All comics by Shadow_Artist

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by Shadow_Artist
5-03-04
Wait a minute. Does this mean you’ve killed Justin Timerberlake?
Goodness me, no!
Did you leave him dying in a pool of his own blood?
Ah, now you see THAT’S a different question altogether...

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-03-04
Any joy in the ‘learning to sing’ department?
Oh yes! I’ve hired one of the greatest voices ever to teach me the singing art. Behold, Sister Maria of Austria!
Sister Maria was just a character I played. My name is Julie Andrews.
She’s taught me a lot about female deer.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-03-04
No, no, no. Tea is to have with jam and bread, not...
I am a Nazi Angel, from the future!
FURY OF THE ANCIENTS!
ARRRGH!
Wow. I didn’t know Sister Maria could do that.
I keep trying to tell you, Sister Maria was just a character – I’m Julie Andrews!

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-03-04
What a day! Teaching that guy is tough. Still, at least now I can have a nice hot shower.
[Undress]
Finally, a moment by myself! Now, where’s that body foam?
Mmmm! This feels...you’re in the shower with me, aren’t you?

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-03-04
A Mr. Andrews rang. He says he wants to see you, something about touching his daughter in the shower?
Righto!
Dude, this is serious. The guy sounds really angry!
It’s cool. I’ll just sing him a song and it will melt his heart of stone, just like the father of those kids Sister Maria taught how to sing.
Later that day...
We need you to identify a badly beaten corpse.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-03-04
So St. Peter, do I get to enter heaven?
Well, let’s check out your profile. Mmm, says here you sexually assaulted Julie Andrews.
Is that a problem?
Yes.
I have pictures.
Enjoy your stay, you magnificent bastard!

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-05-04
Phone call for you, Jesus. It's Judas - he says he wants to apologise.
And that's when I realized I had the superpower to reach through phone lines and strangle people.
Jesus! Come away from that pig!
Sorry mother...

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
Run Lizzy! RAPTORS!

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
Artificial insemination probe discharged.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-07-04
Mom, did you and Dad go out for a long time before you got married and had me?
Yes, we did.
What was your first date with him like?
It was...well, let's just say it was interesting...
*Start Flashback*
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-07-04
So, you’re a Roman God. That’s pretty cool. What are you the God of? War? Love?
Er, no. I am Bacchus, God of Wine and Partying.
Twister was my idea.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-15-04
Hey God. What are you creating there?
Dinosaurs.
Cool. What do they do?
Kill shit.
Oh. Cool.
Yeah.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-18-04
I'm in a bit of a rush. Could you make sure your dad gets these files?
Sure thing!
Wow dad, your business partner is so hot! Say, do you think if I asked nicely, he'd let me have wild horny sex with him?
I'll ask tomorrow, but I wouldn't hold your breath. Jeff is ashamed of his tiny penis. Besides, I think he's a homosexual.
You BASTARD.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-18-04
You missed our last Dungeons and Dragons game! Don't worry though, I let some kid in a white baseball cap play your character.
That's cool. So, what crazy treasure and skills did 'Norman the Barbarian Fishmonger' pick up while I was away?
Can I set myself on fire?
Sure. You scream as your flesh is slowly burnt away. As you die a dwarf runs into your shop and steals all your salmon.
You BASTARD.

 

by Shadow_Artist
6-23-04
So, what's the deal? You don't believe in Robot-Jesus?
I believe he was built, and that he was a very well programmed robot, but he was not our messiah.

 

by Shadow_Artist
7-26-04
I've got a plan to get back at your parents...Put on that sexy clown costume, kid...you know which one.
Oo, my favorite. Then what?
I'm sorry, sir. It appears "Bonkers" the clown cleaned out your bank account, defecated on your carpet, and skipped town with your wife.
AAARRRGGGHHH!!! FUCKING CLOWNS!!!
I told you we'd get caught!
See Will, this is what happens when we listen to your mother.

 

by Shadow_Artist
3-29-05
Here, mate, what do you do when a bird craps on your car? Dump the bitch!
Speaking of dumping, what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his arse!
Toilet humour is shit.

 

by Shadow_Artist
3-30-05
Car, train, plane...no, I think I'll jog today!
A little jogging later...
Bee!
Planet!
...and that's the way the world came to be.

 

by Shadow_Artist
3-30-05
Car, train, plane...no, I think I'll jog today!
A little jogging later...
Bee!
Earth!
...and that's the way the world came to be.

 

by Shadow_Artist
4-01-05
Ground control, this is Major Tom. The test subjects have become giant and perverted - jettison them into space. I need you to...
Sorry, did he just say open the...
You heard the Major, Private! Tom's in control of this mission, and if he wants to give those rabbits some exercise, that's his call.
NO, you idiot! I SAID THE HATCHES!!!

 

by Shadow_Artist
4-04-05
Hey Gerald, how's hell?
I've spent the morning watching unbaptised babies be torn apart by maggots from the inside out.
Hilarious. Anything else?
I stuffed a bunch of clowns into a blender, liquidized them, and poured the gooey contents into a beer keg.
Aint that just a barrel of laughs?

 

by Shadow_Artist
4-04-05
Why so sad, Magical Mr. Oinky?
The sky is not as colourful as my heart.
I will paint the sky for you, my friend.
Make it red, and orange, with a small cube of indestructable black.
And that's why I'm not going to help you.

 

by Shadow_Artist
4-07-05
This is all your fault.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-04-05
Members of the jury...

 

by Shadow_Artist
10-05-05
Mr Sullivan, we would like to offer you a place in the partnership.
I'm going to have to decline - I get seasick.

 

by Shadow_Artist
10-10-05
Hey! Do you want some chocolate?
Is it free?
No, it's Fairtrade!

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-04-06
Okay, Ms Christmas Fairy. Take your time. I want you to look very carefully at this lineup and point out the individual who raped you.
You do her up the ass?
There's another way?

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-04-06
Officer, this is absurd! I would never impale a fairy on my bristling pine trunk! I'm a symbol of holiday cheer! I wouldn't hurt a fly!
Sir, you're raping a star right now.
Baubles.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-04-06
Come on officer, cut me some slack. Sure, I raped her, but Christmas comes but once a year, right!
I said, Christmas CUMS BUTT once a year, right?!
I said...
I find it tragic that, despite man's near boundless capacity for evil, there is still not enough pain in this world with which to make you suffer as you deserve.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-04-06
So what are you going to do to me? I'm evergreen you know - I can last the winter!
We're going to have you raped.
What, that's impossible! I'm a tree. I have no entrance passage way for the depraved invas...oh. I see.
RAAAAR! TOBOR CORNHOLE YOU!
Why are you doing this, Tobor? I'm just a tree.
TOBOR'S DIET. THE DOCTOR SAYS I SHOULD CORNHOLE MORE GREENS.

 

by Shadow_Artist
5-04-06
Getting raped by a Christmas tree - sounds intense.
It was horrible. I'm just glad the bastard got what was coming to him.
Do you want something 'coming' to you? Fancy being filled with some more Christmas cheer?
And that was when she raped me with the remains of the tree that raped her.
Mmmm, no doubt using a chip off the old cock.

 

by Shadow_Artist
7-19-06
If there 'ain't no sunshine when she's gone', then she is most definitely here.
SO WHY CAN'T I SEE HER?

 

by Shadow_Artist
9-06-06
When checking my call records...
That's odd. I don't remember calling Amy.
Who's Amy?

 

by Shadow_Artist
9-06-06
After checking my 'Calls Received' records...
Do I know an Emma McDowny?
Mystery scares me.

 

by Shadow_Artist
9-24-06
Hey, monkey-face! You wouldn't look like such a monkey-face if you took that monkey off your face!
I'm a lemur.

Showing page 5.

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