All comics by israphael

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by israphael
12-05-02
In this scene you'll be working with Gabe and ...
Wait a second!
Look, I'm not going to do this scene if there is oral sex in it.
Don't worry, I promise there will be no oral sex in this scene.
Action!
Hey what are you doing back there? No don't. That's not supposed to go there. OW! OUCH, THAT HURTS! I WANT MY MOMMY!
This time, I think we'll leave the sound the way it is.

 

by israphael
12-05-02
In this scene...
No way! No fucking way! Everytime we start a new scene a some guy sticks his cock someplace where it doesn't belong!
I promise, there are no men in this scene.
OK, as long as no man sticks his dick in my mouth or ass.
Action! Cue Tobor!
I love this job!

 

by israphael
12-05-02
So are you going to give up being a porn star?
No way! People know me now. True, they spits and yell out rude names at me. But at least they know me.
Good. The japanese she-male that was in the next scene is ill, you'll have to fill in. Put on this school uniform and these kneepads and...
Crap!
This is totally sick. I like it!

 

by israphael
12-05-02
9:00 AM
Well, this script isn't going to write itself.
Blond with big tits showers. She hears the doorbell. Wearing only a towel she answers the door.
A typical day in the life of a Porn Script Writer
It's the pizza boy. Her towel slips off. He gets hard. They screw.
9:05 AM
Well, that was a good days work. Time for happy hour!

 

by israphael
12-11-02
There's nothing in the refrigerator 'cept beer and olives. I gotta think of a way to make some money.
The Lou Gehrig Foundation has raised over 10 million dollars for the sufferers of ALS. Won't you contribute?
Man, what a sweet scam. I'll come up with my own disease and people will start sending me money in bucketloads!
Now, if I can only think of some way to work in calling people "faggots" on the internet.

 

by israphael
12-11-02
Doctor! I'm losing all feeling on my left side!
Tell me more about your symptoms.
Two weeks ago I started feeling numbness in my right shoulder, which went down my arm, and now affects all my right side.
I thought you said it was on your left side.
Errr... Ummm... OH MY GOD! IT'S SPREADING!

 

by israphael
12-11-02
Well, it appears that you have a garden variety neurological disorder. Nothing special.
Those aren't the only symptoms. I have nausea, diarrhea, night sweats, water retention, and erectile dysfunction.
I see. Go on.
And I have those heart pains. What do you call that... Vagina!
Wow, you blurt out naughty words just like in Tourette's syndrome.
Uh... Sure. That works for me.

 

by israphael
12-11-02
And that, doctors, is my case report on the syndrome I call "Dave Cremaster's Disease". Any Questions?
Doctor, I find it hard to believe that all those symptoms can be caused by one disease. I think we need to perform more tests.
How the hell did you get in here? You're not even a real doctor. Security, escort this gentleman out!
Damn, and I was hoping to perform some rectal palpation on him.

 

by israphael
12-11-02
Good news, we've raised 25 million. And the "Make a Wish Foundation" granted your wish: a day with the pornstar Ginger Lynn.
All right!
You poor thing, my heart goes out to you. How are you holding up?
I just try to face each new day bravely. *Cough* *Cough*
Oh my, that's quite an erection you have there. Is that part of the disease?
Yes. A persistant and painful erection is one of the symptoms. And the only way to make it go away is hours and hours of oral sex.

 

by israphael
12-11-02
*Knock* *Knock* Time to wake up Mr. Cremaster.
Oh man, what a party! Those hookers sure showed me a thing or two. I can't even move. I must have overdone the booze and drugs last night.
Oh dear God, he must have died in the night. Quick call the doctor. We have to perform an autopsy before the body starts to decay.
WAIT! DON'T CUT ME UP! I'M NOT DEAD!
The strange thing about this case was, as severe and debilitating as his disease was, his test results came back normal.
Fantastic!

 

by israphael
12-11-02
Years later...
How come we always get the shit jobs?
I don't know. But the sooner we fix the furnace, the sooner we are outta here.
And who's idea is to put the furnace in the back of a dark basement crammed full of unwanted crap.
Can you quit your bitchin' for a little while? Wait a second, I think I found the light switch.
GAH!
MOH!

 

by israphael
12-12-02
Ho Ho Ho! Hello little girl. Have you been naughty or nice this year?
Depends, on what you consider naughty. *tee hee*
Well, climb on Santa's lap and tell him what you want for Christmas.
I want *whisper whisper*.
I didn't know KY Jelly came in 50 gallon drums.

 

by israphael
12-17-02
Hi boys, have you all been good this year? Come sit on Mommy's lap and tell her what you want.
Will you jump up and down on my crotch in your bare feet?
I hope she'll wear the donkey costume.
What the hell, I've never screwed a live girl before.
I love sloppy seconds... and sloppy thirds... sloppy fourths...
Uh... I'm in line just to ask for a favor... for a friend.

 

by israphael
12-17-02
Well I've graduated this week and it's time to find a job. I'll be away from Stripcreator for a while and just wanted to say thanks.
Thanks to all those individuals who made being apart of the community a joy. Hope to see you guys soon. Take care.
What the hell was that all about?
I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. Probably one of those annoying newbies calling everybody "faggot' again.

 

by israphael
1-17-03
Hi, I'm Andy Dougan. Tonight I'll be reviewing "Tele-Tubbies: The Movie" starring Russell Crowe as Tinkie-Winkie.
CUT! I'm sorry Andy, but it's just not working out. We have to let you go.
Why? I thought you liked my work.
Frankly, it's your looks. It causes children to cry out in the night. We decided to go with someone better looking.
Better looking?
Hi, I'm Israphael. Tonight I'll be reviewing Russell Crowe's new movie, "Kangaroo Jack 2".

 

by israphael
1-30-03
Israphael, I'm not sure that I want you working on my cat.
Aw c'mon, I know I haven't practice medicine in ten years, but this procedure so simple, what could go wrong?
Well... in that case... alright.
Later that afternoon.
All finished. Now what so difficult about tonsil removal?
My anus is bleeding.

 

by israphael
4-11-03
Hey, Cindy why so glum?
I'm so bored with traditional snacks. I need a new snacking experience!
What you need is Stripcreator Biscuits. They're in the shapes of your favorite Stripcreator regulars.
Oh wow! There's LadyJ, Drexle, Fuzzyman, and Wirthling! *Crunch, Crunch* And they are so yummy! It's like a party in my mouth!
They'll taste even better once I put my special sauce on them.

 

by israphael
4-13-03
Oh my God! I just found a wallet full of money. What should I do?
Keep it! If that loser can't hold on to his money, fuck him!
No, return the wallet to that poor soul.
Has this ever happened to you? Ever get stuck on a moral dilemma because the angel and the devil on your shoulder can't agree?
Replace your old conscience with one made by Stripcreator. And do away with moral ambiguity in your life.
My stupid boss just fucked up big time. Should I cover it up or get him fired?
RAAAR! CORNHOLE HIM!
I agree, needs more sodomy!

 

by israphael
4-14-03
So you finished your schooling and found gainful employment. Just remember the phrase that will insure success in your life.
Do you want to supersize your order?
No!
Sucky! Sucky! Five dollah!

 

by israphael
4-22-03
You sleep with Stripcreator's resident slut! You die of veneral disease! Lose all your winnings and go back to start.
Maw! Not on my bed with the vicar!
You make a pun! You die! Lose all your winnings, return to start, and receive a kick to the crotch from the other players.
I'm a frayed knot!
You sleep with Stripcreator's resident pervert and people find out! You die of embarrassment! Lose all your winnings and go back to start.
This time you'll be Ned Beatty!

 

by israphael
7-11-03

 

by israphael
8-13-03
Thanks for having dinner with me.
No problem.
It's been so hectic at the new job. I never seem to get a chance to catch my breath.
I know the feeling.
Hello, I'm Candice and I'll be your waitress tonight. What can I get you ladies to drink?
Ladies?

 

by israphael
8-13-03
Look over the menus. I'll be back shortly with your drinks, ma'am.
Ma'am?
Ma'am! Did you hear that! She called me ma'am!
*Snicker*
She thinks I'm a woman!
Looks like somebody's got issues.

 

by israphael
8-13-03
I don't see why you're upset. What do you care what she thinks about you?
Oh waitress, my lover would like to see a desert menu.
Oh, did I say something wrong?

 

by israphael
8-13-03
How can she mistake me for a woman?
It's just a simple mistake. After all, you do have a nondescript physique.
Nondescript physique! I'll have you know, I'm the epitome of manhood!
I have the body of a god!
Yeah... Buddha.

 

by israphael
8-13-03
Maybe she's right. What should I care what other people think?
I know I'm a man. I'm perfectly comfortable with my masculinity.
So you want to buy a motorcycle. Welcome to Harley Davidson.

 

by israphael
8-13-03
The Low Rider is the bike for you! Climb on and tell me what you think.
Well, it is a very impressive piece of machinery.
But I was wondering if you had anything louder, bigger, and with more chrome.
I see, you want the "Tiny Penis Compensation Package".

 

by israphael
8-13-03
Yahoo! I never felt so alive! With the wind in my hair and and the road racing under my feet!
And you like me riding you! Yeah, that's right! Who's your daddy!
Look, if you're going to be a complete jerk about this. No more piggy-back rides for you.

 

by israphael
8-13-03
*RRRROOOOAAAARRRR*
Well I did it. I bought a oversized motorcycle that costs more than my annual salary.
*RRRROOOOAAAARRRR*
And yet I still feel unfulfilled. As if there is something lacking.
*RRRROOOOAAAARRRR*
I know! I need to buy some accessories!

 

by israphael
8-13-03
Looks like you had quite a shopping spree. You have a black leather jacket, a case of motor oil, and a set of socket wrenches...
a Smith & Wesson revolver, ammo, a case of Jack Daniels, condoms, and a copy of "Biker Sluts in Bondage".
Will that be all for today, ma'am?

 

by israphael
11-06-03
Trick or Treat!
You got any "Three Musketeers" or "Snickers" bars?
I'm not picky. I'll also accept "Payday", "Zagnut", or "Clark" bars.
C'mon lady, I ain't got all night. I'll take anything... "Circus Peanuts".. stale "Peeps"... fruit with razor blades in them.
Man! This is the last time I go trick or treating at the Bate's Motel.

 

by israphael
11-06-03
Crap! My car is out of oil! How am I going to get to work now?
TOBOR has more oil than he needs. TOBOR will do a good deed and help a machine in need.
TOBOR is the victim of bad aim. TOBOR was really trying to lube up his vehicle.
Tell it to the judge, Bukkake Boy!

 

by israphael
11-14-03
I don't know.
It's a classic!
It's got teenage angst, I'll give you that. But there is nothing else to appeal to today's audience.
OK, it'll need some major stars and some script doctoring. But it's all golden!
VIN DIESEL is HOLDEN CAULFIELD in "CATCHER IN THE RYE"!

 

by israphael
11-14-03
War bites.
Here's a letter for you.
Dearest Holden, My father is opposed to our relationship. He is marrying me off to an evil industrialist with dreams of world domination. Help me.
I'm outta here!

 

by israphael
11-14-03
That was an amazing escape involving big explosions and high-speed chases. Oh Holden, I missed you so much.
Me too. Let's get naked.
OK!
Due to Stripcreator's limitations, you'll have to imagine Vin Diesel and Heather Graham doing it doggy style... His rough hands on her slender hips... Slowly sliding in and... Uh... Uhh... Ahhhh...

 

by israphael
11-14-03
Now it's just you and me.
You fool, prepare to die. Have a taste of my graviton generating turbine!
When you weren't looking, I fucked up your death thingy.
Ah! I am dieing!
You did it, you destroyed him! But we'll never be safe as long as there are evil industrialist with dreams of world domination in the world.
Yeah. Whatever. Let's get naked.

 

by israphael
11-14-03
Do you know what you're doing? This is the cheapest video equipment I've ever seen. And can you get more light in here?
Hey, the grainy footage and low lighting will make the final product more realistic... more exciting!
Yeah... OK... But about my co-star... You know I like kinky stuff, but don't you think this is going a little far?
Just trust me. Wait till you see the final cut. And think of all the money we're going to make!
Paris Hilton Sex Video... Take One!
How do you get your eyes to glow like that?

 

by israphael
1-19-04
Hi, I am Brad and it is my pleasure to introduce a new comic strip entitled "My Little Circle of Hell" by Israphael ...
... writer of the award winning comic strips "Cowboy Meteorology", "The Death of Kaufman", and "Israphael without Pants".
It's a stirring tale of blood oaths, family secrets, betrayal, vengeance, arduous journeys, sorcery, sword fights, and ...
... lots and lots of homoerotic butt sex.
Wait a second, there's none of those things in my comic strip! And there's certainly going to be NO anal sex going on!
How about a blow job then?

 

by israphael
1-21-04
Tonight's the night. I'm getting laid!
I've got soft music, candles, champagne, and satin sheets to set the mood.
And I'm ready for anything. I got plenty condoms, lube, vibrators, lingerie, whips, handcuffs, and chocolate syrup.
Still, I feel like I'm forgetting something ...
*Sigh* ... the girl

 

by israphael
1-21-04
Sorry, but Israphael's new comic strip is not going to be a tale of action, adventure, and gay sex (that little prick tease)
Instead, it's about his real life experiences as a post-doctoral research assistant in a small agricultural college in rural Texas.
Oh yeah, that's going to be comedy gold.

 

by israphael
1-24-04
Previously on "My Little Circle of Hell"
I have to go... That was the president calling... I have to save the world... Again.
No! Don't! What will I do without you? And how will I ever find a man with such a huge penis?
There's on seconds left. Cut the wrong wire and the atomic bomb will go off. We're going to die! We're all going to die!
Eenie Meanie Minie Moe
Brad: I have serious doubts how autobiographical this comic strip is.
Bwa-ha-ha-ha. You may have foiled my plans but prepare to die by my pun-generating turbines!
You're the one who is dying today. Don't you know it's alway the one with the bigger penis who always wins.

 

by israphael
1-24-04
Well I've read your papers and your resume and I am impressed. I think you'll make a good addition to our lab.
Thank you Dr. Lysenko. I look forward to working in your lab.
And I have the perfect job for someone of your considerable skills. Yes... Perfect... Just for you...
Great, now I'm the king of shit.

 

by israphael
1-30-04
You'll be sharing an office with another Post-Doc, Linda Malades.
I think you'll find her... well... uh... different.
That's OK. I'm it'll be a pleasure working with her.
Sure... if you find abuse pleasurable.

 

by israphael
1-30-04
Hi there, I'm...
What the fuck do you want! Forget that shit! How the fuck did you get in here you retard! Turn your ass around and get the fuck outta my office!
Wait I don't deserve this kind of treatment, I am Post-Doc.
Oh! Oh, you're the new Post-Doc. Sorry about that. I get so many brain dead graduate students asking stupid questions, I have to find a way to chase them off.
Now why don't you sit down, get comfortable, while I go and open a can of whoop-ass.

 

by israphael
2-02-04
GRRRRRRR...
Hello there sleepyhead. I hope you didn't want any coffee. Seems I just poured the last cup.
ARRRRRGH!
Fantastic! Less than a month into the comic strip and I've managed to kill off the main character.

 

by israphael
2-02-04
Once upon a time, in Punsilvania, there was an evil tyrant who lived for tormenting his people.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
Oh dear sweet Jebus! Make it Stop!
In neighboring Bushington, powerful men coveted it's rich clay deposits.
We're invading because of... Don't you mean something like... oil... land... national security?
Thus began a short and bloody war.
The only way they'll get our clay is over my dead body.
That can be arranged.

 

by israphael
2-02-04
When the war was over, the victors installed a weak-willed imbecile as a puppet ruler.
Hey! Watch it!
But he was no ordinary idiot. He was an idiot with a plan. He would make use of Punsilvania's other natural resource...
Yes I can do that. But why no males?
I have my reasons.
Cats!
Rowr! Hey there pretty kitty. You're looking a little tired. Why don't lay your sleepy little head in my lap?

 

by israphael
2-02-04
Punsilvania fights for it's freedom.
Today we fight for our existance. Rise up, extend your claws, and win one for the gipper.
Meow!
Meanwhile in Bushington.
Mr. President! The Punsilvanians are revolting!
I'm going to ignore that obvious punchline set up. The war no longer matters. I've been re-elected.
So the Punsilvanians tasted the sweet nectar of victory.
Why don't you get comfortable while I put on some Marvin Gaye and break out some catnip.
Me-ow!

 

by israphael
2-02-04
But political power is a fickle bitch.
Oh master, whom we worship on our knees twice daily, we face a dire crisis.
I don't see a problem. We have our country back and I am surrounded by young nubile female felines.
The Bushingtons took all the clay. Without clay there is no kitty litter! Without kitty litter...
Great! Now I am the king of crap.

 

by israphael
2-03-04
Linda, I'll be busy all day with meetings. You'll have to teach my class for me.
No can do. I scheduled time in the analytical lab to run my samples. If I don't go today, who knows when I run them.
Then get Israphael to do it. It'll be good practice for him.
Now what will I do?
Ummm... Doc... Is this going to be on the mid-term?

Showing page 8.

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