All comics by Xuanwu

Profile

"What happens when I do this?"

RCD 5: Best Comic
CC 361: Best Comic
OPC 39: Best Comic
BTC 58: Best Comic
CC 338: Best Comic
FTC 96: Best Comic
WW 46: Best Comic
FTC 23: "Funniest Comic for Nerds"
FTC 21: "The General Zod Award"
FTC 20: "TOBOR Award (Funniest Inside Joke)"
FTC 19: "Bronze Award of Neat-o-ness," "TOBOR Award (Funniest Inside Joke)," "Funniest Comic for Republicans," "Funniest Comic for Democrats," and "Funniest Comic for Nerds"
FTC 18: "Funniest Politically Incorrect"
FTC 17: "The Hat Trick"
FTC 16: "Funniest Comic for Nerds" and "Best Use of Lack of Rules"
FTC 15: "Funniest Politically Incorrect," "Most Similar" (great minds think alike), and "The AUUHHH Award"
FTC 14: "Most Obscure" and "Best Use of Python"

Disbelief Man 7

by Xuanwu
11-18-06


	I have something to tell you: I'm pregnant.


	I DISBELIEVE!


	I have something to tell you: I can't get pregnant. Because I used to be a man.

Disbelief Man 8

by Xuanwu
11-18-06


	I DISBELIEVE!


	I DISBELIEVE!

"Oh, god!" Gal 3


	Those positrons ain't going to generate themselves!


	Oh, god!

by Xuanwu, 11-19-06

"Oh, god!" Gal 4


	We are gonna fight! And we are gonna win! Oops... Did I just step in Corporal's Tim's brains? That's gonna be hell to wash out.


	Oh, god!

by Xuanwu, 11-19-06

"Oh, god!" Gal 5


	I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico!


	Oh, god!

by Xuanwu, 11-19-06

"Oh, god!" Gal 6


	Now I don't have to sit down to pee anymore!


	Oh, god!

by Xuanwu, 11-19-06

"Oh, god!" Gal 7


	Now I don't need to use a strap-on anymore!


	Oh, god!

by Xuanwu, 11-19-06

"Oh, god!" Gal 8


	Now I don't have to choose between your holes anymore!


	Oh, god!

by Xuanwu, 11-19-06

"Oh, god!" Gal 9


	Now I don't have to worry about finishing before you do anymore!


	Oh, goooooood!

by Xuanwu, 11-19-06

OPC 24. The Booze


	Sir, what was that about my mother?


	It was the booze talking!

by Xuanwu, 11-21-06

OPC 24. The Booze 2


	Now that I've got my nice, big, round night stick out, care to call me "sugartits" again?


	It was the booze talking!

by Xuanwu, 11-21-06

OPC 24. The Booze 3


	Sir, when you said you wanted to "get busy" with the President's daughters with a "chainsaw, donkey, and a carful of midgets," what did you mean?


	It was the booze talking!

by Xuanwu, 11-21-06

The Report 1

by Xuanwu
11-25-06


	This graviton report is graviton-packed. I'll sure know all about gravitons at the next meeting.


	What the fuck are you talking about?

The Report 2

by Xuanwu
11-25-06


	This Jesus report is Jesus-packed. I'll sure know all about Jesus at the next meeting.


	AHA! It is me, Jesus!

The Report 3

by Xuanwu
11-25-06


	This CORNHOLE report is CORNHOLE-packed. I'll sure know all about CORNHOLING at the next meeting.

At the next meeting...


	...and that's what I know about CORNHOLING.


	TOBOR IMPRESSED!

The Report 4

by Xuanwu
11-25-06


	This Colbert report is Colbert-packed. I'll sure know all about Colbert at the next meeting.


	You don't pronounce the "T!"


	But that's how it's spelled!

The Report 5

by Xuanwu
11-25-06


	This Kaufman report is Kaufman-packed. I'll sure know all about Kaufman at the next meeting.


	...and now my throat is dry and scratchy.


	Here, have some Kauf-syrup.

The Report 6

by Xuanwu
11-25-06


	This war report is war-packed. I'll sure know all about war at the next meeting.


	But... this isn't a report. It's a real war!


	Oh, yeah? Then why am I covered in red dyed corn syrup?


	That's not corn syrup! It's blood!


	Hm. "Blood is sweet." I'll add that to the report.

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 27

by Xuanwu
11-26-06


	I hear our cable company got bought by China's main telecom company.


	Yep. Now we get both American and Chinese broadcasts.


	Anything worth watching?


	There's one show with a Confucian comedian. He copied the format from a program they have on Comedy Central.


	What's it called?


	"Mind of Mencius."

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 28

by Xuanwu
11-28-06


	Where did all the people with the foam swords go?


	I hear they went to an international live action role-playing convention.


	I wonder what country would want to host LARPers from around the world.


	Melee-sia.

Could You Be My Neighbor?
Part 29


	Why are those evangelicals picketing the library?


	They heard it was full of page-ns.

by Xuanwu, 11-28-06

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 30

by Xuanwu
11-28-06


	Blessed is he who is without a partner! For he has resisted the temptation of sinful fornication with another human!


	Praise to those who choose to be celibate and alone! They walk the righteous path and shall know God!


	What's going on over there?


	Singles worship.

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 31

by Xuanwu
12-02-06


	I'm thinking of drying some grapes for fun.


	I wouldn't. The last guy who tried was arrested.


	Huh? On what charge?


	Disorderly conduct. The cops said he was raisin hell.

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 32

by Xuanwu
12-08-06


	So I hear Marvel redid Wolverine's origin again.


	Yeah. Beer is no longer his favorite substance.


	What?! That's blasphemous! What'd they replace it with?


	Snikt-erdoodles.

FTC 100. Birthday Telefrag

by Xuanwu
12-08-06


	Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?


	Yes. Yes, I did.

FTC 100. Never Ending Birthday

by Xuanwu
12-08-06


	Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?


	I wished this day would never end.


	That's a weird one.

*ZAP!*


	Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?

FTC 100. Dogs are Good at Scratching Itches

by Xuanwu
12-08-06


	Happy B-day great grandma. Did you make a wish?


	Yes. I wished I hadn't slept with Scruffy when I was a little girl. It made raising a family so difficult.


	Scruffy? You mean... the family dog? He's my great grandpa?!


	He's only the family dog on most days, dear. With a full moon, he becomes "Scruffy, Werewolf with a 20 Inch Maiden Slayer."


	I hope that feature is inheritable.

Intervention for Lolicons

by Xuanwu
12-08-06


	Ohman, ohman, ohman, ohman! Gotta hide the loli pr0n before the cops get me!


	Open up! We know you're in there!


	AH! Too late! You'll never take me - or my precious pictures of petite progeny - alive, coppers! Deliciously flat chests FOREVER!


	This isn't the cops. We're from Hentai Anonymous. We're here to help you realize that big breasts can be beautiful, too!


	BUST-PHEMY!

BTC 59. It ends here


	What was that?


	Proof natural selection hasn't been doing its job.

by Xuanwu, 12-11-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 1

by Xuanwu
12-15-06


	So, whatcha doing?


	Waiting for the end of this comic.


	Ah.

CC 341. The Wait of the World 2

by Xuanwu
12-15-06


	Why are you still waiting? The comic ended.


	No, turns out it's a series. I'm going to wait until that's over.

CC 341. The Wait of the World 3

by Xuanwu
12-15-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 4

by Xuanwu
12-15-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 5

by Xuanwu
12-15-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 6

by Xuanwu
12-15-06


	Just a little longer...

CC 341. The Wait of the World 7

by Xuanwu
12-15-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 8

by Xuanwu
12-15-06


	You know what? Screw this.

CC 341. The Wait of the World 9

by Xuanwu
12-15-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 10

by Xuanwu
12-15-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 11

by Xuanwu
12-15-06

CC 341. The Wait of the World 12 - The End

by Xuanwu
12-15-06


	Did you think something might happen?

CC 342. Deer Scat-na Claus

by Xuanwu
12-20-06


	Santa! We're running short of money for our operating budget again!


	Well, I could always release another gay scat film starring you elves and I.


	But that genre has become so saturated in the past few years, no one's buying them anymore! "Hot Elf Fudge Part 42" barely broke even!


	I guess we need a new hook, then.

*Bow chicka bow wow*


	You always wanted a brown nose, Rudolph. Now's your chance!

CC 343. Road to Pred-ition

by Xuanwu
1-01-07


	You know how George W. has most of his current advisors from the Nixon era?


	Yeah?


	Mr. President, you can't try to rig the 2008 elections by stealing DNC files!


	That's why we're doing it a year early.

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 33

by Xuanwu
1-21-07


	I'm going to visit Philadelphia; get some cheese steak.


	Watch out for the graphite dust. There's a lot of it.


	Why?


	It's in Pencil-vania.

Could You Be My Neighbor?
Part 34


	I hear they're drilling holes into the walls of the Pentagon.


	Yeah. They're bringing back the draft.

by Xuanwu, 1-22-07

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 35

by Xuanwu
1-22-07


	World of Warcraft just had a huge online competition for best guild.


	Yep. A group of Amish teens won.


	How'd they do that?


	Apparently it was a combination of high connection speeds and their skill as wizards.


	That's really surprising.


	Well, they're from LAN Caster.

Could You Be My Neighbor? Part 36

by Xuanwu
2-04-07


	The Geneva Conventions have been updated, I hear.


	Yep. Now they specifically ban the use of pastries in interrogations.


	Pastries? On what basis?


	They considered them "cruller and unusual" punishment.

Could You Be My Neighbor?
Part 37


	I hear the gaming convention banned foam swords.


	Yeah. The LARPers were getting high off PVC.

by Xuanwu, 2-07-07

OPC 39. Twins


	Twins!


	Twins!

by Xuanwu, 7-04-07

OPC 39. Bend Over


	Bend over.


	Bow chicka bow wow.

by Xuanwu, 7-04-07

Showing page 6.

« Previous Next »