All comics by ObiJo

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by ObiJo
9-15-01
Imunna go down to the cafeteria. Don't try to blow up the ship while I'm gone.

 

by ObiJo
9-15-01
That was an excellent post. Thank you for it. *** Oh, no, it should be me thanking you for taking the time to read it.
Ick. More peace and love. Where the fuck's Gabe?
In a Tropical Paradise
Hey waitress! Did you forget the swizzel stick or am I supposed to just stir this drink with my dick?

 

by ObiJo
9-15-01
...so the Lord smote him.
He did what now?
He smote him.
What's that mean?
His arse is grarse.

 

by ObiJo
9-16-01
There's nothing like the forest, Joey.
Nothing like the fresh air and clean living.
Am I gonna see my mommy and daddy again?
That depends, son. That depends.

 

by ObiJo
9-17-01
Let us open up our hymnals to number 316 and start singing.
o/` My arse is an awesome arse who reigns like a perfect arse... o/`
o/` With wisdom, and just a bit of gas, my arse is an awesome arse... o/`
I FEEL THE POWER IN ME!
These fuckers are crazier than me.

 

by ObiJo
9-21-01
It's said that the key to a successful marriage is never going to sleep angry at each other.
But pithy sayings don't dig a hole.

 

by ObiJo
9-21-01
You know the kind of humor I hate? Puns.
Really? I love em.
Maybe it's because my uncle has done cheesy puns my whole life.
Ya.
I mean everytime he says a pun, I tell him I hate them, but it's like he doesn't get it.
Well, they say those that don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it it.

 

by ObiJo
9-22-01
You got your ass on backwards and two feet too high.
Least I'm not shoveling the biggest load of...wait a minute, what were we arguing about?
I think it was religion.
Heretic!

 

by ObiJo
9-23-01
...that's not the asian girl I saw walking away with it.
But you said you saw him out there folding.
I did. I remember because I was walking home from a movie that had a cool ass Spiderman preview thingy before it. What do they call those?
Who cares, I'm trying to solve a redrum here. You're free to go, but don't talk to the press.
Sorry it took so long, boss. The damn light doesn't turn on till the door's open. No potatoes, all we found in there was a piece of balloon, a blonde hair, and a whole lot of asian girl.
A_blonde_hair? Damn, and I thought I was on to something. Oh well. Where'd you get all those YooHoos anyway?

 

by ObiJo
9-25-01
Let there be light!
Too easy.
Grass and an asian girl!
Ho hum.
Two...HACHOO! God bless me.
Jesus, Jesus.
Jesus?

 

by ObiJo
9-26-01
All of this is yours, my only son. All of creation.
Even that titty bar down there? Dig it.
Boy, I'll make you a deal. If you stop trying to forgive that gaggle of hookers every damn day, I might just keep this pitchfork out of your ass.
Sorry, father. Sometimes I just have this irresistable urge to cleanse.

 

by ObiJo
9-26-01
When I dance this way I feel so fine!
Stop dancing.
I'm still dancing on the inside.

 

by ObiJo
9-26-01

 

by ObiJo
9-26-01
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
I don't know Merl, seems to me like the Yanks are gonna do it again.
No argument here. They've got the experience and the...excuse me one second.
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Hi, could you tell me how to get to Central and Bethany Home Road?
Sure, you just take I-17 to Bethany then
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Maura Jennings, call on line two. Maura Jennings call on line two.
Makeover? You're perfect just the way you...is that you?
Sure is. Just one sec and don't you move.
Hello?
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Three flights and three thousand miles later, but finally, peace.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Just like Godzilla.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Excuse may prettay lattay, bud der is a phone call forya.
Tell him to fuck off!
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Fucoff, menn. Fucoff and go blo a goat.
She said that?
I adid the goat part.
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Excuse me bartender, that squirrel is bothering me.
Wheech one, prettay lattay? The one playen wid da yung lads oer dere?
Ya, playing with the young MALE lads over there.
En been fed nutz right out da boyz 'ands?
Ya, young MALE lads nuts.
I wonchoo to leave my bar.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Hi folks, this is your captain. When we hit cruising altitude here shortly I'll remove the seatbelt sign and you'll be free to move around the cabin.
We're passing over some beautiful coral reef right now as we follow the coastline. Take a look out your window. Gorgeous!
Wow, they sure are.
We also seem to be passing over some sort of fire. Looks like a big one too. You know, I may be crazy, but they almost look like letters.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
She's mobile, I'll give her that.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
What in the hell are you?! Some kind of weird ass breed of female dog?!
Male donkey.
Good to know you man.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
I don't get it. Where is he? WHERE IS HE?!
The waiting's worse than the act!
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Wait, why are YOU calling me a bitch?
You told the bartender to tell me to fuck off when I called you.
I did, but that was just a big mistake. You see, I thought you were the talking squirrel.
The talking squirrel?
The talking squirrel.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Maura, maybe we should start seeing other people.
No, Roger, listen to me! l need you to help me. We must kill him.
Kill the talking squirrel?
That's right.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Couldn't we just rough him up a little?
No.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
The talking squirrel I mean.
No.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Did you set the trap?
Yes.
Where is that little squirrelly bastard? He should have been here hours ago. Look around and see if you see him.
Why aren't you looking?
Is he a good conversationalist?

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
I hate Greyhound.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
I can't take this waiting much more! He's lurking around here, I can feel it. DO YOU HEAR ME YOU LITTLE BAST
BITCH!
You jumped so far you landed right on the trap!
Yes I know.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Why do you hate women so much?
You know, I'm not sure. Never really thought about it.
So, what, Yanks in 5?
No argument here.
You called the ambulance, right Rog?

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
You know, maybe if you opened up and talked to me about it, you'd get over your hatred of women.
Open up, huh? Really think that'll work?
Sure, share your feelings about women that have hurt you in the past and it will be cathartic for you.
Boy, a fresh start. Cleansed, with no prejudice clouding my judgment. A Tabula Rasa...excuse me a moment.
BITCH!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Seriously, man. Just keep telling yourself not to listen to those hateful thoughts. And go for a walk once in a while to clear your mind.
Ya, this really seems to be helping. I feel like a new man already! But, hey, what's that scene there behind you?

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Hi Merl!
Hi, Maura. Hey, look, sorry about that whole BITCH! thing. I'm over that now.
Oh, and thanks for getting me the job here! I didn't really expect that, what with you having to chew your own leg off to save your life. That must have been maddening.
Hi Merl!

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
I don't know. It doesn't seem right somehow.
Microsoft.
I couldn't. It's just too weird.
The Brady kids put out an album you know.
It's counterintuitive, but you raise some interesting points about how they make hot dogs.
So has Fetuses for Abortion got your vote?

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
The moon, you say?

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Well the outdoors may do something for your sinuses, but it sure as hell ain't helping your Hearts game.
Watch this.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
You ever get the feeling people think we're gay just because we live together?

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
I went down to the DMV today.
Oh ya, what for?
There was some kind of mixup with their licensing computer and they had me down as a five-foot-four, thirty-three-year-old Scandanavian woman.
Did they fix it.
They said they'd look into it and come up with a solution.
Let's snog.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Your drinking is getting a little excessive, don't you think?
Complaining about my behavior just makes me want to assert my individuality by doing the opposite of whatever you say.
Want me to carry you to your room?
No, I'm good here.

 

by ObiJo
9-27-01
Well, theoretically, our missile defense shield should have worked.
True.
So I'm thinking there was an error in your calculations.
In MY calculations?

 

by ObiJo
9-28-01
LOTZ OF U FUKERS GIV NOOBS A HARD TIME
SOIN PROTEST IM RITING THIS STRIP WITH NO PUNCTUASHEN OR SPEELING CHEKS N SHOUTING HAWHAW
Where the donkey and the spaceship fit in I haven't figured out yet.

 

by ObiJo
9-28-01
I think the world would be a better place if people started listening to each other and treating everyone with respect.
And you know what experience has taught? It's usually the ones who consider themselves enlightened that need the most help at this.
They view themselves as open-minded, so subconsciously treat those who disagree with them as close-minded and dismiss them. In essence, they become what they hate by having been what they love.
Yes, but you're a donkey.

 

by ObiJo
9-28-01
I find wordy comics quite boring.
Me too.

 

by ObiJo
9-28-01
I really do hate wordy comics.
Why's that?
I can always intuit where they're going. There's only so many kinds of jokes in the world, and I've seen most of them. Short comics fool me by not giving a lot of hints, but long ones I catch onto.
You realize that little rant made this a wordy comic, right?
Irony.

 

by ObiJo
9-28-01
You know, Dan, I really enjoy our talks.
Me too, my friend.
You don't remember my name do you?
Not for the life of me.

Showing page 8.

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