All comics by ojcme

Profile

 

by ojcme
11-16-06
So I said: "Asian women don't rape themselves!"
HAHA
Seriously, dude. If you get any closer I'm going to call the cops. I'm not fucking joking, you racist, homophobic asshole. Fuck off.

 

by ojcme
11-18-06
Hey, that kid looks pretty nice.
Papa?
Hey there, little girl. You want to ignore that I'm a fat, balding, creepy asshole and get into my van with me?
I'm not 'suposed to talk to strangers.
We won't be strangers soon....

 

by ojcme
11-18-06
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/crabby/374235
So, are we getting married or something now?
Well, you see, the thing is...
http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/crackpanther/374236
What? Your'e going to break up with me?
Look kid, I didn't expect you to actually take a liking to this...I thought you were going to spend the rest of your life as a hopeless blob.
....
Impossible to get off on this.

 

by ojcme
11-18-06
I think we learned something important.
According to this, many women are totally asking for rape, and when it happens, it's because they're total whores.
And that prison sentance is just the government's way of telling you it loves you...in the ass.

 

by ojcme
12-09-06
Okay, Mr. Bush. We're here in Iraq. What's your plan to get out of here?
Get out of here? Are you a liberal fag commie? We're staying!
But all my friends are dead right next to me!
Awww, is Mr.-I'm-Going-To-Let-Hilary- Clinton-Win going to cry?
You know, Mr. Bush, you're kind of a prick.
That's it, I'm assigning to you Operaton: Why the Fuck are We Even Trying Anymore.

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
...And so he reponds with "Hell is other people" which is where the quote comes from.
HAHA! Oh, that Jean Paul Sartre.
Yeah.
I like you, Pete. I'm glad that we had this heart to heart. Any other funny things you want to tell me?
I'm fistfucking your daughter.

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
...is shit.
Hey kid, I'm Cthulhu.
Yeah, I don't care. I'm playing WoW.
My vocal chords are capable of uttering sounds that humans cannot comprehend.
SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CARE? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
Fine, man. You know, if you acted nicely to me, I would've gotten you a couple virgin girls and shit.
No use for 'em. I cut my penis off. It was too distracting from playing WoW.

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
Must...commit...hate crime.
Hey, I gotta talk to you later, there's this prick with a firehose.
Hey man, what's up?
Not much. What's the deal with the firehose.
How rude of me. This is courtesy water from the goverment. They say "You betta watch y'self you damn machination"

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
Man, we've crashed on this desert island.
Yeah, we're lucky to be alive.
So, what do we do to pass the time? I propose that we talk about our favorite literature. I'm a big fan of Derrida.
The postmodernist fuck?
Yeah, you have a problem with that?
It's just a tad pretentious is all.

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
Howdy there, how's it going?
Not bad, man.
Yeah. You know, I woke up today and I suddenly thought, "Why not sell my soul today?"
Ugh, no. Are you retarded from all the times I force fed you led paint?
It's a no go, satan. But we can still be friends, right?
Kid, I like you and all...

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
Wanna come over and play with my PS3?
How the hell did you...
Meth lab.
Okay, so how did you...
I knife hobos in my spare time. Best Buy employees don't have as much of a fight in them.
Oh.

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
So, before we cut this tree down, I'd like to say a few words.
Jesus Christ, this is retarded.
Dear Tree, thank you for this bountiful sacrifice that you are to give to us. We are grateful for this.
What the hell are you talking about? We're going to kill it, and hang shit on it. You're making it sound like it can actually understand what it's doing.
Can't you be happy for one chrstmas?
I just want to decorate the fuck out of this tree already.

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
Okay, we're at the creepy mansion, now what?
Well, you're the slutty girl that dies in the beginning of these things, so we go inside.
But I'm a quantum physicist.
Yeah, one that sleeps around a lot. Look, Carmen Electra can be a Molecular Biologist, but that doesn't stop her from dying in these things.
Guest comic by M Night Shyamalan
So, who are you?
The murderer.

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
Man, I'm tired of trying the high road.
Oh no, don't start getting guttural on me.
Your mom...
No! Do not start this! This isn't the way that we should go.
That's what she....
Christ man, don't you have any shame?

 

by ojcme
12-10-06
Hey there. So...this is the spaceship. Is there any reason why you're holding that gun?
No Gun. It suppository.
Oh christ, you're one of those aliens?
Yes.
Oh well, fuck it. It's the most action I've gotten in the last few years.
Same here.

 

by ojcme
12-16-06
So, it's about Christmas Time, and I'm sure Bill Oreilly is at it again with that, "War on Christmas" shit.
Yeah, he's so informative. I'm glad there's someone like him to look out for my interests.
You're kidding, right? I mean, there is no war on Christmas.
Sure there is, it's because of those Secular Humanists, right?
I'm a secular humanist.

 

by ojcme
12-17-06
So how's it going, Eri-
Don't call me by that name, anymore. My new name is Eden Love.
Christ, you changed your name?
Not exactly, I just encourage the kids I babysit to call me by that name.
They let you handle children?

 

by ojcme
12-22-06
So, anything new since the last itme?
I can't sleep that much anymore.
Why not?
I just keep trying, but I only seem to be able to get one or two hours down.
Maybe you should try relaxing more, stop being so stressed out. Or maybe you have problems that you need to resolve.
Don't worry, I'll handle it.

 

by ojcme
12-23-06
Misconception #1: All liberals eat is lobster and Prime Cut Steak
Not true! Why, just the other day, I spent a mere $200 on sushi.
Misconception #2: We hate america.
Why that's not true at all sir! All I hate are the areas where there are stupid fucking rednecks!
Misconception #3: The jews are coming and they will have sex with your daughter.
We let the blacks do that.

 

by ojcme
12-23-06
What is death but merely a portal to the other side? As we die, our mortal selves leave this plane of existance and we are thrust into another.
Not true. We are only here for a temporary time. Worrying about a next life is less important than worrying about everyday stresses.
But surely one must accept one belief in order to maintain his moral values.
Not so. Secular humanism shows us that even those with no beliefs are still firmly grounded to moral principles.
That may be true, but is it not also true that they are behaving that way based on the moral principles that they were taught as a child by their religious parents?
Shut your goddamn mouth you fucking asshole.

 

by ojcme
12-23-06
I can't believe that you're not religious. Have you ever felt as though there was something missing in your life or anything?
You mean an unidentifiable heap of irrational belief known as a soul? No such thing, my good friend.
How can you say that? There is obviously some guiding force that drives us to make choices. Something that is not repeatable with machinations such as AI constructs.
But that is the brain! All that drives human behavior is a complex set of neural pathways that form a conciousness.
So you agree that there is an unexplainable thing that drives humans. Can we compromise on calling it a soul?
Only if I can call your mother by her true name when I'm fucking her.

 

by ojcme
12-25-06
*Incredibly obvious statement showing blatant homosexuality and some elements of fascism*
*Obviously the writers own perspective in a thinly veiled shell of a two dimensional charcter*
*Punchline way too early, showing the inexperience of the writer and nonmastery of the comic making enviroment*
*An obvious second setup to the final punchline, some broad homosexual setup again*
*Another failed attempt at humor that showcases the writers own homosexuality*
*Flimsy excuse for a coverup of said homosexulity by showcasing desire for one's own mother*

 

by ojcme
12-25-06
You know, vaccines cause autism.
Oh yeah?
Yeah, I totally know this one kid who wasn't autistic before he got a vaccination, but he was acting all weird afterwards.
Yeah, vaccines cause retardation. So, how many vaccines have you gotten in your life?

 

by ojcme
12-29-06
Man, I'm glad I've freed you cow. Now you can live and be free with your people.
Thanks.
Oh my god! You can, like, talk. And you didn't develop cogniciant thinking by injesting meat either!
Actually, I've developed a taste for human.
I blame the farming industry somehow.

 

by ojcme
12-29-06
Well, here we are on this desert island, imaginary friend.
Yeah.
You know, I always wondered what would happen if I tried to take a bite into you. I am a tad famished.
You do realize I'm a figment of your imagination. You made me up to cope with your parents locking you in a basement for your entire childhood.
So, does that mean you taste good or bad?

 

by ojcme
12-29-06
So, why'd you bring me here?
I have to tell you something....I have cancer. I start chemo tomorrow.
Oh shit man, that sucks. Come here, I'll give you a hug.
Thanks. I don't know how I'll pull through. But somehow, I think we can make it together.
Yeah, whatever you need, I'll make sure you get it.

 

by ojcme
12-30-06
HELLO
This is a kid with downs syndrome. It makes them impossible to listen to.
I LIKE MY FEET
The fundmanetalists call them gifts from god. But the only gift they have is that they're extremely easy to get into your bed.
I WET MYSELF
Good, just take your pants off now

 

by ojcme
1-01-07
Concerning objects proposed for study, we ought to investigate what we can clearly and evidently intuit or deduce with certainty, and not what other people have thought or what we ourselves conjecture
That's great, Descartes.
We must read the works of the ancients; for it is an extraordinary advantage to have available the labors of so many men, both in order to recognize what true discoveries have already long since been
Yeah, okay.
made and -also to become aware of what scope is still left for invention in the various disciplines. There is, however; at the same time a great danger that perhaps some contagion of error, contracted
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST STOP TALKING

 

by ojcme
1-02-07
You liked it when Girls Gone Wild used coked-up chicks? You're going to love our heroin junkies version.
How much heron do you need to take your top off.
Just give me any. I shoot it into my chest.
Next up: Genetic nightmares!
Oh god, what kind of freak gets off to this thing?
Quickly deterriorating, they get desperate.
So you're a goat chick, right? I mean, I can't tell. Aw fuck it.
Baa?

 

...You've fucking worn out your soap box.
by ojcme, 1-03-07

 

by ojcme
1-04-07
What the hell are you doing?
Just looking at some stripcreator comics. Holy shit, it's been one year since ojcme started making comics.
What the fuck is an "ojcme"?
I'm guessing some kind of a faggot.

 

by ojcme
1-09-07
Welcome to FedEx. Here at FedEx, quality is important.
Alright.
Oh, and we belive in the graduated workload. You only have to move 800 packages an hour your first week! But after that, we'll yell at you until you move 1049.
Sounds like fun.
If you break a box open, we will yell at you for 5 mintues. It's FedEx regulation.
I can't wait to break everything I see.

 

by ojcme
1-09-07
So, what do you think of out boss?
He's an arrogant ass.
Yeah, I think he looks like a serial killer. You know, the hollowed cheekbones...
He looks like my dad.
I'm sure your dad looks...
Oh don't worry about it, he IS a serial killer.

 

by ojcme
1-10-07
Hey man, what's up?
MI AMIGO! COME OUT BEFORE WORK TO OUR CARS AND WE'LL DRINK SOME BEER MY FRIEND.
Is there any way that you could be more stereotypical?
IT COULD BE TEQUILLA
A big thank you to Choad.
No thanks, I'll drink some malt liquor with the niggers instead.

 

by ojcme
1-14-07
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm reading your comics to try to figure out you psychologically.
You do realize that you're being an overly analytical fucktard, right?
Yes, and furthermore, I suck cocks.
Yes, yes you do.

 

by ojcme
1-28-07
What's going on?
Some annoying spambot gave me a friend request.
She looks hot, and cynical. Looks like they're really reaching out to nerdy lonley people.
Listen to this: "HI! I'm nerdy and cynical, and from what I saw on your profile, you are too!" What a bunch of crap.
Why can't I stop talking like a spambot?

 

by ojcme
2-01-07
So here we are again, back in the throws of religious moralism.
You said it.
The fundamental problem with religion is that there is no connection between being a good person and being religious.
Do you think god has a fat cock?
I hope so.

 

by ojcme
2-01-07
This comic needs more fat cock and less religion speak.
But what about the...
I DEMAND MORE COCK!
How about just one blue ball?
Large, veiny cock or no deal.
How about a puppet suspended by my sheer force of will (and my penis).

 

by ojcme
2-01-07
So, what does the lord say next?
The lord says to rub me up and down in a vigorous motion.
This feels weird...I have to go.
Wait, kid, don't go yet! I haven't finished my sermon.
Damnit, pablo. For the last time, no imitating me.

 

by ojcme
2-11-07
I have tatoos now.
Oh, that's just great. Where are they?
Right behind my ear! Four stars, and when I had longer hair, you wouldn't notice them at all.
Oh that's a great statement. I admire your ability to make irrational judgements that you'll regret later in life.
So, how's your raw meal?
I'm eating a big piece of fucking raw steak when I get home.

 

by ojcme
2-11-07
I love diamonds. There is nothing I love more than jewelry with diamonds.
Yeah, beause diamonds are so fucking precious.
Aren't they beautiful?
Yeah, that's the only reason why they're treasured. You don't see people valuing tungston or any precious metals.
Well, at least it looks better than anything of those.
Diamonds look really good with blood all over them. You know, like in Africa. Cunt.

 

by ojcme
2-12-07
And so he says "The Aristocrats!"
I don't get it.
You see, it's funny because it crosses a lot of lines.
You mean there's something wrong with retard sex?
This would explain all the "white pee" I found on my sister the other day.

 

by ojcme
2-16-07
Hey man, I'm sorry about the fact that we're stuck on this desert island together.
Nah, don't worry bout it man. Hey, let's do portmanteaus!
What are those?
Combining two words to make another one! Get this: Nigerian oil riggers combines into niggers!
Yeah, well, laugh it up all you want, you white asexual cracker.
That one's easy, it's wacker.

 

by ojcme
2-18-07
Ah shit, I need money. I think I'll kidnap some white honkey.
Nah shit, she accidentally got killed! Man, this is going to be bad.
I'm Bruce Willis. Kid, give it up. I know it was you!
Fuck that white cracker.

 

by ojcme
2-19-07
I'm a political leftist and I believe in the rights of the poor and those who cannot afford to defend themselves.
I'm a right winger, and I believe that the corporations should be responsible for things, because they can maintain economic stability while maintaining the status quo.
But shouldn't humans strive for betterment? Shouldn't there be social progress?
All that people ever need to do is strive for self sustainability. If people can make due, then they can make it.
And the poor?
Why do you think it's called "trickle down economics?"

 

by ojcme
3-17-07
Man, I hate wal mart, Mike.
You know, they've been raising the standard of living of poor people.
What about the staff of illegal immigrants that they lock into their stores at night?
Obviously it's the price that we have to pay for such low prices.
Yes, we can always expect low prices from such a great place. They have no plans of world domination at all.
Wal Mart: Always raping everywhere it goes. Always.

 

by ojcme
3-17-07
You know, I hate fundamentalist christians.
I think you have a problem, and your problem is that you hate Christians.
That's not true, some of my-
WHY DO YOU HATE CHRISTIANITY?
Because god hates black people.
Thats because black people were clearly made to be inferior.

 

by ojcme
3-18-07
You know, I think that we should just move into the mountains, and abandon all technology. No TV, no internet, nothing.
I AM TURNING....
INTO.....
JESUS!

 

by ojcme
3-20-07
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Christ, I can't pay attention to anything she is saying.
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
I disagree!
Were you even listening to what I was saying? I was talking about how I know someone whose wife has cancer.
Bitch had it coming.

 

by ojcme
3-21-07
FUCKING JESUS FUCK CHRIST I RETURN TO THIS LAND AND FIND NOTHING BUT THE SWEET SMELL OF FAT OVARIES
Oh jesis, what is the meaning of life?
I AM QUENTIN TARENTINO MOTHERFUCKER, MINUS THE FORHEAD OIL AND YOUR GOOSE IS FUCKED ohshitthejesuspowerup is failing......
blarg im ded
And that's why I hate christians, Mike.
Are you insane or something?

Showing page 4.

« Previous Next »