All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
6-05-05
Your life really does flash before your eyes at terminal velocity when you have 20 seconds to live after having been pushed out of a moving airplane.
Chute doesn't work. I could sure use a beer right now.
I wanna know right now... HOW did you survive a 10,000 foot fall from a moving airplane?
Baa-aaa-aak up chute!

 

by BobRogers
6-07-05
I am not a cajun crab fisherman
And I care because...
I am not a cajun crab fisherman
Too bad. I get off them
I am not a cajun crab fisherman
You are sooo lucky you said that. My cousin Raul is missing.

 

by BobRogers
6-11-05
In the park...
Dave's been advertising for a girlfriend?
Yep.
Any takers yet?
Nope. But there's been a lot of conversation about it.
I wouldn't go out with him even if he lost the horns and the tail AND took a shower!
Can you believe the way he attacked that poor girl online. IMAGINE what he would do in PERSON!

 

by BobRogers
6-11-05
Dave's search for a girlfriend is not going well.
I want a GIRLFRIEND and I want one NOW! or else!
O GOD He's BACK! Bugger off DWEEB!
What was that? Where'd the sun go?
Another girl just turned Dave down and he is not taking it well.

 

by BobRogers
6-11-05
At the movies just before the feature dave had to make a dash for the Men's
Bob is responsible for all my troubles.
He tricks me and yells at me and gives me grief...
Why am I telling my troubles to a Toiletron 6500?

 

by BobRogers
6-12-05
Toiletron 6500 For Dummies
Welcome to the Toiletron 6500, the world's first internet connected personal convienence appliance.
Now, from one central location in the house you can check your email or perform other internet related tasks while...
Why am I getting Instant Messages from TOILETRON 6500?

 

by BobRogers
6-12-05
Toiletron 6500 and the meaning of life...
Dual Core 64 Bit processor, 256 Megabytes of RAM, 160 Gig Hard Drive and broad band Internet ...
$8000 worth of technical wizardry built into me...
and this jackass ALWAYS leaves the seat down!

 

by BobRogers
6-13-05
Comes a knock at Bob's bathroom door...
I am a Toiletron Factory Rep 500.
All Toiletron 10285's have been recalled and will be destroyed.
What? Why?
Possession of Child Pornography.
Dave put you up to this, right?

 

by BobRogers
6-13-05
A Junior Partner from Dewey, Cheetam and Howe arrives...
Let me see if I understand this. Your Toiletron 10285 needs a lawyer?
Yep. Factory Rep was here yesterday to let me know that the model has been recalled.
I hope this doesn't flush my career.
You'll be fine once you get a handle on it. You'll bowl them over.

 

by BobRogers
6-16-05
Meanwhile, in Pleasant Valley...
So, Dave finally scored a date online eh?
Yep. He met my cousin Agnes from Arkansas in a chat room called "desperate Single Losers.
You're kidding, right?
Agnes?
Right back at mah lil yankee lamb!

 

by BobRogers
6-17-05
Sunset in the park brings out the weirdos
You are a friend of Bob's right?
He drops by the bench occasionally, why?
A friend of mine asked me to give him a message. I am supposed to tell him that his comix suck.
You don't know where you are right now, do you, Osama?

 

by BobRogers
6-17-05
Osama! Back so soon? Did you get my message out to that rotten no goodnick Bob
Yeah. but I think you're not going to like the answer.
I'm a rabbit? I'm a RABBIT?? Why the %#$%#@# am I a RABBIT?
I 'm not sure. He said you could seek the answer in the park
I'm hunting wabbits. heheheheheh

 

by BobRogers
6-17-05
Bob, I'm Jason Biggs from Toon News, I understand you have banned Dave from the cartoon strip and changed him into a rabbit. That true?
Absolutely true. He's been pretty uppity lately and I decided that taking ime out to be a rabbit might calm him down. You know what I mean?
How is it possible to banish Dave from a comic strip with his name on it?
The strip has always been as much about the people who know Dave as it has been Dave himself.
One last question. I noticed that U235 Radioactive, The Hunter has returned. How concidental is that to Dave being changed into a rabbit?
Timing, Jason, is everything.

 

by BobRogers
6-18-05
Jason the Roporter gets all the fact...
Jen, from Texas. Good to meet you at last. Dave claims that you and Bob are the same person. How do you respond?
No matter what I say he won't believe me, so, so oh well.
So you are denying Dave's charge that Bob doesn't live in NJ but in fact lives in Texas?
Dave is a moron who wouldn' know a Bob if one bit him on the nose.
Ok... I see. Tell me. Why are you dressed like a Ninja?
I'll be kicking Dave's ass as soon as Bob changes him back from being a rabbit.

 

by BobRogers
6-18-05
I am just trying to sort this out in my mind for purposes of exposition
I am U-235 Radioactive and I am hunting wabbits.
I am Jen from Texas and not Bob.
I am looking for someone to kill.
I am outta here and taking the bench with me.

 

by BobRogers
6-21-05
Definition of stalking...
Hunting Wabbits...
Hunting U235Radioactive, Doc...
That was stupid.
That was stupid.

 

by BobRogers
6-21-05
Discussing Dave...
Dave's blog is an abomination.
Worse than the sewers of Paris for raw effluent content.
He seems to be really angry that your name is not Jen.
No. He's just PO'd about being punk'd 23 straight days in a row.. Maybe we should ease up on him a little.
Nah.
Nah.

 

by BobRogers
6-23-05
Dave reads Bob's blog and hates what he sees...
Bob doesn't know JACK about ROBOTS. He just cut and pasted that stupid blog entry about that stupid ROBOT.
... about that stupid ROBOT.
STUPID Robot?
... and go %$#%@# yourself...
RAAAAR! TOBOR IS GOING TO ENJOY THIS!

 

by BobRogers
6-23-05
On a starry Midwestern evening...
Dave just doesn't get it.
Even when somebody explains it to him, he just stares off into space and makes cursing noises at the air.
TOBOR NOT BELIEVE ANYBODY THAT STUPID!
Take it to the bank, Robot boi!

 

by BobRogers
6-24-05
Dave's brother catches Bob in class.
Dude I came to talk to you about my brother.
Ok. here I am. So talk.
You are making him crazy. He's wandering around the house in his underoos making stranges noises and banging his head on the wall.
Underoos?
Think you can cut him a little slack? He's making the rest of the family nutz.
I suppose I could cut down on the smileys I serendipitously send on his AIM.

 

by BobRogers
6-25-05
Meanwhile, in Hell...
I'm bored.
yeah, me too.
Whaddya wanna do?
Let's mess with Message Board Dave.
I'll photoshop his face onto a dozen pictures. See ya!
I'll start a new blog. It'll be fun. See ya!

 

by BobRogers
6-25-05
Beelzebub notices a staff shortage.
Where's everybody going?
Demons' Holiday
What?
All the demons in Hell are getting projects together to torture Message Board Dave.
Why bother? He'll be in Hell soon enough and you guys can torture him for eternity.
We're making him angry enough to swear. Every time he says @#$@%$, an angel cries. We think angels crying is funny.

 

by BobRogers
6-25-05
God notices a lot of sadness among the Heavenly hosts...
What's the deal? You guys seem to be overly weepy these days...
Can't help it, boss. It just comes in jags, usually around the time that Lightning007 finishes doing his blog, or shortly thereafter.
I'll send somebody down to Earth to investigate.
Meanwhile, you want to put a sock in the crying thing? You're flooding China.
We'll work on it.

 

by BobRogers
6-26-05
The demons' plan is underway...
Jr ner tbvat gb znxr lbhe yvsr n yvivat uryy, Qnir!
That makes no %#$%#^%#$ sense! It &%#$$ looks like %#$%# chicken scratching!
Dark clouds gather as angels weep...
Run for your life!
Huge thunderstorm coming
Near the Great Wall of China...
This is going to be tougher than I thought.

 

by BobRogers
6-26-05
Up on the roof...
Are you ready for some really kinky rooftop sex?
I can't. I'm Lutheran.
OK. How about an insane affair with a bottle of Jack Daniels, a half ounce of marajuana and a goat?
Can't. I'm diabetic, a charter member of D.A.R.E. and allergic to goat hair.
What are you a JDPLVY?
There's no need to get nasty.

 

by BobRogers
6-30-05
Sister Mary is irate once more.
You are an evil person. I do not like you. You "pick on" Dave.
What makes you say I pick on Dave?
You keep your identity a secret, make cartoons about him and make his life. to quote him, "a living hell."
You are confused. Dave and I are "bonding" like those combative cop partners on TV.
You expect me to buy that?
Why not, Sister, It's on sale this week.

 

by BobRogers
7-02-05
Ha!
You're in a good mood today
July 4th is my birthday.
You know that Dave is going to swear that's a lie.
That's what's so funny. He can't tell the difference any more between fact and fantasy.
Fantasy would be Dave having a girlfriend, a job, and a life. Fact is he's a deadhead.

 

by BobRogers
7-02-05
Ever had a toon start off one way...
Dear Blog. July 4th is my birthday, Dave is a loser, the sky is blue and Jen really lives in Texas.
Dear Blog. Bob is an evil psychopath whose name isn't really Bob and who stalks me and makes fun of me
Dear Blog. Even though I like the idea of being in the toon strip, I believe my role as straight man is causing Dave to believe I am his enemy, which is not true. Yet.
Dear Blog. As an AMISH man with a computer I resent all the stereotyping I must endure in this strip. Couldn't I just once get the girl
... and end on a completely different note?
Dear Blog. As President of the United States of America, the buck stops with me. I confess that I raised national gas prices just to piss off JDPLVY
Whew. I gotta watch which postage stamps I lick when I am doing the mail. the Micky mouse ones give me funky dreams.

 

by BobRogers
7-02-05
No blog writer wins a war by cursing everybdy out, throwing furniture and being a complete horse's ass.
He wins the war by making the OTHER blog writer curse everybdy out, throw furniture and behave like a complete horse's ass. Happy July 4th!

 

by BobRogers
7-06-05
Dave prepares to resort to violence
I hear you're the man to see if you wanta buy a gun.
What do you want to do with it?
I want to shoot U235Radioactive.
I have been reading your blog, Dave. Aren't you pretending to be U235Radioactive?
That's a rumor that was started by Bob - if that's his real name.
Looking for Bob..

 

by BobRogers
7-08-05
Ok. I'll play. Who are you supposed to be?
I am JASON! Fear me GREATLY!
Are you sure you are not DAVE pretending to be Jason?
Dave says Bob is Jason and I am pretending to be Dave, pretending to be Bob.
And you think that's not confusing?
Imagine how I feel.

 

by BobRogers
7-09-05
Dave confronts the owner of the B2G Blog...
I've been looking for you Phong, if that's your real name!
Torturing you is great honor, Git San.
My name is NOT GIT! I'll teach you to copy and paste my words you Laotion lunatic...
"Not Git San" fight like girl.
Confucious say, he who throw first punch at unknown enemy get ass kicked.
OW

 

by BobRogers
7-09-05
Meanwhile, back in the dorm...
You look like you just saw a ghost there, kid. What's up with you?
I watched a ninja totally destroy Dave in the park last night at sunset. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder.
What do you care whether Dave gets beat up by a ninja or not?
That's the problem. I spent the whole fight rooting for the ninja.
Slap me for being slow-witted. I still don't see the problem.
We haven't met. I'm Dave's brother, Eric.

 

by BobRogers
7-12-05
In the park...
Dave has invented a new thing.
What would that be?
It's called kamikaze blogging. Basically, he random steps through Blogspot until he finds someone posting in English, then trashes their comments.
Dumb.
He thinks he doesn't have enough enemies. That has to be it.
Or that his middle name really is "stupid."

 

by BobRogers
7-12-05
So who's the new victim?
A young fellow by the name of Tristan Pipo. He lifts weights, hangs with his friends, goes to parties, loves life... Everything Dave can't do.
Is Tristan Pipo his real name?
Sure as my name is Bob.
Is Bob your real name?
Et tu Gargoyle?

 

by BobRogers
7-13-05
The Message Board Dave Double-speak Marathon and pie-eating contest begins. Dave - panel left, translation - panel right.
I quit. From this moment forward I will not put any more entries in my blog. You can't steal what you can't see.
Translation: I have run out of things to say to people whose name I don't know and on topics about which I know nothing.
I will be calling the cops on my stalker, whose name I don't know, whose whereabouts I have no clue about and to whom I have never spoken
Translation: I feel harassed, but I do not think that all the mean and dirty low-down things I do to others harasses anyone else.
Opinion is a subjective thing.
The whole world is wrong and I am right.
Translation: I am too stupid to know I am an idiot.

 

by BobRogers
7-13-05
KPLVY-TV3 news catches up with Bob.
I am here today with Bob, whom Message Board Dave has threatened to shoot. Bob, first of all, is Bob your real name?
Is "man with microphone shoved up his nose" YOUR real name?
Point taken. Can you tell me why Dave has once again decide to whine to Law Enforcement, a tactic that clearly only makes them laugh?
He is getting desperate.The ease with which Tristan's friends disposed of him has alrmed him. He needs to get his self confidence back.
And being arrested for filing false charges will help how?
I never said it was a GOOD plan.

 

by BobRogers
7-13-05
...and he calls me Loretta, and Message Board Troll and Albert and he stalks me by sending me smiley's on AIM...
Heh.
Ha.
ha ha ha
Hahahahahahaha Roflmao!
The urge to kill

 

by BobRogers
7-13-05
Bob has a little quiet time with which to comtemplate the meaning of life.
I like reading Tristan's blog. He has great times and many cool friends.
My blog has Message Board Dave, Loretta and the whole troll population of Pleasant Valley NY.
I don't have enough adventure in my life.

 

by BobRogers
7-13-05
Bob has a visitor...
Dude! Who are you?
I have been sent here by Message Board Dave to kill you.
Put that knife away! Do you want to get arrested? How much is that Gomer paying you anyhow?
Um... $5
Five BUCKS? That's ALL?
His brother spent the rest of Dave's govrnment check on weed.

 

by BobRogers
7-13-05
Introducing Irate...
I am IRATE!
Because Bob is so intractible?
I am IRATE!
Because he has such a high opinion of himself and such a low opinion of Dave?
I am IRATE!
Because the London Bombers were all "Pakis" from Leeds and blew themselves up for no good reason at all? I'm with you, mate.

 

by BobRogers
7-17-05
I am IRATE!
Yeah, I know. Dave has that affect on people.
I AM Irate!
Me too, pal. He blames me for everything.
I am Irate!
You're right. He needs a spell checker and a good dose of common sense.

 

by BobRogers
7-20-05
The duck has a lawyer...
I seriously object to Dave's continuing use of the word "Ducktard." It is an insult to DUCKS and the retarded, two seperate but equal classes.
I'm thinking that'll work. I checked the Labor Law Forum. They answer all sorts of questions with good advice.
I'm being sued by a duck?
By three million ducks, actually. I have a restraining order here that prohibits your use of the word "Ducktard." in anything you write.
You're really Bob, aren't you?
Marvin, actually. I am with the law firm of Dewey, Cheetum and Howe, PA.

 

by BobRogers
7-20-05
New friends - old friends
I am IRATE!
I am Tristan, and I really think you ought to take a pill.
I am Bob
I am Tristan, and I read your blog.
I am Dave. SHUT UP!
I am Tristan, and I need a BEER!

 

by BobRogers
7-20-05
Tristan learns the ropes...
Is it true that you are a stalker and a Ducktard like Dave says?
Um. I wouldn't say DUCKTARD too loudly, Triistan.
Why not?
The walls have ears, my friend...
I'm looking for Tristan...
Try his blog, dude. I am busy rebutting Dave.

 

by BobRogers
7-20-05
Goodbye Jimmy, lad. We loved ye.
Scotty died today.
he was 85 Years old, a war hero and loved by everybody he ever met or knew, plus millions of trekkers who never got a chance to shake his hand.
We're all going to miss him greatly.

 

by BobRogers
7-21-05
Dave gets a visitor in his basement room at home.
I hate you Bob. You are a DUCKTARD, a STALKER and a HACKER!
After 2 years of observing the earth creature Message Board Dave on the Internet, we Metamusians have decided to observe him personally
I hate you Tristan. You are a EGYPTIAN, a BARBER and a CATHOLIC!
Using our powers of invisibility and strong telepathic abilities we will attempt to influence the earth creature's behavior.
Jul nz V glcvat va n pbqr V pnaabg ernq? V ungr abg orvat noyr gb ernq guvf. Qnza lbh OBO!
Oops. Gotta work on that universal translation program

 

by BobRogers
7-22-05
Plato VS Dave...
O curas hominum! O quantum est in rebus inane!
Speak ENGLISH, ya GEEK!
Omnes lagani pistrinae gelate male sapiunt
It's a LIE! My penis is not tiny!
Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim
I hate you, Bob.

 

Dave's standard opening line to all strangers...
I hate Bob worse than I hate smoking, drinking or even fornication!
And you have some misguided belief that I give a rat's az?
by BobRogers, 7-23-05

 

by BobRogers
7-27-05
Dave searches for support in America's Farm Country
Bob is STALKING ME!
I'm a duck what do I care?
Wait a minute aren't you the *snip*ing DUCK that's suing me?
Yep. Do I need a restraining order, or are ya just going to leave quietly?
Bob is STALKING ME!
i'm a GOAT. What do I care?

Showing page 6.

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