All comics by UnknownEric

Profile

 

by UnknownEric
11-06-03
Moooooooom!
There's a monster in my closet!
Oh, don't be silly, here, I'll show you...
Hi, I'm Billy Corgan.
Now I know the Zwan album sucked, but that hardly makes him a monster.

 

by UnknownEric
11-06-03
Hi Billy! I see you went grocery shopping!
Hi, TOBOR. Hey, look, while I run into the drug store, could you hold my corn?
Uhh.. excuse me? I'm not sure I heard you correctly.
Look, I need someone to be a corn hold!
But officer, he ASKED for it.
Tell it to the judge.

 

by UnknownEric
11-06-03
Hola! Es El "No Molestar El Gato Spectacular!"
Me Llamo Es Jesus!
El Jesus! El Matador Y El Burro!
Como Es Juan?
Ay! No es bueno!
Miao!

 

by UnknownEric
11-11-03
Wow, this sure is a nice house!!!
I just got it!!!
What the hell did you do to get this???
Well...
I agreed to advertise for three punctuation marks!!! Remember kids, always use three punctuation marks at the end of every sentence!!!

 

by UnknownEric
11-11-03
Hi, everybody. Thank you for coming today as I, Billy Corgan, announce the release of my new solo album, available for purchase right here.
RAAAAAR! TOBOR WILL ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD YOU!!!
Oh no!!!
*sob* I really needed that 35 cents!

 

by UnknownEric
11-11-03
When the Supreme Court recently struck down sodomy laws, all those who engage in such practices rejoiced. Well, all except one.
TOBOR, the cornholing robot, felt that this move robbed him of his outlaw mystique.
This is the story of how TOBOR got his groove back...
DAMN STRAIGHT...

 

by UnknownEric
11-11-03
So remember, kids. Tobacco is whacko!
Yeah! Tobacco sucks.
RAAAAR!!! TOBOR WILL SMOKE YOU!!!
Wow! I wanna be just like TOBOR!
NOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

by UnknownEric
11-11-03
And that is why questioning this administration is tantamount to treason...
RAAAAAAAR!!! TOBOR WILL CRITICISE YOU!!!
Dick, have Mr. Roboto killed.
As we speak, all members of Styx are in custody.

 

by UnknownEric
11-11-03
Today on Martha Stewart living, I'll show you five incredibly time consuming ways to make your bedroom look crappy.
RAAAAR!!! TOBOR WILL... WILL... will...
Oh, fuck. Nothing TOBOR does could possibly make him as evil as Martha Stewart.
You know it, bitch.

 

by UnknownEric
11-12-03
You shall love your neighbor as yourself.
Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.
Shit.

 

by UnknownEric
11-17-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Tits or ass?
*Pfffft* Tits, of COURSE.

 

by UnknownEric
11-17-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Does it make me a slut if I go down on a guy on the first date?
Not if he pays for dinner.

 

by UnknownEric
11-19-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Did you give rock and roll to us?
I gave rock and roh-oll to EVERYONE!

 

by UnknownEric
11-19-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting. I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
When you say you created everybody in your image, does that include Anna Nicole?

 

by UnknownEric
11-24-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
What would you like for Christmas, Paris Hilton?
I would like... hey, is that a video camera?

 

by UnknownEric
11-24-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches!
What would you like for Christmas?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5... senses working oooooo-ver-time!

 

by UnknownEric
11-29-03
I'm dying.
Oh my god! Let's cry a lot and eat bon-bons!
Noochie noochie kooooooooooo!
I hate when he does that.
Who hired him to be gaffer anyway?

 

by UnknownEric
11-29-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't can't get into the stables this time...
...so I says to the monsignor, "Hey, it's my anus."
Don't you have any other jokes?

 

by UnknownEric
11-29-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't can't get into the stables this time...
Hey hey, look look, I'm the stuttering gnome!
Ha! You crack me up, bitch.

 

by UnknownEric
11-29-03
Oh no...
What is it?
Santa's been into the Rum again.
Uh-oh, let's just hope he can't can't get into the stables this time...
So I says, "Well, them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by UnknownEric
12-08-03
People suck. We're all greedy, selfish, hateful creatures who make living in this world hellish.
So what's the point of living then?
Umm...
To irritate the living hell out of everyone.
Now that's the spirit!

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-03
Gosh, Sarah, the UMBC campus sure is nice.
Yes, Eric, isn't it?
Hey, look! It's the library! As a librarian, I feel it is my sacred duty to check it out.
Weirdo.
To be continued...
Hi, I'm Boorite, is there something I can... *GASP*
*GASP*

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-03
Holy cow! Who are you?
I'm Unknown Eric. Are you Boorite?
Sure am! I can't believe it! It's like we're identical twins!
Sure seems like it!
Of course, I'm the handsome one who gets all the pussy.
Of course.

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-03
Boorite phones his mother for information.
Mom? I just met this guy named Eric who looks just like me! What's the deal?
Oh, gosh, I was hoping it would never come to this. I guess I have to tell you the truth.
Am I adopted? Was Eric adopted?
No and no.
What is the deal? Tune in next time!
Do we have the same father?
No.

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-03
So what is it?
You were both part of an experiment by the American Library Association to create the super librarian.
Whoa! This is heavy!
Of course, you got all of the charm and professionalism, but in return, Eric got a 15 inch penis.
Well, that seems like a fair tr... HOLY CRAP!
Did I mention that that refers to width?

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-03
Whoa...
So, what did your mom tell you, Boo?
That we're clones created by the ALA...
Wow, that's a lot to take in at once...
...and that my penis is bigger.
Whoa, that's a lot to take in at once...

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-03
So what do we do with this new found information?
We could join forces and become the greatest librarian tandem known to man?
Or we could join forces and drink the 26 cases of beer I have stored in the back...
Yeah, that one.

 

by UnknownEric
12-09-03
And with this magic hat, you'll come alive.
Hotdiggity, I'm alive!
What's the first thing you wanna do, Frosty?
Hmmm...
So is Bubba ready for 12 inches of snow?
Dude, what is WRONG with you?

 

by UnknownEric
12-10-03
Boy, this year is going to be an interesting one.
Why, boss? Production is through the roof, and morale has never been better since we all switched to Geico.
That's just it. The Naughty Index is up to 89% this year! We're overstocked!
Holy Jizz Turrets, Santa! What are we going to do?
We'll return to "How Santa Discovered Ebay" after these scenes from tonight's brand new episode of "24."
Yes! You're just the person to "dis-arm" the terrorists.
What happened to Keifer Sutherland?

 

by UnknownEric
12-10-03
Boy, this year is going to be an interesting one.
Why, boss? Production is through the roof, and morale has never been better since we all switched to Geico.
That's just it. The Naughty Index is up to 89% this year! We're overstocked!
Holy Jizz Turrets, Santa! What are we going to do?
So instead of just giving toys to slightly naughty kids, the dumb bastard has me reanimate the dead.
Shut up and gimme my Hokey Pokey Elmo.

 

by UnknownEric
1-03-04

 

by UnknownEric
1-05-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
Grand Theft Auto.
I thought as much.

 

by UnknownEric
1-05-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
We wuz at a Jesus and Mary Chain concert...
Say no more.

 

by UnknownEric
1-05-04
Good evening. We have a developing story out of New York City where a riot is going on right now. Let's go to Phil McCracken live on the scene.
I'm here with Red Thompson, who has been a witness to the carnage since the beginning. Red, can you tell us how this riot started?
My shirt says, "Just do it."
Oh yeah!

 

by UnknownEric
1-10-04
So how's the Baggins interrogation going?
Terrible. He won't give up the names of his conspirators in the Ring smuggling ring.
Just give me 5 minutes with him and I'll get that information.
Jeez, Mike, I dunno...
...he's a hard Hobbit to break.

 

by UnknownEric
1-13-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
Something in the way she mooooves...
Can you sing it like Joe Cocker?

 

by UnknownEric
1-14-04
Yarrr, where be this Ferrari I'm supposed to take?
Hey sexy, just passin' through.
Yarrr, would ye like to WALK ME PLANK? Shiver me timber.

 

by UnknownEric
1-14-04
Gets as close as a blade, but is safe to the touch...
Cut!
What'd I do?
I'm sorry, you just... didn't look GAY enough in that take. Try to queer it up a bit.
Gets as close as a blade, but is safe to the touch...
Think Paul Lynde! Christopher Lowell!

 

by UnknownEric
1-15-04
Thomas Dolby and the creepy old guy from his video!
When she's dancing...
SCIENCE!
Dammit, you came in early AGAIN! What is so hard about...
SCIENCE!
I TOLD YOU we shoulda tried to get Stephen Hawking to do a guest appearance.
SCIENCE!

 

by UnknownEric
1-16-04
Uhh, Meg? I've been wanting to do this for years. Will you go on a date with me?
What did you have in mind?
Umm... dinner and a movie?
Sure! Where for dinner and what movie?
I was thinking Taco Bell and Torque! What do you... hello?

 

by UnknownEric
1-16-04
Someday I'll be a real boy.
Wish granted.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

by UnknownEric
1-16-04
Takin' a walk on a luvverly day...
RAAAAR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!
I don't think so, bub.
RAAAR! AND WHY NOT?
Aha! It is me, Jesus!
raaaar.

 

by UnknownEric
1-16-04
Aha! It is me, Jesus!
Ha ha ha.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by UnknownEric
1-17-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
Enjoy your McBukkake.

 

by UnknownEric
1-17-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
Wow! Only fie dollah?

 

by UnknownEric
1-17-04
What can I get you sir?
I’ve got very special dietary requirements and i'm not really sure if I can eat here
Well we do try to have something on the menu for everyone, and our chef can make up absolutely anything you could want.
Well in that case maybe I will have something.
I don't think "a hotter counter person" was really what he was getting at...
He DID say absolutely anything...

 

by UnknownEric
1-17-04
Tonight's the night, Clarence. When I give myself to you.
Holy shit, that's the hairiest pussy I've ever seen!
OH MY GOD! I HATE YOU!!!
What? I can't comment on Mr. Whiskers?

 

by UnknownEric
1-17-04
When I visited Spain last year, there was a show on called "Historias De La Puta Mili."
"Stories of the Fucking Military?"
Yeah, isn't it great? Imagine if American television had such great titles.
Like what?
Oh, I dunno. "Buffy the Goddamn Vampire Slayer." "America's Fucking Funny-Ass Home Videos."
"Yes, Dear, This Show DOES Blow Goats."

 

by UnknownEric
1-22-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
I WANNA ROCK!

 

by UnknownEric
1-22-04
My GOD, that was the best show ever.
Yeah, I can't believe they ended up detroying the whole city afterwards.
Well, it's been a trademark of theirs.
So, now that it's over, what you wanna do?
Well, my cock's not gonna suck itself...

Showing page 6.

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