All comics by Screendummie

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by Screendummie
7-05-05
Jeez, I never knew "War of the Worlds" could be so sappy.
Whats sappy about it? I mean Tom Cruise was inside an alien anus.
Yeah, I know you want him in your anus, but that's besides the point.
How tragic. What's sappy then?
I mean Tom's son managed to survive the death ray and magically made it back to Boston.
Yeah, I was kinda hoping that the bratty daughter would've been eaten by the anus too.

 

by Screendummie
7-06-05
You again!
Yeah, its me, Bill Clinton.
You're the one trying to steal my friend!
Steal? Huck huck huck. He is a funny guy.
You don't belong here! Go back to where you belong!
Listen, man. I'm just a guy from Hope.

 

by Screendummie
7-06-05
I heard you had a run in with my buddy.
Yeah, I think he's jealous.
What's there to be jealous about?
How would I know. By the way, can you do be a favor and eat Dubba U's brain.
Why would I do that? I'd starve.
Huck huck huck.

 

by Screendummie
7-08-05
Since we're talking about favors, I'd like you to do one for me.
Shoot.
I'd like you to nuke Japan.
But we already did that.
Yeah, but they deserve it for all their shitty Japanimation bullshit they continue to make even after the apocolypse.
Sure. I'll talk to my pal Jevus.

 

by Screendummie
7-11-05
God, I love techno.
What's amazing about a three second song replayed over and over for like three minutes?
But love a good re-mixe.
Yeah, its most awsome that a DJ can remix a whole three seconds.
But...
And no, girls would never dance with you as you do the robot.

 

by Screendummie
7-13-05
God Jim Varney is my hero!
Like the time he went to jail and lightening bolts shot out of his fingers.
And the time where he smoked alot of cigs and died horribly of lung cancer.
Yeah, "Ernest Goes to the Morgue" was my favorite.

 

by Screendummie
7-14-05
I never new Queen was gay.
No. Queen wasn't.
Then why do people keep telling me that?
What people? People hate you. It was FREDDIE MERCURY that was gay.
Who the heck is Freddie Mercury? Is that the car company?
Yeah, that's it. All Mercury dealerships are named after Freddie.

 

by Screendummie
7-16-05
I've noticed I haven't been smelling as rancid as usual.
Maybe its cause I stuck some Odor-Eaters in your shoes.
When the fuck you did that?
You know the last time the pizza guy came by?
Yeah, he rang your doorbell, and I jumped on his brains.
During that time period, I managed to staple gun them to your shoes, legs, ass and back of your head.

 

by Screendummie
7-17-05
I liked that one line from Austin Powers: Liquid hot magna.
God, why do you insist talking to me?
You don't think that's funny?
Why, yes, it is. Especially when the tenticle monster rapes the girl.
I don't think we're talking about things.
We're talking magna aren't we? So lets get you a raging, half-demon, shemale to rape you.

 

by Screendummie
7-19-05
How much do you need for Ozzfest again?
You don't have to worry about that.
Oh really? You came up with enough dough for tickets?
Shit yeah. Pit and backstage passes. And a limo for my ho's.
Now let me assume which felonies you committed to get them.
You mean the potential felonies of the chester that I blackmailed?

 

by Screendummie
7-21-05
Wanna see a movie with me?
Really? Someone as cool as you wants me to hang out with him?
Not really. I just think it can be really educational.
What's educational about this movie?
Oh, I just want to be educated in seeing when the innocent snap at seeing a disembowelment.
But will there be other cool kids there too?

 

by Screendummie
7-23-05
What a great place for a new shop. What's this? One of the locals?
Ho ho ho! What are you doing here little girl?
I live here strange mister. Looking for food, for we are starving.
Ho ho ho! You would be perfect for Santa's new sweatshop!
Food...please, Santa.

 

by Screendummie
7-24-05
Is it true you're the last unsued priest in the world?
Yes, my son. I take my vows seriously.
Even if two really hot lesbians wrestling in gravy and they asked you to join, you'd still be celebate?
Oh, very much so, my son.
What in the world would you do then?
Slap those lesbians between two biscuits and soak every drop of gravy as I devour them.

 

by Screendummie
7-26-05
This is my report on the Hebrew faith. Jews have been accused of being bomb throwing Commie anarchists.
And yet aslo at the same time, greedy Capitalist running dogs that own all financing and corporations. To be blamed everything from droughts to you stepping into dog shit by anti-Semites.
So in conclusion about Judism. You're damned if you aren't and you're damned if you aren't.

 

by Screendummie
7-27-05
Look its a monkey!
...
Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!
???
Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!
I love monkies too.

 

by Screendummie
7-30-05
Thank god I found someone!
No shit? I've been here for six months.
Yeah, my plane crashed, and I got washed ashore. How many are left alive here?
Oh, there's the captialist yankee running dog, jihadist militant, Parish Hilton and a couple of guys that spend all their time lick frogs.
Really, Paris Hitlon? I love her! Where can I eat...err get her autograph!
She's over by the lagoon trying to give the jihadist a makeover.

 

by Screendummie
7-31-05
What's your favorite food?
Count Chocula.
Oh, I can't eat Lucky Charms. Its part of the conspiracy.
Midget Micks are plotting against us?
Shh...don't speak too loudly. But the Jews put the Star of David as the star marshmallow.
And I thought I only had to worry about magical little people.

 

by Screendummie
8-01-05
You must be Daddy Warbucks.
I am the one and only Daddy Warbucks the VIII, trillionaire extraordinaire.
So what do you do for fun?
I do this. I command you to invade the jihadist's hut and take his oil.
Umm...what do you need the oil for?
I need the oil to cornhole Bob Saget.

 

by Screendummie
8-02-05
Who are you? And what are you doing here?
I'm Zombie X, and I got bored with Uncle Warbucks.
That Yankee devil! I will jihad him!
And what do you get for your jihad?
I go to heaven and get seventy virgin Bob Sagets.
I think the original Bob Saget is still a virgin.

 

by Screendummie
8-02-05
I don't remember you being on the member list.
I'm here to protest the war, man.
What war? We're in a deserted island. The only war going on is who is gonna pound Bob Saget's ass.
Whoa, man. Did you say Bob Saget?
Yeah, I said Bob Saget.
Lets drop some acid, man. Its like...totally awsome when you trip out on America's Most Funniest Videos.

 

by Screendummie
8-05-05
You want my oil? I will jihad you!
I will sent my army of Robocop like mercenaries to invade you!
I will be the one doing all the invading! I will invade your hut, and your booty!
I'll be the one doing the invading of Bob Saget's ass in the end!
You're in love with Bob Saget too?
In love? I'm chairman of I Dream of Raping Bob Saget fan club.

 

by Screendummie
8-07-05
You know, this place is just too gay for me.
What do you mean gay? I'm not gay.
You don't want to ass bang Bob Saget? Even Paris wants that.
I've been trying to shag Paris for months. But she keeps refering me as her big sister.
Yeah, you're the type to write in your pink diary about Paris changing in front of you and you being too much of a wuss to do anything.
Oh god, you found my diary! And Bob Saget has more of a chance to score than me.

 

by Screendummie
8-10-05
You know, I always wanted to be a prono star.
What stopped you?
I've always been camera shy.
Comming from a guy that has "Eat Me" tattooed on his butt cheeks?
That's the last time I show my thighs off to you when I change.
And what delicious thighs they are too!

 

by Screendummie
8-12-05
Ever thought of an alternative lifestyle?
You mean straight?
Yeah, the whole monogamous deal with a chick.
Does it count if the chick has a dick?
No, she actually has to have been biologically born a woman.
Dammit Janet!

 

by Screendummie
8-12-05
Pssshhhaa!
Are you leaking?
Yep.
Use lots of superglue to fix that. Especially around all openings: eyes, ears, mouth, nosterils and anus.
ANUS!
In fact, dip yourself in it to plug up your pours. Looks like sploodge!

 

by Screendummie
8-14-05
Ah...war. Always leaves me with a hot buffet of brains.
Hey, you, soldier! Why aren't you taking cover?
Its just a little rain. Are you the press?
Why, yes. Now let me take your picture by having you close your eyes and on your knees.
I hope this gets me into Parade magazine.

 

by Screendummie
8-17-05
I got new neighbors!
Weally? Wow!
Yeah! Its amazing! But seriously, I did.
And? Point?
I got new neighbors. That is the point. What are ya, retarded?
And yet, I don't care.

 

by Screendummie
8-19-05
Hey, I just had my baby's first picture.
You kid looks like Hitler.
That's a horrible thing to call my daughter!
Whoa! You're telling me your daughter looks like Hitler?
What the fuck? She doesn't look anything like that bastard.
Wait. Which whore did you knock up again?

 

by Screendummie
8-21-05
Fo' shizzle!
Its drizzly!
My cheezy!
Snap, crackle and pop in my bowl!
You lost me with your hip-hop lingo there.
I thought you were talking about brunch today.

 

by Screendummie
8-23-05
I'm thinking of starting my own religion with the rest of the surviving norms.
By religion, you mean cult.
You and your semantics.
I don't think you're gonna go very far with this.
You'll be eating those words when they erect a fifty foot cup cake in my honor.
As long as there's no raisins in it, I'm game.

 

by Screendummie
8-25-05
How are you gonna begin your cult?
Its a religion dammit!
Bleh. So what are you gonna do?
I say: Let there be light.
Its already daylight out, dumbass.
See, I'm already ahead of schedule, nimrod.

 

by Screendummie
8-27-05
And what are you gonna do as god?
Perform lots of miracles.
Wouldn't that just cheapen you?
Ah, but I would provide a plauge of death when they get out of line.
And how do you propose that?
I'll bite a couple of them.

 

by Screendummie
8-28-05
Wanna join my my religion? Its open to plenty of converts wanting for movin' on up in heaven.
Aren't you gonna ask me why I'm in my underwear?
Why would I give a fuck about that? Wanna be a bishop, witch doctor or whatever?
What do you mean you don't give a fuck? This has been the worst day of my life.
You know, you would be perfect for my religion. You'll get to wear a cool hat.
Can it be a beanie with a propeller on top?

 

by Screendummie
8-29-05
Wanna joing my religion? Brains are optional.
Shiny, shiny, shiny shoes.
Hey, I got this kick ass religion. Pants optional.
Dude!
Aren't you the guy that sold me the broken DVD player?
You're thinking of my un-bearded evil twin.

 

by Screendummie
8-30-05
Seen you talking to some people.
Yeah, its alot harder to get people to join a religion than I thought.
Any success?
In numbers, yes...
There's a "but monkey", isn't there?
Its more like a big flaming bag of shit on your door.

 

by Screendummie
9-03-05
I got this great life changing religion for ya.
Uh huh.
And all it will cost you is a small weekly tide of a small sack of rupies.
Not on my pay chuck, bub.
You can't afford redemption?
I don't think you're gonna afford this parking ticket in a moment.

 

by Screendummie
9-04-05
I'm being persecuted, just like Jevus.
There's no fucking way you're like Jevus.
I mean, he was arrested and put in prison.
But that's because you ate a cop's brain!
But I did bring him back to life.
But as a zombie, you fuck tard!

 

by Screendummie
9-05-05
Hey, you look down trodden. Want to take part of a renewed religious experience?
No thanks.
You can receive a new sense of enlightenment.
I'm cool.
Then can you float your magnificent head over here and help me tie my shoes.
Sure!

 

by Screendummie
9-05-05
They're gonna excute me for my religious beliefs.
You ate a cop's brain!
And Wirthling.
You ate someone in prison too? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Hey, I had a kosher meal.
That's exactly why I don't take you to my temple on black sabbath.

 

by Screendummie
9-09-05
What are you in for?
Religious persecution. You?
I killed a bunch of nuns and wore their fingers as a necklace.
Why'd you do that?
Bob Dole, man, and those commericals. He was telling to kill the virgin.
Those fucking Viagra commercials.

 

by Screendummie
9-11-05
I was just thinking about something funny.
What would that be?
The last message I got from Dole was to kill someone in prison. And you're my first roomie.
What's funny?
You already beat me too it.
Yeah, I'm a real party pooper.

 

by Screendummie
9-13-05
...and so, that's why I don't like mustard on my nads anymore.
That was...certainly something.
You bet! That reminds me of another interesting story that involves IcyHot on my scrotum.
Do you have any stories that don't have your privates in them?
Um...yeah. Like this time I thought I had gotten some mayo in my ears...
Mayo and some cool crisp iceburg lettuce would go good with his...

 

by Screendummie
9-15-05
Um...weren't in jail for life?
The governor pardoned me.
You commited two murders!
But three wrongs make a right!
They let you out for eating a third person?!
Hey...think of the savings on his death row appeals.

 

by Screendummie
9-18-05
Your mama should've aborted you.
Why would you say something that fucked up?
Just look at you. You're a drain on the economy.
What about you? I think you're the poster boy for abortion.
Not a bad idea. That would increase business into my abortion clinic investment.
You're beyond just a sick little freak.

 

by Screendummie
9-20-05
You ever wonder how Herman Munster is able to have children?
Its just a television show.
I mean, a super wang and balls had been stitched to his body.
Its JUST a TV show!
I wonder how long his balls were kept on ice?
Now that's a question I didn't want to know.

 

by Screendummie
9-22-05
I've decided to forgoe the traditional baking soda volcano.
That's right bitches
Meet my clone.
A good thing can be done twice.
Except for our favorite knife.
You better shut up before I slice ya.

 

by Screendummie
9-24-05
And then this winged monkey came out.
Did he have a fez on?
Let me think. No, it was a beanie.
That's strange. We've been getting reports of the same monkey killing people, but with a fez.
You know, I miss the days when serial killer clowns like Gacy were running around.
I hear ya. Used to be able to beat people like you with a rubber hose.

 

by Screendummie
9-25-05
Is it safe yet?
What's safe?
For me to take it off. Did the apocalypse happen?
Yes it did. Now take it off.
Umm...you don't look so good.
I was like this pre-apocalypse.

 

by Screendummie
9-27-05
Ever wonder why we eat banana's?
Ever wonder why we throw shit at each other?
I'll answer yours if you answer mine first.
Sure. Its because you're gay.
Its because you're gay too!
We're both gay! Yay!

 

by Screendummie
9-28-05
Whoa there. I know we're in the ring together, but lets not get anyone hurt now.
*Baaaa*
I mean, I'm a bull ring with a freakin' sheep.
*Baaaa*
Wonder what your brains taste like.
I can still kick your ass biotch.

Showing page 6.

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