All comics by four_legged_tripod

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Come on. It's cold out here. Just let us in.
Fine. I'll flip a coin.
Heads we come in, tails we stay out.
Fair enough.
Ah, shit...

 

When you accept the Lord Slater into your life, it will literally change your heart.
You will receive a baboon heart transplant as he did in "Untamed Heart."
On the day of his birth, or Slatermas, we celebrate by getting cheerleaders to kill themselves as he did in "Heathers."
We take a Mecca to Vegas every year to have a bachelor party and kill a hooker as he did in "Very Bad Things."
As I mature in the faith, will I become an elder?
No. You'll slowly vanish into obscurity and hope that one day, someone will make a comic strip about you.

 

Our scripture passage today is from the book of Bale. "And He saith unto the lighting rigger...
"Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lights down, in the middle of a scene? Then why the fuck are you walking right through?
"Ah-da-da-dah, like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any idea about
"hey, it's fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the fucking scene? Give me a fucking answer!"
"And Shane replied, 'I was looking at the light.'" Amen.
Amen.

 

Awww. Look at the little bunny all alone in the wild. Wouldn't you like to come home with me?
Come here dammit! I won't hurt you. Where are you going? No! Wait, don't go there!
You look horrible sweetie. What happened?
I got a wild hare up my ass.

 

As you can see we spent 85% of our entire budget replacing company pencils. An on going investigation has been started...
*crack*
What was that?
Nothing. Do you have a pen?

 

Hey! A puppet show!
That's it kid. Just a little closer.
He dances funny.
Wait for it....
Hey! Spongebob is on!
Damn ADHD!

 

*squawk* Zombies suck!
*squawk* Zombies are dumbasses!
*munch munch munch*

 

Welcome to Religion King where you can have it your way. What can I get you?
I'd like to have virgins whenever I wanted and some more virgins when I die.
Would you like to super size that?
Even more virgins? You bet!
Great! I have two orders of morbidly obese mathletes. Anything else?
No! Wait! That's not what I meant!

 

Your move.
But I can't reach the board.
Then I'll move for you. There. Oh look, I can triple jump you now.
Hey! Not fair!
Maybe you should get longer arms.
Maybe you should come outside so we can play "Tag."

 

Let's play chess. You tell me the move you want to make and I'll move the piece for you.
Fine.
I'm white so I'll move first. Okay. Your move.
Hey! Quit trying to mate me!
We just started. Your king is nowhere near checkmate.
Sorry. I was talking to the jackass behind me.

 

Hey, you're right. She does feel nappy headed!
by four_legged_tripod, 1-12-10

 

It's too cold in our bedroom. Do we have any extra covers?
I think there's a quilt and an afghan blanket in the hall closet.
I guess I'll sleep with the afghan.

 

In local news, Vegas casino mogul, Steve Wynn, poked a hole in a priceless painting making all other painting he passes "Screamers."
Oh no! Get away from me man! I heard what you did to the Picasso!

 

Table for two please.
I'm sorry, but we don't serve your kind here.
What do you mean "your kind"?
Didn't you read the sign out front?
I didn't see a sign that said "Whites Only."
You didn't see the great big sign that read "Cracker Barrel"?

 

I'll give you a dollar if you show me your tits.
That's one more dollar for my college fund.
I've got a fiver here if you rub your ass against my crotch.
That's five more dollars off my student loans.
I'll pay you 20 bucks for each ping pong ball you can shoot out your cootchie.
If x = $20 and y = ping pong balls, how many ping pong balls will it take to have my McCain-Palin tattoo removed?

 

And there's another twenty.
Wow! I've got enough to get part of the McCain tattoo removed.
And another twent- Holy crap! You really shot that one across the room!
Great! And that was my last ping pong ball! Now I'll have "in-Palin" tattooed right below my c-section for the rest of my life!
Hey, look! Someone dropped a red gumball. Score!

 

Do you remember the Wonder Twins and how they could change into things? Well I think I can do that. Watch. Form of a monkey!
Wow! Let me try. Form of your mother's tampon!
That's not what my mom's tampons look like.
And how would you know what she shoves up her snatch?

 

Come on! I need to do it now!
Let me get things started by going down on you.
Oh God, yes! I'm going to explode all over your face!
Mmmm. Mmmm. Oh damn baby!
What the hell was that? Chowder?

 

What are you doing Jones? And what's up with the costume?
I'm dropping acid in the bosses water glass like I did in your coffee this morning. And I'm not wearing a costume. It's just the acid talking.
That's too bad...
I was hoping that jerk had loosened the casual Friday rules.

 

OMG! That test was so ez that I'm not even gonna study 2nite for 2mor's test.
First off, just say "oh my god." It's the same amount of syllables as OMG. Secondly, don't think that I can't read over your head and see your misspelled words.
Look man, that's just the way ppl do it now. Keeps everything short so you can do more in the day.
What are you doing besides jerking off? This is just an excuse so you don't have to learn how to spell.
Get out of the stone age man!
Fine. How about I start with F.U.?

 

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Sorry, dude. Taco Bell, ya know?
by four_legged_tripod, 2-05-10

 

I think I figured out why they put pearls in tampons. It's because clams make pearls and vaginas are sometimes referred to as clams!
Oysters make pearls. Not clams. Your theory sucks.
Well if you ever want to get inside my clam ever again, you'll not argue with my theories.
You know, I was planning on getting you some pearl earrings made by clams for your birthday.

 

I just read online that clams DO make pearls, so my theory about there being pearls in tampons because they call vaginas clams does make sense.
If you think that bit of information is going to make me more likely to buy your pearl ingested tampons, then you're stupider than I thought.

 

This has got to be the best first date I've ever been on.
Me too. What are you thinking right now?
I was wondering, if when we get back to your place, if you would kiss me good night.
Oh.
What are you thinking right now?
I was wondering, if when we get back to my place, if you would suck my dick.

 

Would you quit staring at me? I'm trying to fondle one of the authors of the "recent comics by donors."
Hey! Where'd ya go?
There's no reason for me to be here anymore. Some asshole just clicked the "read this comic" button. Now the list of authors disappeared before I had a chance to fondle anyone.
...I'm still here...

 

Come on over and have a seat.
I can't sit down. My asshole hurts.
Really?
Dennys gave away free Grand Slams all morning yesterday and I laid so many eggs that it feels like I've been ass raped.
About that...

 

Will someone tell the jerk in the ambulance to move out of the way?
Look buddy, I'm just doing my job here!
Is there a problem Frank? If so, I've got an idea of how we can settle this.
Guys? Hello? Can anyone tell me if my wife had the baby yet?

 

Step out of the car!
The only reason you pulled me over was to see if I had any donuts!
I'll call for back up if I have to.
I'll have your badge for this, fatty!
I'll tell your mother.
Come on dad! Don't leave the keys out if you don't want your car jacked.

 

Wait for it...
Wait for it...
Woo hoo! Yeah baby! Nice tits!
I really need to buy some blinds.

 

And this is the room my dad keeps his porn in. I don't think he knows I know about it. Let's go outside.
Hey, what happened to the rest of this bench?
That'll keep 'em out. To think, they put my "Big Butt" mags under my "Hairy Honeys" mags when I left them alphabetically.

 
What can I say? I like a girl with a big thorax.

 

Found the plug in.
Oh, thank God! Quick, plug it in.
*bzzzzzzz*
Tell me again why you don't have a battery powered vibrator.
You know those don't last near enough for me.

 

Do you see it yet Cap'n?
Not yet.
How 'bout now?
Ah, there it is! Land Ho!

 

Just leave the money on the table on your way out. See you next week.
Damn! Now I gotta cross this fucking road again.

 
So you're what you get when you cross a magician with a dinosaur.
Well, that and a sore asshole for my dad. Mom could get pretty kinky with her horns.

 

Billy is so cute. Did you always know you were going to have a boy?
Sure did. Martin was on top when I got pregnant. I guess that explains what happened to your boy.
What are you trying to say?
Your mom likes it from behind!

 

I hate inflation.
The price of a whore is way too high nowadays.
I've been forced to return to my blow-up love doll.

 

No grandpa Ziggy, "limp dick" does not mean that Richard has a broken foot.
by four_legged_tripod, 2-17-10

 

I'm sorry sir. The economy has been so bad we have had to drop from 51 flavors to only two flavors of ice cream.
And what are those flavors?
"Suck" and "ass"?

 

Identity theft? I'm going to need to see some ID.
We could always call your wife down here,
so she can identify my penis.

 

Welcome to the Self Esteem clinic. What can we do for you, shorty?
You can start by douching.
It smells like a fish market from down here.

 

If it's any consolation, this is going to be great for my career.
And if it's any consolation to you,
I'm expecting a reach around the next time you stick your finger in my ass.

 

You have such a beautiful face and your hands are exquisite.
You give purpose to my life and keep me on track.
She's not interested in you that way. Besides, this relationship is just not natural.
Hey! Quit clock blocking me dude!

 

The DOW closed down today... and changed all the locks!
This is why I always invest my money in things that will give me a guaranteed return.
Like massage parlors that offer "happy endings."

 

Sez here, "Your horoscope for today has been censored by the Department of Homeland Security."
I wish we had this kind of technology back in the day so that we could have avoided real disasters.
Like September 11th or the birth of Roise O'Donnell.

 

Welcome to the Highway of Life. Warning: Dead Man's Curve next right.
I don't mind the Dead Man's Curve coming up. As long as there is a sign before it that reads "Slippery When Wet."
Followed by a bunch of Hooters girls playing in a sprinkler.

 

Rock!
Paper!
Scissors!

 

My fellow Americans, a trial run of our free Universal Health Care is under way in Cleveland where they are hosting the 4th annual Furries Convention.
And for the next two people who sign up for our following trail run in Oakland, you will receive a free lucky rabbit's foot.

 

Mayan village 250 AD
I'm done making calendars forever! I got up to 2012 and decided to quit. I have writer's cramp.
Papa, no! You can't just quit on a random year. Just imagine the confusion and chaos it will cause for the people of 2013.
San Diego Comic Con 2013
I better make some more tomorrow.

 

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