All comics by fuzzyman

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by fuzzyman
12-28-01
Damn, but I'm glad Christmas is over. I am totally spent!
Me, too, man!
BBBBRRRRRAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP!!!!!
Whoah-ho-ho-ho!
What the...?
Sorry. Cookie fart.
Medic!

 

by fuzzyman
12-31-01
So I says, "We twa hae paidl't i' the burn, frae morning sun till dine. But seas between us braid hae roar'd, sin auld lang syne."
Ha, ha!
Happy New Year to you, too.

 

by fuzzyman
1-01-02
Hey, Spankling! I'm going to kayak in Wassamassaw! Want to join me? I leave at noon. Oh, and my mum is going. But you can refer to her as "Sister Anna."
Huh? I thought your nun mom had been deified for losing her left tit to the Boob Kook. Let me discuss this with my evil twin.
Wow, Otto, this is a great deal, but I have a gig playing Yoko Ono and Abba songs in Kinikinik.
Aha! Listen, bub, I'll do the show. Let me take my Xanax pill for my PCP addiction. They give me pep!
I can't go. I have aibohphobia.
Fear of palindromes? What does that have to do with anything?

 

by fuzzyman
1-01-02
My name is Pal N. Drome. But you can call me Sidney. I was on vacation in Tulsa and looking for a date.
Tulsa night life: filth, gin, a slut.
No sir! Away! A papaya war is on.
There was no convincing her. I asked my twin brother the surgeon for help. Perhaps I could buy her dinner...
Doc, note I dissent: a fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog.
Somehow I didn't think that idea would work, so I tried wooing her with some fancy Latin talk, instead.
Eros? Sidney, my end is sore!
A slut nixes sex in Tulsa.

 

by fuzzyman
1-02-02
AH THAT WAS A FINE PIECE OF ASS!
Oh my God... my ass!!! Augh!
TOBOR IS HAPPY HE DECIDED TO VACATION IN NORTH CAROLINA! THE ASSES ARE REALLY TIGHT HERE!
Sweet Jesus!
THAT FELT SO GOOD IT OUGHT TO BE ILLEGAL!
*ahem*

 

by fuzzyman
1-02-02
WHAT DO YOU MEAN CORNHOLING IS ILLEGAL?
North Carolina law, son. Sodomy is punishable with up to 10 years in prison and a discretionary fine.
TEN YEARS? BUT... UMM... HE RAPED ME! YES, HE FORCED ME TO CORNHOLE HIM!
Nice try, but I'm still taking you in.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I WAS JUST STANDING HERE AND HE BACKED INTO MY CORNHOLER ASS-FIRST!
Get in the car.

 

by fuzzyman
1-02-02
Hello, Tobor. I'm Mr. Ruprecht, you're state-appointed defense attorney. Now, if you'll tell me exactly--
WHAT'S WITH THE BABY?
Ah, that's part of our defense strategy. The prosecution has a high cuteness factor that we need to balance.
CUTENESS FACTOR?
If the rubber fits you must commit!
Trust me on this.

 

by fuzzyman
1-02-02
Superior Court is now in session!
Your honor, since the defendant is not human and therefore has no rights, I move that he be dismantled and melted down into license plates.
Objection!!!
Yes, Mr. Ruprecht?
*sigh*
On Stardate 42523.7, Captain Picard clearly demonstrated Data's sentience to a Federation tribunal!
I see. Prosecution?
Defense counsel is a total geek. However, by his logic, the defendant is totally responsible for his own actions. We ask for 10 years and a fine of $1,000,000.
Gaaa!!

 

by fuzzyman
1-03-02
Go ahead, Tobor... just like we practiced.
YOUR HONOR--*ahem* Your Honor! May I make a statement?
Go ahead Mr. Tobor.
Now's your chance! Go for it!
It is true that I have cornholed many fleshlings... but I see now the error of my ways! I promise to be a good robot!
I see. Anything else?
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW!!
The prosecution laughs heartily, Your Honor.

 

by fuzzyman
1-03-02
TEN YEARS...
Sorry, Tobor. I did my best. At least the judge didn't levy a fine.
TOBOR HAS NO MONEY, JUST GOOD LOOKS.
Well, if there is anything I can do for you...
MAYBE TOBOR CAN CORNHOLE YOU BEFORE HE GOES IN THE POKEY?
Whups! I'd love to stay and chat but the baby's diaper needs changing...

 

by fuzzyman
1-03-02
Howdy, feller! I'm Pete. I guess you and me are cellmates! What's your name?
...TOBOR...
Well, that's a right funny name. You got a nice voice. Maybe you can join the prison glee club. All the popular guys are in the prison glee club.
...SIGH...
Of course, you would be popular in a totally different way if it weren't for that big ball and chain tied around your giant, telescoping phallus...
...GROAN...

 

by fuzzyman
1-04-02
So let me get this straight. You were designed by Richard Gere to be a PrisonBot, keeping inmates subdued by cornholing them.
MORE OR LESS CORRECT, YES.
But you escaped Richard Gere's grasp, and now you've been imprisoned for sodomizing people?
YES. IT REMINDS TOBOR OF HAVING A BLACK FLY IN HIS CHARDONNAY.
Isn't it ironic!
NO, IT JUST SUCKS.

 

by fuzzyman
1-04-02
Required Prison Shower Scene...
RUB A DUB DUB...
Oh my! I dropped my soap! Could you pick it up for me?
CERTAINLY...
Ah, stay right there! You're gonna be Big Bubba's girlfriend, now! OW!!! WHAT THE HELL? YOU HAVE NO ANUS!!!
IS THAT A PROBLEM?
Goddamn, I stubbed myself!

 

by fuzzyman
1-04-02
*SIGH* TOBOR CAN NOT CORNHOLE ANYONE WHILE THIS BALL AND CHAIN ARE ATTACHED TO HIS CORNHOLER.
Hey, little buddy, don't be blue! I'm Jeremiah T. Fogg, an amiable inmate who is wise beyond his years. I can help you! Ask me any question!
TOBOR DOES HAVE ONE QUESTION...
Shoot!
WHY DO THEY LET YOU DRESS LIKE THAT IN PRISON?
Don't be disrespecting the threads!

 

by fuzzyman
1-04-02
So my thought is this: Don't think of that ball and chain on your giant electric phallus as an impediment. Think of it as the world's biggest french tickler!
Ha, ha!
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by fuzzyman
1-04-02
This morning I got out of bed, ambled down the stairs, and took my allergy pill. Only it wasn't my allergy pill, it was our cat's thyroid pill.
Oh my!
I immediately started puking. There must be a coating on it that induces vomiting in humans. I called the vet and he said the pill is harmless to me.
Well, that is good!
Meow.

 

by fuzzyman
1-06-02
EXCUSE TOBOR... HE DROPPED THE SOAP. COULD YOU PICK IT UP, PLEASE?
Uh... sure.
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW WITH HIS FRENCH TICKLER!
Aiieeee!!!
OOPS. ME BAD.
You bad? You dangerous!

 

by fuzzyman
1-06-02
Tobor, do you know why I'm here?
BECAUSE TOBOR KILLED A FELLOW INMATE?
And killing inmates is bad because...?
Well?
NOT A CLUE.

 

by fuzzyman
1-06-02
Tobor, you just can't kill fellow inmates. The judge will add thirty years to your sentence unless you show some sign of remorse!
BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! BESIDES, TOBOR DID THE PRISON SYSTEM A FAVOIR!
A favor? How?
BIG BUBBA WAS SERVING A LIFE SENTENCE. NOW HE IS DEAD SO THE STATE NO LONGER MUST FEED AND CLOTHE HIM. THEY OWE TOBOR!
Tobor! That's sick!
MAYBE SICK BUT POTENTIALLY VERY LUCRATIVE. COULD YOU DROP THIS BILL OFF WITH THE WARDEN ON YOUR WAY OUT?

 

by fuzzyman
1-07-02
YOU WANTED TO SEE TOBOR, MR. WARDEN?
Yes, Tobor. I understand you accidentally killed another inmate with your electronic phallus. Most unfortunate!
IT WAS THE... BALL... AND... CHAIN...
Is something bothering you, Tobor?
MR. WARDEN... YOUR OFFICE HAS A BED AND YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY PANTS.
Ah, you noticed!

 

by fuzzyman
1-07-02
So, Tobor... let's say we removed that ball and chain from your cornholder. Would you be... grateful?
OF COURSE!
And if we decided to forget about that little inmate-killing incident. Would you be... appreciative?
VERY APPRECIATIVE! WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING AT?
The question, dear Tobor, is what will YOU be driving at?
WARDEN WANTS TO BE MY BUTT BOY! WHEE!

 

by fuzzyman
1-07-02
Tobor? Was it good for you?
DO YOU CARE?
Not really.
IN THAT CASE, IT SUCKED.

 

by fuzzyman
1-08-02
Hey, Tobor! Your ball and chain are gone! Have you been sprung?
NO, THE WARDEN IS GIVING TOBOR HIS OWN PRIVATE CELL!
Private cell? There ain't no private cells here!
DOWN THE HALL JUST PAST THE WEIGHT ROOM.
That's the auto shop! Ain't nothing in there but tailpipes and grease spots!
*SIGH* ALL THE COMFORTS OF HOME...

 

by fuzzyman
1-08-02
Tobor!
RICHARD GERE? TOBOR'S CREATOR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
You're in jail! I came as soon as I heard!
TOBOR HAS BEEN IN JAIL FOR WEEKS! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
No, no, you misunderstand me. The thought of you in jail gave me an instant orgasm.
MUST REMOVE THIS PICTURE FROM TOBOR'S MEMORY BANKS...

 

by fuzzyman
1-08-02
Seriously, Tobor, when I heard you were in prison I headed to see you without delay!
REALLY?
Yes!
TRULY?
Well, I did go back for seconds on the cavity search at the guard post.
AHA!

 

by fuzzyman
1-08-02
DO WHY ARE YOU HERE, RICHARD GERE?
I came to break you out! I brought you something to help.
WHAT? HOW DID YOU SNEAK IT PAST THE GUARDS?
Here, I'll show you...
A CLAVICLE?
Shhh! It's great for digging. Just bring it back to me when you're done.

 

by fuzzyman
1-08-02
Hey, there, Tobor! Rumor has it that you're planning a jail break!
SIMPLY RUMOR, NOT A SHRED OF TRUTH TO IT.
Yeah, I figured it wasn't true... Saaaaaay, that's quite the hole you're digging there!
YES, VERY BUSY. PLEASE LEAVE.
Hey, is that a clavicle?
PLEASE LEAVE *NOW*!!!

 

by fuzzyman
1-08-02
*YAWN*
I hear that you're planning to break outta this joint! Now, you're gonna bring your buddy Jeremiah T. Fogg along, aren't you? We'd make a great team, you and I!
TOBOR DOESN'T THINK SO. YOUR JACKET CLASHES WITH TOBOR'S EYES.
Hey, what do you mean? My jacket is yellow and so are your eyes!
NO, NO, YOU MISUNDERSTAND. TOBOR MEANS THAT YOUR JACKET IS DIFFICULT TO LOOK AT.
Man, are you dissing the treads again? Shee!

 

by fuzzyman
1-09-02
YOU ARE A STRANGE LOOKING THING! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN PRISON?
im a mad rappist! are yuo afriad of me!!!
A RAPPIST? I DIDN'T KNOW RAP MUSIC WAS ILLEGAL.
no no im a rappist!!! a RAPPIST!! im giong to rapp yuo!!!!!
GIONG? IS THAT CHINESE? WHAT THE FUCK?
exactyl!

 

by fuzzyman
1-09-02
Hey, bro! Why did you stop digging your tunnel?
TOBOR HIT CONCRETE. NO WAY OUT.
Aw, man! There's no way you're gonna dig through concrete!
TOBOR WOULD NEED A JACKHAMMER, OR SOME TYPE OF LONG, HYDRAULIC THRUSTING DEVICE.
Hmmm.
HMMMM.

 

by fuzzyman
1-09-02
How's it going down there? What's taking so long? Shee!
TOBOR IS NOT SUFFICIENTLY AROUSED FOR HIS CONRHOLER TO THRUST AT JACKHAMMER SPEEDS.
Well what do you want me to do about it?
TALK DIRTY TO TOBOR.
Say WHAT?
SPEAK TO TOBOR OF SWEET CORNHOLINGS!

 

by fuzzyman
1-09-02
*ahem* My ass is very tight! Oh yes! You can barely squeeze your cornholer in! Yah, take me now, Tobor man! Shee!
RRRUMMBBLLEE!!!!
Yeah, slide it right in! That's it! I got a tight little ass and I want all that you can give me! Put it in there! Do me, baby! I like it nice and hard like that!
*ahem*
Warden! Uh... Hi!
Now I have someplace to put this bottle!

 

by fuzzyman
1-09-02
Tobor, what was that tunnel for? Were you trying to escape? And what about all that concrete dust on your cornholer?
TOBOR? ESCAPE? GOODNESS, NO! THE CONCRETE DUST IS FOR... A MUDPACK! YES, IT KEEPS TOBOR'S SKIN NICE AND SUPPLE!
I've had that thing in my ass, and I can tell you that there's nothing supple about it!
SUPPLE? DID TOBOR SAY SUPPLE? HE MEANT SUBTLE.
Yeah, well, there's nothing subtle about it either.
OR THIS COMIC SERIES, COME TO THINK OF IT.

 

by fuzzyman
1-09-02
Well, it doesn't matter if you were trying to escape. I was coming to release you, anyway.
YOU ARE RELEASING TOBOR! YAY! BUT WHY SO SOON?
Well, your lawyer figured out that Robot years work the same way as dog years. So, in Robot years, your ten year sentence is complete.
HOW LONG DID TOBOR HAVE TO STAY HERE TO SERVE HIS TEN YEAR SENTENCE?
In human years? Oh, about three minutes.
GAAAAA!!!!

 

by fuzzyman
1-09-02
GABE! TOBOR IS BACK FROM PRISON!
TOBOR HAS A NEW GAME FOR US TO PLAY, GABE!
NOW, PICK THIS BAR OF SOAP UP OFF THE FLOOR...

 

by fuzzyman
1-10-02
HEY, GABE. TOBOR NEEDS YOUR INPUT ON SOMETHING. TOBOR IS THINKING OF BECOMING A VEGAN.
A vegan? That's great! It's very healthy!
REALLY? HMMM. YES, TOBOR SUPPOSES THAT IT WOULD BE HARDER TO CATCH SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES.
I don't understand how being a vegan could prevent STDs, Tobor.
YOU WILL.
Hey! Who poked a big hole in my canteloupe?

 

by fuzzyman
1-10-02
Hey, Tobor. Is Gabe around?
NO, CRABBY. HE WENT SHOPPING OR SOMETHING.
Ah, well. It wasn't important.
WELL, WHILE YOU'RE HERE, YOU COULD... HELP TOBOR OUT.
How many times do I have to say it? I DO NOT SUCK DICK!
YES, BUT YOU NEVER SAID THAT YOU DON'T TAKE IT UP THE ASS.

 

by fuzzyman
1-11-02
Now the two angels came to Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gate of Sodom. When Lot saw them, he rose to meet them, and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground.
The men of Sodom, both old and young, surrounded the house. And they called to Lot and said to him, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us that we may know them carnally."
Lot said to them, "Please, my brethren, do not do so wickedly! See now, I have two daughters who have not known a man; please, let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them as you wish."
TOBOR LOVES THE RELIGION CHANNEL!

 

by fuzzyman
1-11-02
You poor creature! Why do you have feet for ears?
Don't you know?
No, should I?
Think about it.
You're my arch enemy.
And beautiful arches, they are!

 

by fuzzyman
1-15-02
So I says, "Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
KER-TRANSFORM!!
Decepticons!
TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOUR WORLD!!
Moh!

 

by fuzzyman
1-19-02
"Frodo? Are you there?"
"Yes, Gandalf. Quickly, bend over!"
"Put it in my ass, Frodo!"
Dammit, Tobor! I wanted to see Lord of the Rings. What IS this movie?
LORD OF THE COCKRINGS. NOW SHUT UP, THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART.

 

by fuzzyman
1-19-02
Good afternoon, young man! Jeremiah T. Fogg is the name, and fashion consulting is my game! I must say, green is not your color!
*snicker* Oh, that means a lot coming from you. Asshole.
I say, Miss! A yellow tiger-print blouse would really highlight your eyes!
Get lost, you freak!
But, Officer! How can you write me a ticket when I'm not driving?
I'm with the Fashion Police, and that outfit is a crime against humanity.

 

by fuzzyman
1-19-02
Death! I'm glad you stopped into my shop! Jeremiah T. Fogg knows when someone needs a fashion makeover, and you, sir, are ready for one!
Yeah, well, you know, it's time for a change. The basic brown robe is so... boring.
Indeed, indeed! Well, leave it to me! You'll be looking splendiforous in no time! Why, people will welcome Death and say, "Wasn't he a sharp dresser?"
Now don't do anything too radical. I'm still have to strike fear into people's hearts, you know.
Later...
Well, what do you think?
I hate you.

 

by fuzzyman
1-20-02
So I says, "Them rotor-turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha, ha!
Buy the amazing wireless X-10 Cam! Use it anywhere to see naked chicks! That's what you want, isn't it? Naked chicks! Comone, guy... you know you want it! Buy an X-10 Cam today!
Hmmm... What's that thing in the corner?
Hey! It's Bob's X-10 Cam! Quick, let's undress and put on a lesbian love show for him!
Goddamn X-10 pop-up ads!

 

by fuzzyman
1-20-02
Jeremiah T. Fogg, Fashion Consultant at your service!
They say that gray is the new black this season, but I want something more expressive.
Indeed! I forsee swashes of color in your future!
Color is good!
Later...
Don't listen to what they say. Black is the new black!
Do I look good? Get me a mirror!

 

by fuzzyman
1-20-02
Bill Gates! What can Jeremiah T. Fogg do for you?
I'm tired of looking like a geek! I know that I have no fashion sense. I need your help!
You certainly do! I have never seen a case as hopeless as you! This will be a real challenge!
Cost is no object! Make me a stud!
Later...
Man, I'm sorry. You're hopeless.
Shit.

 

by fuzzyman
1-20-02
So you want a fashion makeover? Jeremiah T. Fogg is your man!
Yeah, I'm a Metal kinda dude, but my look is early '90s Grunge. I need a change!
Well, yes, I can see that! I plaid shirt hardly speaks Metal! I have just the thing!
I want to be Metal, but chicks gotta dig me, too. Got it?
Later...
You wanted Metal? You got Metal, my man!
But will chicks dig me?

 

by fuzzyman
1-21-02
If lots of spanking...
...is your mission...
Just pinch my nips...
...for true submission!
Burma Slave!
That's Burma SHAVE, worm!

 

by fuzzyman
1-21-02
If the cost of burial...
...makes you pensive...
...get buried in Burma...
...It's less expensive!
Burma Grave!
Moh!

 

by fuzzyman
1-21-02
At the game...
...sit up and down...
...raise your arms...
Act like a clown!
Burma Wave!
Moh!

Showing page 5.

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