All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
8-26-01
Showtime at the Apollo
But seriously folks, is it just me, or do all niggers suck.
Hello. *tap tap tap* Is this thing on?
And the nine-fingered gypsy had been right: His color blindness WOULD be his downfall one day.
Goddamn if that wasn't one incredibly stupid white man.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
Ah, a wild horse! I will do whatever it takes to break it and make it mine. I'll move heaven and hell if I have to!
None shall tame me.
What about me?
No.
Damn.

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
Fucking Union Workers
This is What Ears are For
Libya Hates Fat People

 

by ObiJo
8-26-01
Like a tomato, scientists were unsure whether a wirthling was a vegetable, do to its edible root, or a fruit, do to certain "experimentation" in college.

 

by ObiJo
8-27-01
Ok, doc, you've done a hernia inspection, an assortment of enemas, and a test for testicular cancer. So, what is it, good news or bad?
Bad news I'm afraid.
Give it to me straight.
I'm not a doctor.

 

by ObiJo
8-27-01
o/` ...and I can fly higher than an eag o/`
Fucking NASA.

 

by ObiJo
8-27-01
Ring MOTHERFUCKING Ring.
What's up your ass?
I don't want to talk about it.
Fine then.
I SAW YOU USING NETPHONE!
Shit.

 

by ObiJo
8-29-01
Is it just me or do people get the wrong idea when I put my hands in my pockets?
What's he doing with his hands in his pockets?
I mean, I'm not *feeling* anything, you know. It's just comfortable.
I'm a superhero, I don't need to see this.
Sometimes I take my hands out of my pockets real quick and throw them in strangers' faces and say, "THERE, YOU HAPPY NOW, PERVERT!"
That's actually what I'm here to see you about.

 

by ObiJo
8-29-01
Knock Knock Knock
Yes?
Would you like to buy a magazine? All proceeds will go to Little Miss, an organization founded in 1962 that promotes positive pro-active stereotypes of today's woman to young girls.
Why of course. What magazines do you offer?
Playboy, Hustler, Cherry, Big Bazooms, Bigger Bazooms, The Bazooms that Destroyed Midtown, Those Aren't Bazooms They're a Binary Star System, and Redbook.

 

by ObiJo
8-30-01
So you just tell the congressman that if the price of cereal doesn't go down, I'm gonna..I'm gonna...I'm gonna bomb somebody!
Boy, maybe politics isn't the life for me.
So, you see, the adiabatic invariants tell you not only the plasma particle's position, but its position at any given time in a reference timeframe.
Antimatter doesn't seem nearly as fun as it did on Star Trek.
So give us a call at Big Ed's Truckin' and let Big Ed put the you in truckin'. Yee haw!
Where's the phone?

 

by ObiJo
8-30-01
Base
I'm coming to chew your balls!
Collector
I'm getting the hell out of here.
Emitter

 

by ObiJo
8-30-01
Newton's third law says that for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.
I wish that monkey would attack already.

 

by ObiJo
8-30-01
Things turned ugly when the third member joined the Terre Haute branch of Mensa.
Eyes off, string bean.
She's mine, damn you. And don't call me string bean.

 

by ObiJo
8-31-01
So, what do you hear?
Shhhh, it's just getting good.
Did he talk her into the foursome?
What? Oh, I don't know, they went to the other room. But I'm pretty sure the dog's trying to screw the cat.
Well, there's our contingency plan.

 

by ObiJo
9-01-01
Hey, spagmeister, you can shut the hell up! You don't know what you're talking about and you'll never know as much about computers as me. I'll make more in the next 5 years than you will in your life!
That JhnnyRot10 is one arrogant shit. Time to put him in his place.
Hey Jhnny, you know about as much as my latest deposit to the sewer. Anyone that brags on how much money they make is obviously working at Jiffy Lube. Fucking prick.
That PacFan is one arrogant shit. Time to put him in his place.
PacFan, I hate you so a lot!
That could have gone better.

 

by ObiJo
9-01-01
But how will we know each other? We've never seen one another and we don't even know each other's names.
I'll be the one holding a horseshoe. You can't miss me!
It's...you. I can't believe it.
And all these years I've only thought of you as the raping, pillaging, murdering arch enemy who killed my parents and diddled my poodle.

 

by ObiJo
9-01-01
Ah, the desert! Nothing else on this beautiful rotting world of ours smells quite like it! Can I tell you a secret?
Sure, go ahead.
I brought a shovel.
Can I tell you another secret?
I'm thinking no.

 

by ObiJo
9-03-01
Hey.
I hope you think about the error of your ways while in prison.
I will Captain Colostomy. Thanks for listening.
Hey.
Ah, a peaceful and uncompacted world. I wish all days would end like this.
HEY!
You gonna stand there daydreaming all day?! You still need to clean the shit off the walls in the girls bathroom.
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

 

by ObiJo
9-06-01
Mmm, work it Velma, right there. Oh, ya, Daphne, that's right, faster. FASTER! Daddy likes suction. Wait a minute, what's that on your neck?
*FOOMP* It's Old Man Jones, the caretaker of the carnival! *FOOMP* And Don Knotts! I feel so...so...ah hell, put the masks back on, I'm gonna finish.
Oh thank god!

 

by ObiJo
9-07-01
Okay, guys, there it is. I'm saying we rush it.
No, no. That's what it's expecting. I say we come up with a strategy.
Well, it is called the Non-Linear DrAgOn, right? Maybe we can use some of its own medicine and surprise it by, oh I don't know, YOU GETTING YOUR HAND OFF MY ASS.
SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY. Nyuck. Va va va voom.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-01
Yes, may I help you?
RAAAAR!!! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!!
I think I've lost a step.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-01
...the largest of which being the blue whale. Now if you'll all file back into the elevator, we'll go back up.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-01
Knock it off, you're scaring me.
Seriously.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-01
I bought myself a Doors CD yesterday, but can't remember the name. It's their fifth album I think.
Then I payed a whore to blow me, but totally wigged out while climaxing and strangled her to death.
Not Soft Parade I hope.

 

by ObiJo
9-07-01
And now, an important announcement from Herman J. Braddock, CEO Atlantic Ocean, Inc.
Hello surface dwellers of the world, please excuse the interruption.
I'd like to address allegations of wrong doing by the shark local 162 down Florida way. This was a simple misunderstanding and can be easily addressed by having all beach goers wear a butter sun
And cinnamon.
By having all beach goers wear a butter and cinnamon sunscreen. And maybe carrying a bowl of barbeque sauce. A barbeque sauce of peace. A nice mesquite perhaps. Thank you and goodnight.

 

by ObiJo
9-08-01
Okay, everyone, take a few minutes to look at all the fish and then we'll move onto the penguin section of the tour.
Ah, the Moray Eel, easily the most fluid of the oceanic creatures.
What a cute yellow one.
Something's wrong with my fish.
The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood, before the great and terrible day of the LORD.

 

by ObiJo
9-08-01
Sproing!
Ok, lady! I ain't got this hand down my pants for nothing. We're gonna have some fun together.
HITLER.
Screw-ew-ew-ew this. Crazy bitch.
I saw everything! Boy, was that smart thinking! I don't think that perv will bother you again. Where'd you learn that technique anyway?
Hitler hitler hitler hitler hitler hitler. Hitler hitler hitler! Hitler?

 

by ObiJo
9-09-01
So then the donkey says, "Well, don't I feel like an ass."
So then the guy says, "So then the donkey says, 'Well, don't I feel like an ass.'"
No, man, it's supposed to be, "So then the hooker says, "So then the guy says, 'So then the donkey says, 'Well, don't I feel like an ass.''"" You totally blew the punchline.
Well, don't I feel like an ass.

 

by ObiJo
9-09-01
Down Florida way there's some marshaland called the Rascoe Glades. Not many people visit there, and of those that visit, even fewer return.
It's been in local folklore for decades, the story of the Rascoe Wraith, who plunges her hand into the viscera of her victim, removing all it grasps.
Truth is Willy got himself a squirrel gun back in '62.
Goddamn if this ain't gonna be the best batch of jerky yet.

 

by ObiJo
9-09-01
*sigh* Bad little slave. Bad bad. Ho hum.
What's wrong, master? You don't seem yourself tonight.
Lick my shoe. I had a lot in dot coms and though I didn't panic initially, my portfolio doesn't seem to be recovering. I'm starting to worry.
slurp slurp You know slurp slurp I've heard the technology slurp sector slurp slurp should be a slurp restoring force.
Rise, slave. Maybe, but in the short term I'm gonna have to raise my rates.
And they say the current downturn isn't affecting the average Joe.

 

by ObiJo
9-09-01
This is your fault you know.
Like hell it is.
Does the phrase, "Ooo, a net, let's check it out" ring a bell.
Alright, alright.
So, any ideas how we get down off this table? That's the chef coming and I don't think his cleaver is just for setting mood.
Maybe if we concentrate real hard we can evolve feet.

 

by ObiJo
9-09-01
Lil help here.

 

by ObiJo
9-09-01
Knock, knock, knock.
Knock Knock Kn

 

by ObiJo
9-09-01
2/01
B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O! B-I-N-G-O, and Bingo was his name-o!
6/01
Hey, Schillinger, knock that off! He's been paroled.
I'm almost done with him.
8/01
Just couldn't stay clean, huh Poet?
Can it, McManus. Were's the computer?

 

by ObiJo
9-11-01
Remember when we used to listen to songs like Funky Town, Cars, and YMCA?
Oh ya.
And we used to wear bell bottoms and sequin shirts. Remember?
You betcha.
I've named that the Pre-Lava Period.
Catchy.

 

by ObiJo
9-11-01
Ah, nothing beats coming home to a nice quiet house after a hard day's...wait a minute.
I don't live here.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01
...and the camomile really adds something extra to your skin. And I'm not just saying that either.
I ain't buying a damn thing from you, hippy!
I hate this street.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01
So then the waitress says, AHAHA, no, no! I can get through this!
So then the waitress says, "The perfect flag for a perfect fag!" AHAhahmm.
That wasn't as funny as I remembered.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01
Ok, here it comes, Timmy!
ROWR!!!
AHHH!
I love that part! Don't you, Timmy?

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01
My life seems out of control lately. I think I need to start compartmental- izing.
Titty
Bar
Or maybe I'll just go to a titty bar.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01
Ok, how 'bout Sizzler?

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01
A man's capacitance for good is matched by his capacitance for evil.
Wow! That's really insightful! I mean REALLY!
Thanks man.
I'll grab the gasoline.

 

by ObiJo
9-12-01
So, what sounds good, French or Italian?
Eh, what ju doing in ma ocean, meathead.
Taking my annual bath.
I'm thinking Italian.
Oh ya.

 

by ObiJo
9-13-01
Unbelievable how much shit you see walking down 42nd street. I mean bums on the left, muggers on the right. It's really a shithole.
Ya, 51st is getting like that too.
Why don't you keep your GODDAMNED opinions to yourself.

 

by ObiJo
9-14-01
You know the fuckers I hate?
The ones who carry their Stanford-Binet scores in their back pocket.
I mean I scored 130, big whoop, doesn't mean anything.
Or was it 135?

 

by ObiJo
9-14-01
Imagine me following a parabolic arc and coming right at you, but you moving constantly with me to avoid collision.
Now swim.

 

by ObiJo
9-14-01
Oh tiddlywinks! I seem to have accidently buttered my anus.

 

by ObiJo
9-15-01
See.

Showing page 7.

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