All comics by Bargaintuan

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by Bargaintuan
6-07-03

 

by Bargaintuan
6-07-03
Today we came up with a new game...
Really? What's it about?
We come up with made-up porno movie titles from the title of a real movie.
Stop trying to seduce me.

 

by Bargaintuan
6-08-03
♫ Oh,  I'm Sheik Abdil. Yes, and I say we kill every single infidel. ♫
♫ Well, I've got this technique. It involves some plastique. I duct tape it to my ass, and no, you can't take a peek. ♫
♫ Yes, I know I'll be a martyr some day, at least I hope and pray that I will, but today I am still Sheik Abdil. ♫
F@^k this! I wanna watch Pokémon!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-13-03
♫ Ali, Ali, Ali, get your anthrax here! Ali, Ali, Ali, powdered anthrax here. We've got lots of letters filled with anthrax here! ♫
♫ "Are you afraid? Because you're now dead. Death to America." ♫
♫ Ali, Ali, Ali, get your anthrax here... ♫
Hate is fun!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-14-03
Man, I am so horny! Bring on the whores!
Dude, I don't like the looks of this brothel. I think it's for kids.
What makes you say that?
The amount of semen on the staircase.

 

by Bargaintuan
6-15-03
Dude, I kick ass!
I think you've got an overinflated opinion of yourself.
Ooh, look! There goes Halle Berry!
Really? Where?
HI-YA!
OW!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-15-03
Cool! Jaws is on!
EAT THE BOAT! EAT THE BOAT!
What the f@^k kind of ending is this?!? They killed off the hero!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-16-03

 

by Bargaintuan
6-19-03
Play dead!
Note: don't let your pet watch CNN.
Damn, he's good.

 

by Bargaintuan
6-19-03
THAT IS ONE NICE ASS!
PERVERT!
Sorry about that.
Don't worry. I'm used to it.

 

by Bargaintuan
6-20-03
I'm getting angry!
RARRRR!!!!!!!
(PLOT HOLE)
Glad that's over.

 

by Bargaintuan
6-22-03
Hello?
Hi. I'm here to inform you that you are the winner of ten million dollars from the Publisher's Shafting House.
REALLY? OH, MY GOD! I WON! WOO HOO!!! I'M A MILLIONAIRE!!!
NOW I CAN PAY FOR ALL THOSE MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS!
!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-25-03
So what do you want to do today?
How about we check out the sci-fi convention that's in town this weekend?
I don't know...
We could go to the animé film festival at Castle Cinema...
Let's get naked.
THANK YOU!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-26-03
I've come up with a revolutionary way to make microwaved food taste better!
Really?
Yes, really! All you have to do is leave the food in the microwave for longer than it says on the package!
How much longer?
When it starts glowing, you're almost there!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-26-03
Welcome to Burger Shack. May I take your order?
Sucky sucky, five dolla.
Excuse me?
Me love you long time.
OK... I'm guessing that you don't know much English.
Actually, I do. I just need money to buy a burger.

 

by Bargaintuan
6-28-03
Saddam made me bury nuclear material in my backyard.
Really?
I planted some beans over it, and now I have this giant beanstalk. I climbed it once.
And what did you find?
Jack s#*t. No golden eggs, no golden harp. Nothing. Now all I have to eat is giant beans, and so my anus stays open 24 hours a day!
Yeah, I noticed when you were sitting down you were actually hovering two inches above the seat. Man, did you get gypped!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-30-03
Alex! Natalie! I was just raped by this tentacle! And it was so good! You've got to try it!
Uh, OK!
OK!
Note: I haven't actually seen the film yet.
UHMF! YES! YES!!!
OH, GOD!!! HARDER! HARDER!!!

 

by Bargaintuan
6-30-03
CHARLIE!
CHARLIE!
CHARLIE!
Well, I saw the film this time, but it wasn't interesting enough to make a comic about.
Help, Angels! I'm trapped in a tiny box!

 

by Bargaintuan
7-01-03
I call upon the forces of darkness, and summon forth the demon, Mekitstopalese!
♫ Hello, my baby! Hello, my honey! Hello, my ragtime gal! ♫
*sigh* That'll teach me to download spells off the Web.
♫ Send me a kiss by wire. Baby, my heart's on fire! ♫

 

by Bargaintuan
7-02-03
Hi! You must be Luke. I'm Maura.
Hi, Maura. The name's Lucifer, actually. I know I wasn't what you were expecting.
That's OK.
At least you have a steady job.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-03-03
Carl, this dinner is so romantic!
It gets better. I wrote a poem for you.
Really?
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One. Two. Three. Four...
A few hours later...
"Fourteen thousand, six hundred fifty-two. Fourteen thousand, six hundred fifty-three...

 

by Bargaintuan
7-05-03
I hate these conveyor belt things.
I'll just carefully step on...
F@^k! F@^k! F@^k! F@^k! F@^k! F@^k! F@^k! F@^k!
I think someone's at the door, Mr. J. I'll get it. *bing bing*

 

by Bargaintuan
7-05-03
Welcome to Burger Shake. May I take your order?
I'll have a Double Shakeburger, and a large Burgershake.
Do you want fries with that?
Ah, no.
My ass still hurts from the last time.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-06-03
Where's my food? I've been waiting for half an hour.
It'll be a few minutes yet. It has to warm up.
But don't you keep the food under heat lamps?
Yeah, but we turn them off most of the time to save electricity.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-07-03
Isn't it creepy how we stare out at you?
And there's no escaping it, since we're the default characters.
Are you becoming aroused?
I am.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-08-03
Hello?
Ahem! *PISSSSSSSSS!!!* ♫ La la la! ♫ *PFFFFFFFFFFT!!!* Aaahhhhhhhh! *ZZZZIP!* *FLUSSSSHHH!!!*

 

by Bargaintuan
7-09-03
RARRR!!! TOBOR WILL—
Cornhole me. Yeah, I know.
NO!!! TOBOR IS NOT TIRED CLICHÉ!!!
That's news to me.
TOBOR JUST WANT TO BORROW COMPUTER TO READ TOBOR'S E–MAIL. *sniff*
Sorry, but I'm busy making a comic at Stripcreator. "RARR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!"

 

by Bargaintuan
7-11-03
RARR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!
Here's ya problem. Someone switched this thing to "cornhole"!
Good afternoon, everyone.
Sir, I represent Matt Groening...

 

by Bargaintuan
7-12-03
Based on a actual report on Next@CNN.
I put tiny cameras on the heads of animals to study their behavior.
The cameras only stay on their heads about an hour, though.
So I have a lot of footage of them running away.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-13-03
Wow! That elf chick is hot!
Frosty, my friend, you don't have a chance in Hell...
What?

 

by Bargaintuan
7-16-03
Next we have Tommy Gehrig, who did his class presentation on energy. Tommy?
My presentation is entitled "Energy: Where Does It Come From?"
I am Water. I can crash down in a waterfall, producing energy. I am very wet and willing. Get in your boat and ride the rapids!
I am Fire. I'm totally hot. I can heat you up when you're cold and lonely, baby.
I am the Wind. I can blow you all night long...
THAT'S IT! SHOW'S OVER!

 

by Bargaintuan
7-17-03
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Bertrand, I'm leaving you.
My lawyer will come by in the morning with the papers. And then you'll be able to generate gravitons or whatever else till you're blue in the face! GOOD-BYE!
SLAM!
Well, they ain't.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-18-03
HAHAHA! LOOK AT THE GAY FAGGOT!!!
Dude, that's a double gayative.
If I'm a "gay faggot," I must actually be straight. Right?
Uh, I guess.
Actually, you're kind of cute...

 

by Bargaintuan
7-18-03
ATTENTION! YOUR SOUL IS NOT LOCATED IN YOUR CHIN!
PUTTING A PATCH THERE WILL HAVE NO EFFECT ON IT WHATSOEVER!
THAT IS ALL!

 

by Bargaintuan
7-18-03
ATTENTION: THE DOVE IS NOT A SIGN OF PEACE!
I HAVE IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT IT IS JUST A WHITE PIGEON!
THAT IS ALL!

 

by Bargaintuan
7-19-03
Would you like some orange juice with your breakfast, sir?
I think I'd like some blue juice, please.
Later...
Here you go.
Thanks, but this is just orange juice with food coloring added.
Yes, only the oranges were very depressed before they were squeezed.

 

by Bargaintuan
7-19-03
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't—" What's that?
Huh?
Oh, s#!t! Them rotor turbines are generating gravitons by themselves!

 

by Bargaintuan
7-20-03
One day at the studio...
So I says, "Well, them graviton generators ain't gonna rotor—" Er, what's the line again?
Ha, ha!
TAKE 2...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna gravitate generons by them—" Dammit!
Ha, ha!
TAKE 47...
So, I says, "Them rotory turbans ain't—" Screw it. Can we break for lunch?
Ha, ha!

 

by Bargaintuan
7-22-03
I've been hearing a lot about "breaking the fourth wall", but I have no idea what the fourth wall is or how I should break it.
No one can be told what the fourth wall is. You have to experience it for yourself.
I think I've got it...

 

by Bargaintuan
7-31-03

 

by Bargaintuan
8-01-03
Hi, Professor!
Hello, my young Negro friend! You're just in time to see my new invention—a time machine!
Wow! You mean you can actually travel through time?
Well, not quite. There's still a problem with the chroniton gener—
Hi, Professor!
Hello, my young Negro friend! You're just in time to see my new invention—a time machine!

 

by Bargaintuan
8-03-03
Any ideas yet?
Nope.

 

by Bargaintuan
8-07-03
Damn, it's hot today!
This just isn't right...
I think the roof of my mouth is sweating.

 

by Bargaintuan
8-09-03
Here he is! The King of Pop! The one! The only!
MICHAEL JACKSON!
HEE HEE!
The press was saying I didn't look even human anymore, so I said, "Why fight it?"

 

by Bargaintuan
8-12-03
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
EEE!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I win!

 

by Bargaintuan
8-14-03
RING! RING!
RING! RING!
* sigh *

 

by Bargaintuan
8-16-03
Look! Halley's Comet!
IT'S HEADING RIGHT FOR US!!!
Don't be silly...
That's not Halley's comet!

 

by Bargaintuan
8-16-03
I just made my first untitled comic and somehow, it just feels wrong.

 

by Bargaintuan
8-16-03
I see dead people.
Why are you whispering?
I see dead people.
You already said that.
YOU'RE DEAD, IDIOT!
I see.

 

by Bargaintuan
8-23-03
Hello. I am ä mächi—er, Arnold Schwarzegger.
If I am elected Governör äf California, I prämise nät to raise taxes or cät education.
Now, in the interest äf equal time, it is Gary Coleman's törn to get äp on the soapbox.
I get it. Soapbox. 'Cause I'm short. Very funny. Ha ha.

Showing page 5.

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