All comics by AtheistDiary

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by AtheistDiary
6-05-04
Did you hear that Reagan died today?
Yeah, I heard. Age 93 with Alzheimer's.
Heh heh ... maybe he forgot how to breath?
HOW MEAN! HOW COULD YOU BE SO DESPICABLE?! YOU, SIR, NEED TO TAKE A SENSITIVY CLASS!
Is that where you measure how sensitive your nipples are when errect?
You sad, sad bastard.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-05-04
If you buy marijuana, YOU MAY BE FUNDING TERRORISM!
Crap.
HONEY! You know that guy we buy from? Jamal? What was that group he's a part of? The Taliban?
The Tabernacle Choir, why?
Ok, well, if he starts sportin' a beard and turbin, we've got problems.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-08-04
F.A.G.G. = Faking Anorexia & Gayness Guy
"Dear F.A.G.G., chicks love gay men, but I'm as straight as they come. You got any tips on how I can get all the hot chicks but still be straight? Signed - Confused"
I'm not really gay, I just pretend to be so I can attract hot babes to have naked slumber parties with. I listen to their crap, I give lots of hugs, then when they're lured in, I bang em.
"F.A.G.G., Your advice helps a lot but how can I feed these chicks my massive man-meat and still maintain the gay myth?"
Roofies. Lots n lots of roofies.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-09-04
F.A.G.G. = Faking Anorexia & Gayness Guy
"Dear F.A.G.G., the best way is to let the chick seduce YOU at a "moment of weakness". That way you can get blown and still pretend to be gay. Signed - A Real Gay Guy"
hmmmmm ... pseudo-sexual validity ... or the thrill of date rape ... ? Tough call, dude.
"Dear F.A.G.G, if I read your advice column, does it mean that I'm gay?Signed - Scared and Fragile"
Dear Fragile, I can fully understand how scared you are, but let me put you at ease ...
Yes, you're a fuckin' queer.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-10-04
"Dear F.A.G.G., is semen high in carbs?" Signed - An Avid Atkin's Activist
Dear Atkin's Activist ... kill yourself.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-10-04
"Dear F.A.G.G., in the last advice you gave, someone was asking about the carb contents of semen. Let me help you out there."
"Semen is very rich in fructose (carbohydrate) which is what the sperm eat to help them swim vigorously. If you're an atkins purist then you'll want to avoid consuming semen." Signed - Jane
Well, I guess you could spit instead of swallow.
But that would be so fuckin' UNAMERICAN!

 

by AtheistDiary
6-12-04
How Stripmaker spends Halloween
Trick or Treat
Here is some bullets. When you load them into a gun, they turn into ammo. For the love of Strip Creator, put it inside your mouth and pull the trigger.
"7 days is a/an candy" ??
Trix or Treax
If only you could take 7 dollars and buy a spell checker.
What the hell is a "Treax" anyway?
Hug me?
Fuck no, turd.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-13-04
Coming up at 7, two black guys move into a rich white neighborhood.
Wacky hijinx ensue!
Then at 8, Dave Chapelle hosts another one of his controversial, yet completely hilarious sketch comedy shows.
Wacky hijinx will definately ensue!
Then at 9, an uncut marathon of the best of Roots!
And coming up tomorrow, 53 hundred more shows depicting how much white people suck.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-13-04
Hey, A.D., where you been lately?
Finishing up 2 new songs for my band, Sarrow'z End, and uploading them to SarrowzEnd.cjb.net
Cool, so Sarrow'z End is kinda like Brad Sucks?
Yup, only more industrial and Sarrow'z End sucks worse than Brad Sucks.
Did that ass nugget just use me for shameless self promotion and not pay me?

 

by AtheistDiary
6-17-04
Trick or Treat
You smell like sweaty leprechaun balls.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-19-04
"Heres the rules!: 1) olny use these 4 people (nex 2 metion metion nex panel)(any pose)"
What the hell does that say up there?
I'm not sure. I lost my 'Fucktard to English' dictionary years ago.
I hear StripMaker's vagina smells like Scooby-Doo.
I'm so ashamed that StripMaker chose me for his lame ass contest templates. Someone please shoot me!
This just in ...
Get a clue, turd breath.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-21-04
The Apprentice
YOU'RE FIRED!â„¢
AAAIIIIEEEEE!!!
heh heh ... he said 'fire'

 

by AtheistDiary
6-21-04
Crossing Over with John Edwards
I'm getting something ... your father's name starts with a 'G'. He's a powerful authoritarian figure and did a lot of big things that effected this world.
Gee, what tipped ya off, Einstein?

 

by AtheistDiary
6-22-04
STOP STOP STOP! Please be a personal savior for my ears and stop singing in that ungodly tone. I've heard better singing from mentally retarded devil worshippers.
American Idol
HOLY CRAP!
Just be glad Kaddar didn't submit a giant buttplug character.

 

by AtheistDiary
6-23-04
FUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUCK
THIS
CONTEST. :)

 

by AtheistDiary
6-23-04
Ok, before we play hide n seek, I have to warn you that whenever I baby sit, I usually get really horny and then transform into-
TOBOR!!! AND THEN I CORNHOLE LITTLE CHILDREN EVERYWHERE WITH MY BIG RED PENIS OF DOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Minutes later
Well...that could've gone better.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-02-04
What the fuck is a 'Soul Calibur'?
It's a kick ass video game where you run around with a green flaming type sword and you bash monsters and fight against vampires in tattered capes!
You're coming on to me, aren't you?
It's times like these I wish I had a light saber.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-02-04
See? I told you this game kicked serious ass!
You got that right, dude! You wanna be lovers?
HUH??
I said you wanna be brothers?
uh ... surrrrre ... just as long as you stay on that side of the room.
Damn.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-02-04
So I'm fuckin' this cunt up the poop schute & her teeth are grindin' so hard you could hear it through the walls. So that's when I said to hell with it & just strangled her so she'd fuckin' shut up!
That's nice, sir. Now what'll you have to drink?
Gimme a fuckin' grasshopper, you stupid whore!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-02-04
Is this a great game or what?
Yeah, too bad I gotta leave soon.
You can't leave, we've almost finished it! Where do you gotta go?
I've got some important business to take care of...
Herpes again?
No, anal worts this time.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-04-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
FUCK! I'm Abe Vigoda!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
Welcome to The State Bar & Grill. My name's LeVon. Would you like to try today's special, $240 worth of pudding?
YES! And I WOULD LIKE TO DIP MY BALLS IN IT!!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
This just in ... Bush has been elected supreme high commander, we're now at war with North Korea, and all because of some blonde haired punk from Ohio. Picture & address shown here.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-06-04
HA HA! Lookit the horse face on that ugly fucking old skanky fag-hag!
*GASP* NOBODY talks to Zelda, Queen of the Gypsies like that! NOBODY!
Boy, are you in for it! She'll probably put a curse on you or something!
Ahh, BALONEY! What could possibly happen?
Oh great. Now I'm R. Kelly's water cooler. Wait a minute, this isn't water! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-06-04
I haven't heard from that President Bush guy in a while. I wonder what he's up to?
Didn't you hear? He and Vice President Cheney have made a secret pact with Satan. How do you think he got to bomb Iraq without being held accountable?
To be continued ...
WHAT?! That two time double crossing redneck! Send out my two best angels to deal with him!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-06-04
And here's the code to unlock the male dancer in the Britney Spears game: up, down, up, down, up, down, and when you see the hole, go in.
And before you even say it, just because I play the Britney Spears game, and know the male dancer code, doesn't mean I'm gay!
Yeah know, not EVERY thought I have is about homosexuality. Geez, I was just thinking that I've got this friend named TOBOR that you really should--
Fin
Wow! Look at the time!
I'll give him a head start while I look for my sterling silver anal beads.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-06-04
On the way to the white house ...
You know what they call a Quarter Pounder in France?
What does it matter? We have no stomachs, lungs, or sex organs, and our only purpose is to kill first born babies and serve the Lord's will.
You really are a fuckin' drag sometimes, ya know that?

 

by AtheistDiary
7-07-04
*gasp*
So what did you think of the Passion of the Christ, Father Tom?
I don't know, my child. I mean with all the violence, and all those gashes on his flesh, and the blood ... so much blood ...
Later that night...
*thwap thwap thwap thwap thwap*

 

by AtheistDiary
7-07-04
In the oval office
DOES JESUS CHRIST LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
What?
Do you speak english?
What?
ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT!?
I think I took that in 4th grade once.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-11-04
Hi, Sheila, what are you doing?
Oh, finishing up the PTA meeting list and then I'm going to take care of coordinating this sunday's church picnic activities.
Sounds like you've got some great ideas in mind for the kiddos!
Oh yes, Susan! Pastor Tom will be reading to the kids this new book I found called "Things Kids Should Know by Grand Dragon Wilson"
Oh my, Sheila! White power!
Indeed!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-12-04
What kind of things does the book say?
Well, for instance, if someone's on fire, before putting them out, make sure they're of the pure white race!
Oh my! That's a useful tip!
And you can save money every year by not giving to the NAACP! Also we can make the race purer if we help build non-white abortion clinics! He's a genius!
Wow, this Grand Dragon Wilson sure knows how to keep his race pure, yet thrifty! Does it have any cooking recipes?
Yes, but they mostly involve spics & jews and that really doesn't sound too appetizing to me.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-12-04
It sounds like a great read, but I haven't heard anything so far that's geared toward children.
Oh there's plenty, trust me! Like this chapter "Bedtime Stories by Grandpa Hitler." And how about this one: "Nursery Rhymes and Poetry for the Inner White Child"?
"There once was a white man from Nergasshole, who liked to do his wife's--"
Oh wait, that's the adult's section...

 

by AtheistDiary
7-12-04
That's great, Sheila! Does it have anything in that book on discipline?
It sure does, Susan. For example: if your child is being bratty, tell him that if he doesn't behave you're going to ship him off to Africa ...
There he will live with Nelson Mandela & spend the rest of his life reading the Quran and making love to black women so he can tarnish the darkies blood line!
Wow, talk about tough love!
You think that's bad, you should read the section on what to do if your child is a Michael Moore fan!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-17-04
Hey, you're wet. Wanna go to a hotel and fuck?
Sure, why not?
OH YES! OH YES! HARDER!! HARDER! DEEPER!! OH GOD YES!!!
All your salty man paste are belong to me!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-17-04
"I'm the man in the box ..."
Um, this isn't a box.
"Burried in my shit ..."
In my WHAT??
"Jesus Christ ... deny your maker."
Asshole.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-17-04
Oh me so horny!
Me love you long time!
What the fuck did you expect? Penny Arcade?

 

by AtheistDiary
7-20-04
The Moon
Guess I'll phone a whore then.
New York City

 

by AtheistDiary
7-23-04
I'm really really really really ...
really really really really really really sad.
*croak*

 

by AtheistDiary
7-23-04
I'm bad ass! I sing for Satan! I can kick anyone's ass. I can seduce any chick I want through the power of Satan!
Satan! Satan! Satan! Satan! Satan!
Fuck I'm short.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-23-04
Yo, bitch, I didn't bump uglies wit you!
And dat brat ain't my kid!
But I'll take him anyway *drool*

 

by AtheistDiary
7-24-04
Don't chase your dreams! Stick to the mundane shit that's safe!
Das right! Take it from us here at TLC! We followed our dreams and look where it got us!
Wouldn't that make you hypocrites?
Shut up before I burn your house down!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-24-04
You're kinky.
I don't like myself.
Let's fuck.
BAAA-AA-AAAH!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-24-04
I like to get really really really really really really really really really really really
really really really really really
really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really
really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really
really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really
(stoned)

 

by AtheistDiary
7-24-04
Hey, James, GREAT NEWS! We're becoming famous by giving everybody our songs for free! We'll be rich in no time, but we'll NEVER sell out!
Yeah-hea!
Ok, here's the deal. We'll make one music video. But we still won't be selling out, ok?
um ... Yeah-hea?
STOP STEALING OUR SONGS!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE OUR FANS! I'LL SUE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU'RE WORTH!!!!!!!
Someone please put me out of my misery before I kill this douche bag.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-24-04
Hi, we're Creed. We sing about Jesus and sound like Stone Temple Pilots and Pearl Jam.
We're very much in love with the Lord and we get drunk off of Nyquil before our shows.
God we're pussies.

 

by AtheistDiary
7-24-04
I'm pissed off about something political.
So what the fuck else is new?

 

by AtheistDiary
7-26-04
Hey, I only have NINE eyes! That's false advertising!

 

by AtheistDiary
7-26-04
Beat me up.
Let's beat eachother up.
I'm you.
You're a nut job.
You blew off a chunk of your skull!
Yes, but I blew up buildings, so everything's fine now. ____________ (Subliminal Cock Flash)

 

by AtheistDiary
7-29-04
MMMMMMMM AH!
Oh my god, I can't believe you just took a crap in Satan's underwear drawer!
Relax. Satan and I always play practical jokes on eachother. Besides, how could he possibly top this one?
I don't know ... Satan's pretty crafty ...

 

by AtheistDiary
7-31-04
Who's Johnny?
:)
Who's Johnny?
You know I love you.
Who's Johnny?
Lady, you're really startin' to freak me the fuck out.

Showing page 6.

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