All comics by TheGovernor

Profile

 

by TheGovernor
3-22-05
"Blessed art tho, for thine is the power and glory of the holy trinity..."
Well done, but lets see what the judges thought of it...
... Mr Simon Cowell whats your opinion on his performance?
Absolutely rubbish, call that a Catholic prayer? Ive seen atheists show more faith.

 

by TheGovernor
7-29-05
Think of a card, any card at all!
ok
Your card is the Four of Diamonds
Wow correct, thats amazing, can show me any other magic?
Sorry mate I can't, I'm a one trick pony.

 

by TheGovernor
8-02-05
Yes, we have plenty of Bags and rucksacks, feel free to look around and find one you like
Well there are one or two that have caught my eye, Im just not sure
Well if you need any help just ask
Thanks, perhaps you could be of assistance, I just need to know..
Does my bomb look big in this?

 

by TheGovernor
10-09-05
Whats the Prognosis Doctor?
Well the good news is you don't have the dreaded Bird Flu. The bad news is that you have contracted a rare form of flu known as "Pink Donkey Flu"
Whats that Doctor?
Well fortunately the symptoms are quite tame, you'll basically start halucinating that people look like pink Donkeys
I see. And is there anything I can do about this?
Not really, just get some rest. It could have been worse, at least you didnt catch "Steve Guttenburg Flu"

 

by TheGovernor
10-09-05
Just have a seat in the waiting room and I'll write you a prescription for some pills that may help.
ok
Hi, the Doctor's says I have 'Pink Donkey flu', what about you?
Unfortunately I caught 'Perverted Bunny flu'
Man thats got to suck
Tell me about it

 

by TheGovernor
10-09-05
Later..
Hi can I take your order?
Damn my halucinations are getting worse... Yeah I'll have a burger and fries...
Ok, that'll be ready in a second, hey what are you staring at me like that for?
Im sorry, I didnt mean to stare
Thats all right, but you wouln't believe the amount of prejudice I get working here, Some people just don't believe a pink donkey has the right to earn a living in ths city, I guess.

 

by TheGovernor
10-09-05
Come back to bed honey
Im sorry love, its just Im finding it hard to stay aroused
Well maybe we could try something different and a bit kinky
Like what?, you provide the carrot and I'll go get a stick!
Ooh sounds fun, I never thought you were that adventurous...
When in Rome!

 

by TheGovernor
10-09-05
Hi Chandler
Hi Joey
Do you want to go meet Rachel and Monica in the Coffee shop
No I have to go help Ross out of an overly complex and idiotic comedic situation
"Pink Donkey Friends" returns after this commercial break
I guess they must be running out of ideas for new shows.

 

by TheGovernor
10-10-05
4.00am a few years back...
George! GEORGE, Wake up George!
Wha, who is it?
It's God, I need you to do me a favour George. I want you to invade Afganistan and Iraq for me.
I will do anything for you God, you're the main man, but can I ask a question first?
sure
Why does your voice sound a lot like Dick Cheney doing a bad Darth Vader impression?

 

by TheGovernor
10-11-05
So you're actually a pink donkey then? And not a halucination?
Well truth be told Im actually more of a mule, Im only working here to pay my fees for Dental School
Dental School?
Yeah theres a whole untapped market of donkey's who are too long in the tooth

 

by TheGovernor
10-11-05
"Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience"
Afternoon everybody
NORM!
NORM!
Norm!
Its actually better this way

 

by TheGovernor
10-11-05
Is there still nothing you can do for this flu doctor?
Well there is one thing you could try, but Im afraid the cure may be worse than the illness...
I'll try anything
You have to watch Sandra Bullocks entire back catalogue including Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood and Miss Congeniality 2
I think I'll stick with the Donkey's

 

by TheGovernor
10-11-05
My girlfriend told me her maternal clock was ticking.
How much for the cat?

 

by TheGovernor
10-17-05
A -A -A -ACHOOO!!
agghh!
Gets them everytime!

 

by TheGovernor
10-17-05
Sir, our agent from East Asia is here
Excellent, send him in.
Phase 2 is complete sir, our virus should become a pandemic any day now
Excellent work Agent Sanders, you'll make Colonel soon I promise.
The Humans will never suspect the truth!
They only have themselves to blame, cancelling 'Enterprise' just as it was getting interesting, they deserve their fate.

 

by TheGovernor
10-23-05
One day at the ranch...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Thats illogical, Rotor turbines do not generate gravitons
Bitch!

 

by TheGovernor
10-25-05

 

by TheGovernor
10-26-05

 

by TheGovernor
11-01-05
Look on the bright side Mr Smith, at least you no longer need to buy shoes
Ok who's next to see the surgeon?
Hi Im here from Microsoft, Im sorry there will be no more patients
why?
The Doctor performed an illeagal operation and was shut down

 

by TheGovernor
11-03-05
Smith, Chang, Harris...
Here Miss
Hi, Im here from Microsoft , Im afaid Im going to have to stop this class, there seems to be a problem with your registry
Here Miss
Here Miss

 

by TheGovernor
11-04-05
Hi, Im here from Microso... Wait, is this blue screen yours?
Yes
Nevermind

 

by TheGovernor
11-17-05
Shall I arm the Photon Torpedo?
*Click*
Look George I wish you'd stop saying that just as we are about to make love
Im sorry honey, its just a throwback from the series, I promise I wont say it ever again
Entering Standard Orbit!

 

by TheGovernor
11-29-05
I wouldn't go in there kid, the Toilet is out of Order
Hey Mustache I ain't done yet you pussy-whipped, father-humping, asshole-licking, toe jam-gobbling, pimple-popping, cunt-headed wankstain!

 

by TheGovernor
1-17-06
*knock knock*
Who's there
Exploding Fish
I don't know what I was expecting

 

by TheGovernor
1-17-06
Day 4 on Celebrity Crucifiction

 

by TheGovernor
1-17-06
Day 5 on Celebrity Crucifiction, and Exploding Fish is introduced into Crucifiction house to liven things up
oh crap

 

by TheGovernor
1-19-06
♫ There is ............... a house .......... in New Orleans ...♫
Do they call it the Rising Sun?
Nope, they renamed it
Whats it called now?
The Yellow Submarine!

 

by TheGovernor
1-24-06
Well Jones the Prime Minister has just given me an ear bashing, can you explain yourself?
What do you mean Sir?, I followed your instructions exactly
So why were you still in Moscow?, and whats all this business with the Russians accusing us of espionage?
Well you did instruct me to start spying in a rock
I said start spying In IRAQ!

 

by TheGovernor
2-01-06
Have you heard? The World is going to end in 30 days!
Of course I know.
So what are we going to do about it?
Well first we fire Santa, since his services are no longer required, Next we tell the priests they are doing compulsary overtime for the next four weeks
But I dont think there will be enough of us to cover the workload
Don't worry, Ive outsourced the 'Repent your sins' call center to India

 

by TheGovernor
2-01-06
Sir, the world is going to end in under thirty days, What are we to do?
There's only one person who can save us now. Quickly go out and get Exploding Fish. He's our only hope.
Ahh there you are Exploding Fish, come with me please, the President needs to see you right away. The entire Earths fate is at stake
We're Doomed!

 

by TheGovernor
2-07-06
Is Bob at home Mrs Toepunt?
Yes, he's upstairs, go on up, but be careful as he's packing heat
Come on little guy, get in the box please
No!

 

Ext. Mountainside
I love you
by TheGovernor, 2-10-06

 

by TheGovernor
2-22-06
ORE!
KNOT!

 

by TheGovernor
3-01-06
I forgot we had PE today sir

 

by TheGovernor
3-13-06
Int. Barcelona Coffee shop
"Tengo Una"....erm... "Bocadillo", erm "y"....erm "Queso?" damn whats the word, "y" erm "Tomate"
Si, y quiere tomar algo?
Erm "Si una" erm, "Cafe Con " erm "Leche Por Favor"
So thats a Cheese and Tomato Sandwich and a Milky coffe then, do you want anything else chief?

 

by TheGovernor
3-14-06
Lets see, Queen to Kings Bishop three, check!
So he's giving up using the Sicilian Defence then?, Ok I'll counter with Kings Knight to D6.

 

"..And lo in the third hour of the afternoon, Picard utereth the command for the holy drink, and the computer knew it to be good..."
Tea, Earl Grey, Hot!
by TheGovernor, 4-03-06

 

by TheGovernor
4-05-06
What do we want?
An end to Surrealism!
When do we want it?
Banana!

 

by TheGovernor
4-06-06
Sir, Enemy Camp has been spotted, below us in the valley.
Excellent we'll have the advantage of high ground, prepare the troops for a frontal assault
Meanwhile..
General Escargot, ze enemy are at the top of ze ridge.
Ok, tell ze men to make ready ze defences. We shall let them come to us.
Charge!!

 

by TheGovernor
6-09-06
Delete!
*User Dan_Brown has been erased from your contacts list and has been blocked from seeing you online*
Bastard!

 

The Man of Steel wasnt the only one to leave his super seed behind.
Son of Son of Jor-El, kneel before Son of Zod!
by TheGovernor, 7-20-06

 

by TheGovernor
10-21-06
No problem Mr Smith, we can confirm tomorrow night. We have some of the best strippers in town, they leave nothing to the imagination
Great, just turn up around eightish, and it will truly be a bachelors party to remember!
At the party
So dude, when do the Strippers get here?
All in good time my friend , this party's only just starting!
later...
We've finished stripping the downstairs walllpaper Mr Smith, would you like me to start upstairs?

 

by TheGovernor
11-14-06
What have you got there?
It's the new Carrot Vista
It just looks like an ordinary carrot
Trust me its much better
How so? Have they sprayed it with pestisides or something to keep more of the bugs out?
No, that's extra, but it does come in six flavours, and it's so shiney!

 

by TheGovernor
11-14-06
So how come the farmer's made six flavours of carrot then? Surely one is enough? A carrot is a carrot no?
Well they are all different, this one for example comes with a smiley face drawn on the side to make you feel happy while you eat it
Does that cost extra?
Well yes, but Farmer Gates thinks people will gladly pay that little bit more for such a fun carrot experience
So what about the cheapest one?
You mean the Basic Vista Carrot? Well thats just an ordinary carrot with the leaves trimmed.

 

by TheGovernor
11-14-06
I still don't see the point in eating new carrots when the old ones will do fine, and are actually tasting quite nice at the moment.
Well here try one, you may find you like it
Hmm, it's a lot harder to eat, and a little bit too crunchy on the teeth
Yeah, but isn't the smiley face worth it? Besides they're made for younger fitter rabbits who can handle them better, and you wouldn't want to be left behind would you?
Well I could always switch to Potatos Ive heard they are very versatile, and come in all shapes and sizes to suit
Yes, but for a dedicated carrot eater such as yourself you may find them very difficult to prepare.

 

by TheGovernor
11-14-06
Well what about parsnips then? They're very carrot like, and they taste great, and all the cool animals eat them, plus they don't get eaten by as many bugs as carrots
Yeah but the new Carrot Vista looks a lot like a parsnip but in a carrot instead, besides parsnips are weird, and you're a rabbit, and wouln't want to be labelled a parsnip eater would you?
Well no, but Ive seen some badgers eating both Carrots and Parsnips at the same time, and they seemed really happy
But thats only because they secretly prefer to eat carrots due to the inflexibility of parsnips when eaten every day
Well I still don't see why I should eat Vista Carrots instead of ordinary carrots
Well sooner or later you'll have no choice because Farmer Gates will stop watering ordinary carrots so they'll go off quicker and have more insects eating them

 

by TheGovernor
11-14-06
six months later...
Well, I went to the dentist and had my teeth sharpened, and to the gym to get into better shape and so I think Im ready to move on to Vista Carrots now
Great I knew you'd come round, but you're going to have to prove you're a Genuine Rabbit before you can have one
Why do I need to do that?
Well the Farmer's worried about wolves taking his carrots and giving them to non rabbits, so he needs to keep track of all the rabbits he gives them to
So how do I prove Im a Genuine Rabbit?
Simple, just go to Farmer Gates field once a day and jump about for a bit, and after he's branded you with a hot iron he'll give you a carrot

 

by TheGovernor
11-14-06
I got my Vista Carrot, and the smiley face is nice, but my brand mark on my leg is a bit sore and it does just taste like an ordinary carrot.
Well what did you expect, it was hardly going to tastle like a banana was it?
You're right, and it is a lot brigher than ordinary carrots
That will be the orange paint
So what you're saying is its just an ordinary carrot thats been painted bright orange and has a smiley face drawn on it, that I have to go to the farmers field every day to recieve?
Pretty much, but just be thankful its not a parsnip!

 

by TheGovernor
11-19-06
2 Minutes to go
Welcome to E-Soul, User God69 you are currently winning the soul auction of Mr Ivan Jones from Maidstone, Kent
2 Seconds to go
You have been out-bid
Damn, sniped again!
Congratulations Devil666 you won the auction
He He

 

by TheGovernor
11-20-06
I don't know Barry, I've got a funny feeling this isn't the Penguin S&M Bondage club

Showing page 6.

« Previous Next »