All comics by Debaser

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by Debaser
7-07-05
Hell sure is beautiful during summer.
Well... yeah, sure, but... for all of us who spends most of our lives here, it's nothing special
Perhaps... Oh, look! There's Hitler! Or... What is he doing?
Yeah, he's gay nowadays.
And not just a bit!

 

by Debaser
7-08-05
I've gotta get a job.
A job? But you've never worked in your whole life.
Maybe I can become an astronaut...
And you did'nt even complete high school.
... or perhaps an arcopotalogist.
A what?

 

by Debaser
7-08-05
First I want to thank you for doing this. Denise is a lovely kid, but she can be a handfull sometimes.
Don't you worry.
Great. Take anything you want in the fridge. I'll be back by ten.
Allright, bye bye.
Ah, you must be Denise.

 

by Debaser
7-08-05
Okay, Denise, what would you like to do tonight?
You can tell me, don't be shy... do you want to have dinner now?
I'll take that as a yes.

 

by Debaser
7-08-05
When I was talking to your mother earlier, she said that you are pretty wild. I don't understand what she meant at all...
If you just wait here, I'll get you something to eat.
Hi! I'm Denise! What's your name? I'm hungry. I want ice cream. Do you like ice cream? I like ice cream...

 

by Debaser
7-08-05
DENISE! That is NOT a toy!
DENISE! GET DOWN FROM THERE!
Okay, okay! I'll give you an ice cream, just don't piss on the - NOO!!!
NO, DENISE! Do NOT stick a carrot up Kitty's butt!
Uh, that's an, uhh, an, uhh... you see, when a man and a woman falls in love, uhh...
DENISE!! I THINK I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE KITTY ALONE!!!

 

by Debaser
7-08-05
Well? How did it go?
Not good. She peed on the carpet, stuck a carrot in the cat's butt, smashed 2 plates and 1 glass, poured out two jars of peanut butter in your bed...
Uhh...
Oh! And she also found a condome.
Oh my god! What did you do?
I panicked and hit her in the head with a .45

 

by Debaser
7-10-05
I've got a fly in my apartment. It's really annoying me.
A fly?! You're whining about one fuckin' fly?!
Yeah, but...
Every morning I wake up with at least one spider or cockroach in my ass and my closet is like the cockroach hotel, without the dying. And you're whining about one goddam fly?!
CHREEEPTHH!!!
Yeah, I'm lucky to have just one bug in my apartment.

 

by Debaser
7-10-05
You look awful.
Yeah, that fly was buzzing all night long.
Again about the fly! Just kill it already!
Uh... okay, I'll try...
Izzat a fly zwatter buhind yo bzck?
N-no..!

 

by Debaser
7-10-05
There's no chance that the fly in your apartment is as big as you are saying.
I'll introduce you to him.
Uh...
Whazzat?
It's... it's not THAT big... uhh...
Compared to what?

 

by Debaser
7-11-05
(Sigh) Maybe I've just gotta learn to live with that fly in my house.
Yes.
Hi, Fly...
Wllcum home, Bllvzn. Z've done zee dizhes, vacuumed zee apzrtmznt znd kzlled two Jzhova'z witnezzez, zat I zhought wz could have for dznner.
I... I love you!
Tzz-hzz!

 

by Debaser
7-11-05
Hey Belvin! You're gonna love me when you here this...
What?
I went to your apartment with my flame thrower today, and the fly answered the door. To make a long story short... I toasted the muther fucker.
Fly? Fly?!
No... please... WHY, GOD? WHY?!

 

by Debaser
7-11-05
Gayvin? Is that you?
Homer, you dirty old son of a bitch! What are you doing nowadays, you crazy fuck? Hahaha!
I'm a priest.
Uh...
Yup.
A priest! Suck my dick and call me Denise, who would have thought that?

 

by Debaser
7-11-05
Belvin! Remember our old friend Homer, from high-school?
Yes, yes I do.
Hi there, Belvin!
Homer! Good to see you, old chap!
(Whispers) What the fuck, did you know that he's a priest nowadays?
Yes, yes i did.

 

by Debaser
7-11-05
Gayvin and Belvin's going to the movies with their old high-school friend, Homer the priest.
I'm so happy that I'm gonna get to watch a good movie with my old high-school pals!
Yes...
What are we gonna see?
I thought we could see Jesus Christ Superstar, has anyone seen it?
No...
Aw, man! I have, it SUCKS! Can't we see The Exorcist instead?

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Homer, I've got a confession to make.
Okay.
I have'nt told you this before, because I was afraid that you're against it... I am a homo-sexual. Is that okay for you?
Yeah, I just... I knew that you're gay. I was hoping that you would invite me to a ménage à trois with you and your mother...
But, uhh... why the, uhm, Jesus would I...?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN!! You've been... sending me all these signals this week, I thought it was about to... to happen.

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
... so Homer turned out to be a fucking pervert.
Man... did'nt see THAT comin'!
Yeah... uhh...
Well...
He did have an affair with your grandmother when he was 8.
Is it called an affair if one of the, uh, lovers are dead?

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Hello there, Belvin.
Yo, Penis. What up, dog?
I've got a job interview today.
Ha ha ha! A job as what? A hot dog?
No, a teacher. You should'nt joke about being a penis. It hurts my feelings.
Ha ha ha! Which feelings? Orgasms?

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Penis is applying for a job as a teacher.
Well, Penis. You're obviously qualified for this job. Though I would like to ask you a few questions about yourself.
Go ahead.
How would you handle a misbehaving student?
I would send him to directly the principal's office.
See, with "qualified for this job" I meant that you can scare the crap out of them by saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, OR I'LL POP YOU IN THE FACE!!". Now you try it.
Hrrm... Shut up you little... SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BASTARD, OR I'LL POP YOU IN THE FACE!!

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Hello kids! My name is Penis, and I'm your new homeroom-, textile craft- and maths teacher.
PHH... HEE HEE HEE!
SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, OR I'LL POP YOU IN THE FACE!!
- - - !
Good. Everyone that has chosen textile craft for this year will be doing penis mittens during this term.
PPHHHHHHHHH...!

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Gayvin... in this time of uncertainty...
Cut the bullshit and get to the point.
I am thinking about changing religion.
From what to what?
... I don't know.
LET'S DISCOVER YOUR PAST!!

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Belvin, I have found the person that is most likely to know where you come from and the history of your family and stuff.
Great.
Your great grandmother, Ursula!
I have a great grandmother?
She's the only one in your family that is alive and have'nt fled the country.
Aight.

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Ursula?
Belvin, my boy! Is that you?
Yes, it's me... granny... I'm here to hear about my past and my family.
Of course. I will tell you everything about the O'Beary family. "In the beginning, God created heaven and earth..." this will probably take a while, dear.
I'll make us a few sandwiches.
Thank you, dear.

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Belvin's great grandmother is telling him everything about his family...
... and from one of Adam's ribs, God created Eve...
6 hours later...
"No, dear. Café au lait is a creation of Satan" Jesus said to Peter, who told the same thing to Horos, who gave birth to Dimdum, the Habberschlaafen town idiot...
11 hours later... it's starting to get pretty hair-rising...
... and the next day, Atlantis was nothing but one of the Faroe islands - the disgusting one. Anyway... one day we found out that Helmer was, in fact, a woman and that he also was pregnant...

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Belvin has been listening to his great grandmother for 28 hours...
... and one day Holly and Estephan ended up in a 28 person gangbang, it was the biggest one I've ever directed. Anyway, that's where you where created!
And 9 months later I arrived... I've listened to this shit for over 24 hours, and have understood that I have muslims, catholics, jews, orthodox's, shintoists and buddhists in my blood, but what am I?
Yes, dear... I will tell you... you are a... a...
... a...?
Uuuuuuucccchhhh...!

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
Well...?
My great grandmother died just when she was about to tell me what religion I belong to.
Oh, you poor thing...
-sniff-
It must've been an awful experience...
BEU-HEU-HEU!!

 

by Debaser
7-18-05
You'll probably never be able to find out what religion you belong to.
I'll have to burn in Hell for eternity! Waaaaaaaaahh!!
Hey, Gayvin. Hey, Belvin. What's up?
Hi, Penis. Belvin is upset because he don't know what religion he belongs to.
You don't belong to any religion at all, because you have'nt been baptised or something like that. It's up to you to decide what God you want to believe in.
THEN I WILL FORM A NEW RELIGION!!

 

by Debaser
8-31-05
Have you seen my pussy?
Nah, sorry.
Nope...
Thanks anyway...
Have you seen my pussy?
Buy me one and you'll get some!

 

by Debaser
9-09-05
Look, Brad Pitt, there's Satan!
Hey, Satan...
Hmph
What's up between you two?
He invited me over to him for some home-made meatloaf. I described it as a slice of heaven.

 

by Debaser
9-10-05
Oh, hello, Belvin. How are you doing nowadays?
Oh, I'm great, thank you, Raymond! Cleaner than Jesus since 2 months back!
Uh-huh...
Yep. I realised that I've got to stop playing with my life. I had to decide what's best; marijuana or life? And in the end, life is the shit!
You're a bit high, huh, Belvin?
Yes, ma'am...

 

by Debaser
9-15-05
Yuck! This burger tastes like elephant seamen!
...

 

Fred goes from NFL to American Idol...
Eh-bo-ny and ah-woh-reeeeeeeeee!!
What the fuck, Preston! From the stomach, damn it! Sing! SIIIING!!!!!
by Debaser, 10-29-05

 

by Debaser
10-31-05
I was just sayin'...
Go burn in Hell, bitch, go burn in hell...
¡JESUCRISTO! WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT?!
Oh, hello there, Vicente. Gayvin said that he's got a date tonight and he asked me if his after-shave smelled good. "It smells like sour bacon" I said.
I think I may owe him an apology.

 

by Debaser
10-31-05
My place or yours?
No, Belvin, I must say this now...
I've been talking to you for less than 10 minutes, and I am already hating your guts. You are a horrible person. You are repulsive and I don't think that anyone could ever love you.
For the sake of everything, don't ever talk to anybody again. Go away and die, please, go away and die. I will leave you now, don't follow me.
So, what are you doin' next saturday?
This may take a while, so could you please go stand over there?

 

by Debaser
10-31-05
Gayvin, this is my girlfriend, Daisy.
Soon you will be dead.
P-pleasure...
Oscuridad caliente, huh?
Why, yes... Kind of a "The glass is half empty"-type.

 

by Debaser
10-31-05
"Without you, my life would be dark and empty"... no... "You are the light in the end of my tunnel"... no, no, no...
"You light up my night"... NO, DAMMIT!!!!
2 hours later...
What are you up to?
I've written a poem for Daisy!
"Without you, I would like myself and the world I'm in. You are the neverending tunnel of my life!
Oh, Belvin!

 

by Debaser
10-31-05
What the...
Gayvin.
Belvin... You've got to leave The Goth Woman.

 

by Debaser
11-01-05
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . | *KnOcK* *KnOcK*
I be ready for trick'n'treat-day today. Oh, yes I be. Today no little kid shall receive the candy. Oh, no, sir.
Thare! I hear the sound of knockings. Those shitty-fuck kids will not receive the candy.
Tlick ol tleeeat!
Huh-buh... You go alone little girl? But... Allrighty, wait here seconds.
Fudge, why do they send sweet li'l five year-olds on trick or treat. They are simply irresistable...
Yep, I must say I feel kinda bad for this.

 

by Debaser
11-01-05
¡ESTIMADO DIOS! MR. KEITH RICHARDS!! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN EVER!!!!!
Man, why do I always end up stranded on a desert island with some weird piece of meat with a funny accent?
WE CAN BE BEST FRIENDS!!!!
Well... yeah! I'm kinda happy that you're here.
YAY!!!!!!!! SO... WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET A BREAKFAST AT THIS PLACE?!
I know a place.

 

by Debaser
11-01-05
Why, hello there, Belvin!
Dennis!
I've heard that you've experienced a few problems in the earlier years of your adulthood.
You bet!
Ever thought of joining the army?
Yes. In fact, I have. One day I thought "Man, it sure would be sweet to experience hell once before actually moving there". There were two options, and I chose the rooster.

 

by Debaser
11-01-05
I am starting to get tired of this ugly, gray shithole.
Yes. So am I.
Let's go somewhere else! Somewhere hot!
Yeah! Let's go to Hawaii!
Ah, that's better!
Yeah!

 

by Debaser
11-17-05
There's something I've always wanted to ask you, Brad Pitt. Why are you in these comics?
Well... I think... I'm not really following you here, Belvin.
Well... no offense, but... you don't contribute shit to anything.
Yeah, I am fully aware of that, though I'm hot as hell.
Well... no offense, but you are aging.

 

by Debaser
11-21-05
I read something pretty interesting today. One out of five above age 18 are afraid of the dark.
That IS interesting, Gayvin.
Yes. Answer truthfully now, Belvin, are YOU afraid of the dark?
I don't know, Gayvin.
What do you mean "I don't know"?
I have'nt slept with the lights out since 1992.

 

by Debaser
2-01-06
Hey! It's Kurt Cobain! He's alive! Hey, Kurt Cobain, you're alive!
Hey, everyone, Kurt Cobain is here! Hey, Kurt Cobain, where've you been dur-
Sorry to disappoint you, man, but I'm not Kurt Cobain. I'm Jesus.
Oh...

 

by Debaser
2-01-06
Gayvin! Let me present to you, my new friend Jesus Christ of Nazareth!
Hey.
How do you do?
Appearently, he's some kind of religious symbol.
Oh, do you mean as Ozzy Osbourne?

 

by Debaser
2-01-06
So, Jesus, when are your birthday comin' up?
Well... At Christmas Day.
Woah...
That's gotta suck.

 

by Debaser
2-01-06
So anyway, I was just talkin' to Gayvin about how filthy I've been feeling since I missed church last sunday...
Hey... You are christians?
Yeah, of course. God is everything.
But... then how can you NOT know who I am?
What's christianity got to do with YOU, Jesus?
Dude! I am Jesus CHRIST, man!

 

by Debaser
2-01-06
Hey. Where's your friend Jesus? Have'nt seen him in a while.
I really don't get that guy. He is so darn obsessed with himself, I... I really can't stand him.
Huh.
Well...
I mean, who does he think he is? God?

 

by Debaser
2-01-06
I've bought an IKEA-bed, Penis. I'm letting Gayvin put it together. He begged me. "It's just like LEGO", he said. He's in my room putting it together right now.
Yeah, it's kinda like LEGO... Though Gayvin ain't very practical...
Man, this thing looks nothing like a bed... And what the hell is 'hammer'?!
Wanna hear something weird? Once he was going to build a castle out of LEGO, but at some point something went terribly wrong. Instead of a castle, he had constructed Rosie O'Donnell.

 

by Debaser
2-22-06
The winter olympics, huh...
Yeah...
Have you noticed that all Austrian athletes' names sounds like something you would name your penis?
What? No, I haven't. Though I'm not very interested in sports.
Oh, okay...
If you excuse me, I'm gonna go wag my Dorfmeister.

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