All comics by AtheistDiary

Profile

 

by AtheistDiary
4-20-04
#1
HA! HA! Axes are SO not metrosexual!
#2
Sorry to wake you so early. I'm from the Church of Religious Consciousness. Would you care to make a donation?
#3
WELL FUCK ME FREDDY!

 

by AtheistDiary
4-20-04
Oh GREAT. Watching National Geographic got me hornier than I thought it would. If I don't fuck someone or something soon, I swear to god I'm gunna --
My dog is dead?

 

by AtheistDiary
4-21-04
Have you ever farted then had a sudden craving for egg salad?
Wait a minute, did you just ...
My dog is dead?

 

by AtheistDiary
4-21-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
Dat'll be fi dolla, prease!

 

by AtheistDiary
4-21-04
Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak!
Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh....
My dog is dead?

 

by AtheistDiary
4-23-04
Dees ar weel goo backgrunds!
Ra! Neece n purty!
Too bad Ateist-san had to go oon pud uz skang ho's over dem.
Rut assent dos ve got anyvey?

 

by AtheistDiary
4-28-04
1
That isn't milk you're drinking.
2
Ya cunts lost. Get o'er it.
3
I guess not everything is big in Texas.

 

by AtheistDiary
4-28-04
Hi, we're from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy ...

 

by AtheistDiary
4-28-04
1
Do you prefer latex or lamb skin?
2
That is such bullshit!
3
I wanna pork you like an animal.

 

by AtheistDiary
4-30-04
This is Midnite. She's currently having trouble with her man.
More like my ball n chain.
She's new to the SC world, so I plan to break her in gently.
I'm not sure I like the sound of that.
Say, did you know that my nick name is the Ass Mas-
Wow! Look at the time!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-02-04
In all seriousness, though, Midnite is my best friend. And not just because she has an anal fetish, too. Though you probably won't see many references to us boinking eachother's brains out.
Why not?
Cause your beaner of a husband might read this and actually get the fact that anyone could fuck better than him.
What did he just say?
Go away, chihuahua breath.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-02-04
You're leaving me for another guy!
No, I'm leaving you because you treat me like shit.
You're distant, you're pissed off all the time, you sleep when you're supposed to be watching the babies, you never help me clean anything up, you spend bill money on your truck, you ...
Wait, it's cause I'm too big and fat, isn't it?
Not in some areas you're not.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-03-04
Mommy, why is daddy always so mad?
Cause I won't let daddy put his thing in my butt ...
Daddy keeps stubbing his toe every time he wakes up.
What 'thing' does daddy have and why would he want to put it in your butt?
Dammit, I forgot she inherited my psychic powers.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-03-04
Dr. Phil's Restraining Order Hearing
Although in retrospect, kidnapping him and chaining him up was a bad idea. But I must admit, it was very theraputic taking a shit in his mouth.
Dcom's Final Closing Comments
And finally, your honor, I think authority figures dressed in black moo-moos look like pussies.
and of course ...
I swear I didn't know he was 4!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-03-04
I will NEVER try anal sex EVER AGAIN! If you even THINK about touching me down there in ANY WAY I swear to christ I'll knock you in the fuckin' chops!
She's cut me off from anal sex forever. What should I do?
Whatcha gotta do is get 'er reeeeeeal drunk. Then when ya got 'er bent over and doin' da doggie, take yer man meat out and accidently slip it in 'er pooper. She'll never know the difference!
Shortly...
"She'll never know the difference!" Great plan, Einstein!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-04-04
Man, this guy's strips suck amoeba testicles. He uses all caps, speaks in kiddie slang, and says "gay" as much as possible. But I can't give him a bad rating cause I'm on his Fav's list. Hmmmmm ......
He said WHAT about my mother?!
[typing] _______________ "Your strips eat more shit than a starving horsefly!!!" _______________ [enter]
eeeeexcellent ...

 

by AtheistDiary
5-04-04
[Bob4u200469] _____________ Hey, hot stuff. wanna get freaky?
[captiveatmidnite] _____________ Come back when you can think of something original to say, pecker lips. _____________ *click*
[StUdbOyRoCks2087] ________________ I'd love to hold you captive anytime.
[captiveatmidnite] _____________ And I'd love to kick you right in the balls, ass nugget. _____________ *click*
[AtheistDiary] _____________ Hey, babe.
<3

 

by AtheistDiary
5-09-04
It's been done before, but I feel the urge to do it again.
Time to take on the critics and give a response.
NOT EVEN CRACK WHORES WANNA FUCK YOU!
Not now, mom.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-09-04
"Glad to see him back"
Sorry. Had to take 5 months off for masturbation purposes.
"dark and bitter, like a good beer-mmyers"
KHAAAAAAN!!!!!!!
"Rated 'R' for "Rear-ending" - Jes_L"
Yes, the Ass Master never passes on making a good butt sex joke.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-09-04
(inside joke)
"Satan is behemothic. -Ivy"
For those who've seen my cock, He salutes you.
"I want him"
Heh, who doesn't? (besides every human female known to man)
"Love him, love him, LOVE him! - MikeyG"
I'd turn gay just to bone MikeyG, but I fear his all mighty crotch crickets.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-09-04
"Great like ice cream after anal sex ( <3 Match)"
Couldn't have said it better myself.
"Apparently he's an athiest"
No, I'm an atheist
"Like me, only without a filter... (UE)"
I suddenly feel like freshly ground coffee.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-09-04
"<3 anal sex. (dcom) (posed)"
Especially with Bridget the midget.
"Boys don't keep diaries! Hee, Hee (boinky33)"
They usually don't have a festering case of ass herpes either, but I guess I'll have to get over that one, too.
"I'm just hoping to drive you crazy."
♫♫ OOH! OOH! Like no one else. OOH! OHH! ♫♫

 

by AtheistDiary
5-09-04
"More interesting than MY diaries... (kitty)"
Yes, but I'm sure your tits are nicer.
"One funny heathen"
Are you coming on to me?
"very funny shit (<3 aus)"
If you think my regular shit is funny, you should see it after I eat tobasco sauce and corn!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-09-04
"Your comics are better than getting killed. (bi)"
Even if it's Gwen Stefani assassinating your man-meat with her steel-grip sphincter of doom?
NEW MESSAGE: ______________ "YoUr CoMikz STILL SuK!"
Happy Mother's Day to you, too, Mom.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-10-04
MORE HONORABLE NINJA!
Oh yeah ... KHAAAAAAAAN!!!!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-12-04
Virginity
Look, we're both virgins, so let's just skip the foreplay, you swallow this roofie, and me and the 5 guys hidden in the closet will get it over with.
Before the Wedding
You knew about my anal fetish, right?
Last Day of ... well ...
I'll bet nothing will happen to my prescious man-meat if I shag this sexy beast!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-15-04
I killed Kenny.
Then did his taxes.
Jew BASTARD.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-16-04
... they were hiding behind the Deep Space 9 exhibit, but she'd had too many Klingon Koctails.
So my mother never could remember who the guy on top of her was that was yelling "MAKE IT SO! MAKE IT SO!"
You BASTARD.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-18-04
Your honor, my clients would like to ban the use of partially hydrogenated vegetable oil in food, citing that it's probably the fastest & cheapest way to save tens of thousands of lives each year.
Probably? So they have no conclusive proof?
We're working on that, sir.
Why not let the American people have the freedom to choose whether they want to eat products with partially hydrogenated vegetable oil instead of forcing them to eat differently?
Why do I always get the logical judges?
Case dismissed!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-20-04
#1
Natural male enhancement MY ASS!
#2
So I put Billy over my knee and gave him the spanking of his life! Of course ya know I think he secretly enjoyed the wiffle ball bat ...
#3
So you took the tampon out and ... what? Sure I'd like a glass of tomato juice!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-23-04
I'm no longer allowed on airplanes cause i stink and stuff. but this loud mouth can though he stink too. what logical irony, huh?
SHARON! THE DOG'S CRAPPED ON THE AIRPLANE AGAIN FLOOR!
oh wait this is supposed to have a background of a airplane, right? ok i need to switch it.
SHARRRRON! I NEED MY DEPENDS! I CRAPPED IN KELLY'S MOUTH AGAIN!
And on a lighter note i think Ozzy secretly masturbates to his family photos.
SHARRRRRRRRRRRON!!!!!!!!! IVE FALLEN AND I CAN'T ... WAIT, WHAT CAN'T I DO? SHARRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOONNNNNN!!!!!!!1

 

by AtheistDiary
5-25-04
Befo' yew ordear I moost tell yew dat we dew not a'zerve Yeer Kind 'ere.
YOU RACIST CRACKA!
You got beat up again? What eez de problem, mon ami?
Deez Americans don't understand dat Yeer Kind is a brand of food dat 'as been banned from our rest'raunt!
merde

 

by AtheistDiary
5-26-04
YOU CAN'T--
HANDLE THE TRUTH!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-30-04
Ma' main problem is this bum is lazy! Ever try to get this cracka's azz motivated? Tha' lazy ass just hangs around all day doin' nothin'!
He just thinks he's SO COOL with his dang wine and surfing trick.
Ah always believed in 'im, but he's too critical of what I like to do.
I must agree ... for the children ...
The tribe has spoken. Jesus has been voted off the island.
You're all SO going to Hell!

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
Temptation Island
Are my lil thong panties kinky enough for you?
Try doing circle jerks out in the middle of the desert with a whore and 12 men. Then we'll talk, babe.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
The Christbournes
SHARRROOOON! I'm tha' prince of fuckin' peace! I dun need teh deal wit' dog crap on da floor!
Oh, Jeezzy, you're so adorable when you're too drugged up to save the lepers.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
On an All New Family Business
I know this is a Seymore Christ movie, but get off your fuckin' high horse! Even *MY* ticker isn't strong enough to film THAT shit!
Are those chicks blowing bubble gum out their assholes?

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
Christ Millionaire
I'm not really a millionaire ...
If he says he's just a lowly carpenter's son, I am SO gunna deck him in the goo-goo's

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
Christ Millionaire (2?)
Deck him in the where??

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
MTV Cribs
YO YO! Welcome to my SWEET pimped out crib! Over here I gotz my special pile a hay. Big ups to mah farmers fo dis gift, yo! And over here ...
What the fuck?

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
The Simple Life
I'm PARIS HILTON and I don't have to do anything I don't want to!
Alright, then why don't you make like your video tape and blow me.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
HAHA! No, no, you're not dying for the sins of man! You just got PUNK'D!
WHAT THE ... ??
*sigh* Another one pissed off Jesus. Right this way, sir.

 

by AtheistDiary
5-31-04
Queer Eye for the Savior
That loin cloth is so not metro-sexual!
If you even think about touching me there, I'll fill your intestines with cricket turds.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-01-04
So I'm fuckin' dis black chick in th' butt when I realise we're outta chitlins & watermelon. So I smack tha bitch with ma big white dick and tell her to go get me some ribs & grape soda!
Yeah, that joke'll go over REAL well at the Apollo.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-03-04
I am the Phantom Critic. I stalk my prey while they sleep peacefully in the night.
While all in Ivytopia slumbers in tranquility, I stalk soundlessly through the world wide web in hopes of finding comedy that is not to my liking so that I may SMASH IT and ruin another person's day!
Sure one could argue that my main purpose in life is to ruin funny people's reputations while being a giant pussy and not placing my name when giving negative feedback ...
Others could argue that I'm a disgruntled n00b that couldn't get laid by a $2.00 crack whore with a festering case of ass herpes. Or maybe ---
Or maybe you just insulted the queen of Ivytopia and you're about to get a golf club shoved so far up your nasal cavity that only the jaws of life could pry it out.
crap.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-03-04
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
*cackle cackle* HAHAHAHAHAHA!! *cackle cackle*
*still rolling* *cackle cackle* HAHAHAHAHA!! *cackle cackle* *****FART***** WEEEEEEE!

 

by AtheistDiary
6-03-04
Four more strips 'til I hit the 250 mark. Hmmmm ...
I could make a bunch of random butt sex jokes as per my usual route ...
Har har, I crack me up.
BUTT that would be very ANAL of me to engage in such ASSinine childish humor.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-03-04
Wow, think of it. The big 2-5-0. How should I celebrate?
I could rejoice with song and dance and much laughter through out the lil' world that is continuously spinning within my brain ...
I could spend the rest of the day giving unto others less fortunate by way of donations and pocket change and giving out my canned goods to the starving ...
I could take a helpless child under my wing, teach them right from wrong, and give them the male role model they never would have without my selfless charity ... or maybe ...
Dat a be fi'e dorrah, pweaze!
Do you take food stamps?

 

by AtheistDiary
6-03-04
I couldn't think of anything ...
so I decided to use all of the characters and props ...
That I've always wanted to use, but could never think of anything witty to use em for ...
Someone please put me outta my misery!

 

by AtheistDiary
6-03-04
Pretty disappointing, ain't it?

Showing page 5.

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