.
They're asking all the executives to take a paycut and then they're going to start firing all the people who were just hired.
Two of them just bumped into each other and they've both been talking at each other ever since.
Good. Maybe that will keep them busy for awhile.

 

by mmyers
6-24-03
So I told him, "You don't pay me enough to go get your coffee."
You said that? Ohmygoodness!
You go, Bot!
GossipBot, you so crazy!
Hey, um, don't you guys have other things you could be doing?
Kiss GossipBot's shiny metal ass. We're on break.

 

by mmyers
6-24-03
Hey Erik, GossipBot knows this is kind of inconvenient, but the daycare was closed and GossipBot couldn't find a sitter. Would you mind...?
Yeah, dude, do whatever.
Come on in son. Erik, I want you to meet my son, TattleBot 3000.
Erik picks his nose and eats the boogers. He just slipped an office supply into his pocket, I saw it.
*sigh*

 

by mmyers
6-25-03
You say 'potato' and I say 'potato', you 'tomato' and I say 'tomato', 'potato''potato', 'tomato''tomato', let's call the whole thing off.
What are you doing?
I'm singing that song about potatoes and tomatoes.
You're not singing it right. See, the song is supposed to be an arguement, like you say 'to-mate-o' and I say 'to-mot-o'. Get it? It's like an arguement. I say it one way and you say it different.
Oh. Well you know what I have to say about that? You sing 'to-mate-o' and I sing 'to-mate-o', you sing 'po-tate-o' and I sing 'po-tate-o'...
Let's just call the whole thing off, hmm?

 

by mmyers
6-25-03
I read an article once about this guy who had a chicken with no head and he kept it alive for years with an eye dropper. A headless chicken. Dropping food right down its throat.
Why are you telling me this story?
I was just thinking that if your head got accidently chopped off, it'd be OK because I could keep you alive for years with an eyedropper.
Where exactly did you read this?
You know, now that I think about it, I may have made that story up when I found that axe in the bushes. Silly me.

 

by mmyers
6-25-03
Boy, it's freezing in here. I'm right under the vent and it's blowing cold air right on me. I didn't bring my jacket today. I wish someone would turn off the air. It's an icebox. You could hang meat.
Sometimes I wish I could turn your air off.
Your air conditioning, I mean.

 

by mmyers
6-25-03
I tell you, Filing Clerk, you've got to have a baby. It's magical. It's the miracle of life. You're next, man, you are going to be the next to have a baby.
Are you sure your wife is going to be up for that?

 

by mmyers
6-26-03
My brother hates his new satellite dish. He hates having to pay to get his local channels.
I didn't know you had a brother.
Yep, he's a joint from New Mexico. Everyone calls him Reefer.
So what's he going to do about his satellite dish?
Well, his old company has been calling him alot to try and get his service back. I guess that's what he's going to do.
So this is going to be a case of the pot calling the cable back?

 

by mmyers
6-26-03
Hey, watch where you're going, jerk.
I wouldn't push your luck, mac. You should just count yourself lucky that I'm in a good mood.
Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it?
Well, doc, if this turns physical, I'd be forced to drop an anvil on your head, wrap your hair in dynamite, and push you off the side of a cliff. *munch munch*
So then the guy grabs the rabbit and just start nailing him in the face and the whole time the rabbit's screaming, "That's all folks, that's all folks!"

 

by mmyers
6-26-03
Oh no Bugs, I think my husband just came home!
Porky's home? I thought he was away on business. No problem. I'll just hop in my rabbit hole and hide. So long, tootes.
That wasn't your rabbit hole, Bugs.

 

by mmyers
6-26-03
So when I pulled the wig off and Daffy realized that I wasn't a girl rabbit, he cried like a little bitch. Hahaha! What a maroon! Oh, here he comes. Shhh. hehehe.
*snicker, snicker*
What's up?
So Daffy, out huntin' wabbits? Hehehehe.
You're dispicable. I hate you both. *sob*

 

by mmyers
6-26-03
Holy crap, was I on a bender or what? I was unconscious for 28 days. Damn.
Where is everyone? Holy crap, the TV isn't working. It must be the end of the world.
I've got to find out what happened to everyone, see if my family is still alive, try to find some food to eat, and masturbate. 28 days...sheesh.

 

by mmyers
6-27-03
Holy crap! A zombie! Hey, what am I scared of? I've watched a zillion horror movies. As long as I don't twist my ankle, there's no way this guy can catch me.
See ya.
Say, you're not so much one of those limping/crawling zombies as much as you're one of those Carl Lewis zombies.

 

by mmyers
6-30-03
Say bud, where do you guys keep the coffee around here?
No coffee. The powers-that-be won't allow it.
Why's that?
If we have coffee, we might wake up. If we wake up we might realize that our jobs suck. If we realize our jobs suck, we might look for another one. It's for the best.
Man, that really blows. I need my morning cup of go-go juice, you know?
They're really smart about the whole thing. They give you turkey sandwiches and a glass of wine but then they turn the air on really cold so you're sluggish but you can still work.

 

by mmyers
6-30-03
Hi, excuse me. My name is Neal. You don't know me, well sort of. I was beside you and then behind you in traffic. I drive a Toyota Tercel. It's grey.
So?
So anyway, you were kind of being a dick and keeping me from getting over and when the guy behind you finally let me over, I gave him the courtesy wave and then you waved back.
So?
So that wave wasn't meant for you. You were being a dick. I'd like to get that wave back from you. You see, you didn't really earn a wave. In fact, I probably should have flipped you off.
No way dude. I'm keeping your courtesy wave and there's nothing you can do about it. Mwa-ha-ha!

 

by mmyers
6-30-03
It's been 28 days since the plague hit and everyone turned into zombies, yet here I am, still hanging out at the factory. There's no electricity so I can't work. Why am I still walking around here?
BRRAAAIIIINNNSSSSSS!
BRAINS.
My heart's just not in it.

 

by mmyers
6-30-03
Hey buddy, why the long face?
I think my jaw is rotting off so it's kind of making my face look elongated. Also, I just don't know what to do with myself.
Well, that's just terrible. I hate to see a good zombie feeling down. You know what would cheer you right up?
What?
BBRRRRRAAAIIINNNSSSS!
Yeah...brains.

 

by mmyers
6-30-03
Man, I would have grabbed some pants if I knew I'd be walking around this long. Maybe the zombies will be homophobic. Hey, here's someone.
I'm Jamalia. I'm one of the last people left. I'm in great shape, I'm very lonely, and I've become a bad ass in the last 28 days.
Sweet!
And this is my traveling companion, Trevor.
Shit.

 

by mmyers
6-30-03
Jamalia's exact words were, "If I have any doubts about either of you being zombies, I'll kill you and spray you with a fire extinguisher."
Well, Trevor, this sure is awkward, like a big sausage party, am I right?
Look man, just shut up, stay close to Jamalia and I and you'll be safe.
Yeah...hey Trevor, what are those things that Stevie Wonder has in his hair?
BBBRRRRAAAAIIIDDDSSS?
*FFOOOSSSSHHH!*
What did I tell you? If I think you're a zombie, I'll kill you. Come on, bitch...I mean Brian, let's get out of here.

 

by mmyers
7-01-03
This is a very nice rabbit hole, Bufford, but I thought we could move into my place. I have a really nice studio in Brooklyn. 1100 sq ft.
My place isn't very big, I'll admit that. In fact, one might say it's a 'hole in the ground'. Haha, get it? "Hole in the ground." Let me show you my food storage area.
Bufford, listen. This place isn't very comfortable to me. I have to stoop over to walk. It's hurting my back, and look at your food, it's all rabbit food.
Yeah, the landlord said he'd 'lettuce' store the food there. He said he didn't 'carrot'. Hehe. Get it? I'm hot tonight.
Dear God, this is what it must be like to be married to Kaufman. Is the honeymoon over? We're not even married yet.
This is my mirror, where I make sure my 'hare' isn't out of place. Hehehehe. Boo-yah! Get it? I'm a rabbit, you see.

 

by mmyers
7-01-03
This is my daughter Holly. We're the last father and daughter on Earth. Our TV set is picking up a transmission that says there's help outside the city.
Where's this TV at?
Right over there.
Fuck, even in a world populated by zombies, they're still coming out with new episodes of American Idol.

 

by mmyers
7-01-03
Please give a warm welcome, from the Dallas, Ft. Worth area, singing the Rod Stewart classic, "Downtown train", Kimmy Stabelton!
*Music* Will I see you tonight, on a downtown train. Every night, every night, it's just the same, on a downtown... BBRRRAAAIIINNSSS!
You have a great look, great dance moves, very confident, but you went a little flat on the "BRAINS" part of the song.
I agree.

 

by mmyers
7-01-03
Dad, I'm so glad that we met Brian and Jamalia. If we all stay together, we should be just fine.
Yup, as long as we don't do anything stupid, we should be completely safe. Hey look a bird with glowing red eyes. Shoo, little bird. AAGGGGHHHH!
Dad, are you OK? What's wrong with you?
I'm fine, don't worry about me, honey. I'm just getting that song stuck in my head. You know that one song...
*WHACK!*.... Come on, he was turning into a zombie and I didn't want to hear someone else work the word 'brains' into a song.
Maybe it's better if we keep moving.

 

by mmyers
7-02-03
You were right about not taking the route through the city. It sure is peaceful.
You bet. Nothing to worry about, no zombies. Yep, it's quiet. I wonder how we could pass the time. Hmm, I wonder.
We could gather sticks for the fire tonight. Or we could try and build blunt weapons in case they attack, or we could set up shifts to keep watch.
I was thinking of something a little more *ahem* intimate.
Smaller weapons for fighting up close?
We should probably hit the road again. There's nothing for us here.

 

by mmyers
7-02-03
The city has been destroyed. There's nothing really left, but this is where the signal was being broadcast on TV.
We're going to have to sift through the rubble and see if there's anyone left who might be able to help us.
What are you waiting on?
The light to change.

 

by mmyers
7-02-03
Soldiers! Please help us, military people.
Everyone freeze. We're the tattered remains of the military. We're the Arm-Nav-Marine Force.
We need help. Can you help us?
We'll help you out, all right, if you let us hook up with your ladies.
I'm only 13.
I hit on girls younger than that at the mall BEFORE the zombies, you think that will stop me?

 

by mmyers
7-02-03
Hello? Is anyone in there?
Yes, I'm in here. I'm being held prisoner by the military. Can you help me, please? Who are you?
It's the zombies. We're right outside.
The 60's rock band The Zombies?!
No, the drooling, brain eating zombies.
Rob Zombie?

 

by mmyers
7-02-03
Wow, and so with the help of the zombies, we've defeated the military and now we're free and safe again.
You know that the world is still destroyed, right?
Guess we should be moving on then.

 

by mmyers
7-02-03
Well, that was quite the little adventure we all had together, now wasn't it? What did we all learn?
That men are disgusting perverts who will have sex with anything on two or four legs.
No matter how much you want to, don't trust whitey, because he's still the devil and always will be, even in a post apocalyptic world.
That's right, ladies, we learned that when we all pull together, there's nothing that we can't overcome, as long as we keep our wits.
And I learned that we're all zombies for something, whether it be work, or TV, or love of brains, and that's one to grow on! Hey, an airplane! We're saved!

 

by mmyers
7-07-03
On February 4, 2003, I made my first comic at stripcreator. 3 months later, on May 08, 2003, I did my 100th comic. Today, 2 months later, July 7, 2003, I complete my 200th comic.
At this rate, I should reach 300 next month. Eventually, my comics will begin growing exponentially, eventually taking over the internet and probably leaving me tapped out on things to write about.
Ohmygod, it has already begun.

Showing page 4.

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