All comics by BigFrank105

 

by BigFrank105
5-13-05
Whoa... Who are you?
I AM THE ALMIGHTY GUARDIAN OF THE TOILET!
That's a pretty shitty job.
Tell me about it.

 

It would be the last time Professor Ashton put Ex-Lax in the lab rat's fajita.
by BigFrank105, 5-13-05

 

by BigFrank105
5-13-05
Where'd you get all those brownies?
You really don't want to know.

 

by BigFrank105
5-21-05
So the doctors had to amputate my left hand last week.
It's been pretty rough.
It totally cut my sex life in half.

 

by BigFrank105
5-22-05
Okay detective, what happened here?
The killer stabbed his victim gruesomely and then spelled this cryptic message on the wall.
Interesting... What does it say?
"Red Rum"
The motivation was alcohol! Shut down all the bars in town immediately! And get me some Captain Morgan!
Gosh, you're smart!

 

by BigFrank105
5-22-05
Hey Nate, what's that you've been eating for the past 5 hours?
Macaroni and Cheese
It looks like hog fat mixed with mustard.
That would explain the heart attacks.

 

by BigFrank105
5-22-05
When I was a kid my mom would always give me a dollar a day to take out the trash.
One day I realized that the trash bags mom had been giving me were filled with rotting corpses.
After that, I had a new friend everyday of the week.

 

by BigFrank105
5-22-05
Yesterday me and my friends totally peeped into the girl's locker room at the Community College.
Ha ha... I'm just kidding.
I don't have any friends.

 

by BigFrank105
5-22-05
I had to go to the dentist yesterday. I ended up in the waiting room for like two hours.
I was really mad. I didn't appreciate it at all.
Then again, I'm sure the dentist didn't appreciate me killing everyone there either.

 

by BigFrank105
5-23-05
I got thrown out of a restaurant yesterday.
I kept asking if the "special" sauce was made out of retarded children.

 

by BigFrank105
5-23-05
AGH! IT'S HORRIBLE! MY GIRLFRIEND LEFT ME!
Don't worry about it dude! Why do you think she did it?
I can't do... "something" anymore. It was the only thing that turned her on! Without it, I'm nothing!
What can't you do anymore?
I can't poo-poo.

 

by BigFrank105
5-23-05
Hey Santa, if you're real and if you're such a nice guy, then why do you give rich kids more presents than poor kids?
It's really quite simple, Billy...
The moms of rich kids are hotter than poor ones, so Santa expects better sexual pleasure from them. The better the BJ, the more presents I give.
But I don't have a mom...
Well, your dad had to do. That's why you got nothing last Christmas.

 

by BigFrank105
5-23-05
My neighbor invited me over for dinner last night.
I was so happy that I cooked her a little side dish that I brought over.
Okay, so how was I supposed to know it was HER cat?

 

by BigFrank105
5-26-05
Today on Action News 5! We're interviewing a guy who lives in a garbage can! So what's it like living in a garbage can?
Hmmm... I see you've given up on living in a garbage can.

 

by BigFrank105
5-26-05
I hate prison...
Honey, after I'm done with you, prison is going to be the last thing you'll hate.

 

by BigFrank105
5-28-05
Officer! I was just robbed by some fiend!
Calm down, ma'am. Can you tell of which minority background he was from?
What?
You know... Was he black, asian, mexican?
Uh... I'm pretty sure he was white.
Then why the fuck are you wasting my time?

 

by BigFrank105
5-28-05
Boy, do you know how fast you was goin' back there?
Uh... Probably 1 mile an hour... Seeing as I was walking.
Don't you get smart with me there boy. Ahm smarter then yoo. Ahm a cop, I'm above your authori-tah!
Hey look! A donut!
Huh? Whut? Where? Come to daddy!

 

by BigFrank105
5-28-05
That'll be $10.71, sir.
Damn... Well, here's all I got.
Sorry sir, you appear to be a little short.
Look, don't ask why I killed him. The fucker asked for it.
I hate working with midgets.

 

Alan, that has got to be the ugliest Yarmulke I have ever seen.
Look, Spencer's Gifts doesn't have a good selection, okay?
by BigFrank105, 5-28-05

 

by BigFrank105
5-31-05
LAYLA!!! YOU GOT ME ON MY KNEES!
What's that supposed to mean?
I was the woman last night...
That blows.

 

by BigFrank105
6-03-05
Gee willikers, Trash Lad! The final boss of the Inner Sanctum of the 5th Cloiser of Fire is just behind that door! What should we do?
What do you expect me to do? I'm a fucking guy in a FUCKING TRASH CAN!
You suck as a sidekick.

 

by BigFrank105
6-06-05
My idea of a perfect threesome would be me, Angelina Jolie, and Tara Reid!
My idea of a perfect threesome would be me fucking your girlfriend and you in the corner jacking off into a Dixie cup!

 

by BigFrank105
6-06-05
In this recent study, it appears that 86% of all college students lose faith in religion!
I seriously doubt that.
What makes you say they're not?
Most of them worishp the porcelain god at least 3 times a week.

 

by BigFrank105
6-08-05
So, Johnny the Giant, how do you like the giant dog-shaped novelty condom I bought you?
It fits great, thanks.
Great, now what do you say you and that dog go "play in the mud".
Thats Disturbing.

 

by BigFrank105
6-08-05
These new sock puppets we bought at the Gag Shop are so cool.
I masturbated into mine.
Thats Disturbing.

 

by BigFrank105
6-10-05
Art is dead.
I know what you mean. All of this new modern art has reduced brilliant works of art to nothing but squares and squiggles.
No, I mean Art is dead. I stabbed him to death with a spork and buried him in my backyard.
But I do agree with what you said.

 

by BigFrank105
6-14-05
Come on, Justin! Please forgive me! I'd do anything to have you back! I'd move mountains for you!
Please take me back!
Gosh, you can be so damn cold sometimes.

 

Oh my God! This boxer has a hook sticking out of his skull! What the hell did you do to him?
Arr, calm yourself, Wench! I just threw a right hook!
by BigFrank105, 6-15-05

 

by BigFrank105
6-18-05
HAHAHA! Dude, remember last week when we both chugged like 3 bottles of syrup each?
Whoops, I forgot that you were still in a coma.

 

by BigFrank105
6-20-05
You know, I'm sick of you treating me like a shitbag.
Would you rather me treat you like a horse's ass?
Well, no, but I'd rather---
Shut up, Gene.

 

by BigFrank105
6-20-05
Hey, Gene! How's it going today?
Huh? Are you actually being nice to me?
Well, I figure I'd might as well as your Doctor told me you have AIDS.

 

by BigFrank105
6-21-05
Good news, Gene!
What?
I just sold you to a Chinese slave ship where you'll be working 16 hour days gutting tuna fish!
And that's good news?
Well, it finally means you'll be with the rest of your family!
Mommy?

 

by BigFrank105
6-21-05
Hey, I'm a bit short for this month's rent. I need to raise 50 bucks by Friday. Are there any jobs you can have me do?
No, but I'll let you suck my dick for a quarter.
Fuck, this is gonna take awhile then...
That's my boy!

 

by BigFrank105
6-24-05
Did you go to the carnival today?
Christ no! The only people who go there are 12-year old girls who dress like whores!
Yeah, around here we just call them 12-year olds

 

by BigFrank105
6-27-05
Attention all people! We must Rise Against the corporations and let out our Rage Against the Machine!
Rising up the government? Hah! That's not quite the Story of the Year! There's more important things to worry about!
Not quite! Our Offspring deserve to experience a heightened state of Nirvana!
Why are you so concerned about "the children" anyway?
Children are the only things that seem to harden my Limp Bizkit, if you know what I mean...
You won't have to worry about that getting any bigger anyway. I'd say it's still Less Than Jake.

 

by BigFrank105
6-27-05
Jesus has been up there for weeks. He smells Rancid!
That's what I call a Rotting Christ.

 

by BigFrank105
7-04-05
Hey Pierce, do they have a 4th of July in France?
Oh wait, I know this riddle... You ain't gonna fool me that easily.
Actually, they don't. Thanks to recent legislation, July 4th has been removed from international calenders making the U.S. the only country remotely capable of celebrating the 4th.
That'll show the French
Yeah, them and their damned "Louis Bastille Day" crap.

 

by BigFrank105
7-10-05
Hey Steve, who was that girl you were with the other night?
Oh, that's just Lucy, no one special.
She was absolutely filthy! Her clothes were tattered and she smelled like cottage cheese!
Well duh, she was homeless.
Why were dating a homeless girl?
Hell, after a date I can drop em off anywhere.

 

mandingo needs to shut up.
Agreed.
by BigFrank105, 7-15-05

 

by BigFrank105
7-16-05
Hey I need to borrow your Triscuit cracker.
Fuck off, it's my Triscuit cracker. I though you had your own Triscuit cracker!
Yeah, but my Triscuit cracker has gone missing and I need a new one!
Fuck off. The Triscuit cracker is mine.
I hate you.
Don't make me use my Triscuit cracker on your nut sack.

 

by BigFrank105
7-16-05
What are you eating there?
Mmph. Limited-Slip Differential.
You're eating Limited-Slip Differential? I want some Limited-Slip Differential, you big dumb cthulu!
Don't insult me, foul woman, or I'll grind you up like Limited-Slip Differential.
At least I don't have Limited-Slip Differential for brains.
At least my pussy doesn't smell like Limited-Slip Differential.

 

by BigFrank105
7-21-05
Hey Kevin, how's it goin'?
Not good, BigFrank. Theres been a bunch of necrophiliacs coming in this place lately and havin' their way with me!
Oh, them? Hah! I don't mind them at all!
Why?
The way I see it, I'm having more sex dead than I was alive.
That's right, you died a virgin!

 

by BigFrank105
7-27-05
So what did you do last night?
You know that one girl from the office? The one that gives me a huge erection whenever I talk to her? Well, I asked her out on a date.
No shit! Well what happened?
Well, I didn't want the embarassment of getting a boner during the date, so I duct taped it to my leg. Then I went to her house and she answered the door in the sexiest dress I'd ever seen...
And...? Then what happened?
I kicked her in the face!

 

by BigFrank105
7-27-05
Okay... By looking at me you wouldn't know it, but I'm a hardened criminal.
I've jaywalked more streets than you could ever imagine. Sometimes I don't even use my signals while driving.
I'm such a hardass. None of you can compare to my skills. I was raised on the streets, bitch!
Specifically, Oak and Elm street... You know... In a rough suburb in rural New Hampshire. Shit went down!
Don't fuck with me. You half-step me and I'll blast a cap in your ass! You just remember dat shit!
I love doing dating videos.

 

by BigFrank105
7-28-05
Dude! You're never going to believe this! I actually had sex last night!!!
No way! How did you manage to do that!
It was really easy! I got Shank to help me out and I followed his advice!
So you raped her then?

 

by BigFrank105
7-28-05
Tyler, I'm breaking up with you.
No Cindy! Don't leave me! I can do better!
Oh yeah? Give me two reasons to change my mind.
A 9mm and a shovel.
I'm amazed at how long you and Cindy have been dating.
I'm just good with women I guess.

 

by BigFrank105
7-28-05
Hey Bigfrank, how's it been going?
Not so good... I've been having a lot of phone sex lately.
What's so wrong with phone sex? It's not like it's bad for you.
Not true.
The doctor says I have hearing AIDS.

 

by BigFrank105
7-29-05
Man, I'm in desperate need of some alcohol!
I'd do anything to get my hands on some alky!
I wonder if any hobos are in need of sexual favors tonight.

 

by BigFrank105
7-29-05
Hey Shank, I'm looking to get a present for my girlfriend on her birthday. Got any ideas?
Hmmm...
How about KY Jelly and a football?
Trust me, it WILL fit.

 

by BigFrank105
7-31-05
Good news, Gene! I recently became an organ donor!
Really? I can't believe a person as horrible as you would do such a noble act.
Yup! And the better news is I promised them organs right away!
Which organs are you donating?
No Gene... it's not "which" organs, it's whose organs.
Is that why you have a hacksaw behind your back?

Showing page 8.

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