All comics by niteowl

Profile

 

by niteowl
9-16-03
My fellow Americans...I'm here to tell you the real reason why we invaded Iraq.
It's been about war in the trenches. Working together as a team. Blitzes. Bombs. Defense. Toughness. Defeating the enemy, and the celebration after.
So tonight my fellow Americans, I am honored to introduce the NFL's newest expansion team, the Baghdad Oilers.

 

by niteowl
9-17-03
Hi God.
Well hello my dear, how are you?
I'm sad about what's going on in the world today.
I know, my child. The war, and all the sorrow that goes along with it...
God, I'm talking about J-Lo and Ben breaking up.
That makes 2,165,368 people who've talked to me about this today.

 

by niteowl
9-17-03
So boss, what's shakin' for this weekend?
I want to relax, but there's just so many new faces coming in everyday...almost makes me wish people would start acting nice. We're getting swamped down here. What are you going to do?
Well...I have an idea, but I think I need your permission first.
Ok, run it by me.
I want to head up to Earth to the mountains, get drunk, mosh, and hit on some girls who are barely of drinking age.
Fuck man, you've been watching those Coors Light commercials, haven't you?

 

by niteowl
9-18-03
Hmmm, payday is in 2 days...I should donate to SC then.
The next day.
So are you going to take the car in to get fixed since it's payday tomorrow?
Yeah, hopefully it won't cost more than $150.
Payday.
Not only are the pads worn, your left front brake caliper is locked up and has to be replaced. It'll cost $400 to fix.
Fuck!

 

by niteowl
9-18-03
Hey Ryan...I'll trade you my Flame Swordsman card for your Cannon Soldier.
No way! I want your Gaia card Alex.
Ahh, I remember when I first started collecting cards and how cool it was when I got a Gretzky card.
C'mon Dad, we're talking about real cards here.
Dad is so old!
I'll just shut up now.

 

by niteowl
9-23-03
Double Quarter Pounder. Chocolate Shake.
High cholesterol in 27.7 years. Death is certain.
I'm sorry. Can I take your order?
No, nevermind. I seem to have lost my appetite.

 

by niteowl
9-26-03
Dude...check out my site!
Alright man.
Well...what do you think of it?
Jesus H. Christ, how many pictures do you have on there? It took way too long to load, so I gave up. I am on a 56K, you know.
You didn't even look at it? What kind of friend are you?
Get me a cable modem and then I'll visit your goddamn site.

 

by niteowl
9-26-03
Next on ET...Is Whitney Houston on drugs?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
45 minutes later.
Is Whitney on drugs...No, not at all! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The next morning...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

by niteowl
9-26-03
Call me immature, but I always giggle when I see this on the SC Forums : "Keep on stripping!"

 

by niteowl
9-27-03
I can't believe Finkelman is dead.
I know. It's such a shock.
Did you know him?
No.
He has a beautiful headstone.
Except for the birdpoop all over it.

 

by niteowl
9-27-03
I watched Disclosure again. A lot of weird things happen in that movie.
Like Michael Douglas saying no to Demi Moore's advances.
I was talking about Dennis Miller playing a computer geek.
Oops.

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
Take me to your leader
No bitch.
Sheesh, you are a horrible shot. Have you ever used that gun before?

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
Oh look...a fairy! Do you grant wishes?
Why yes I do. What's your wish?
I wish you would turn into a real girl because you're a cutie.
Now that's a good wish! Ok here goes.
Damnit, her boobs got smaller.
My boobs got smaller....no more back pain!

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
So when you make a comic, do those asian girls always show up first?
Yeah, they always show up first.
Do they have variations of them where they turn and look at each other? That would be cool.
Nope, this is the only variation.
Turn and face each other...what do they think we are? A couple of slaves?
Well at least she didn't suggest the sucky sucky five dolla thing like everyone else does.

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
Now when chopping up your first victim, make sure to use a fluid downward swing.
Right. Got it.
So, what do you think of my credentials?
Well, your beard is certainly evil enough.
o/`He's got a plan, to take an many souls as he can, he sure ain't no flash in the pan, he's my hatchet man! o/`
Encore! Encore!

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
Welcome to the News at 6. I'm Phil McCracken.
And I'm the token sex object anchor, also known as...nevermind, you don't care what my name is.
Oh come on June, people want to know who you are.
No they don't! This show has always been about you! You and your hip outfits and frizzy hair and beautiful complexion!
Can we please get on with the news now?
Yeah, fine, whatever.

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
Great navigational skills, rookie. We landed on the wrong planet.
Oh shut up. Who's the one who suggested we take a left turn at Uranus?
Damnit, I'm supposed to be pissed off, not laughing silently at Uranus jokes.
Hey, you brought it up.

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
I wish I was back in Iraq.

 

by niteowl
10-04-03
Monday.
Can I help you?
Maintenance. I'm here to work on your heater.
Wednesday.
Not you again...
Yeah. I'm here to work on your plumbing.
Friday.
You know, maybe I should just quit my job so I'll always be home to let you assholes in.
Good idea!

 

by niteowl
10-05-03
Good evening. I'm Phil McCracken, and here's the news.
Our top story tonight...Jesus Christ and WWJD! He is live with our own Neal Andbob. Take it away Neal!
Thank you Phil. Jesus, the WWJD thing is quickly becoming the hot catch phrase. What do you think of it personally?
What would I do? Not much since I'm nailed to a piece of fucking wood...QUIT ASKING ALREADY!

 

by niteowl
10-07-03
Hey, wanna hear a joke I heard?
Alright
Why did the dwarf cross the road?
Hmmn...
To walk into the bar across the street with the doctor and the lawyer!
I walked into a bar once. That hurt like a sonofabitch.

 

by niteowl
10-09-03
My girlfriend just went on a 2 week cruise. Day 1 :
Yeehaw! Football, Hockey, the Baseball Playoffs, and Porn for 2 WHOLE WEEKS!
Oh baby...what a save by Cechmanek!
Day 5 :
I can't believe I've masturbated 17 times in the last 3 days. Owwie.
16% of jennahardcore.mpeg Completed
Day 8 :
Holy shit I'm bored. I wish the neighbors would start fighting again, that was quality entertainment.
I hate those noisy fucking pricks. They scare me.

 

by niteowl
10-09-03
Hey, wanna hear a joke I heard?
Alright
Why did the dwarf cross the road?
Hmmn...
Hey, we prefer to be called "little people", not "dwarves"...you insensitive fuck.

 

by niteowl
10-09-03
I love DirecTV free preview week.
After the 1st period, Edmonton and San Jose are scoreless.
A week of Hockey Night in Canada for free!
...And now, this NHL update brought to you by the Edmonton Sun.
Meanwhile, at the next door neighbors...
What the hell is he watching?
I think he's watching soccer...what other sport would be scoreless so much?

 

by niteowl
10-11-03
Hey
Wanna go see a movie this weekend?
Why wait until the weekend? Pull up a chair, I'm almost done downloading Kill Bill.

 

by niteowl
10-11-03
A stray cat! I will pet it.
One pat later..
Ah! I am in fact a fairy. And since you have rubbed me, I shall give you one wish!
I wish for Christina Aguilera.
Ok, but she's not REALLY a genie in a bottle. You won't get any wishes out of her.

 

by niteowl
10-11-03
I'm with the Penis Inspection Group. I'm checking young men like yourself to see what the average penis size is among 14-18 year olds.
Do I have to get naked? And what's with the gun?
No, nakedness is not necessary. This is my magic X-Ray magnifying glass. And the gun, well...I need something to measure up with.
Why don't you just whip yours out for comparison?
WHAT?!? Dude, you're sick. I'm outta here.
Sheesh, you just ask a simple question...

 

by niteowl
10-12-03
...mmph...
...yo baby...you gots some nice titties..
Vhat zee hell?
Girl, that's one deep voice you gots dere.
I'm no vooman! I am Ah-nold Schvarzenegger! Who zee hell are you? I vas zupposed to meet beautiful vooman here.
Arnold! Sup dawg, I'm Kobe. Hey mang, I was supposed to meet some hot bitch here too. These dating services are off the hook, yo.

 

by niteowl
10-14-03
Got a question for you...why do you wear that Nike shirt?
Because Nike is hip and cool.
Ok, fair enough. What about all the sports team apparel you wear?
Well, you got to support your local team. Show that you love the local entertainment.
The local entertainment. I guess that explains why you always wear that hat with the giant Nerf boobs on it.
Hey! There's nothing wrong with strip clubs!

 

by niteowl
10-14-03
A stray cat! I will pet it.
One pat later..
Ah! I am in fact a fairy. And since you have rubbed me, I shall give you one wish!
I wish we were married.
You should've wished for a million dollars.

 

by niteowl
10-15-03
X-Ray Mirror, Into The Void, Zoom...have you been downloading mp3s again? You do realize that you added all these new songs to my playlist.
Sorry dear.
Hmmm. Kiwi Lip Bomb. That's a clever band name...
Yes dear, it is. Check out the Voivod song. It kicks ass.
Yeah, I bet. Quota by Jimmy Heath? Honey, this is like...old people's music! With horns and shit! How can you listen to this junk?
I figure maybe by the time I get old I'll end up liking it.

 

by niteowl
10-15-03
MLB playoffs, NHL, NFL = No life.
I have been in standby mode for 2 days. What the hell?
*RING RING* *RING RING* *RING RING*
Is he ever gonna feed me again???

 

by niteowl
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
I hope he doesn't start humming the Twilight Zone theme.

 

by niteowl
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
Um, you aren't a friend of Ashton Kutcher's, are you?

 

by niteowl
10-17-03
*click*
zzzzzzzzzzzz...
Hey, what were you doing sleeping in my room?
This is MY room. What are you doing in here?
Well...um...You put chocolate in my peanut butter!
NO! You put peanut butter in my chocolate!

 

by niteowl
10-17-03
Deep Purple - Smoke on the Water
Styx - Mr. Roboto
RAARRRRR! I CORNHOLED DENNIS DEYOUNG! HE WAS GOOD TOO!
2 Live Crew - Me So Horny

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
It's time for your monthly lube, X-18. Up onto the belt with you.
Sir, what is in that lube anyways?
Why don't you ask the boss? He's right behind you.
RAARRRR! THE LOVE JUICE ALLOWS TOBOR TO VIOLATE ALL ORIFICES WITH EASE!

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
Hi there. Do you have a couple minutes to spare?
Ok. But what for?
I'd like to draw you. I'll even let you keep the picture.
Alright, cool.
I should've thought of this earlier. What a great way to meet chicks!
I hope he doesn't stab me with that fountain pen.

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
La la la...
So? How's it coming?
Beautiful! I surprise myself sometimes.
Whew, good. I was beginning to think you really don't know how to draw.

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
Shit. Damnit! I'm gonna have to start over.
Ok, but could you hurry it up a bit?
20 minutes later...
ARRGH! She's gonna walk away soon, I can feel it.
Why do guys always have to do such weird stuff to try and get you to go out with them?

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
I screwed up. I'll have to start over again.
C'mon dude. I've been standing here for almost an hour.
5 minutes, 36 seconds later.
I tell ya, this is my best work yet!
Awesome. Great. Can't wait to see it.

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
Ok, I'm done. Ready to see it? This is rockin'.
Yes! No offense, but it's about time.
So? What do you think? Is it accurate?
Well, why don't you come over around 8:00 tonight and find out if it's accurate. *wink*

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
Hi.
Well, hello there. Come on in.
So where's your mom and dad?
They're out for the night. I have the whole place to myself.
Later that night...
Who would've thunk it? Drawing a semi-naked picture would get me laid!
Come a little closer big boy.

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
Wow, that was great.
Yes, yes it was. Hey, where are you going?
I gotta pee.
Ok. Hurry back though.
*THUMP* OW! My toe...
Be careful not to injure yourself darling, I'm not through with you yet.

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
Hey, I never did see if the picture I drew looks like you with a minimal amount of clothes on. I'm gonna turn the light on.
Ok. Actually I'm much better looking in person in a sports bra.
*click*
AAAGGGHHHH! AAAGGGHHHH!
Recognize me? I'm Mary Hart. Told you I was hot!
*Alarm clock*
Holy shit, what a horrible dream! I swear I'm burning my sketch pad and never watching Entertainment Tonight again.

 

by niteowl
10-19-03
The IT dept. at work just installed XP on my work PC.
There you go G, You're all set up.
Thanks man.
XP is a little different than the Windows 95 you had before, so if you have any problems or questions, let me know, ok?
Ok. I've got XP at home so everything should be cool.
Later...
Hey boss. I'm all done installing XP on G's PC. Hmm. He mentioned that he has XP on his PC at home.
Shit. Keep an eye on that guy's internet activity.

 

by niteowl
10-22-03
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sdjkvwe rgw ionqev qrioqewrmqwd qwqwkdmfq
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I love walking on the keyboard when he's making a comic.

 

by niteowl
10-22-03
Welcome to the Game Of Life! Choose A Career Path : College or Get A Job.
I can't believe we're graduating in a couple of days.
Amazing, isn't it?
Get married. Buy a house. Lose all your money in the stock market. Get divorced. Start drinking heavily. Lose your job and your house.
At least I still have my health.
Not for long unless your hand over the beer.
Retire. Or something like that.
I want a do-over God!
No dice. This is payback for moving that extra space to land on "Inherit $50,000"

 

by niteowl
10-25-03
Boy, how much crap do you think gets thrown in here on a daily basis?
Hard to say...
...but we've got another doll from the space exploration exhibit in our fishtank.

 

by niteowl
10-25-03
Wanna try something different tonight?
Sure why not.
Come and stuff my stocking big boy.
I'm made of wood...in more ways than one.
Hmmm. Well?
I think your puppet gave me a rash.

Showing page 4.

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