All comics by Buttonman

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by Buttonman
9-17-08
Your daddy says it's time to take a nap.
Penguins don't talk. Why are you talking to me?
Because your daddy says it's time to take a nap.
What if I don't WANT to take a nap? What if I want to keep my eyes open? What's a PENGUIN going to do about it anyhow?
Your daddy says it's time to take a nap. Need I say more?
Just put me on the bed and sing me a lullaby. The whip and gender change are just waaay over the top!

 

by Buttonman
9-17-08
Mmmm. Sparkles.
I'm giving you a ticket for pointing a weapon at a wrestling show. That's illegal in Florida...
I TOLD YOU this Star Trek gimmick was too realistic.
Relax, Milo. Give it a chance. A lot of wrestling fans are Trekkies as well.

 

by Buttonman
9-20-08
Cops 1, Kris Knight, 0...
You have the right to remain silent.
Please, please, please . . .
. . . remain silent.

 

by Buttonman
9-24-08
Your Daddy's wrestling organization sucks. I could do better in my sleep. Your daddy don't know how to book.
Pyros!
Never underestimate baby power.

 

by Buttonman
9-26-08
I want you to quit picking on me. I hate it. It's embarassing.
Nobody's "picking on you." A "wrestler" is fair game for "ribbing" which is good natured poking fun at someone.
So what you're saying is that you see me as a wrestler?
Not in the least. Fans pretending to be wrestlers are fair game as well.
But these cartoons hurt my feelings and undermine my self esteem. I feel like people are laughing at me and not taking me seriously.
Perhaps it's time to take up NASCAR as a hobby. I hear Dale Jr. has a training camp...

 

by Buttonman
9-28-08
I hear you went to the XW-2000 show over at the Hadji. What did you think?
I won a wrestling mask and a "Black Scorpion" T shirt and got to hang out with Cheryl, The Costume Lady.
I wan't able to be there. That's why I asked. Nobody wants to book "Evil Leather Guy" these days. Too bad. I REALLY want to wrestle Terry Ryker.
Well, Terry was there and he half-murdered his oppopnent.
*sigh* See what I mean. If only they would book me...
Talk to "Tiny" Tiswell. I am sure he could arrange for you to get massacred by somebody. Dyamite Doug could use a good feud.

 

by Buttonman
10-14-08
Kris Knight is walking in the park when. . .
Hey Kris. People still giving you shizzle about wrestling?
Yeah. But I understand what it's all about now.
You do? Enlighten me prithee!
They're all afraid of my power and masculinity
Really?
Yep. They're afraid I'm going to steal their spot, their women and their manhood. It's sad. They have no self esteem.

 

by Buttonman
10-14-08
Continuing onward in the park, Kris runs into Bob . . .
I saw where you defended me on the GAWF Message Board.
Took me more than a half hour to write and spell-check all that.
I appreciate what you said but. . .
But what?
I absolutely didn't understand a single word of it.
Not to worry. No one else will either.

 

by Buttonman
10-14-08
It's a crowded park. . .
People who "HATE" Kris Knight, kick puppies, slap women and steal gasoline from orphanages!
That is an egregious, emotionalized and oversimplified statement of dubious relation to the truth.
Who the hell are you?
i am Achmed The Not-Yet-Dead Terrorist. Show me some respect, infidel.
So you are the guy who's about to become "Achmed The Dead Terrorist" of YouTube fame?
No. That's my cousin, Achmed. I'm Hezbollah, he's Palestinian. I KEEL you.

 

by Buttonman
11-04-08
At the North Pole . . . On a Tuesday. . .
I wanted to talk to you personally because I have a very special Christmas wish this year
GAWF's being sold to Ultimate and XW-2000 been sold to Tiny Tiswell. I would just like to have one place to wrestle. That's not a lot to ask, is it?
Why, NO, my boy. It seems quite a reasonable request.
Let's get ready to rumble, infidel!

 

by Buttonman
11-23-08
I read that Ultimate Wrestling is bringing back Culture Club.
Who's Culture Club?
You know - "From the mean streets of San Francisco..." Dan Delicious and Tyrone Holley... from the old PWA.
OH NO! NOT MORE WRESTLERS WEARING DRESSES! I CAN"T STAND IT!
You don't get it. They kiss referees, grab opponents' asses and flamboyant stuff such as that.
Sounds hard core.

 

by Buttonman
12-01-08
Bob says if I can't be a wrestler, i can be a "wrestling personality."
What does that involve?
Typing on message boards, enjoying wrestling, wearing colorful costumes and making lotsa noise.
Sounds like a sweet life.
I know. I do most of that stuff now anyhow. But as a "personality," I get credit instead of yelled at.
Believe me, I know just what you are talking about.

 

by Buttonman
12-27-08
Predictions for Gulf Coast Wrestling in 2009. That sounds like fun.
I, Kris Knight, predict someone will take me seriously as a wrestler in 2009.
I, Kory Jackson, predict that someone will take me seriously in 2009.
Grrr. I, Justin Cruze predict that someone will take me seriously in 2009
I guarantee people will take me seriously in 2009. **KA-KLIK!
Point that thing at something else, KANGAROO. SERIOUSLY!

 

by Buttonman
3-28-09
Erick has lots of time on his hands to think about wrestling...
Why do we always forget about MAZE?
He's a terrific wrestler and is kind to little old ladies and small dogs.
It's time to PUSH Maze, Bob.
And that request would SO be granted, if only I had my own promotion.

 

by Buttonman
3-28-09
So why don't you have your own promotion, Bob? I always wondered that.
Because it is a quicker way of losing money than investing with Bernie Madoff.
Who is Bernie Madoff?
He is the "Tiny Tiswell" of Wall Street.
You know that's going to cost you, don't you?
What's he going to do, try to fuzz me out of $25? Didn't work last time, ain't gonna work now.

 

by Buttonman
3-28-09
I hear you are having a problem with me, bucko!
So WHO are you again?
TISWELL! Tiny Tiswell. You have been cracking jokes about me for a month now and I am sick of it.
Sorry. I didn't recognize you without your wrestling tights on.
Don't bull#### me. You WRITE this mess and you know dang well who I am. I am the baddest wrestling promoter on the Florida Panhandle!
Ah yes. It's all coming back to me now. Excuse me. I am about to be overcome by gut wrenching laughter.

 

by Buttonman
3-28-09
Buff Bagwell's going to be at the SWA Wrestling event in Crestview, FL on April 25th, y'know??
Of COURSE I knew that, sonny. I read the Gulf Coast Wrestling Message Boards every day.
He's going to be wrestling "Every Woman's Dream," Mr Fantasy in the Main Event. It's going to be killa!
Those wrestler's make me tingle all over.
You shouldn't talk like that, Auntie. I'm impressionable.
Me too. I'm off to buy a ticket to SWA now to see what kind of impression I get on April 25th.

 

by Buttonman
3-30-09
The next day, in the park...
Somebody's gonna pay for this. IT'S AN OUTRAGE, I TELL YOU
Whoa, Auntie, calm down. Your pacemaker's setting off car alarms.
Don't you get impertinant with me you young whippersnapper
OK. So tell me what's the matter, OK?
Buff Bagwell isn't going to be at SWA after all. All I have left is Mr. Fantasy. It's NOT ENOUGH!
Cheer up, Auntie. You still have Dan Delicious, Milo, Mike Jacobs, BTY, Chris Tighe, The Armstrongs. . .

 

by Buttonman
7-01-09
They say, Grasshopper, that you are wanting to promote your own wrestling show.
That is true, Sensei. I want to experience the respect and acclaim that comes from being a wrestling promoter.
But Grasshopper. You have neither pot nor window. How do you expect to raise the money necessary to do this?
I want OTHER PEOPLE to ignore promoters with more experience and invest in MY show.
Why would they do that?
Because I am cute and lovable?

 

by Buttonman
7-01-09
So you've come all the way over here to Happy Acres to get me to invest in your new wrestling company?
That's correct, Mr. Mongo. Just give me $10,000 and I will make it disappear so fast you will be surprised!
Why should I invest in a wrestling promoter who has less experience than Michael Jackson has at being dead?
Because I am cute and lovable?
That might work if I was gay.

 

by Buttonman
7-01-09
Contemplation of one's goals in life often results in unanswered questions . . .
I don't understand. I WANT to be a wrestling promoter. Why isn't that enough?
Just because I am young, untrained, relatively broke and live in a fantasy world . . .
. . . that doesn't mean that I can't get a building, book some wrestlers, rent a ring, make some hot dogs and have a wrestling show.
Other untrained, unknowledgable broke people run wrestling shows all the time. Why not me?
It's not like I need anyone's APPROVAL to run a wrestling show where nobody gets paid and nobody buys tickets.
After all, it's practically a Panhandle tradition to start a broke wrestling business and go nowhere with it.

 

by Buttonman
7-02-09
Bob you actually have the nerve to make fun of me. Look at you!!! a 500 lbs fat man, in additional size wheel chair.
Funny you should mention that. I just lost 10 pounds, proving that I can get thinner. But no matter what, you will never get smarter.
Oh yeah? Well, uh, uh, YO MOMMA WEARS COMBAT BOOTS!
After thirty years with the US Marines, I shopuld hope so.
You are just mean and evil.
Ain't it the daggone truth?

 

The ability of the ring to remain intact during a wrestling show is proprtionate to the number of paid tickets in the house.
by Buttonman, 7-03-09

 

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong at a wrestling show, the one that will trigger the most refunds will be the one to go wrong.
by Buttonman, 7-03-09

 

At a time in planning a wrestling show when everything comes together perfectly, expect something to fall completely apart.
by Buttonman, 7-03-09

 

by Buttonman
7-03-09
Opportunity never sleeps...
You're a big disappointment to me, young man.
Huh?
I voted for you so that you could do BIG things. So far, NADA!
Oh, I get it, you think I am President Obama!
Well, if you ar NOT obama, then who are you?
I am the Ghost of Michael Jackson, returned from Heaven to haunt the National Enquirer.

 

by Buttonman
7-04-09
Mr Ivey, I have come to ask for your help. I want to run SPW out of Defuniak Springs so that my new non-existant organization can take its place.
But Kris, MY FAMILY owns SPW. Why would I want to run myself out of business?
Um, um, well ummmm.
Exactly. Forget my phone number, wouldja?

 

by Buttonman
7-04-09
The future promoter seeks advice from an existing promoter . . .
I hear you are looking for advice about your upcoming career as a wrestling promoter.
I would love to benefit from your experience, Mr. Angel. What can you tell me?
It's simple actually. Just buy a ring, find a place where no one else is wrestling, rent a building and prepare to lose your life's savings.
Wasn't there something about hot dogs?
Oh yeah. ONIONS. Always have onions for your hot dogs. You can't believe the bad publicity from not having ONIONS!
Onions. Got it.

 

by Buttonman
7-09-09
I should be insulted by these cartoons, you know.
Why? All it means is that I take you seriously enough to poke fun at you.
Wow! You take me SERIOUSLY?
No. Not really.
Why are we having this conversation in a CAVE?
You've been scouting locations for a WRESTLING SHOW, remember?

 

by Buttonman
7-14-09
You should come quietly, Mr. Knight. We men in white coats will not hurt you and we have a straight jacket in just your size.
Hold on there, Doc. Just because I announced a wrestling show a year in advance, featuring free admission, you automatically think I am CRAZY?
You think that announcing a year in advance that you are running a free wrestling show in an unknown location on a MONDAY is not clinical insanity?
Of COURSE not. Lots of people make TONS of money not charging admission to wrestling! I will make it all back with 25 cent HOT DOGS and 10 cent Cokes
OK. It's obvious that you are off your meds, there Wal-Mart Boy. Just come along quietly. Happy Acres is calling your name.
I am going to hold my breath until you admit that charging admission to a wrestling show is WRONG!!!

 

by Buttonman
7-19-09
People and especially WRESTLING people are being very harsh to me.
You ever hear about the boy who cried wolf?
No. I'm not really that into movies. Going to the movies is expensive.
It's a story about a shepherd who kept hollering "a wolf is here!" in order to get attention but there was no wolf...
I don't get it.
Exactly. And that's why people are so harsh.

 

by Buttonman
8-29-09
I heard a rumor that Tiny Tiswell is about to open a new wrestling promotion in Pensacola.
No rumor. He's already got the ring set up, the chairs bought, and a place to put onions for the hot dogs.
It will be interesting to see how this new show work with Pensacola fans, who are notoriously picky about their wrestling.
I think they have a real shot at being number one. After all, Tiny has been around, and he is street savvy.
You're on the payroll aren't you?
If not now, certainly soon, I hope. I need a new video camera.

 

by Buttonman
9-08-09
I'm here about the ad on Craig's List.
What ad?
The Help Wanted ad looking for "funny cartoon characters for an edgy new cartoon strip."
And YOU'RE a funny cartoon character?
I am FRACKING HALARIOUS!
And a Battlestar Galactica Fan as well, I see. OK. You're hired,

 

by Buttonman
9-08-09
So, are you ready for your first gig?
This is where I get to do something funny, right?
Absolutely, This is called "kinetic comedy," or, sometimes, "Newtonian comedy."
Since we don't have a picture of a speeding Peterbilt, we leave it to the imagination of the reader.
I am sooo gonna get that bench-sitting little weasel

 

by Buttonman
9-09-09
When I spoke to Congress last winter, this nation was facing the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. We were losing an average of 700,000 jobs per month. Credit was frozen.
Our financial system was on the verge of collapse. As any American who is still looking for work or a way to pay their bills will tell you, we are by no means out of the woods . . .
That is why we want to kill your grandmother . . . wait . . . Hey, who's been messing around with the stupid TELEPROMPTER!

 

by Buttonman
9-14-09
Hulk Hogan joined TNA today
You gotta give the guy credit for finding a job in a down economy.
They hired Eric Bischoff too. Before long the NWO will be riding again.
You really live for pro wrestling don't you?
Uh, yeah.
Well, at least they don't have reruns.

 

by Buttonman
10-27-09
Pro Wrestling is real.
How do you know this?
I saw it on South Park.
Isn't that the cartoon show where they kill the same kid over and over and over again?
Um, yeah. What's your point?
Nothing. Just thinking out loud.

 

by Buttonman
10-27-09
Wrestling is news.
I disagree. A talking rabbit - now that's news.
Hulk Hogan is making headlines all over the US. Between his thoughts of suicide and being signed by TNA, he's a BIG DEAL!
That's hard to top. I admit it.
It'll be fun to try though.

 

by Buttonman
11-09-09
I Love making cartoons
You are a cartoon.
No I'm not. Why would you even say that?
Bright colors, monodimensional shape. No pupils in your eyes. Figure it out there BC. You're a cartoon.
OHMYGOD! You're right! I'm so depressed!
Wait until he finds out he's an amateur cartoon.

 

by Buttonman
11-09-09
Why did you tell my brother he is a cartoon?
Because it's true, cartoon guy in a mask.
NOW who's a cartoon, wise guy?

 

by Buttonman
11-09-09
Being a cartoon is not so bad. In fact, there's hardly ever a dull moment.
You get to meet new and interesting characters... Morning, Joe.
Good morning.
What? It's a park. You were expecting a squirrel?
Mmmmm. Dinner.

 

by Buttonman
11-18-09
Kareem. Hey. What have you been up to?
I've been getting ready for Black Friday. I heard about it at school.
Black Friday? But that's not what you think...
See ya.
Boy, that's gonna be painful when he figures it out.

 

by Buttonman
11-18-09
Hey, Bubba Ray. Let me guess. Black Friday?
Preserve White Power...
This is getting ludicrous.

 

by Buttonman
11-18-09
ETU, Bunnyman?
Ain't et nobody today.
No, I meant, getting ready for Black Friday?
Mmmm. Yummy.
I am Soooooo staying away from Wal Mart until after Thanksgiving!

 

by Buttonman
2-14-10
You know, for the longest time, I have really wanted you to catch that Roadrunner.
Seriously. . . All the time and effort and money you spent at ACME . . . you totally deserved roast Roadrunner.
I'm a vegetarian.
That is so disheartening.

 

by Buttonman
2-21-10
We're being forgotton. There's not enough relevancy here on the Enterprise anymore. People are abandoning us for more edgy stuff like "Family Guy."
Well, Captain, what if we do a "Down's Syndrome" gag and get on National TV?
That might work, or we could beam down supplies to earthquake victims in Hati. Lot of publicity to be had there.
OR. . . a Red Shirt could crash a shuttlecraft into an IRS building. Nobody likes the IRS.
Great idea. SECURITY, Kirk here. Send an Away Team to Shuttle Bay 3 and make sure one of them has a pilot's license.
I'll be in my cabin working on my plausible deniability speech.

 

by Buttonman
2-23-10
So, you're gonna be out in the cold when they stop flying the space shuttle, eh?
Yeah. It's true and I HATE it. I trained all my life to be a spaceman and live a life of danger and suspense. Now it's all toast.
So what are you gonna do now that you're retiring from NASA?
I've already been through the retraining program. I have a job waiting.
You don't mean. . .
Yep. I'm going to be a door greeter at Wal-Mart.

 

by Buttonman
6-09-10
Have you heard the forecast for today?
No. What is it?
Sunny, with a 50% chance of oil.
How can you joke around about something as tragic as the death of the entire Gulf of Mexico?
It's easy . . . I just open my mouth and say . . .
You're incorrigible, do you know that?

 

by Buttonman
6-09-10
You know, there's nothing funny at all about the BP oil spill and the polluting of the Gulf of Mexico
It's dark humor. Don't be a stick in the mud. We Americans have always laughed in the face of tragedy.
A sudden flash fire interrupts the conversation. . .
Still laughing?
Ow.

 

by Buttonman
6-23-10
I am ready to start my own wrestling promotion.
Haven't you been saying that for years now?
Uh, yeah but this time I really mean it, honest and for truely, cross my heart and . . .
Seriously, brother Knight, have you ever heard of the boy who cried "wolf?"
No, but if you give me his phone number, I will put him in the main event.

Showing page 9.

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