All comics by ArtemisStrong

Profile

 

by ArtemisStrong
3-05-05
Oh man, you shoulda' been on the route yesterday! I had just blown over a speed bump and this crazy bitch started throwing her hands up and- wait, were you doing deliveries with me yesterday?
Yah, remember? You ran over me with the truck, severing my spinal cord.
OH! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeh-yeh! So anyways, this crazy bitch, she's all like "Look out!" and "You're gonna' hit him!" and "Oh my GOD!" and "For the love of Christ, STOP!" 'n shit. Hah! Dumb bitch.

 

by ArtemisStrong
3-16-05
So you sure this refurbished 'bot will make a good Robo-Mom ©? I mean, wasn't it a Cyber-Whore © before?
Don't worry. The neural net is authentic "Good Housekeeping", the body remains... nimble. It'll be like having Barbara Billingsley making your dinner and Tura Satana fucking you senseless. Win-Win!
Son! Come downstairs for dinner and meet yer new mom! (Man, she cooks, too! This'll be great!)
Now young man, you be -BZZZR!- good and eat all your -CLKWRRR- vegetables, or you wont get any -FZZWRRP- blowjob after dinner, understood? -ZZ-ZZ-ZST-

 

by ArtemisStrong
3-25-05
Hey, why'd the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was just an aspect of the road on a select portion of the space-time string.
No! It wanted to- ah- get- nevermind.
It's 1979, I am still two-dimensional. Zippy walks in and exclaims "I'm so glad it's 1969!" I understand him completely.
You flunk.

 

by ArtemisStrong
4-06-05
Are you okay there, sonny? You're still worrying about yer mom, aintcha'?
Your dad can find a new mom.
Yeah, I guess your ri-
I didn't say stop sucking.

 

by ArtemisStrong
4-06-05
Grrr...
Come on, Jessica Alba, call already!
She aint gonna', man.
Shut up! (Stupid floor.)

 

by ArtemisStrong
4-06-05
YOU WORTHLESS HUMAN WASTE! THE WORLD IS CRUMBLING AROUND US AND YET YOU STILL STUFF YOUR BAGGY FACE!
But it's Steakum© !
Steakum© is no match for RAW FEMALE BRAIN MATTER!
You wouldn't say that if you knew my ex-girlfriend.

 

by ArtemisStrong
4-26-05
This game sucks.

 

This date sucks.
by ArtemisStrong, 4-26-05

 

Santa totally shit his pants!
by ArtemisStrong, 4-26-05

 

by ArtemisStrong
4-26-05
Brad tries that thing which is called "scuba-diving"...
The sound down here is too "wet".
GOD, REMIX MY VACATION!

 

by ArtemisStrong
4-27-05
I'm not feeling very "enlightened".
You haven't even "stepped into the temple" yet!
Honey, is our role-playing getting a bit too... perplexing?
A present participle? Don't get kinky on me.

 

Now do you believe me?
Son of God or not, I'm still not sleeping with you.
by ArtemisStrong, 5-29-05

 

I shoulda fucked that girl from two years ago.
by ArtemisStrong, 6-25-05

 

by ArtemisStrong
7-21-05
Now, I don't care what someone does in the privacy of their own homes, BUT- I think the legions of AIDS infected queer cocksuckers should be transported to an island, and then have that island nuked.
But don't get me wrong, one of my best friends has a distant relative who dreamt about meeting a gay person before. So, y'see, I'm allowed to say that.

 

by ArtemisStrong
8-04-05
Department Store Security Swing Shift. So boring. I'd rather be home watching a movie. Between work and drinking, I haven't had time to see a good film in months.
Yah, I think last movie I seen was two months ago. That "Titans" football thing on DVD. Tho, wont let my kids watch that. Lots of racial slurs. I wont abide my kids seeing that sort- OH SHIT!
What?
Don't you see 'em? Four Mexicans. I'm gonna follow them... I want you ready to call the PD minute one'a them greasy fucks pulls a knife. Prolly have meth on them, too.

 

by ArtemisStrong
8-04-05
... Yah, it was totally serendipitous. Like, the serendipity was just amazing. It's like, having that sandwich today, tasting so good, pure serendipity. I love a good serendipitous burger.
Could you stop continually using words you've never heard of until I've used them. It just makes you sound obtuse.
Fair enough.
'Right then. So what else is goin' on?
OH, y'see the Sales Manager's new projections? Pretty obt-
GAHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

 

by ArtemisStrong
8-06-05
You asked to borrow my bank card for bus money and some beer. Should have been no more than 20, I figured, but you took out 60. Give you an inch, you take a yard.
Ok, yes sweetie, you're right. I was being stupid and greedy. And careless to boot. I'll give it back.
Thank you.
BUT, I do have to correct you-
The analogy would have been more accurate stated as "I give you an inch, you take 0.041666666653966664 of a yard". ... Its's true... What?

 

by ArtemisStrong
8-27-05
You spend more time chatting in "Literatti" than you do playing the damn game. What's going on now?
Dude says, "I be wanting to travel to see the beauty of the world." Sound like a tree-hugger to you?
--Urm-- I assume he wants to see the beauty of the world. But maybe you're right.
I donno. I'm gonna ask him. And if he is a tree-hugging, tofu-eating, PETA supporting lefty faggot-- I'm bootin' his ass.

 

by ArtemisStrong
9-10-05
My co-workers call me "Boy", "Junior", "Kid", "Sonny" and "Young One".
And they've named me "Curly", "Big Guy", "Dinglefritz", "Skippy", "Kiddo" and "Wingnut".
But I've never been called "Blessed Child Of The Holy Sun That Lights The Path Of The True And Bold".
Ok, I've never been called those other things either. I live in a condemned shoe factory ten miles out of town and eat squirrels.

 

by ArtemisStrong
9-26-05
Today on the bus a 14 or 15 year old boy boarded and I thought, "Damn, he's got a cute face." Does that make me gay?
No, Will, it makes you a pederast.
Oh, phew!
I'm relieved because I don't like gay people.

 

by ArtemisStrong
10-02-05
One eternity in the void between the end of one universe and the birth of the next, reality's leftovers talk things over...
Life on Earth... What is the true origin? From whence did we spring?
Pale gods giving nails head.
That doesn't make any... Holy shit, it's beginning again...
Check it.
Oh this is the life. Or at least the start of it.

 

by ArtemisStrong
10-11-05
So, Dev, whatcha dressin' up as this Halloween... A BLACK DUDE? HAHAHAHAHA-HAHAHAHAHA...
Hehehehe-hehehehe...
*Ahem.*

 

by ArtemisStrong
10-12-05
Man, today on my way here - fucking unbelievable - three, THREE, homeless dudes tried asking me for spare change.
Yah, same here! Right after cashing my check today, got hit up twice. I'm all like "You'll just totally spend this on beer to get drunk on."
So, want me to get this round?
Totally.

 

I reject the traditions of fashion, the facism of "cool", and just exist as who I am without regard to the phony standards of appearance...
... and I must say I look hot doing it.
by ArtemisStrong, 10-13-05

 

by ArtemisStrong
10-22-05
Y'know, Harv, I've had to put up with nothin' but bitchin' and moanin' from my last three co-workers. But, spending two days with you, I see you're very quiet. Very. Like completely silent.
It's nice to finally have someone to not talk to at work.

 

by ArtemisStrong
10-31-05
Are those fires you're holding? I can help.
No, these are muffins.
Fires? I can totally do this. I'm on top of it, I'm all ready to help!
These are muffins, not fires.
LOOK AT ME! I MEAN, I'M SO "a firefighter". JUST GIMME A SHOT. I can do good things. I can. I can do good things. Good things. I'm still a good person, I'm still okay. I can do good...
They're muffins.

 

by ArtemisStrong
11-04-05
Stop hitting yourself, Baco, stop hitting yourself, Baco!
Why're you hitting yourself, huh? Why? Why hit yourself, hmm? Do you want Momma to make you feel better? Huh? Momma make everything alright again, babe!
NOOOOOOOO!!!

 

That's it, I'm going home.
by ArtemisStrong, 11-05-05

 

by ArtemisStrong
11-13-05
There are Sentinels incoming! Hit the EP!
Oh shit!
WHOOOSH-OOOOOooooooo....
Whatever you do, Morpheus... DON'T SMILE.

 

by ArtemisStrong
11-27-05
Whatcha doin'?
Fixing my bike. It's all screwed up.
Do you want some ass...
Oh boy, do I! I thought you'd never ask!
...istance? Oh, you do? 'Kay, hand me that lug wrench.
Crap.

 

by ArtemisStrong
11-27-05
What's that you're working on now?
My boss handed me loads of work to take home tonight. Has to be done by 9am. God, this is too much stress.
Sounds like you need a hand...
Nah, s'okay.
...job. Oh, no? I'm gonna' go see if I can catch "Lost".

 

by ArtemisStrong
11-27-05
So, if we're gonna' move in together, I expect you to help out. I'll take it as a sign of your commitment.
Oh, sure babe, no problem. What do you expect from me?
Well it'd be nice if you split half the rent...
Oh, honey, I can do that!
... of my mom's, brother's and aunts' apartments as well as ours. Wow, you are such a sweetheart!
I love you too.

 

by ArtemisStrong
11-27-05
Well, the book I just finished says the roots of our relationship problems stem from miscommunication. It suggests, as a first step, to talk about our unfulfilled fantasies.
Uh-huh. Well, I always wanted to fuck a dirty sock. You?
Well, I've always been shy about it, but I'd really like to get you, me and my friend Melissa involved in a threesome...
SHIT YAH! I'll call her right now!
... Billiards tournament. Oh, you will? Awesome! Lemme grab my stick!
Fuck!

 

by ArtemisStrong
11-27-05
Goddamnit, this relationship is going downhill fast! That's it! I'll do what I can to save this!
Yah... how?
We'll indulge in everything we both want: Hot, passionate all-night ass-sex with my hot cousin and the neighbor's wife and dildoes and creams and whips and lots of blowjobs.
... And?
There's obviously NO pleasing you. I want you to move out!
Ah... nuts.

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-10-05
I finally took your advice and registered like a good patriot.
Excellent, man! So what will you be voting as: Democrat, Republican... Third-party?
Um.
I thought you meant "register as a sex-offender".

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-14-05
Honey, I know this trek through the desert has been rough... little food, miles of walking... but we're almost there, and think of how great we'll feel for having accomplished such a grand endeavor!
Don't ya feel the same w-
Oh.

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-18-05
I think it looks good on you.
That isn't the point. Do NOT cum on my face again, dammit!

 

by ArtemisStrong
12-31-05
So, uh, we need to talk about the, uh, complex web of emotions snagging us in the mire of anxiety and despair?
Yes! I'm so lost and confused. I cant feel anymore, y'know? I'm so desperate to just touch another human. I mean, I embraced two strange men...
Well, I know how it is. I've felt so lost in our relationship, I reach out too. Last week I... this will sound bad... made out with some drunk chick.
... two years ago. YOU SCUMBAG! WHY DON'T YOU GO FIND YOUR "GIRLFRIEND" AND MAKE OUT SOME MORE, PUNK!

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-02-06
____________________________________
I... no speak... the english... Have translation bo¨ok. "May I... stick penis... in... your ass?"
Hehheh! Uhm, I think you need to double-check that one! Hahahaha!
____________________________________
Uhm... yes... okey dokey. Hmmm. Hmmm. A-hmmm. Hmmm.
teehee
____________________________________
Okey dokey, got it! "May I please... stick MY penis in your ass?"

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-03-06
There ya' go. One venti Americano with room!
I said I wanted room, not a three-bedroom townhouse.
Thank you, have a wonderful day!

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-03-06
Can I get one large coffee. Sorry, one VENTI coffee. Please?
It'll be a few minutes, we're brewing right now! I could give you an Americano, it's the same thing!
No it isn't, and you know that.
Cut me a break, will ya?! They got tasers pointed at my balls as we speak!

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-06
Jesus.
Okay, let's get this show on the road.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-06

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-06
What the frunk?
The skin of timespace has a little rupture on it. I was meddling in God's domain. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Ah, I dig. Anyway, can I get a stack of flapjacks and an appl- dang.

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-06
can i touch you?

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-06
Blah.
BO-RING!
Trite.
It's purgatory kid!

 

by ArtemisStrong
1-18-06
They're planning something big here, Li'l Cocksure, I kin smell it. My insectoid senses cry out "NEFARIOUS CONSPIRACY!"---------------------------------------- Something big.
Bigger than Groove Armada's "I See You Baby"?
Well, in the spheres of international pop music- no.
I knew you liked that song!

 

by ArtemisStrong
2-05-06
30 days left and we come to Thailand?
Without heroin.
We could pick some up from Kim Soo.
Ah, Kim Soo. I remember the last time I saw her. So full of life, she was.
Hey, how did that turn out, anyway? Did she get the abortion?

 

by ArtemisStrong
2-07-06
So you have come back to take care of me?
Oh yes, yes. Of course. Let me just go get all the presents and American food I brought with me to make up for all the years I've spent ignoring your existence.
Poor kid. Hope she wont feel bad about me never ever coming back again. But on hindsight it puts the whole "world ending" business in a better light. Okay feets, dont blow the goat on this one!
And I'm running, and I'm running, and I'm- SHIT!
DADDY! Is that a XBOX 360? Can you get me Cartoon Network DVDS? When do I get to go to Disneyworld? Will you pay for my college?

 

by ArtemisStrong
2-07-06
Daddy!
Pappa!
Father!
I somehow feel a small sliver of culpability in the matter at hand.
Abba!
American $$!

Showing page 6.

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