All comics by RandomComicLayoutGuy

Profile

 

Oh, Tiki... I'm soooooo sorry!
Hmpf!
How can I ever make it up to you?
You CAN'T!
How 'bout a plate of waffles?
I'll grab the syrup!

 

Wow! It's such a beautiful day here in So. Cal! Why don't you raise your drink with me in a toast of gratitude, Melty...
Melty..?
I HAVE NO ARMS, GODDAMMIT!!

 

Tonight's surprise guest behind the red curtain is...
...in case you haven't already figured it out...
...Shaq!
S'up?

 

CRACK!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CRACK!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Why are you laughing, clown?
Because you keep hitting my funny bone!
Oh...

 

Rick Springfield!
Oh, how I wish I was...
Yay!
...Jessie's girl!
Huh? When did this guy go gay?
Yes, I wish I was Jessie's little cum-bitch girl!

 

Wow! New O' is completely devastated!
No shit, Captain Obvious!
Let's start over...
Let's...

 

buk buk
Sadly...
buk buk
This is the closest I'm ever going to get to...
buh-GAWK!
...COCK!

 

This sucks!
I've been dead for over a week...
...and now they're saying I won't be buried for at least another month!

 

Ow! Ow! Ow!
Damn!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Why couldn't it been THIS chuckle-head doing the hammering when I was crucified..?

 

OUCH!
Goo, goo?
Why did I say "ouch"? You bit me on my dick, bonehead! Why'd you do that?
Goo, goo, googity-goo! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You thought it was your pacifier? What's so fucking funny about that, you little shit!

 

Hey, mister!
Yes..?
Have you got any NUTS?
Dude... If, I HAD any "nuts", I'd go out and make my way in this mean world, instead of hiding out in this trash can all day!
?

 

Wow!
The water receded faster than they said it would...
So, who da fuck is gonna remove Flipper from my front yard?

 

What YOU people don't understand is the devastation my black community is experiencing from Katrina!
But, I'm white!
What's that got to do with it?
I lost everything in the storm, too!
Yeah? But, only the BLACK man that has truly suffered from this disaster!
My house is gone, my wife and kids are dead, and I'm standing neck-deep in the same dirty water you are! Hellooooo?

 

This is BULLSHIT!
Of course, it is!
I'm a bull, bitch!

 

Quack?
I don't know who he is, or where he came from. I found him outside, rooting through the trash, mom...
Quack?
All I know is his driver's license says his name is "Chuckaduck"...
[BURP!]
How would I know what the fuck kind of name is Chuckaduck?

 

OUCH!
Goddamn, my nuts hurt! What were you thinking, TOBOR?
TOBOR NO THINK! TOBOR JUST CORNHOLE!!
Doesn't cornholing involve the BUTT?
Well, it's really dark out, and I couldn't see, and...

 

I...
Payback's a bitch!
...can't...
Eh, pale-face?
...breathe!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

That is so ironic!
[munch, munch]
They call me "Bugs", too!
Snap!

 

"You have reached the Federal Emergency Management Administration..."
"If, you are a victim of Katrina, please leave your name and address after the tone, and we will rush out to you a debit card with two thousand dollars on it..."
...unless, of course, you're African-American. In that case, you'll recieve zippo, 'cuz we all know the President hates black people!"
Snap!

 

How do I look..?
Like a fucking CLOWN!
I was afraid of that...
But, hey... At least, it's on sale!
*sigh*

 

What do you mean...
...this isn't...
...THAT "Red Cross'?

 

Should I..?
Or, shouldn't I..
...cross that line and cornhole Satan?
What's on your mind, TOBOR?

 

Say, Frank...
Yes, Neo?
What are the odds of me getting a cup of your world's famous cup o' joe?
I'd say your odds are about as good as a black man from Louisiana getting invited to stay at the White House!
Snap!

 

Your moooooove!
Get it? "Mooooooove"? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Lick balls!

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Wait! Come back...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
Shit!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
This happens everytime I try to ask someone for assistance!

 

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Bossie, the impetuous cow...
Bossie, the impetuous cow who?
FUCK OFF!!
?

 

Hey, Melty! The flood waters are rising...
No shit, Sherlock!
Looks like we're gonna have to swim for it!
You can count me out...
Why?
I have no arms!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
So... You say your name is Captain Obvious?
Of course! Isn't it obvious?
Not to me... I'm blind!
I can see that!
I can't!
Obviously!

 

Do don't do it!
Aw... C'mon!
I'm telling you, dude... DON'T!
Just one little poke... Please?
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!
But, I've never felt a "belly full of jelly"...

 

Dude... You were right! This club ROCKS!
I told you!
But, are you sure this kilt will attract women?
Trust me...
Why the fuck am I taking fashion advice from this fag-boy?

 
Amen.

 

Andale, Senor Melty...
Levanta su manos!
No tengo brazos!

 

CRACK!
Nothing!
Nothing?
CRACK!!
Zilch!
Zilch? Really?
Yes! Not one drop!
Damn! I thought for sure I could whack the piss out of you!

 

Hey, Neal... Do you know why black people raise chickens?
I have no idea, Diablo...
So, they can teach their children how to walk! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA [buh-GAWK!]
You... You... COCK!
Cluck off!

 

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
I'm sorry, Gumby!
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
I told Pokey I wanted to cross the freeway to "get to the other side", and I guess he tried following me...
...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
I'm sure that truck driver carries comprehensive medical insurance. Hopefully.

 

A stand-up comic's wet dream:
HO! HO! HO!
HO! HO! HO!
HO! HO! HO!
HO! HO! HO!
(Unless he's Jewish, of course!)
HO! HO! HO!
HO! HO! HO!

 

(People of America...)
People of America...
(In order to fulfill bible prophecy...)
In order to fulfill bible prophecy...
(...I must now invade Israel!)
...I must now invade Isra- whaaaaaat?

 

To drink, or not to drink... That is the question!
Hmmm... That IS a good question at that!
Whether it is better to go with a tall Columbian, or a grande Sumatran...
If, I had my druthers, I'd take the grande Sumatran. But, only if she had a big pair of tits!
Et tu, Stickboy? Et tu?
Or, an ass shaped like the back end of a '94 Taurus!

 

Damn!
What's wrong..?
It was hard enough for me to keep my head above water BEFORE the flood!

 

SAVE US! SOMEBODY, PLEASE SAVE US!!
Relax, bucket-head! It's going to be awhile before they come for us...
BUT, WE'LL DROWN IF WE STAY HERE!
True. But, you gotta know the FEMA pecking order when it comes to rescuing civilians...
Okay, I'll bite... What's the pecking order?
White people, Asians, dogs, Hispanics, cats, cows, black people, THEN chickens and robots....

 

Damn, Shaq!
What?
How the hell do you play pocket-pool with that thing?

 

Damn, Shaq!
What?
It looks like the Lord gaveth...
...and, I kept on giving!

 

Wow, Dude... Looks like you're in a world of hurt!
No shit, Seargent Obvious!
That's CAPTAIN Obvious, sir!
"Captain" Obvious? How the hell did an idiot like you ascend to THAT rank?
Well, let's see... First, I blew Major League. Then, I fingered Colonel Sanders. Finally, I let General Admission give me a "Dirty Sanchez"...
Hmmm... Maybe, if I choke down a mouthful of this water, I'll slip into a coma and die!

 

Hey did you hear? They're going to re-open parts of the French Quarter!
Who cares? The rest of New Orleans is still under water!
This news is, dare I say...
Please, don't!
..."Groovy!"
Damn you, edoggydog! Damn you!

 

This is Phil McCracken, reporting live from New Orleans, with a resident who just returned to his home...
"Dear Stickboy...
He is reading a letter that was just delivered to him today by the U.S. Postal Service...
"Because you lost everything in the flood, and are now flat broke, there's NO WAY IN HELL I'll ever marry you! Hate, Twiggy"
Good news?
:-((

 

Aw, shit!
Hey, Robo-buddy! How's it looking?
Uh... Fine.
Are you sure?
Yeah. Why?
'Cuz the top of my head feels extremely "airy", as if you cut off all my hair by accident!

 

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
So, TOBOR... What happened after you cornholed Mrs. Crabapple?
TOBOR?
Sorry, Officer! TOBOR "can't see" answering any more of your questions! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Gee! I've never heard that lame-ass joke before...

 

Mmm-mmm-mmm! Dee-fucking-LISH!
Say! How 'bout you trade me a piece of your sandwich for a cup of my world famous coffee?
I'll pass...
Are you sure? It's freshly brewed!
Go fuck yourself, lizard-face!
Apparently, this asshole has never seen "Jurastic Park"...

 

"To answer your question, Mr. Kringle: the fact that you dress up in a red suit, with knee high black leather boots, does not necessarily mean you're gay."
"Nor, does flying around all night with eight reindeer (one named Prancer), and shouting out, 'Ho! Ho! Ho!' as you bound from house to house."
"However... Living with fifty male midgets up at the North Pole, year round, certainly makes you a candidate for mayor of Fagville!"
Snap!

 

"What do you think, Melty?"
It's nice, alright...
But, I'm not sure I can afford it...
"We could give you a 'hand' with financing. Ha, ha..."
What if I bought two arms? Would you give me a "ten-finger discount"?

Showing page 8.

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